friends with benefits

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I would say get to know her better before you do anything. It may be that she is up for a fwb situation, it may be that she is completely against it - instead of asking her outright, you'll probably be able to have at least a vague idea if you can get to know her more.

Personally, I'm not against fwb although I do think anyone who insists they can be that intimate with someone and not develop any feelings at some stage is naive. It's risky ground, you may end up hurting her / yourself, so just tread carefully. But definitely get to know her better before you go any further. This is just my opinion - I mean, I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me that - I'd probably feel flattered, a tad awkward if I had to say no but then move past it.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 21

xOHarriet

I find it very difficult to see a guy in the same way after he suggests something like this - I'd say seriously consider if it's worth risking the friendship for.

Reply 22

Climbontoyourseahorse

Original post by Anonymous

Maybe not, I guess you're right. But I still want to go through with this. Thank you for your opinion but I'm really not interested in those of neigh-sayers who would advise me against it because they don't agree with the concept of Friends with benefits. It's a matter of personal preference in that i would prefer to do it with someone I know and am comfortable with, but not necessarily in love or have feelings for.

The people who are advising against friends with benefits generally are not doing so because they have some moral objection to casual sex - they're telling you not to do it because these sorts of situations can get extremely messy. Trust me, they have your best interests at heart and possibly speak from experience.

Reply 23

marky--mark

Original post by ChelseaFCCC

Mate, let me tell you one thing. Friends with benefits will never ever work out. It will lead into serious relationship/problems. Friends with benefits does not mean she can't go out and shag other guys. But if she does, how would you feel? Don't do it.

I know you've already been quoted a few times so I'll not ramble for too long. I had a fwb and we were both also sleeping with other people. As long as she was safe (and I made sure I was as well), it was fine. Everyone knew about it and it was considered fine. She now has a bf, and we remain friends. Her bf knows that I used to sleep with her, and we actually tease her about it by openly discussing what she likes in front of her- not in front of other people, just her- and everything is fine. It can work out perfectly well as long as you make sure that that is all it's ever going to be.

Might get neg rep for that, but I'm only giving my own experiences. OP, it is a difficult matter to bring up but if you think she'll be receptive it might be worth it. Otherwise, leave alone.

Reply 24

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the opinions guys and (especially) girls.

More opinions are always welcome.

Reply 25

Anonymous #1

*Bump*

Sorry for the double post but I would like as much input on this as possible.

Reply 26

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

*Bump*

Sorry for the double post but I would like as much input on this as possible.

Coming from a girl currently in a friends with benefits sort of situation, I'd say the likelihood of her agreeing to this situation definitely depends on where she is right now.

I'd come out of a long term relationship which threw me more than I'd realised (first love, heartbreak etc), and had just gone to uni so I wasn't looking to get back in to any of the relationship drama. But as has already been said, I craved male attention and physical intimacy.

Now my situation was slightly different as I knew this guy before (although not extremely well), and I got a bit too drunk and went back to his.. So when he suggested the FWB thing he probably had more of an inkling of the way I was going.. But still, I don't think it would create too much awkwardness.. Again, it depends on her and her personality. Some girls do get easily offended by this kind of thing and you need to get to know her and her ideals more - spend time hanging with her and her friends if you can, maybe go on a night out with them all etc and see how she behaves :smile:

As for what people say about friends with benefits... Yes, it is dangerous territory and no one can deny that. But it's about being honest with each other and knowing how you feel... I can't guarantee no one will get hurt (I can't even guarantee that in my own situation), but if you feel that's what you need then there's (hopefully) very little harm in asking her what she thinks on the matter.. Maybe she's in the same place as you and you don't know it?

I'd say go for it, but get to know her a bit better before you ask. And be careful!

Reply 27

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Hey, thanks for your reply.

Reply 28

parasitic

It really depends on the way you two are together as friends. Sometimes it can be slightly awkward for a couple of weeks, sometimes it's completely fine. It's a risk you have to take and hope you will not get rejected.

What I would rather do personally and this is coming from my own friends with benefits experience- I wouldn't ask her. I would simply do. :biggrin:

Basically sex just happens. There might be a time you will go to a party or just chill out at home and then people leave and it's just the two of you. Coincidentally or not. Perfect moment to try and get it on. Both of you could be horny or simply bored... well try it out. The worst that could happen is her not responding to your signals, or telling you not to go there or leave. There doesn't have to be a polite question, just flirtations, closeness and all those intimate signals. Before you know, you're both naked :smile:

Also friends with benefits isn't such a bad thing but there could be 'slight' problems with it like getting used to the situation, developing a slight jealously even if you both or just you are sleeping with other people. At the same time it's fun, different experience and can really liberate you sexually if you're new to it.

Reply 29

Emma-

As many others have suggested, I suggest getting to know her a bit better (eg like past relationships but casually in conversation but if she doesn't want to discuss it then leave it) if she's more open, she might want you to know more about her in that way.
I think it depends on the individual re fwb though. Personally I wouldn't dismiss fwb, the thing that puts me off is that although I would prefer the whole 'no-drama boyfriend' I wouldn't want to be known/seen as someone's 'Friday night thing' say.
But I would get get to know her better, bring it up casually and even if she says no, girls are prone to over-thinking and getting jealous and she may after a few days have come round to the idea or change her mind. Just be prepared that it may be awkward for a bit if she says no.

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Reply 30

Sphinx_5494

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for the opinions guys and (especially) girls.

More opinions are always welcome.

I've done the fwb thing for about a year with a friend I'm really close with. There had been an underlying sexual chemistry for a while, but I always thought it was me imagining it. Turns out I was wrong and the sex just sort of happened! We are still friends and I talk to him about guys I've recently met and vice versa. One of my friends who knows about it, thinks are present relationship is very weird! lol I actually ended the fwb thing, but we are still friends.

Nothing really changed much, apart from the fact that I find it hard not having sex with him because I miss it! He's really good! The hard thing is I do have some underyling feelings towards him and I know he doesn't feel the same. He doesn't know how I feel, (I'll never tell him), which does make things a little hard, but I'm getting past it.

Also, if you have never said anything sexual with this girl how do you know she would be ok with this arrangement?

Reply 31

TSRgawdlike

Original post by ChelseaFCCC

FWB works on the basis that you create a bit of trust and base it on conditions.

Shagging around leaves you open to diseases, I know what men are like and I wouldn't let a FWB sleep with another guy unless I knew he was clean.

Secondly, I dont share so if she does want to shag others she wont be with me for long let me tell you that.