Scared of having a boyfriend...decisions...

I'm a 17 year old girl and I've never had a relationship because I'm scared that things will go wrong - that I will choose the wrong person and will make a mess of my life.
I don't want to have loads of different boyfriends, rather just find one person and have a long term relationship.

However, because I'm in sixth form now I'm not
even sure if there is any point in having a relationship as it will probably end when I finish my A levels...

I don't want to be alone all my life, but I have seen so many people have relationships that mess them up...
Help!

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Reply 1

joker12345

I'm 18 and I feel exactly the same - I don't just want to go out with lots of people, it just seems pointless to me, I'd rather invest myself emotionally in the 'right' person as it were. I'm just waiting for that person to come along :smile:

Reply 2

LeeForShort

Its better to go out with someone to find out whats your type.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by joker12345

But how do you know if they are the 'right person'?

Reply 4

Daniel George

how will choosing the wrong person mess up your life? you don't have to be with them forever :s-smilie:

?

and if you worry and expect things to wrong you will end up ruining the relationship with your pessimistic view in life anyway.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Daniel George

how will choosing the wrong person mess up your life? you don't have to be with them forever :s-smilie:

?

and if you worry and expect things to wrong you will end up ruining the relationship with your pessimistic view in life anyway.

I've just seen people get really hurt in relationships...and it messes them up

Reply 6

NerdGlasses

You have to be prepared to go for it and hope it will work out.
My relationship I thought would probably last a couple of weeks at the most, and 11 months later I'm still with him knowing that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. No one knows what the future is going to be like, but if you don't give it a shot. You will never know.

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Reply 7

1582

Volunteer Team

Unfortunately (for the majority of us) life isn't as simple as finding that one special person straightaway and living happily ever after.

I was with my ex for 2-3 years and everyone was so certain we were going to get married and be together forever -- even us -- but then life happened. And I don't regret spending those years on him or our break-up. It all worked out in the end. That relationship was followed by nine months with an amazing man that, once again, I don't regret. That one was followed with an abusive relationship that led to me needing to get some higher ups involved. Now that I've realised it's not my fault things went the way they did I've learned to ~~mostly~~ not regret that relationship too.

I suppose I didn't give the best example with that last one. But if you're too afraid to date anyone then how can you expect to find "the one"? Dating gives you good and bad experiences - but you learn some good lessons along the way. Even if it's simply what (not) to do/say and honing your "skills". :wink:

Reply 8

Daniel George

Original post by Anonymous

I've just seen people get really hurt in relationships...and it messes them up

sorry thats life.

everyone is hurt when a relationship ends - THINK OF THE POSITIVES!!!!

Reply 9

Birkenhead

Original post by Anonymous

I'm a 17 year old girl and I've never had a relationship because I'm scared that things will go wrong - that I will choose the wrong person and will make a mess of my life...I don't want to be alone all my life, but I have seen so many people have relationships that mess them up...Help!

Watch 1:15 - 2:00. That should show you how ridiculous your current mindset is.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by sinfonietta

Is there any point having a relationship if you know it will most probably end in a year or two?

Reply 11

thinktoomuch610

Honey, this is the real world, you are going to get hurt. That doesn't make stupid decisions though!

But you'll never experience anything if you're too scared of getting hurt

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Reply 12

Ed3003

Original post by Anonymous

You're only 17, this isn't something you should worry about yet, even if all your friends are... enjoy being relationship worry free! I was terrified of relationships/ being with guys before I actually met someone, of course it hurts if it ends but there's no point in not trying a relationship just because you're scared. Wait until you find someone that it feels really right with, then as cheesy as it sounds, it'll feel worth the risk.

Reply 13

CasualSoul

Hey

don't base your decisions on what could. No one wants to get hurt but sometimes you got to let your guard down and allow yourself to be loved by someone. It may not work out and yeah you might get hurt but there's also a chance it will. Just don't rush into things and take time to form a friendship before you rush into relationships. That is all. :tongue:

Reply 14

joker12345

Original post by Anonymous

But how do you know if they are the 'right person'?

I'm hoping that I'll be able to tell and have that connection with them by getting to know them and becoming close (ie friendship first), THEN going out with them, when I'm (and they, hopefully) are pretty convinced. Not many people who get into relationships before uni stay together so I wouldn't worry that you haven't found anyone yet.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by joker12345

So there's not much point having a relationship until uni?

Reply 16

joker12345

Original post by NerdGlasses

Why did you not think it would last? I understand what you're saying, and it's fine if that's the way you want things - I personally think it would be better to get to know a person and at least feel you want a future with them before entering into a relationship.

Reply 17

ChocoCoatedLemons

You're only 17, why are you even worrying about this? Very few people marry their first partner and stay with them for the rest of their lives. It's not very plausible.

Reply 18

NerdGlasses

Original post by joker12345

I got close to my boyfriend on a school trip. Never before really spoke to him, and so when we got close, I just thought he was going to be like a close friend, nothing serious. It's more that I only really got to know him after a week, which is why I didn't think it would work. I understand that you would want to feel like you would want to spend your future with them, but I find my feelings toward my boyfriend get stronger each day. The fact it was a sort of spur-of-the-moment relationship makes me think that might be why it worked out, as all of my previous crap relationships, I worked up towards, liking the boy more and more, and each time, I waited to make sure 'he was the one' and each time, they ended after around 2 weeks. Personally from my experience, going into a relationship with a bit of friendly flirting and not really expecting it to happen, is better than waiting months and months for one boy, who will only break your heart.

Reply 19

1582

Volunteer Team

Original post by Anonymous

Is there any point having a relationship if you know it will most probably end in a year or two?

Of course there is. Not every relationship needs to be serious. Don't go into a relationship with the mindset that this is the person you're going to be with forever - just have some fun and enjoy spending what time you have with them. It doesn't even need to be sexual if that's not what you want. :smile: