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Was I raped?

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You obviously must have been erect for her to have sex with you, so that means you wanted it. If you didn't want to have sex with her you would have not got a hard-on, that's why it's generally agreed that women can't rape men.

I don't think it's rape, although it's typical how people blame you for 'taking' her virginity when you broke up with her. Probably should have waited longer.

That's kind of my point, I'm not annoyed at you at all, but that is kind of how I think most of society would view it.

Reply 21

PostgradMatt

Original post by agorec

yes, yes and yes.

i think it was rape because it was not consensual. you didn't want to and she did, so she just took what she wanted. If this was the other way round, you'd be in jail

No, look at the statute rape requires penetration with a penis, this person was not penetrated with a penis, so it is not rape. The offence committed is: 'Causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent.'

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 22

Rjustice

Original post by Anonymous

Not really, I still know the girl vaguely, she is harmless and doesn't seem like she's in a great place in regards to men, so I feel pretty sorry for her. I have been able to cope with it fine, but I do think about it a lot. Not really with anger though, more with confusion and stuff like that.

I guess there is nothing you can do and just move on then. I understand your sympathy for her, but what she did isn't right. But if you feel there is nothing that needs to be done, then end of discussion right here.

Hope you will feel better in the coming weeks, after all it is a new year

Reply 23

Anonymous #1

I feel fine, genuinely this is not something that traumatises me, it's just something I think about a lot.

I was more interested to hear people's opinions about the issue.

Also having now seen the legal definition of rape on here, would those who correctly point that out agree that some form of sexual assault (in the law) occurred and theoretically rape did occur?

Just to re-iterate there is a 0% chance of me taking this any further in regards of reporting her or anything so the legal point of view isn't massively relevant to me I'm more interested in people's opinions of the actual scenario.

Reply 24

Lawstudent321

No you weren't raped. She didn't force you, you didn't do anything to prevent it.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 25

aWildPidgey

You weren't raped, in my opinion, as you could have stopped the coitus at any time. It's not like she was holding you down or using violence to prevent you from doing so

Reply 26

voluventlover

1) no
2) no - but society would definitely say yes
3) yes - but for society to prosecute a woman for raping a man, much more evidence would be required.

this country is so bias against men, you wouldn't stand a chance for prosecuting her, but if the roles were reversed and you filed a complaint you'd be in juvie mate.

Reply 27

Scorlibran

Original post by mpoolton

Men can be raped too, the requirement is for penetration of the anus, mouth or vagina with a penis. As men have both an anus and a mouth they can be raped by another man.

I like how you failed to include my answer to part 1), where I clearly stated that men cannot be raped by women.

But well spotted, part 2) I made a small error, I'll edit my comment, thanks.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 28

Anonymous #1

Original post by aWildPidgey

You weren't raped, in my opinion, as you could have stopped the coitus at any time. It's not like she was holding you down or using violence to prevent you from doing so

So violence has to be used for it to be rape?

Original post by Lawstudent321

No you weren't raped. She didn't force you, you didn't do anything to prevent it.

Posted from TSR Mobile

This goes for both of you, could you tell me if this would be rape in your opinion if the roles were reversed?

Reply 29

Philbert

Yes to all three. Unfortunately, female on male rape is not recognised by law, it would probably be considered sexual assault, if anything.

Original post by fudgemuffins

Did you never get random erections when you were going through puberty? An erection is not a sign of consent.

Original post by Lawstudent321

No you weren't raped. She didn't force you, you didn't do anything to prevent it.

But he didn't actively consent to it, either.

Reply 30

hamsterdowns

Original post by fudgemuffins

Oh God no... no no no. This isn't it at all - an erection is not synonymous with consent! Plenty of women get wet and even orgasm during rape, both violent and non violent. Sexual organs (both male and female) respond to stimuli, thats it. You cant give consent with your body, only with your brain.

Reply 31

bssjonny

Im confused.
Did she physically force you to have sex with her?
Because to be honest even though you said no, unless you also resisted im not sure how it is rape. It might have just been a matter of her being persistent (which isnt illegal) and you being too passive and perhaps giving her the impression that you have changed your mind.

Also were you just COMPLETELY absent for the sex act in that you just lied there? Surely if you engaged even just a little bit then it is no longer rape.

Reply 32

Scorlibran

Original post by Lawstudent321

No you weren't raped. She didn't force you, you didn't do anything to prevent it.

Posted from TSR Mobile

It really worries me if you are a law student, as the legislation clearly states if consent was not given and there was no reasonable belief that consent was given then a crime has been committed. Ok, it's not rape but that is only because in the legal sense of the word, a woman cannot rape a man.

Reply 33

qgujxj39

Original post by Rjustice

But it don't like he made any effort to fight her off, so this can't be really rape

This isn't a very good argument, really. Not "fighting her off" doesn't imply consent.

Reply 34

original_username

Look up the definition of rape.

/thread

Reply 35

Lawstudent321

Original post by Anonymous

So violence has to be used for it to be rape?

This goes for both of you, could you tell me if this would be rape in your opinion if the roles were reversed?

I'm sure if the roles were reversed some sort of physical force would be used which would be rape- if no then it can't be rape.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 36

PostgradMatt

Original post by Anonymous

So violence has to be used for it to be rape?

This goes for both of you, could you tell me if this would be rape in your opinion if the roles were reversed?

The offence committed is: 'Causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent.' Rape requires penetration with a penis.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1

Reply 37

Dragonfly07

Original post by Rjustice

But it don't like he made any effort to fight her off, so this can't be really rape

Rape doesn't have to have physical restraint taking place. If someone is coerced or forced into having sex despite their wishes then it is rape. He said no and she ignored it.

Reasons he didn't fight her off: he could have been too thrown off by surprise, he could have been scared to hurt her (physically or otherwise), he could have been scared for the sake of the relationship. I could go on, there are many possible reasons.

Bottom line is, he was raped.

Reply 38

Anonymous #1

Original post by PostgradMatt

The offence committed is: 'Causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent.' Rape requires penetration with a penis.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1

Ok so rather than being a pedant and answering one question at a time could you answer my second question, would you consider it rape if the roles were reversed? That way a willy is involved for you :smile:

Reply 39

fudgemuffins

Original post by hamsterdowns

No man can get an erection if he is genuinely scared and frightened at the prospect of being sexually assaulted. It's how the penis works, it actually shrinks when you are scared.

In the OP's case, he wasn't being assaulted but I believe most people could have resisted getting a boner (unless his girlfriend was really hot). He also could have easily pushed her off him or something, so the fact that he passively let it happen means it is not rape.

If you are going to not give consent, you can't just keep it in your mind. You have to actually do something or tell them clearly that you are not allowing them to have sex with you. If they still do it, then it is rape.