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it hurts, I'll never find him

anon please, it hurts that i won't be happy in the long-term
since my parents are bound to get me into an arrange marriage, i know i won't have a say in it
it really hurts that i won't be able to find the guy i really love, since true love is very hard to find

when i used to get abused last year, i used to cry and fall asleep that a guy would save me from this misery but the in reality no guy would want to stay with me, i've been through a lot and i think i'm mentally too emotional

i respect my culture but i don't agree with arranged marriages and the drowny (can't remember the word) system, where you have to give the groom's family lots of money

i can't live my life how i want to, because people would gossip and my parents would get embarassed of it

i really like this guy but we don't know each other that well and he hangs around with people that used to bully me. he's going uni, it hurts that i can't be with him or anyone that i like because of my culture

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Blair Waldorf

Have you tried running away?

Reply 2

miser

Forced marriages in this country are illegal, don't let yourself be forced into something you don't want to do. It's not about respecting "culture", it's about respecting human rights.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Blair Waldorf

Have you tried running away?

i don't want to become homeless and i'm trying to get into a good uni so i can shape my future life

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by miser

Forced marriages in this country are illegal, don't let yourself be forced into something you don't want to do. It's not about respecting "culture", it's about respecting human rights.

it still happens, if you say no, you're either a slut or have a boyfriend according to them

i managed to get out of one last year, but they are expecting me to have one anyway

Reply 5

Mr Advice

Original post by miser

Forced marriages in this country are illegal, don't let yourself be forced into something you don't want to do. It's not about respecting "culture", it's about respecting human rights.

Forced and arranged are two completely different concepts. If arranged is followed as it should, there is NOT an ounce of compulsion in it.

Reply 6

miser

Original post by Mr Advice

Forced and arranged are two completely concepts. If arranged is followed as it should, there is NOT an ounce of compulsion in it.

I refer you to when she says: "since my parents are bound to get me into an arrange marriage, i know i won't have a say in it"

Sounds forced to me.

Reply 7

username457532

If they're really forcing you into a marriage you don't want, go to the police. They'll find you somewhere safe to stay and **** whilst telling your parents to **** off.

Reply 8

miser

Original post by Anonymous

it still happens, if you say no, you're either a slut or have a boyfriend according to them

i managed to get out of one last year, but they are expecting me to have one anyway

Don't let them. Call the police if you have to. Your life is your life, don't let your parents bully you into having a life you don't want for yourself.

Reply 9

Mr Advice

Original post by miser

I refer you to when she says: "since my parents are bound to get me into an arrange marriage, i know i won't have a say in it"

Sounds forced to me.

Well I guess the OP will have to clear that for us because she's got a bit of both in the post.

Reply 10

Guru Jason

Original post by Mr Advice

Forced and arranged are two completely different concepts. If arranged is followed as it should, there is NOT an ounce of compulsion in it.

OP has already stated that they are against arranged marriage therfore in this context they are the same and you are merely arguing semantics.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by SummitOfReason

I know exactly how you feel.

Clash of cultures sucks. Really hard.

Do you feel like your family actually genuinely love you for who you are? Or their love is dependent on other things like their proudness of you?

they definitely don't love me, when i used to do very good acedemically they were nice but after i fell on my subjects (the ones my mum forced me to do) they showed me their true self :frown:

everytime there's an occasion i won't be allowed to go because people would ask oh what is she doing now? and that's embarrassing for them because they have to say i'm re-taking

they don't support me, when i needed them the most

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

guys i was nearly forced into an arranged marriage with a guy that#s 10 years older than me last year to restore their honour because i'm let down since i was re-taking

now i've managed to get out of it, they are still expecting me to have one when i finish graduating uni

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by SmallTownGirl

If they're really forcing you into a marriage you don't want, go to the police. They'll find you somewhere safe to stay and **** whilst telling your parents to **** off.

i need money though and i can't it's too much hassle, i'm finished my alevel this year but thanks :smile:

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by miser

Don't let them. Call the police if you have to. Your life is your life, don't let your parents bully you into having a life you don't want for yourself.

i wish -_- it's not that easy to get away from them, especially if you are a girl...

Reply 15

Lewk

To be honest if I were you I'd just become self-dependent and leave. Although easy to say for me since i've never had strong family connections & we just all seem to get on with our own lives... It's not so bad! You'll create new bonds with people, new people to fill in the gaps.

Reply 16

james22

Original post by Anonymous

i wish -_- it's not that easy to get away from them, especially if you are a girl...

Once you finish uni you can get a job and not have to listen to them. Until then I can understand that you may need them to fund you but afterwards do what most people do and get a job and live your own life. They are only going to make you marry someone if you let them.

Reply 17

MrHappy_J

Original post by Anonymous

i wish -_- it's not that easy to get away from them, especially if you are a girl...

We can't help you if you don't want to help yourself. Call the police. They'll give you somewhere safe to stay. Your marriage will be void in this country because forced marriages are illegal.

https://www.gov.uk/stop-forced-marriage

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 18

miser

Original post by Anonymous

i wish -_- it's not that easy to get away from them, especially if you are a girl...

You sound like you're committed to going through with this marriage. If so, why start this thread? Stop making excuses for your parents and say no. Your life is important - don't let it get dictated to you. If it costs you your relationship with your parents then that really is a shame, but your life is worth more than that. It will be hard, I can sympathise with that, but fundamentally, everyone must have the bravery to live the life they want, because the alternative of living a wasted life is just too tragic.

Reply 19

Sherrisphere

It's a real shame what I hear about arranged marriages from most people. My family's been doing it forever, and while I don't entirely agree with it, they're some of the most successful marriages i've ever seen. But this is only because there's no element of forcefulness; if the son/daughter don't like the person, they don't go through with it. This coupled with really expert knowledge of life partners is probably why they're all so happy!
But you're saying it's forceful so ehh....