Do you think my boyfriends fallen out of love with me?

I dont know if im over reacting i need a outsiders advice
My boyfriend and I are 20 and 24 we've been together over a year and hes my first boyfriend im at uni quite close only 40 minutes away

He use to always try to see me and invite me round now i understand due to him working all week his weekends are to see his friends but he just fits me in, maybe an hour before he goes to the pub or on a sunday afternoon when hes so hungover from being out friday and saturday he just sits on the sofa and does nothing. He never ever use to be like this hed see me every saturday now he just cancells to go clubbing.

Hes so cold towards me he wont tell me anything nice he never says he loves me or finds me attractive hes told me once he loved him but he use to do little sweet things like saying he liked my hair or my clothes but now he doesnt he just tells me what ive done wrong 'thats a short skirt' 'what have you done with your makeup ' 'you hairs a mess'

It sounds pathetic but because hes not very emotional he use to do things like send me a 'cute' text after a night out just saying like he missed me or he was looking forward to seeing me as he only said this when he was drunk now he doesnt bother with that either

the physical side of our relationship is non existant he use to always be initiang asking for sex now he doesnt even touch me, even if we do sleep togther he doesnt touch me at all he just wants sex roles over and goes to sleep its made me feel so ugly and repulsive i feel really unattractive and unwanted

He was supposed to see me last night and he cancelled so he could go to the pub, he went with him and his friend and his friends girlfriend which slightly upsrt me. I dont know if im over reacting but ive told him how i feel and he says i just want to cause an arguement but nothing has changed i just feel so ugly and unattractive and like i must have done something wrong to turn him from being a loving caring guy to somebody who doesnt give a **** about me

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Reply 1

CosmicVengeance

You should ignore him, yes simply ignore him and see how long it takes for him to initiate the first move (text/call) or whatever. Then you will be able to see if he really still loves you, it will be obvious if he hasn't even said anything after a couple of days and then a week will go by and if he's still not initiated the first move, you should decide what to do after this

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Reply 2

Leah90

Treat him like he treats you and see how he feels? Or try to talk to him about how you're feeling as he's the only one who knows why he's treating you like he is!

Reply 3

Climbontoyourseahorse

Regardless of whether he has fallen out of love with you, you are not happy with how he is behaving. I understand that relationships require communication but do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who needs to be told how you would like to be treated? Don't you want a boyfriend who can come to his own conclusion that he should see you more etc? You seem to be so bothered about how he sees you and whether you quite 'do' it for him anymore, as if everything is on his terms. Maybe you should make things on your terms, realise that he is not satisfying you, and end it with him.

Reply 4

RHCPfan

Seems to me like you'd be better off without him.

Reply 5

Future African game vet

been in a sort of identical situation. It turned out my ex didn't love me anymore. Don't do what I did, please just tell him how you are feeling face to face, ask him how he feels, if he doesnt feel the same, walk away, have some dignity and realize you deserve better than that. No matter how amazing the relationship used to be, you can't live in the past... sometimes things just don't work out and it's better to be free of it than in a miserable relationship where you are forever questioning what you have done wrong. It'll destroy your confidence and make you feel as if you have no value.

There may be someone out there who will love you more than this guy, and treat you in the manner you deserve.

Good luck x

Reply 6

PsychadelicScarf

Original post by Anonymous

the physical side of our relationship is non existant he use to always be initiang asking for sex now he doesnt even touch me, even if we do sleep togther he doesnt touch me at all he just wants sex roles over and goes to sleep its made me feel so ugly and repulsive i feel really unattractive and unwanted

If he makes you feel like that you should break up with him, explaining why.

It will be hard, but you don't deserve to feel like this.

Reply 7

superduper9

Original post by Future African game vet

This is really good advice. I wouldn't return the treatment he's giving you - that sounds silly and slightly immature, or at least in my mind. If you're going to make a real, serious relationship work, then communication is really important. My first girlfriend, who I was with for almost 2 years, fell out of love with me probably a good few months before we broke up. Instead of telling me straight up, she ran me round in circles, was very cold towards me(sort of like your boyfriend), was acting really different and, in short, she just wasn't the girl I fell for when we first started going out. I should have realised it and ended it before trying to fool myself that things will get better.

You definitely deserve better than what you're getting at the moment. No one deserves a partner who pays them little attention, never spends quality time together and, at any chance, insults them rather than appreciating them.

You've got 2 options really: 1. It may be hard to do, but it looks like making a clean break and searching for love elsewhere is probably the best solution. 2. However, wou could find out what is wrong with him; you say he used to be really nice, sweet, romantic etc, so it can't have gone away over night. Talking things through and finding out whats up could give you an answer.

To be honest though, if he hasn't realised that his behaviour is pretty awful and shoddy, then explaining things may not really help. I'm sure there's someone else out there to treat you a whole lot better :smile:

Best of luck!

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8

Future African game vet

Original post by superduper9

Best of luck!

Thanks - glad you agree. Yes OP I think superduper9 has really sensible advice too,

@Superduper9 - I know exactly where you are coming from, same situation here, hope you are doing well since x

Reply 9

superduper9

Original post by Future African game vet

Thanks - glad you agree. Yes OP I think superduper9 has really sensible advice too,

@Superduper9 - I know exactly where you are coming from, same situation here, hope you are doing well since x

Thank you

I guess this sort of advice always sounds right when the person giving it has been through it themselves! Yeah ... it took me a while to get back on my feet. Thankfully, its been a while since that happened, but you can never quite forget someone who you've been so close to for such a long time. They always pop back into your thoughts somehow! :rolleyes:

Hope you managed to move on and had luck finding love elsewhere!

Reply 10

Uniiverse

Treat him like he treats you. He may have become comfortable and feel like he 'dominates' (maybe that's too much of a strong word - but you get the jist).

Show him that you're fine with his comments, and play a game. Play the game of patience. Wait for him to say 'I love you', wait for him to text you first etc.

It will work out OP. And even if it doesn't, there's more guys out there! :smile:

Reply 11

Ethyne

Original post by Anonymous

he just wants sex roles over and goes to sleep its made me feel so ugly and repulsive i feel really unattractive and unwanted

no offense but if my boyfriend behaved that way with me, i wouldn't let him touch me again until he straightened out

if you think his behavior is peculiar, why don't you just ask him about it and tell him that his actions are bothering you? you have to communicate with him.

Reply 12

Future African game vet

Original post by superduper9

Thank you

Hope you managed to move on and had luck finding love elsewhere!

Indeed, it is difficult - but eventually you come to terms with it :smile:

I'm ready to move on ad love someone else, but as of yet I haven't met anyone who's really captured my imagination ... maybe one day :tongue:

Hope the same for you too x

Reply 13

Jammie_x

You can do better than him. He's basically a douchebag who is only meeting you when it is suitable for him. You deserve better than that.

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Reply 14

Mankytoes

It sounds like he might be wanting to break up with you, but he hasn't got the balls, so he's treating you badly in the hope that you'll leave him.

Reply 15

username47781

Well rather than ignoring each other why don't you talk to each other about these issues, you can't have a good relationship unless you communicate with each other.

Reply 16

whatsophiesaid

You deserve better than this. No matter how good things were before, you can't justify the way he's being now by remembering how it was in the past. If my boyfriend was behaving this way, I'd ignore him until he realises that he can't get away with it - if he ignores you back, I'd leave him. No one deserves to be made to feel the way you are feeling.

Reply 17

cul-de-sac

Original post by Leah90

Treat him like he treats you and see how he feels? Or try to talk to him about how you're feeling as he's the only one who knows why he's treating you like he is!