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I prefer her without makeup!! What to do...

Anonymous #1

Met this girl at work, she seems very nice and quite shy. We've had one on one talks which is cool. I only asked for her Facebook this week and I'm having second thoughts of pursuing her.

At work, she doesn't wear any make up at all and she wears glasses. Me likey!

But seeing her photos on Facebook (she has loadds) she doesn't wear her glasses and she has makeup on....and she's not that attractive. I think she's more confident with no glasses and makeup on.

I've asked her out to hang out next week and she's said yes. I really want her to wear her glasses and as little makeup as possible. This isn't going to happen I think.

Should I still go for it?

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Reply 1

Xiomara

Original post by Anonymous

Why should she change herself to please you when you're not even anything more than colleagues?

If you're planning to enter a relationship and subtly chip away at her self confidence until she wears glasses and goes bare faced, don't even bother 'going for it'.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Xiomara

I don't want to force her to change. I'm just asking whether its best I go for it or not.
And you've answered that. Thanks.

Reply 3

joey11223

Original post by Xiomara

If you're planning to enter a relationship and subtly chip away at her self confidence

As a male I clearly must have little comprehension of how these things work but how does a guy telling a girl that she's beautiful without covering herself up in make-up and that he'd like to see her naturally more often as he thinks she doesn't need all that stuff on her face, chipping away at her self confidence?

Reply 4

Xiomara

Original post by Anonymous

I don't want to force her to change. I'm just asking whether its best I go for it or not.
And you've answered that. Thanks.

Probably came off quite hostile. But if you're not going to find her attractive 90% of the time, and that's important to you in a relationship, then what's the point?

Reply 5

Xiomara

Original post by joey11223

In the original post, OP stated that he thought she wasn't attractive/was considerably less attractive wearing makeup. How is someone voicing that opinion going to make you feel good about yourself?

He also said that she feels more confident with makeup on, so if she were to stop wearing it because of him, she'd feel less confident.

I think she's more confident with no glasses and makeup on.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Xiomara

I assumed she was confident with make up because she has loads of pics with makeup. :dontknow:

Reply 7

Xiomara

Original post by Anonymous

I assumed she was confident with make up because she has loads of pics with makeup. :dontknow:

Lmao, I don't know her so I don't know if this is actually the case, but many people wear makeup because it improves their self confidence. Same reason some people wear nice clothes/have nice hair/perfume/expensive electronic devices.

So if most of her pictures feature her wearing makeup, it's probably safe to say that's how she wants to be pictured in most social situations. So it's likely she falls into the 'self-confidence' category of wearing makeup.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Xiomara

True.
I'll still go for it, personality is a bit more important than looks imo and she isn't that bad with makeup/no glasses.

Reply 9

joey11223

Original post by Anonymous

I assumed she was confident with make up because she has loads of pics with makeup. :dontknow:

But surely the point then is that wearing a lot of make-up (I'm assuming by the OP's description this isn't the subtle use of make-up to touch up features which often guys don't realise is being worn but is when she's slapping quite a bit on.) gives her more confidence because she has confidence issues about how she looks without it. So someone telling her they actually think she looks nicer without so much on, might help her feel better about herself?

Reply 10

Xiomara

Original post by Anonymous

True.
I'll still go for it, personality is a bit more important than looks imo and she isn't that bad with makeup/no glasses.

As long as you're certain of that decision. Good luck, OP.

Reply 11

amholcroft

It could be people chipping at her self confidence is what turned her to excessive make up ever think of that? There's nothing wrong with suggesting something or asking why she wears more make up out of work if you can do it in a complimenting way. Maybe her facebook pictures are from social situs e.g. clubbing bars etc that usually call for getting dolled up?

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by joey11223

Ok I might subtly put that across to her!

Original post by Xiomara

As long as you're certain of that decision. Good luck, OP.

Thanks

Original post by amholcroft

Yeah some pics are from clubs so seeing makeup on is no surprise. But others are from restaurant or normal pics when she's at home or in the snow(today!)

Reply 13

SnoochToTheBooch

Original post by Xiomara

hows it chipping away at her self confidence to convince her to go without makeup? surely it's the opposite.

Reply 14

Xiomara

Original post by joey11223

TBH, 'a lot of makeup' could mean anything. She might just be wearing lipstick in a non-natural colour (i.e, pink or purple) or a bright eyeshadow/eyeliner. I personally wouldn't consider that a lot, but OP might as he can see it.

Something giving you more confidence doesn't mean you have issues with confidence/self esteem, you know. I'd feel more confident walking into an interview with a suit than trackie bottoms. That doesn't mean I have confidence issues.

I hope you haven't internalised the idea that makeup is only to attract men and all women who wear it have low self esteem. That's not true.

Original post by SnoochToTheBooch

hows it chipping away at her self confidence to convince her to go without makeup? surely it's the opposite.

See above. And my previous post on the subject.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 15

SnoochToTheBooch

Original post by Xiomara

right fair enough but the way I see it is wearing make up is for the benefit of other people, and true confidence is not giving a **** what anyone thinks about you.

Reply 16

dingnut

Or... you could just tell her you like her with no make up and glasses because she's naturally beautiful. If she feels confident enough, the next time she won't wear make up :smile:

Say how you DO like her, not how you don't.

Reply 17

Xiomara

Original post by SnoochToTheBooch

right fair enough but the way I see it is wearing make up is for the benefit of other people, and true confidence is not giving a **** what anyone thinks about you.

Are any of the things I listed in my previous post for the benefit of others? Recap:

Same reason some people wear nice clothes/have nice hair/perfume/expensive electronic devices.

Since when were the two mutually exclusive? Do you think Taylor Momsen cares what anyone else thinks about her with her dramatic eye makeup? Maybe OP's crush quite happily wears 'a lot' of makeup and doesn't care what judgemental people think about it.

Reply 18

joey11223

Original post by Xiomara

I hope you haven't internalised the idea that makeup is only to attract men and all women who wear it have low self esteem. That's not true.

Don't worry I have not, although when girls slap on so much the make-up itself makes an obvious thick layer over their face and they have a ridiculous amount of eye shadow/liner, bright red make-up etc. Then I do think either...they have no idea how to use it and don't realise that's not the idea behind the products, unless they're practising for the entertainment industry (which thinking about it..could either be a childs entertainer or the adult industry.. :tongue:

), or belief they have to hide themselves behind a wall of concealment. That or they're going for chavette as a look I suppose, it's as valid as any other, don't forget Facebook photos in the bathroom mirror making the duck face haha.

But in fairness I'm not used to people wearing it anyway, my girlfriend doesn't and doesn't understand why people would, my best friend only very occasionally wears it and it's only eye related products she uses. Female friends at uni, the majority don't wear any.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 19

SnoochToTheBooch

Original post by Xiomara

Are any of the things I listed in my previous post for the benefit of others? Recap:

Since when were the two mutually exclusive? Do you think Taylor Momsen cares what anyone else thinks about her with her dramatic eye makeup? Maybe OP's crush quite happily wears 'a lot' of makeup and doesn't care what judgemental people think about it.