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Was I raped?
I would like to start by saying that although I might be being a bit flippant about what happened now, it was a long time ago and by being like this I feel like I can get over it with a bit of dark humour as it something I try to push to the back of my mind.
I would like people's opinions here on whether this would constitute rape, I am not doing it so much for me but more as an experiment to see how people's beliefs vary based on the scenario, although this is 100% true, I will answer any questions that are asked in order for people to form their opinions.
I am a male, and this happened 6 and a half years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I was in the early stages of a relationship with a girl that I was relatively attracted to but we were quite young (15). She was a virgin, I was not.
She had mentioned sex a lot but I was quite wary of it because I didn't think I was ready for that part in our relationship yet, she felt like she was. I was very wary of how complicated things could become if the relationship ended as she would be losing her virginity to me, and I didn't feel like I wanted that.
One morning when we were in my room (she stayed over but we didn't have sex in the evening, pretty innocent really) she decided now was the time. I told her I think we should wait and that I didn't really feel like it because it was morning and my parents were around etc, but she told me to stop being an idiot. She put a condom on me and had sex with me, and I was kind of distant throughout. It happened and afterwards I felt really weird, almost sad for quite a while. After a few days I ended up breaking up with her because she became someone I wasn't comfortable being around, which led to me being accused of using her for sex and taking her virginity, being a monster etc, but I can handle that.
My questions are.
1) Was I raped?
2) Would your answer be the same if the roles were reversed and I was a woman?
3) Depending on your answers to 1/2 do you think women can rape men?
If you have any questions please ask them
I would like people's opinions here on whether this would constitute rape, I am not doing it so much for me but more as an experiment to see how people's beliefs vary based on the scenario, although this is 100% true, I will answer any questions that are asked in order for people to form their opinions.
I am a male, and this happened 6 and a half years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I was in the early stages of a relationship with a girl that I was relatively attracted to but we were quite young (15). She was a virgin, I was not.
She had mentioned sex a lot but I was quite wary of it because I didn't think I was ready for that part in our relationship yet, she felt like she was. I was very wary of how complicated things could become if the relationship ended as she would be losing her virginity to me, and I didn't feel like I wanted that.
One morning when we were in my room (she stayed over but we didn't have sex in the evening, pretty innocent really) she decided now was the time. I told her I think we should wait and that I didn't really feel like it because it was morning and my parents were around etc, but she told me to stop being an idiot. She put a condom on me and had sex with me, and I was kind of distant throughout. It happened and afterwards I felt really weird, almost sad for quite a while. After a few days I ended up breaking up with her because she became someone I wasn't comfortable being around, which led to me being accused of using her for sex and taking her virginity, being a monster etc, but I can handle that.
My questions are.
1) Was I raped?
2) Would your answer be the same if the roles were reversed and I was a woman?
3) Depending on your answers to 1/2 do you think women can rape men?
If you have any questions please ask them
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Rjustice
But it don't like he made any effort to fight her off, so this can't be really rape
But this is the thing. We are seeing now that you "can be raped in a relationship" if I had tried to fight her off this would have alerted my parents, as I obviously lived at home back then. I didn't want that kind of drama.
A lot of people would claim that you do not have to "fight back" in order for your case to be rape... In fact it wasn't till all of this started being an issue that I started to think I was raped rather than just, I dunno, kind of bullied into having sex...
Yes (lack of consent), Yes (if you'd done it to her I'd have exactly the same response), and Yes (anybody can rape anybody, it's purely an issue of consent).
Yes to all three.
Original post by Rjustice
But it don't like he made any effort to fight her off, so this can't be really rape
You don't have to be fighting for it to be rape - a lack of consent is the issue at hand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPC-Q2NMwJw&oref=http%3A%2F%2F
Original post by Rjustice
But it don't like he made any effort to fight her off, so this can't be really rape
You shouldn't have to fight off a rapist for it to qualify as rape. A simple 'no' is a clear enough message that the individual does not consent.
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Yes it is because you didn't say yes even if you didn't fight her off, you clearly did not want to.
Like others have said,if you see it from a girl's point of view, people would automatically see it as rape.
And it's the same in your case. Especially the feelings you had after it don't sound good either.
Like others have said,if you see it from a girl's point of view, people would automatically see it as rape.
And it's the same in your case. Especially the feelings you had after it don't sound good either.
Original post by Anonymous
I would like to start by saying that although I might be being a bit flippant about what happened now, it was a long time ago and by being like this I feel like I can get over it with a bit of dark humour as it something I try to push to the back of my mind.
I would like people's opinions here on whether this would constitute rape, I am not doing it so much for me but more as an experiment to see how people's beliefs vary based on the scenario, although this is 100% true, I will answer any questions that are asked in order for people to form their opinions.
I am a male, and this happened 6 and a half years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I was in the early stages of a relationship with a girl that I was relatively attracted to but we were quite young (15). She was a virgin, I was not.
She had mentioned sex a lot but I was quite wary of it because I didn't think I was ready for that part in our relationship yet, she felt like she was. I was very wary of how complicated things could become if the relationship ended as she would be losing her virginity to me, and I didn't feel like I wanted that.
One morning when we were in my room (she stayed over but we didn't have sex in the evening, pretty innocent really) she decided now was the time. I told her I think we should wait and that I didn't really feel like it because it was morning and my parents were around etc, but she told me to stop being an idiot. She put a condom on me and had sex with me, and I was kind of distant throughout. It happened and afterwards I felt really weird, almost sad for quite a while. After a few days I ended up breaking up with her because she became someone I wasn't comfortable being around, which led to me being accused of using her for sex and taking her virginity, being a monster etc, but I can handle that.
My questions are.
1) Was I raped?
2) Would your answer be the same if the roles were reversed and I was a woman?
3) Depending on your answers to 1/2 do you think women can rape men?
If you have any questions please ask them
I would like people's opinions here on whether this would constitute rape, I am not doing it so much for me but more as an experiment to see how people's beliefs vary based on the scenario, although this is 100% true, I will answer any questions that are asked in order for people to form their opinions.
I am a male, and this happened 6 and a half years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I was in the early stages of a relationship with a girl that I was relatively attracted to but we were quite young (15). She was a virgin, I was not.
She had mentioned sex a lot but I was quite wary of it because I didn't think I was ready for that part in our relationship yet, she felt like she was. I was very wary of how complicated things could become if the relationship ended as she would be losing her virginity to me, and I didn't feel like I wanted that.
One morning when we were in my room (she stayed over but we didn't have sex in the evening, pretty innocent really) she decided now was the time. I told her I think we should wait and that I didn't really feel like it because it was morning and my parents were around etc, but she told me to stop being an idiot. She put a condom on me and had sex with me, and I was kind of distant throughout. It happened and afterwards I felt really weird, almost sad for quite a while. After a few days I ended up breaking up with her because she became someone I wasn't comfortable being around, which led to me being accused of using her for sex and taking her virginity, being a monster etc, but I can handle that.
My questions are.
1) Was I raped?
2) Would your answer be the same if the roles were reversed and I was a woman?
3) Depending on your answers to 1/2 do you think women can rape men?
If you have any questions please ask them
1) In a purely legal sense, you weren't raped, as men cannot be raped by women, it does fit the description for "sexual assault" and "causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent".
The main question is 'did she reasonably believe you consented', if you said "no", then reasonable belief dictates that you meant "no". So while it wasn't rape, it could be one of the crimes described above.
Rape
(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b)B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
(2)Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.
(3)Sections 75 and 76 apply to an offence under this section.
(4)A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for life.
2) If the situation were reversed I would say it fits the description for rape, but again, only men can be rapists.
3) Morally, yes. Legally, no.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Rjustice
I suppose you "can be raped in a relationship" and from what you have said it does look like you were bullied into it. But now that it has been established that it was rape, shouldn't you report it? and if not why not?
I'll be honest. I think we live in a culture where I would not be taken seriously at all. If I had not made it clear in the questions I asked whether it would make a difference if I was the woman people would have different reactions. I think that things such as men getting erections is seen as some sort of consent, as well as the fact men are stronger and are seen as "always being up for it" would just mean that I wouldn't be taken seriously.
Besides that she was a young girl, and I was a young guy, I don't think she had bad intentions to be honest, she was just a kid..
Original post by Rjustice
Am not saying you should fight of a rapist for it qualify as rape, but there does need to be physical evidence for it to stand in court. If the OP was to report them, it will be simply his word against her word.
Imagine that it's not in a court scenario then and take the story at face value. There will be thousands of rapes in the UK which are commited and go to trial but fail because of lack of evidence, that doesn't mean it wasn't rape though.
We aren't considering the CPS case here we are considering the actual scenario.
In a legal sense you weren't raped but it can count as the equally serious (in the eyes of the law) offence of sexual assault. Rape, as explained above, can only be done by a male (requirement for a penis). Therefore in answer to your questions:
1) No but it was sexual assault.
2) Yes.
3) Legally they can't, but sexual assault is as serious.
1) No but it was sexual assault.
2) Yes.
3) Legally they can't, but sexual assault is as serious.
Original post by Anonymous
I would like to start by saying that although I might be being a bit flippant about what happened now, it was a long time ago and by being like this I feel like I can get over it with a bit of dark humour as it something I try to push to the back of my mind.
I would like people's opinions here on whether this would constitute rape, I am not doing it so much for me but more as an experiment to see how people's beliefs vary based on the scenario, although this is 100% true, I will answer any questions that are asked in order for people to form their opinions.
I am a male, and this happened 6 and a half years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I was in the early stages of a relationship with a girl that I was relatively attracted to but we were quite young (15). She was a virgin, I was not.
She had mentioned sex a lot but I was quite wary of it because I didn't think I was ready for that part in our relationship yet, she felt like she was. I was very wary of how complicated things could become if the relationship ended as she would be losing her virginity to me, and I didn't feel like I wanted that.
One morning when we were in my room (she stayed over but we didn't have sex in the evening, pretty innocent really) she decided now was the time. I told her I think we should wait and that I didn't really feel like it because it was morning and my parents were around etc, but she told me to stop being an idiot. She put a condom on me and had sex with me, and I was kind of distant throughout. It happened and afterwards I felt really weird, almost sad for quite a while. After a few days I ended up breaking up with her because she became someone I wasn't comfortable being around, which led to me being accused of using her for sex and taking her virginity, being a monster etc, but I can handle that.
My questions are.
1) Was I raped?
2) Would your answer be the same if the roles were reversed and I was a woman?
3) Depending on your answers to 1/2 do you think women can rape men?
If you have any questions please ask them
I would like people's opinions here on whether this would constitute rape, I am not doing it so much for me but more as an experiment to see how people's beliefs vary based on the scenario, although this is 100% true, I will answer any questions that are asked in order for people to form their opinions.
I am a male, and this happened 6 and a half years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I was in the early stages of a relationship with a girl that I was relatively attracted to but we were quite young (15). She was a virgin, I was not.
She had mentioned sex a lot but I was quite wary of it because I didn't think I was ready for that part in our relationship yet, she felt like she was. I was very wary of how complicated things could become if the relationship ended as she would be losing her virginity to me, and I didn't feel like I wanted that.
One morning when we were in my room (she stayed over but we didn't have sex in the evening, pretty innocent really) she decided now was the time. I told her I think we should wait and that I didn't really feel like it because it was morning and my parents were around etc, but she told me to stop being an idiot. She put a condom on me and had sex with me, and I was kind of distant throughout. It happened and afterwards I felt really weird, almost sad for quite a while. After a few days I ended up breaking up with her because she became someone I wasn't comfortable being around, which led to me being accused of using her for sex and taking her virginity, being a monster etc, but I can handle that.
My questions are.
1) Was I raped?
2) Would your answer be the same if the roles were reversed and I was a woman?
3) Depending on your answers to 1/2 do you think women can rape men?
If you have any questions please ask them
You obviously must have been erect for her to have sex with you, so that means you wanted it. If you didn't want to have sex with her you would have not got a hard-on, that's why it's generally agreed that women can't rape men.
I don't think it's rape, although it's typical how people blame you for 'taking' her virginity when you broke up with her. Probably should have waited longer.
Original post by Dominic Powell
1) In a purely legal sense, you weren't raped, as men cannot be raped by women, it does fit the description for "sexual assault" and "causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent".
The main question is 'did she reasonably believe you consented', if you said "no", then reasonable belief dictates that you meant "no". So while it wasn't rape, it could be one of the crimes described above.
Rape
(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b)B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
(2)Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.
(3)Sections 75 and 76 apply to an offence under this section.
(4)A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for life.
2) If the situation were reversed I would say it fits the description for rape, but again, only women can be raped.
3) Morally, yes. Legally, no.
The main question is 'did she reasonably believe you consented', if you said "no", then reasonable belief dictates that you meant "no". So while it wasn't rape, it could be one of the crimes described above.
Rape
(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b)B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
(2)Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.
(3)Sections 75 and 76 apply to an offence under this section.
(4)A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for life.
2) If the situation were reversed I would say it fits the description for rape, but again, only women can be raped.
3) Morally, yes. Legally, no.
Wow, so men can only be raped by men. Thanks for that, seems a tad... One sided..
Original post by Dominic Powell
1)
2) If the situation were reversed I would say it fits the description for rape, but again, only women can be raped.
2) If the situation were reversed I would say it fits the description for rape, but again, only women can be raped.
Men can be raped too, the requirement is for penetration of the anus, mouth or vagina with a penis. As men have both an anus and a mouth they can be raped by another man.
Original post by Anonymous
Imagine that it's not in a court scenario then and take the story at face value. There will be thousands of rapes in the UK which are commited and go to trial but fail because of lack of evidence, that doesn't mean it wasn't rape though.
We aren't considering the CPS case here we are considering the actual scenario.
We aren't considering the CPS case here we are considering the actual scenario.
Of course in reality this is rape but under the eyes of the law the defendant and acusser will be judged differently
Original post by Rjustice
I suppose so, but being raped must of been a traumatic experience for you... Wouldn't you want some closure?
Not really, I still know the girl vaguely, she is harmless and doesn't seem like she's in a great place in regards to men, so I feel pretty sorry for her. I have been able to cope with it fine, but I do think about it a lot. Not really with anger though, more with confusion and stuff like that.
1) You were raped. You gave her a 'no', she continued. Rape.
2) You still would have been raped. You gave him a no, and any touching/penetrative sex against consent classes as rape.
3) You cannot prevent you become stimulated, and just because that happened doesn't mean you gave her consent. You still said "no, we should wait".
Hope I helped. I don't mean to sound so cynical about it, but in the law the evidence would suggest you were innocent and she raped you. However, bringing it to court would be useless, it's your word against hers.
2) You still would have been raped. You gave him a no, and any touching/penetrative sex against consent classes as rape.
3) You cannot prevent you become stimulated, and just because that happened doesn't mean you gave her consent. You still said "no, we should wait".
Hope I helped. I don't mean to sound so cynical about it, but in the law the evidence would suggest you were innocent and she raped you. However, bringing it to court would be useless, it's your word against hers.
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