I am thinking of quitting university to find a reason to live. Help?

To put it simply, I need to decide whether or not to continue university, but more than that, I need a reason to continue to live. I'm not suicidal by any means, but the lack of any visible direction in my life is leaving me feeling trapped, depressed and slowly driving me insane. This has been snowballing for a few years now, but it's reaching a tipping point now and I need to make a decision very soon—ideally by the end of the week—and because I want to make sure the best decision possible is made, I thought I'd get as many thoughts and opinions as I can. Since there are a lot of reasons I am in this situation, I typed everything I thought was significant and divided them up to make it easier to interpret.

Where I stand now:

How I got here:

My unviersity experience so far:

The alternative:

Things I am confused about:

It's taken me 5 hours to convert my thoughts into words, and those words into a semi-logical order. If you read everything, then thank you; I know there's a lot there, and I am grateful to you for taking the time to read it. If you vote on the poll, please post your reasons for the vote below so that I can see your thought process. If you don't vote on the poll but have thoughts/comments/advice for me, then feel free to leave them below as well. I've seen the advice this community has given to other people and I think it's exactly what I need to solve this problem.

- Yellowquiet

This is my main point. If i were in your position, i think i would try and stick it out. Even if it may not be what you want, you've come this far, right? In my mind i can justify spending a few extra years of boredom and stress etc, in return for a bigger chance of being able to do what i want, whatever it is. But, of course, it comes down to you. For instance I think 'feeling psychological pain' (forgive me if misquoted I can't go back to check your post), is a very serious issue, much more serious then just 'boredom and stress', which reflects how much of a bad experience you must be having. And so I don't think my choice has much significance, as i cannot completely imagine your position.

You said you had a list of things you want to do, would these things be easier to achieve if you finished your education? Is it worth completing, just for this increase, if any, of the possibility you may be able to achieve/attain these things?

What if, for instance, you were to discover something you did like, and were passionate about, but didn't have the option to pursue, because you didn't finish your course. (I understand i'm completely naive to your particular course and the amount it influences employers etc...)

There's still the entire world to explore, and it'll be there when you finish. Don't stress out - you can still do anything you want once you graduate, the difference being you'll have a certificate of higher education.

If you're feeling like you are struggling to cope with university, them get some help for it, go see a counsellor and talk to your academic tutor. You honestly have no idea how common this sort of feeling is, and they'll both have dealt with it numerous times before.

What course do you do? Do you have many friends? I know you mentioned above that a lot of the socialising is drinking. Which I too agree with you on. I find it very difficult to understand why it's impossible for many students to become friends and meet up when there isn't alcohol involved. What about joining clubs or societies? Or the gym?

do you have aspergers syndrome ?

do you have any friends?

Quit university and get a job?
Or finish university and get a job?

Also read this : linky

I can honestly say I have the same outlook, I don't seem to be going anywhere, I'm doing a uni course because I feel I should and I don't know what I want for myself. I'm forever questioning myself and it's leading to a lot of self doubt and anxiety- can't be good for you. I think you should see somebody about how you are feeling, it's not good for you. Or, maybe you should leave University, you seem to have no commitment to your field. You need to find yourself to know what you want, you mentioned you'l never think about having a relationship. Just try it, perhaps thinking about someone else all the time instead of yourself could do you some good. Get a hobby too, sounds like you're in need of some fun.

Maybe you should switch to another course that you might enjoy a bit more?

People keep on emphasising on how important a degree is, so maybe try the things you've always wanted to have a go with but never really got the guts to.

How about taking a year out? Does your university have someone you can talk this through with?

Living with your parents sounds like a bad idea. How about going travelling? (It'll be expensive to start, but it doesn't have to be horrendously so. Stuff like climbing mountains may do you good, and if you stay away from standard gap yah places, you can save some money).

I think instead of dropping out of university, you should consider taking a year off to travel and figure out who you are and what you want.

I sort of connect with a lot of your issues. I'm introverted by nature and don't enjoy others' company for too long and like my time to myself. I'm still not sure that what I'm doing is the right thing for me as well, but I've thrown myself headfirst into it and am trying my damnest hard to not think about the appropriateness of the profession altogether.

But honestly mate, finish uni. The concept of getting a job with no prior experience and without a university degree is just that, theory. You will not get a job beyond basic, mundane, routine crap that will possibly drive you to depression faster than your degree is. I say take some time to travel and see the world and explore your opportunities, then decide what's best for you thereafter.

Best of luck!

In terms of your situation if you want to leave, a question. When you say you've been at uni since 'last September' do you mean September 2012 (i.e. you're a first year), or September 2011 (i.e. you're a second year)? This would make a difference if you wanted to leave your course and then study again at some point in the future - as I understand it, the way student finance is set up allows you one 'false start' year, (i.e. you can get funding for the duration of your course plus one year), so if yu're a first year you would be able to start over elsewhere and get funding for the whole course; but if you're a second year you would have to pay for a year yourself.

Is your list of 'things to do' absolutely incompatible with being at uni? Are there none at all that you can do now? If you dig around, you may find that there are societies and activities available that relate to some of the things you'd like to try out (and maybe also to socialise with people in ways that aren't just piss-ups).

Also, at uni there are almost certainly support services which may be able to help with how you're feeling. Going along to talk to them might help you to get to grips with things, and feel more comfortable in the life that you're in. I think very often when people feel the way you feel, they want to change things because they believe that a change will make them feel better, and this isn't always the case.

Sorry if some of that sounds horribly depressing! Here's the upside. It is absolutely, 100% OK not to know precisely what you want to do.

I disagree with all those saying "just stick it out". I have been in a similar position to you, although not as bad as I did have a good social life, and I know how hard it is to motivate yourself to study when you aren't particularly interested in the material or you think you could be better off doing something else. Remember you can go to uni any time. You can go back in 2 years, 5 years, 15 years... it doesn't matter. Please don't stay because you don't want to have "wasted" all that money so far. That money is paid. Whether you leave or stay is irrelevant, you aren't getting it back. BUT if you stay for more miserable years, you're going to be wasting a LOT more money! Quit now before you have to pay even more to stay miserable.

Personally I left uni after the first year. My parents never pushed me and make me feel like I had to achieve great things but I felt it in myself. My school very much pushed us to go to uni, so like you, I applied because everyone else who was intelligent was applying for uni, and "that's just what you do". But remember schools want you to go to uni because it looks good for them on paper. They have statistics relating to how many students went on to university etc.

This is a problem with young people today I think - we all believe that we have to achieve greatness and get amazing jobs and make loads of money and contribute to the world. I'm the same. I wish I could be happy just working on retail for the rest of my life, but I wouldn't be satisfied. Because we are taught that if you are intelligent, YOU HAVE TO USE IT by going to uni. That's not the case though. I know loads of people who quit uni and are now working in shops, in the army, the police etc and are really happy there.

You have to do what is right for you and what will truly make you happy, not what everybody else expects of you. Leaving uni was the best thing I ever did. I worked full time for 2-3 years, did volunteer work in Ecuador, and then went back when I was REALLY ready and actually craving education again, and I knew exactly what I wanted to study. Now I'm in 4th year and I couldn't be happier. I even met my boyfriend in uni on the first day of 3rd year, which I never expected to happen! Now I am much more motivated and genuinely love uni. I'm in line for a first but if I had stuck it out the first time, there is no way I would have achieved a first because I didn't have the drive. Also in the summer between 1st and 2nd year, I went to America to work for 4 months which was amazing. If you want good stuff to happen and to have amazing experiences and be happy, MAKE IT HAPPEN. Nobody else is in control of your life.

I know it sounds cheesy but do what your heart tells you. Forget about the money, what's done is done, and it's only money at the end of the day. There are more important things in life. Take some time out to work and meet new people, and don't feel pressure to go back to uni (if you truly do want to) until you are 100% sure about what you want to study and you really want it for yourself.

Personally that taught me that you need to realise when something isn't for you, accept it and focus on finding what is. Otherwise you're pretty much destined to fail.

I know you have paid fees up until now but that doesn't mean you should necessarily just continue. Say you were paying £30 a month for a gym membership that you rarely used, you wouldn't stay just because you've already paid so much into it would you? Similarly you shouldn't stay and get further into debt just because you've already accumulated some. Think about just the extra debt you will get into if you stay and decide whether that amount is worth staying. Also remember that you only pay back when you're earning enough, and if you did quit now you could take a degree another time and still get all but the first year funded.

Your reasons for staying also all seemed to be related to doing what is expected of you and feeling you have to because you're smart enough to get there. I don't think these should be considered reasons. Just because you're in a position someone else would envy you shouldn't feel guilty about giving it up if it's not for you. This example is rather simplified but I have naturally blonde hair which a lot of my female family members are jealous of, yet I dye it red because I don't enjoy being blonde. They say they wish they had blonde hair like me and that I shouldn't dye it but blonde isn't for me. Somebody else wanting what you have isn't enough of a reason on it's own to keep it.

To answer your questions in the last spoiler you would need to talk to the uni about the procedure for quitting and I think you'd also have to notify Student Finance. Depending on when you are due to be paid this term it may be too late to stop the payment going through but they would ask for this term's maintenance loan (and grant if you get one) back pretty much straight away. As for previous payments and tuition fees you would pay them back when you're earning enough just like students who graduated do. If you chose to go to uni at a later date then you'd apply through UCAS with a personal statement again but would need to find a referee. This could be an employer or your old college may be able to help as they normally keep references on file for past students for at least a few years in case they're requested. As for finance you are entitled to length of degree + 1 year - years of previous study, so you would have to self-fund the first year of any new degree you took but would then receive full funding in 2nd year and any other years after that. You don't need to have paid off any of your previous degree debt before re-applying.

On a final point having read the most recent replies to this thread I completely agree with the idea of taking a year out. I wrote the above without even thinking of that option. You could ask the uni for a year out, though I'd recommend treating that year out as if you've just quit and see how far you get with what you want to do. Then you can decide if you're happier at uni or away from it. If you find you were happier at uni then you go back as planned, if not then you tell the uni you've decided the course isn't for you and withdraw.

I think people underestimate how difficult it is to get any job these days and the lack of opportunities for non-grads.

i voted stay because later when you do know and it all falls apart you have it just incase

I think you should stop being a brony.

This is going to sound very harsh but I do believe the advice will benefit you. With someone with the hindsight and experience of age, you are saying you need to find a reason to live. That degree is your reason, your future, your pathway to a career (any career which you will find passion for in the future). If you quit, what will you have? You will have lost your future because believe me, to work in a minimum wage job or go on and have children without a degree-no matter what you do once you leave-will be a struggle.
Life in the 'real world' is absolutely miserable and you will be surrounded by people who do not think like you, have your intelligence or act the way you do. Not saying they are better or worse for it, but different to you. You are intelligent and have great potential but your lack of determination and non direction is what will lose you your future. And believe me, you do have one.
Your age is a difficult one where you have a whole world which seems scary and overwhelming. You are still not on track to being an adult. Yet you will get there, if you keep taking a day at a time. Before you know it your degree will be finished and you will have more employment options, the ability to travel or start a relationship. The world will be your oyster.
Believe me if you leave university there will be nothing for you except a long hard struggle back to where you are now which eventually you will see was the right thing. Just keep going for now. Things will work out in the end.
BTW-Roaccutane can cause major depression both during and after treatment. If you feel you are in the middle of a depressive episode then please see your GP and get some medication to get you through. You have so much potential even if you cannot see it at the moment. Grasp it with both hands.

As I'm writing this I'm sitting topless (don't judge me, it's just really hot here) in a very lovely apartment on the Sunshine Coast in Australia; I'm telling you this because I want you to know I'm not another boring drone conforming to the expectations of society - but having said that, I am a first year medical student at one of the top universities in the world so I do understand that getting a good education has its merits too! I'm here on my Christmas break and I'm due to start the Lent term in just a week.

I took this highly controversial and possibly ill-advised trip (my supervisors were not happy!) for pretty much the same reason as you - an existential crisis. Throughout my first term at uni (I started in October 2012) I would often feel like I was lost - I was highly demotivated and felt like everything I was doing was just meaningless. I would often hide away in my room while my hallmates were being rowdy and having fun outside - again, the whole 'go out and get drunk' every night thing just seemed so meaningless to me too! I am very confident and I am a well-liked guy, I've gotten to know a lot of people around my university and I love having a laugh when I'm in the mood, but deep inside it still feels pointless and very superficial.

After travelling the East Coast of Australia for the past 5 weeks, and experiencing many things and spending many hours thinking about this, I've come to realize that for me, this whole gloomy feeling that I've been having was greatly due to the stress of having such high academic expectations. Once I told myself it was okay if I didn't get a top mark, I felt a lot better.

The second point was the lack of human connection - I found myself resenting a lot of the social atmosphere at university just like you, and like I said I hid in my room a lot because people just seemed so shallow, immature and insecure. Not being arrogant here, but I took a gap year, so I'm a year older than pretty much everyone and I feel that I am more confident in myself and mature than some of the people I'm surrounded by. In a sense, I just didn't click with anyone in my immediate accommodation (which is quite small) as it felt very herd-like and cliquey. There was a lot of drama and pretentiousness last term and it just grew tiresome. Even though I was surrounded by people, and invited to a lot of things, and I made myself involved in social activities all the time, I felt very lonely and isolated a lot of the time especially seeing as I had broken up with my girlfriend the month earlier.

When asked for advice I like to give, what are in my opinion, the pros and cons of both sides and leave it at that and let my friend/you, in this case, decide. However on this rare occasion I would strongly recommend you stay in university despite the way you are feeling; I am staying at university despite the way I am feeling.
I think the crucial point here is, university is like a gateway that gives you freedom in the long run - with a good degree like yours or mine, we could have a much MUCH broader range of possible opportunities for all kinds of careers - even though I'm doing medicine and studying to be a doctor, I still have no real idea what I want to achieve or what I want to do with my life! But it doesn't matter because I'll have a lot of possibilities to choose from.
If you drop out now, you'll still be having your existential crisis and I guarantee you that being stuck in a dead-end office job feels FAR more meaningless than even what you're feeling right now. Have something to look forward to, go backpacking like I did in the break! Suck it up for another few years then you're free to do whatever you want, that's the way I look at it. I have another 6 years if that makes you feel any better.

I sincerely hope this helps, I share your existential pain!

It's a bit difficult to answer the question when we don't know what your "list" involves. But I can relate - I want to go to art school, volunteer abroad, and I'm feeling panicky that I'm wasting time doing a degree when I could be really LIVING. What I've realised, however, is that if I really want to do these things, I CAN make time. The summer holidays at uni are long - this will surely give you time to get cracking with your list? We get about 3 months + free time in the summer. And after uni, you don't HAVE to go straight into employment. You can take a year out, do the things you want to do.

The way I see it, you could quit and try and get a job now, or stick it out and get a job later (the way things are at the moment, easier to get a job with a degree than without one). In the meantime, work on your list - plan to get things moving in the summer, start saving so you can get cracking with it after uni, etc. This will at least give you something to look forward to.

I hope the advice / reassurance that you're not alone helps you, if only a little bit. Reading what you wrote was really moving and sad, I really hope that whatever you decide, you find happiness!

I'll post individual replies below, but here's an overall reply to the response:

This is exactly what I want to do! This would be the ideal scenario for me.

I'm planning on trying to stay there for a while longer, until Easter at least, but if things don't improve then I'll try aiming for this. Just for comparison, when you left university and went into full-time work, did you already have work experience/employment history? Also, how easy was it reapplying years later?

To put it simply, I need to decide whether or not to continue university, but more than that, I need a reason to continue to live. I'm not suicidal by any means, but the lack of any visible direction in my life is leaving me feeling trapped, depressed and slowly driving me insane. This has been snowballing for a few years now, but it's reaching a tipping point now and I need to make a decision very soon—ideally by the end of the week—and because I want to make sure the best decision possible is made, I thought I'd get as many thoughts and opinions as I can. Since there are a lot of reasons I am in this situation, I typed everything I thought was significant and divided them up to make it easier to interpret.

Where I stand now:


How I got here:


My unviersity experience so far:


The alternative:


Things I am confused about:


It's taken me 5 hours to convert my thoughts into words, and those words into a semi-logical order. If you read everything, then thank you; I know there's a lot there, and I am grateful to you for taking the time to read it. If you vote on the poll, please post your reasons for the vote below so that I can see your thought process. If you don't vote on the poll but have thoughts/comments/advice for me, then feel free to leave them below as well. I've seen the advice this community has given to other people and I think it's exactly what I need to solve this problem.

- Yellowquiet

The plan, as it stands, is to stay for now and reassess my situation in the next break, which is Easter ... I'm also thinking quite highly of the idea of taking a year out at the end of this university year if things still aren't going too well.

This is actually one of the reasons I was thinking of quitting university rather than staying; if I find a job I like, then as long as I do not already have a degree I still have the opportunity to get one relevant to the job, but if I already have a degree that is incompatible, then getting the job would be closed off to me since I don't think I have the opportunity to get a second degree until I've paid off the first one(?).

I've spoken to my tutor and they haven't been particularly helpful; they suggested getting some extensions on courseworks, which relieves some pressure, but at the same time it's not really helping to solve the underlying problem. I'll look into speaking to a counsellor.
...
I'll definitely look into the support services; quite a few people have suggested it now, so I have high hopes for it.

That's the problem: I don't know what I what I would like to do or what I would enjoy, and I haven't been given enough time to take a step back, clear my head and look at what I really want out of life because I'm spending all of my time thinking about the ideas I'm being fed ideas by academic institutions. I was thinking of taking some time out to think before I applied to university, but was told flat out that it was a bad idea, so I just randomly picked a course that sounded interesting.

I am part of a couple of societies at university, and one of them is helping me to tick off one of the major things on my list, but it's been hard to keep a commitment to societies (or hobbies in general) with a workload that fluctuates wildly. I don't want to start something, be given a huge workload for a month or so (e.g. exam periods) and then have to start all over again because I've forgotten what I learned already.
...
The list is mainly lots of semi-constructive things I'd like to do, such as learn to play a musical instrument, learn a language, try writing a novel, etc., or travelling, all of which would be hobbies to be done in spare time (which I don't have with university) rather than career aspects. I think if I arranged my time more constructively, then I could get started on some of the more flexible items on the list.

That sounds like a good plan. There's no point in wasting more money on something that makes you miserable. You aren't going to achieve a top class degree if you're doing something you don't like anyway.

Yeah, I had work experience already when I left uni - I had already worked in 3 different jobs but I was working 2 of them part-time when I was at uni anyway, so when I left uni I just went full time on one, and quit the other. Then I got sacked which was awful (and not because I was bad at my job! It was a personal thing) but I found a new job within a couple of weeks and stayed there full-time for 2 years before I cut my hours down when I started at the uni I'm at just now. (Different uni). I worked there for the whole of first year but had to leave because I was going to work in America. For second and third year I had two different jobs again. I've always found jobs easy to come by, although I know not everyone has the same experience, but I wouldn't worry about not having experience if you are just looking at retail etc.

Reapplying was easy. I can't remember much about it now but I was 20 when I was applying and 21 when I started the course, and I think I had to do it independently of my high school because I'd left too long ago. Not sure who I put as my references now. Managers from work I'd imagine! Might even have been a family friend as well, can't remember now, but don't worry, you'll have somebody! I kinda knew I'd be accepted so it was a lot less stressful the second time around.

I didn't read any of that, but you sound like you could use an ice-cream.

(1) I think if you get too far into that kind of thinking, you'd never do anything in case it cancelled out something else you might want to do in the future!

First off, a significant chunk of jobs don't ask for you to have a degree in a specific subject; they just ask for you to have a degree. Any subject at all will open up a lot of doors that would otherwise be closed, on top of the engineering jobs it could specifically lead to.

The way funding works, you get a loan for one degree (plus the 'false start' I said about before). Beyond that, you won't get funding for another one, unless you do one of the very few subjects (e.g. nursing) that are paid for by the government. But, don't worry about it! You're thinking about what will happen if, in the future, you get a job that's so great and absorbing that you want to get a degree in that area instead of engineering... well, even if that happens, maybe your employer will be prepared to pay for you to get one, if it's that relevant; or maybe you'll be able to go straight on and do a Masters in whatever it is. Personally, I'm in the process of doing a second undergraduate degree part-time, just because I thought it was interesting. That doesn't mean I regret my first one, or feel I did the 'wrong' subject; I just decided I'd like to do another one, so I am, and I'm paying for it as I go. Nothing's set in stone.


(2) My advice, as far as those kinds of things go, is just to go for it. I know Engineering can have a fairly full (and quite variable) workload, but even still, I think it's likely you have at least as much (if not more) time available to you now than you will when you start full-time work, whenever that day comes. (My first degree was one where I spent eight hours a day in uni most days, and I still had way more free time then than I do now).


(3) You might want to read this book if you're thinking of writing a novel - it's the book that goes with Nanowrimo (but you obviously don't have to wait 'til November to do it). There are pros and cons to approaching things in that way, obviously, and I'm not necessarily advocating you attempt the 30 day thing (although it can be fun, and generates things you would never have written otherwise) but a big (and useful) part of the philosophy behind it is that the whole 'one day, I will write a novel' thing can act against you if you worry too much about how, and when, and how to make it perfect, and so on. (There's a bit in the book where the guy explains how he had a whole plan to take three months off work in which to concentrate solely on writing, going to considerable effort to rearrange his commitments and free up that time - and then he didn't get any writing done at all!) Just starting, and giving yourself permission to write a dreadful first draft, is actually very freeing, and you start achieving things and making progress you never would have otherwise. Ditto with everything else, really - learning a language, or to play an instrument, is a series of tiny steps.


(4) My advice is, don't think in terms of 'when will I definitely have time to devote to this on a consistent basis?', just think 'I've got half an hour, I can practise that chord/learn five new words/write a couple of paragraphs.'

OP

What's kind of a worry for me is I have no prior work experience, so I think finding a job will probably be very hard, and I don't want to quit university and be put through the stress of being essentially unemployable to a lot of employers.

Hi mate, I don’t normally post on forums however I saw this whilst researching the OU and felt I had to comment.

The feelings you describe about your course and life seem very like mild depression. I think this because I remember having similar feelings at your age after a long period of stress and study. Unfortunately I didn’t seek any support and became quite ill. It then took a long time to recover. (I’ve been fine since).

Looking at your post it’s clear you have a very fine analytical mind. This is great for problem solving in the outside world however it’s not so hot when it’s turned inwards constantly trying to analyse itself and the whole meaning of life. It simply becomes more and more exhausted which in turn, makes the problems seem worse so the analysis becomes more intense, so you try harder and….so it goes on until you completely exhaust yourself and everything seems black. This may also account for your struggling with the course. Here’s a couple of things which might help…

1 Make an appointment to see your Uni counsellor and/or a GP. Make sure you tell them all the things you put in your post. Don’t be embarrassed – they will have heard it all before, these feelings are very common. Your Uni will be very keen to help as the government marks them down on early leavers.

2 Choose a friend you can trust (close your eyes and your instincts will tell you who) and talk to them about how you’re feeling. You’ll be amazed how many will be keen to share their own anxieties.

3 Give yourself a break from trying to decide about Uni – just ‘decide’ to decide after you’ve tried these suggestions.

4 Talk to your mum about how you feel. If you’re too embarrassed maybe you could show her your post? (edited if necessary). I know you say she shouts however she probably only wants what’s best for you and she would be horrified if she realised you’re feeling this way. Getting her onside will take the pressure off you IF you decide to leave Uni.

5 Remember the Christmas break of the first Uni year is a critical time for a lot of students, some people sail through Uni however many will have the doubts and anxieties you currently have. Ironically the more intelligent you are, the more you’re likely to suffer these doubts!

6 YOU ARE 19! Stop trying to resolve all of life’s problems in one go. An American president once said he preferred to fight his wars one at a time. You would be wise to take his advice and only deal with problems one at a time.

7 You wouldn’t put chip fat in an expensive sports car – so why fuel your fine mind on cr*p. You need some protein and fresh veg to feed your brain, not polos.

8 Get some exercise. A long walk will fuel feel good endorphins in your brain, or go for a run. Swimming is especially good for lifting low mood. Then get some regular sleep to rest your mind. These things will clear and refresh your mind.

9 Don’t feel bad because you’re not sure what you want to do in life. All the people I envied at school because they were so sure what they wanted to do came unstuck when they realised it wasn’t what they thought it was… and why wouldn’t they? If you’d never been to a pub, a cinema or a museum and were suddenly asked to choose a visit to one, how would you choose? Life is about trial and error, many famous people didn’t find their niche until middle age e.g. Winston Churchill. At 19 I can assure you that you have plenty of time to make c**k ups and start again. I have – several times; each time you get stronger, learn more and get better. The man who never made a mistake never made anything. Don’t think about job roles or careers at this stage – how can you? Instead, think about your likes, dislikes and strengths etc. Write these down and then match these to job roles.

10 Check to see if there’s any voluntary work you can do near Uni. See this site do-it.org.uk You may meet similarly minded people. It will will turn your thoughts outwards and you may stumble on your passion for a future career.

11 I know what you mean about some people seeming shallow. Even at my age I still meet people who make me wonder ‘have you ever watched a news bulletin in your entire life?’ but hey I wouldn’t want everyone to be the same as me! Similarly don’t completely dismiss people getting drunk, many do this because it’s a way of hiding our inhibitions and inadequacies. You might be surprised though, some of my best friends are people who I met when they or I were drunk. If we’d been sober we probably would have dismissed each other. Some people who seem shallow often reveal a deeper side once their inhibitions are stripped away; but don’t go mad with alcohol – it is a depressant and has wrecked many lives.

If you’re following all the above, why not simply ‘decide’ to go back to Uni, give it a try ‘till Easter or the Summer term. The first year is usually a time you can afford to have false starts so try not to be too worried about it. I think you can use this first year as transferrable points to use against a future degree at another institution should you decide to give up the course. Think about it, if you stop exhausting yourself worrying about your future entire life (which is largely outside of your control anyway) you may find a rested mind will easily handle the challenges of your course. It’s a fact that a mind fully engaged in day to day study will be more rested than one constantly trying to anxiously analyse the future. Try not to make a final decision until your mind is rested. I guarantee you that you WILL feel different once you’re rested. This doesn’t mean you’ll decide to stay at Uni however it WILL mean you’ll make a sound decision, when you’re feeling yourself - whatever that decision may be.
If you do decide to give up Uni then bear in mind the following –

A. It’s not true that you HAVE to have a degree to have a successful career/life. Of course, some jobs insist on a degree however in many (especially retail or business) there is no need. Even in those that do you may be able to start at a lower level and work up. I’ve recruited lots of people and you need to be aware that all employers are looking for common sense, analytical thinking and commitment. I can tell you now that the vast majority of people do NOT have all these qualities (degree or not). I can see from your post that you DO possess them and these will help you succeed in any organisation.

B. You could decide to do a degree later, either in the OU or at another institution.

Try to be kinder to yourself and cut yourself some slack + get some rest. I think then you’ll know what you want to do…whatever it is, good luck!

to me it seems you are depressed , go visit a doctor

Live for yourself, not for others. Do not feel obligated to do something for the sake of others. Do what you enjoy, not what others tell you to do.

Dude I feel your pain. I remember having this crisis several times at uni.

I can't really offer any advise except to ask the most difficult question to answer - what do you want to do?

I don't just mean now but in the future. If you have no idea then I would definitely suggest you stick with it. Take it from someone who did the "sensible thing" for too long and stuck with something far worse than uni, a desk job. I was able to escape only because I had the parachute of a degree etc. The worst worst thing (IMO) if being stuck in a job that you hate and having no idea of how to get out of it.

Just had to say OP, your grammar is fabulous!
There really isn't anything useful I can suggest that hasn't already been suggested in more detail.

Whatever you choose, I hope it turns out to be the right move for you.

Good Luck!

OP, lack of food exacerbates mental anguish. The brain suffers when it has no good nutrition-ask anyone with an eating disorder. So please try to eat regularly.

You need to stop worrying about what other people will think and do whats right for you.

Its your life, own it!! As you never know when you might lose it.

You don't want to wake up one day and regret it.

It is a hard decision, but only you can make it!!

I really wouldn't worry about that. Like I said, I've always found jobs easy to come by. I had to get a first job too when I had no experience - everybody does. Experience isn't that important in a lot of jobs. They will train you anyway. My first job was as a sales advisor in Comet. I had never worked in retail before but I was chosen over other applicants who had sales experience. It's all about how you come across at the interview. Lots of smiles and enthusiasm! You're clearly intelligent and have good communication skills so I think you'll be fine. What kind of job were you thinking of? I'd recommend retail because you meet loads of people, both customers and colleagues that you will become friends with. It's fun and generally awesome but also you get bored of it after a year or two, so then you will probably start craving education again. That's what happened to me anyway. It's still enjoyable, but you start thinking about what else you can do to stimulate your brain. Being worried about not getting a job is no reason to stay in a course you're miserable on anyway. From reading other threads, it seems that graduate jobs are REALLY hard to get without experience. So you'd actually probably be better getting some general work experience now!

Hi mate, I don’t normally post on forums however I saw this whilst researching the OU and felt I had to comment.

The feelings you describe about your course and life seem very like mild depression. I think this because I remember having similar feelings at your age after a long period of stress and study. Unfortunately I didn’t seek any support and became quite ill. It then took a long time to recover. (I’ve been fine since).

Looking at your post it’s clear you have a very fine analytical mind. This is great for problem solving in the outside world however it’s not so hot when it’s turned inwards constantly trying to analyse itself and the whole meaning of life. It simply becomes more and more exhausted which in turn, makes the problems seem worse so the analysis becomes more intense, so you try harder and….so it goes on until you completely exhaust yourself and everything seems black. This may also account for your struggling with the course. Here’s a couple of things which might help…

1 Make an appointment to see your Uni counsellor and/or a GP. Make sure you tell them all the things you put in your post. Don’t be embarrassed – they will have heard it all before, these feelings are very common. Your Uni will be very keen to help as the government marks them down on early leavers.

2 Choose a friend you can trust (close your eyes and your instincts will tell you who) and talk to them about how you’re feeling. You’ll be amazed how many will be keen to share their own anxieties.

3 Give yourself a break from trying to decide about Uni – just ‘decide’ to decide after you’ve tried these suggestions.

4 Talk to your mum about how you feel. If you’re too embarrassed maybe you could show her your post? (edited if necessary). I know you say she shouts however she probably only wants what’s best for you and she would be horrified if she realised you’re feeling this way. Getting her onside will take the pressure off you IF you decide to leave Uni.

5 Remember the Christmas break of the first Uni year is a critical time for a lot of students, some people sail through Uni however many will have the doubts and anxieties you currently have. Ironically the more intelligent you are, the more you’re likely to suffer these doubts!

6 YOU ARE 19! Stop trying to resolve all of life’s problems in one go. An American president once said he preferred to fight his wars one at a time. You would be wise to take his advice and only deal with problems one at a time.

7 You wouldn’t put chip fat in an expensive sports car – so why fuel your fine mind on cr*p. You need some protein and fresh veg to feed your brain, not polos.

8 Get some exercise. A long walk will fuel feel good endorphins in your brain, or go for a run. Swimming is especially good for lifting low mood. Then get some regular sleep to rest your mind. These things will clear and refresh your mind.

9 Don’t feel bad because you’re not sure what you want to do in life. All the people I envied at school because they were so sure what they wanted to do came unstuck when they realised it wasn’t what they thought it was… and why wouldn’t they? If you’d never been to a pub, a cinema or a museum and were suddenly asked to choose a visit to one, how would you choose? Life is about trial and error, many famous people didn’t find their niche until middle age e.g. Winston Churchill. At 19 I can assure you that you have plenty of time to make c**k ups and start again. I have – several times; each time you get stronger, learn more and get better. The man who never made a mistake never made anything. Don’t think about job roles or careers at this stage – how can you? Instead, think about your likes, dislikes and strengths etc. Write these down and then match these to job roles.

10 Check to see if there’s any voluntary work you can do near Uni. See this site do-it.org.uk You may meet similarly minded people. It will will turn your thoughts outwards and you may stumble on your passion for a future career.

11 I know what you mean about some people seeming shallow. Even at my age I still meet people who make me wonder ‘have you ever watched a news bulletin in your entire life?’ but hey I wouldn’t want everyone to be the same as me! Similarly don’t completely dismiss people getting drunk, many do this because it’s a way of hiding our inhibitions and inadequacies. You might be surprised though, some of my best friends are people who I met when they or I were drunk. If we’d been sober we probably would have dismissed each other. Some people who seem shallow often reveal a deeper side once their inhibitions are stripped away; but don’t go mad with alcohol – it is a depressant and has wrecked many lives.

If you’re following all the above, why not simply ‘decide’ to go back to Uni, give it a try ‘till Easter or the Summer term. The first year is usually a time you can afford to have false starts so try not to be too worried about it. I think you can use this first year as transferrable points to use against a future degree at another institution should you decide to give up the course. Think about it, if you stop exhausting yourself worrying about your future entire life (which is largely outside of your control anyway) you may find a rested mind will easily handle the challenges of your course. It’s a fact that a mind fully engaged in day to day study will be more rested than one constantly trying to anxiously analyse the future. Try not to make a final decision until your mind is rested. I guarantee you that you WILL feel different once you’re rested. This doesn’t mean you’ll decide to stay at Uni however it WILL mean you’ll make a sound decision, when you’re feeling yourself - whatever that decision may be.
If you do decide to give up Uni then bear in mind the following –

A. It’s not true that you HAVE to have a degree to have a successful career/life. Of course, some jobs insist on a degree however in many (especially retail or business) there is no need. Even in those that do you may be able to start at a lower level and work up. I’ve recruited lots of people and you need to be aware that all employers are looking for common sense, analytical thinking and commitment. I can tell you now that the vast majority of people do NOT have all these qualities (degree or not). I can see from your post that you DO possess them and these will help you succeed in any organization.

B. You could decide to do a degree later, either in the OU or at another institution.

Try to be kinder to yourself and cut yourself some slack + get some rest. I think then you’ll know what you want to do…whatever it is, good luck!

**** man, sorry about your dad

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad - that must be really difficult. Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us about it.

(1) Regarding your feeling that you ought to know what you want to do with your life - just because some, or even many people know what they think they want to do at 19, that doesn't mean they're going to end up doing it, or even continuing to want to do it.

(2) The whole 'any time I spend not working is time wasted' thing is quite a dangerous road to go down. (The most extreme example I can think of is the time I had to literally carry someone out of the uni library and take him to A&E because he'd pretty much been in there for 48 hours drinking Red Bull and taking Pro Plus and could no longer feel his face or hands.) If you spend all your time trying to work, the end result will be that you don't achieve anything at all, and you're just staring at things hoping they wedge themselves in your head somehow. I know you don't feel much like eating at the moment, but please do try to take in some food that isn't polos and Pot Noodle - those will make you feel even more horrible than you did to start with. If you can't manage anything substantial, try some soup or fruit; at least it'll be giving you some nourishment. And, taking short breaks from your work and going for a walk, or doing some other little bit of physical activity, isn't a distraction from work; it's part of the work. It's what allows your body and brain to function well enough to get anything done at all.

(3) Now I'm going to be bossy. For this evening, if you insist on working, then you only do the revision, and leave the rest alone. Also, eat something sensible, and do a little bit of something active, even if it's just some stretches, or finding a yoga video on YouTube, or something. And if there is anyone even slightly sympathetic around, then talk to them about how you're feeling.

Tomorrow morning, you've got your test. After that, your priority is moving things forward. Not in a grand-plans way; in a making-things-better-now way. Go to your uni counselling service, and find out about making an appointment. Make a doctor's appointment. And, arrange to meet with your tutor. It sounds like a lot, but it all needs to happen. If you have a friend at uni who could help a bit - maybe giving you some moral support by helping you to go to the places you need to get to - then rope them in.

(4) Do you feel like you could tell us what uni you're at? I'd be happy to do a quick trawl to see if I could find out more about their support services for you, if it would help.

go talk to your head of year or whoever is the equilavent - see what other courses you could transfer to.

Then, go out and ask about getting some work experience in different places, see what sort of work you might enjoy