The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Doesn't matter, really really doesn't matter. If you didn't talk about it she probably assumed you weren't doing it. Definitely not an indication of how she feels about you.

I sent my girlfriend something special in the post even though we can't be together today, but she hasn't done anything at all for me :\

Good morning TheStudentRoom! I've just set up my account on here.

I'm starting my degree in September and unfortunately I'm massively falling for someone where I'm located at present. We get along so well and things are near to perfect. Well, I'm moving almost 200 miles away in September and I don't know whether to carry on what we've got going and see what happens or very sadly end it because I'm off to uni.

Any advice people? It's playing on my mind!

x

I'm not going to be in an LDR for at least 5 months, but I'd like to hear from people who have been in transatlantic relationships, or relationships of a similar distance.
How do you cope with such a distance and lack of visits?

Hey everyone, (anon as people from my subject forum know me!)

Me and my bf will have been together 18 months by the time we go to uni this year. It's definitely possible to keep going, and not even THAT long distance (an hour or 2 on the train).

What worries me is that my course is very intense, plus it requires placements in the holidays, but also...

My boyfriends family are moving away once he goes to uni, so he will be living at uni permanently, we won't be closer together when i come home in the holidays. What little holiday I get without having to do placements, I would obviously like to spend some at home - I have a lot of responsibilities here, with elderly relatives and a family business etc. - I cannot just uproot and live with him in the holidays.

My course is also 5 years so I'm preparing myself for the fact that it's unlikely we will last that long and have a future together. It's all adding up to make me think that I don't know what to do

Sorry, just needed to vent that, everything is so perfect atm I don't want to bring it up.
If anyone has any advice, or reassurance, or anything they want to say, please do.

It does sound like a difficult situation. I was with my bf for a year and a bit before he went off to uni two and a half hours away, and I'll be starting an intense six year course this year, albeit with short terms but also with heavy amounts of work placements in the holidays. It is seriously depressing thinking about the amount of time it'll be before this won't be a LDR anymore.

The only advice I can really give is to be honest about your concerns with him, talk it through and go from there. I know how it feels not to want to ruin how great everything is by talking about it, but it honestly helped me.
I'd say that, if you are both committed to it, staying together is definitely worth a shot - even if it doesn't work out, it's better to have tried it than to always wonder whether or not it would have worked out.
Good luck xxx

I think we're doing the same course from your profile :P well I'm 5 years but you get me...

Thanks so much, that's made me feel better, need to have a chat when I see him properly next. But you're right we should probably give it a shot.
Thank you xxx

Yeah I sort of figured but didn't want to guess in case I was way off.
Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk xx

Hi guys, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now, he moved 200 miles away in September for uni and even though we love each other to bits, we are always miserable because of the distance between us.
On valentines day after skyping for 3 hours he said that he doesn't want to talk to me for a while as talking to me just reminds him that I'm not there. But I need the communication, as to all LDRs, I am trying to give him the space he needs and haven't spoken to him since then, but how can we stay together if he stops trying when it gets hard? He didn't even open the valentines day card I sent him and I just have no idea on how to make him see that he needs to try in order to make the relationship work. I just feel like I'm the only one making a real effort-and I have told him this, he gets better at talking for 2 weeks and then goes back to being really sad and moody, and takes it out on me.
I'm just at a loss of what to do really.
We are both very open about how hard we find it, and are both aware that we stay together because we can't live without each other, even if being together makes us sad all the time. And it's only going to get harder, I'll probably to going to a uni which will increase the distance between us and he is studying medicine so it will be a LONG time before we can ever live together.
I just need some impartial advice as I have no idea how to make him see that he isn't behaving how he should be if he wants us to work.

Hello everyone! I finally need some LDR advice from you superheros in LDR relationships. I am normally the one giving advice considering my balanced and loving relationship but this morning I feel kinda torn so I decided to drop a line here.
Okay, so boyfriend and I have been together for a year and truth to be told it's been great. We live in different time zones (I am two hours ahead) and manage to see one another every 3 to 5 months. Thankfully, this will change in September as I am moving to Britain for university.
Let me go straight to what's making me feel a bit uneasy before writing some more irrelevant stuff about our relationship. Boyfriend went to a birthday party last night which I don't mind as he rarely does and besides I'd want him to have a good time. I texted him to tell him that - I am heading to bed, hope he is having a good time and that I love him - at midnight my time (10pm his time) and he didn't text me back until 2am my time, the part that's worrying me the most is that he basically said - Still at the party love. Hope you are having a peaceful sleep. xo - no I love you, not even a trace. I think I am being a bit paranoid for no reason but it's just not like him. Should I raise a question and tell him it seemed a bit weird to me or just let it go? Thanks ladies, I do realize I might sound like a crazy person right now LOL

correct.

my guess was that the party was so busy that he didn't have time to check his phone and when he did he just gave it a quick reply without thinking to much.

Truth to be told, this was my guess as well. Thanks!

Hi guys, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now, he moved 200 miles away in September for uni and even though we love each other to bits, we are always miserable because of the distance between us.
On valentines day after skyping for 3 hours he said that he doesn't want to talk to me for a while as talking to me just reminds him that I'm not there. But I need the communication, as to all LDRs, I am trying to give him the space he needs and haven't spoken to him since then, but how can we stay together if he stops trying when it gets hard? He didn't even open the valentines day card I sent him and I just have no idea on how to make him see that he needs to try in order to make the relationship work. I just feel like I'm the only one making a real effort-and I have told him this, he gets better at talking for 2 weeks and then goes back to being really sad and moody, and takes it out on me.
I'm just at a loss of what to do really.
We are both very open about how hard we find it, and are both aware that we stay together because we can't live without each other, even if being together makes us sad all the time. And it's only going to get harder, I'll probably to going to a uni which will increase the distance between us and he is studying medicine so it will be a LONG time before we can ever live together.
I just need some impartial advice as I have no idea how to make him see that he isn't behaving how he should be if he wants us to work.

I know the feeling though, i often seem to jump to the worst possible conclusion when it's long distance and then have to tell myself to think straight. I've had some very far fetched thoughts these last few months haha

The exact same happened to my boyfriend and I. Whereas I needed to talk to him at all times, he considered that spending a long time on skype or on the phone was nothing but a reminder that we were separate. There's nothing wrong with that as there isn't just one way to deal with LDR. All you need to do is find a solution that you're both happy with. We used to skype for one hour when he finished work and one hour before bed. However, we decided it would be better to substitute the first skype session for a 5-mins call and leave the second session intact. Ever since that change the relationship has worked better, it's hard at first but once you get used to it you appreciate having more time for yourself. This way you also avoid little arguments that arise when you spend too much time on skype as they're often caused by misunderstandings and the fact that you're separate.

My gf is flying over next weekend (it's been 7 weeks!!!) so we've delayed doing valentines day till she gets here (personally i didn't see the point of doing presents but hey) has anyone got any ideas for a small present i could get her i'm so stuck and just think we're doing presents for the sake of it.