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Coming up to year 3 of some transatlantic long distance bs and finally an end is in sight. Stay strong people it can work out

Reply 9521

Anonymous #512

I've been worrying about this ever since I started applying to Universities, we've been going out for 2 and 1/2 years and it is so perfect. We see eachother almost everyday as he lives five minuites down the road from me, but I'm moving away in September, I don't know how I'm going to cope. But everyone keeps saying to me...imagine how amazing it's going to feel every time you meet up with him after missing him so long... I need to start looking positively, I will not go a day without talking to him on the phone at night time and I hope I can see him at least twice a month :/ If we can get through this we can get through anything. I have never felt something so real as what I have with him... so I'm going for the attitude that it'll get better each day : ) Hope this helps a bit X

Reply 9522

Yashmeee

Original post by holliebass

I'll have been with my boyfriend for three years this June, I'm 17 and we're both going to uni in October... I'm trying to just not think or worry about it at them moment because it would be a waste of time, but I really don't know how I'll get by without him. He's my best friend and I don't have any other close friends, I'm hoping being at uni I will find lots of new friends and be busy but I'm worried I won't be able to cope :frown:

I'm going to Oxford (probably) which means I will be incredibly busy in term time, and I'm worried the stress will make everything much harder. I just hope I can spend time with him in the longer holidays I'll have but I tend to get a bit clingy sometimes so I'm not sure how it will turn out.

Has anyone been through a similar thing? I'm trying to see it as if we do break up then that's just how it's meant to be but he is such a big part of my life and I can't imagine it without him :frown:

Any advice on how to stop worrying?

I have a slightly different situation to you but I think I might be able to help.

I am in Year 13 and my boyfriend is in his first year at Cambridge. We have been together since last January, so 5 months of our relationship have been spent in two different cities (4 hours apart on the train). He has loads of work to do during the term, and it's extremely intense, but we see each other every two weeks when I come up to stay with him for the weekend. This means that he has to get his work done before the weekend to make sure that he's free, but he assures me that it's worth it. I find it remarkable that he gets everything done so that he can spend time with me :smile:

We also spend lots of time together in the holidays to make up for the time lost during term time and Skype during the week.

If you are committed to your boyfriend, and he is committed to you and you are both committed to making it work, there's nothing stopping you :smile:

It will be more difficult that it has been, I'm sure, but as you've been together for almost 3 years and you seem to be deeply involved with each others' lives, you are in a good position to make it work. Good luck! :hugs:

Reply 9523

SarahJane1992

Hey, I am dating a squaddie, and he is currently based over in Germany and I'm in the UK, so we don't see each other as much as we would like, however we talk every night (unless he's in exercise) via Skype, I would be lost without it!
I haven't seen him since January and I miss him terrible, but I've planned a trip over there in march and just knowing when I'm going to see him next helps a lot it gives me something to look forward to!
I would say it gets easier but it's always hard when you miss someone you love, but you're long distance situation won't be forever, so look at it more as a small obstacle that once you have finished uni will be overcome and you'll be together again x

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Reply 9524

Anonymous #509

I am pretty sure my girlfriend has cheated on me. I did something bad and saw some of her texts... :frown:

Reply 9525

Care-Free

Original post by Anonymous

I am pretty sure my girlfriend has cheated on me. I did something bad and saw some of her texts... :frown:

Talk to her about it, we cant do anything to help unfortunately, i assume "did something bad" means "went through her phone" so even if she did cheat you'll get hell for not trusting her enough so...its something you have to work out between yourselves...if she did infact cheat dont let her turn you into the bad guy no one says "yeah okay i murdered someone but its your own fault for finding the body!" its not for us to say whether the relationship is worth it anymore, you have to talk to each other about it...

Good luck, i hope its a simple misunderstanding (although then you're in the **** for reading her texts, think this is a lose-lose situation )

Reply 9526

Diegop

Hello, I am in desperate need of help and advise. I am a 24y/o student from Mexico, I just broke up with my almost 6 years long LDR, we were just having a lot of fights over little things, and I started to get jealous of her friends, I did not liked her to go out or to come home late. She was in the same position a few years ago and I was in hers.

I stated that I was being so selfish with the situation and that was hurting me a lot, so I told her how I felt, and she was feeling the same way, we felt it was not working and that we were hurting each other a lot, so we decided to pull the trigger, I started it and she finished it.

One day later we talked and cried a lot, she told me that I am the most important thing in her life, but she still wanted to do a lot of things and she wanted to figure out where is she going.

she proposed to keep in touch, cause we talk almost every night, and to keep the dynamics of the now obliterated relationship but without the compromise or the BF/GF title. I somehow agreed to it, but I am feeling the need of having her back as what we used to be. I know she does not want to date other guys, she just needs time, but I am really afraid of losing her since she is the love of my life. HELP! what should I do.

Muchas Gracias!

Reply 9527

Anonymous #513

Living away at uni is becoming really tough, she came down a few weeks ago and we booked a holiday, been looking forward to spending all summer together but it's looking increasingly likely that I'll have an internship and have about 1 week to spend with her. And the last weeks been more argumentative than normal. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, just want to scream

Reply 9528

Care-Free

Original post by Anonymous

We went through a really argumentitive phase, it was horrible. Eventually we just sat down (on skype LOL) and put everything out in the open, said what we needed to say, told each other what we need to improve on and what just full on needs to stop. We've been pretty much perfect since, one big argument but we sorted it :smile:

Reply 9529

sebsy

Original post by Care-Free

Think we'll do the same, we've had a similar stage before but sorted it pretty quickly as we met up to go to a gig like a week later. Don't think it's helping that it's her time of the month as well as her being ill. Don't know why it was anon first time, didn't intentionally click it haha

Reply 9530

Care-Free

Original post by sebsy

Just gotta keep up communication, its hard to get the balance of talking and giving space..my boyfriend came up for a week and by the 3rd day i wanted to stab him for breathing :P

hope you work it out :smile:

Reply 9531

Anonymous #336

just said goodbye after 5days together. now it's another 5 weeks till i see her again :frown:

got the usual couple of days to readjust now, they're the hardest part i think.

Does anyone else find it hard to adjust? The first night was amazing then by the second night I wanted my space but at the same time i didn't want her to not be there and it was a wierd feeling, then the next day it was back to normal for the rest of the time she was here. Now i have to adjust again and get used to not sharing my bed and to not have someone to talk to every second and just being a bit lonely (especially as i live in a 2 bed house)

Reply 9532

such_a_lady

Original post by Anonymous

just said goodbye after 5days together. now it's another 5 weeks till i see her again :frown:

Yep, found that absolutely impossible during my year of international. Unfortunately I found there was no other way than to sleep a lot and ride it out. Plan lots of fun things straight after she goes so you're not moping alone.

:hugs:

Reply 9533

blue n white army

Original post by such_a_lady

went to the pub the second she left, literally just finished putting the things in her dads car and i could see my mate coming to meet me at the end of the street. I know it gets better after a couple of days it's just a **** 24-48 hour period to get back into the old routine.

back to the dissertation it is...

Reply 9534

diemelvas

hi all,
gay man here going to london for a master program in fall 13.
i have had a bf for the last 2 years. we have been going through good and bad times like everybody. now, we are facing me going away for a year.
i have different thoughts 1) i'm young (24yo) and wants to have fun 2) i love him and i am willing to commit. when we go through good time i feel i want to commit to this relationship and try this LDR. however, when we go through bad times (which is more common lately) i just want to give up and be young.

opinions are very welcome.

thanks!

Reply 9535

Ms. Snuffleupagus

Original post by diemelvas

Hi there

Have you considered that going through bad times more often lately might be related to the stress caused by you leaving? It could be that you're both stressed and need to sort this out first.

LDR means commitment, patience, will to set aside some time on a daily basis to stay in touch with each other, keep each other's mood up and support each other, but leave each other space to live your lives and get the full uni experience (which also means not getting upset/regretful when the other goes out to have fun and you're home alone).
And of course, trust, A LOAD OF TRUST, and it can be particularly difficult if your OH is an outgoing, funny person who makes friends easily.
Finally, you need to be ready to plan each other's visits (helps a lot to see when you'll see them) and be ready to sacrifice some fun to set the money aside.

You can be young and have fun even if you are in a LDR. But of course, if you're not feeling committed and want to fool around and sleep with other people, then don't even start an LDR and spare yourself/yourselves ves the pain.
My two cent's :biggrin:

Reply 9536

diemelvas

aww

thanks for your time and words! :smile:

i love your post!

Reply 9537

Caits7

Original post by diemelvas

Oh, I know all about the bad times being more common at times... But really, that is often just a phase, no matter how long. I'm turning 18 in a couple of months and will have been with mine for 2 years come september (when I leave). I know what you mean about wanting to be young and everything, that really differs from person to person, I know I thought that, but seeing as my boyfriend is pretty much all I'd want from a serious partner, I'm happy to keep it that way.
I suppose what you really need to think about is whether you can see yourself staying with him or if you're still wanting more, after all, you're still young.
Also something I thought of the other day - who says having fun has to mean multiple partners? If you can have a great time with your boyfriend and have a best friend in him too, that's all anyone can ask for really :smile:

Best of luck to you both!

Reply 9538

diemelvas

Original post by Caits7

Best of luck to you both!

hey! awesome post! finally somebody who understands me hahaha its hard to be commited to a long term relationship especially at our age. relationships are hard work but worth it at the end.
i hope yours is going pretty well. are u in london?

Reply 9539

Anonymous #514

Original post by Anonymous

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year, and I'm worrying about how hard it'll be when we both go to uni. Chances are I'll be going Newcastle, and she'll be in Birmingham. I want to stay with her, but I think that it'll be really difficult. I don't think we'll be visiting each other much, as the workload will be tough for us both. I'm worried that it's not going to work out, no matter how much we both want it too :frown:

Is it worth staying in a LDR, and what can you do to make it easier?

Thank you to anyone who read this!!

I've been in a LDR since the start of uni. Now in my final year. We're in different parts of the country. Takes us around 3 hours to get to each other, which is a similar distance between b'ham and Newcastle.

A LDR is not easy, there's no way around it. It will be tough. During first year, it was heartbreaking when I first started uni, and it continued to be heartbreaking every time we said goodbye after visiting. We visited each other every 2-3 weeks.

I didn't want to be long distance, but my boyfriend didn't want to let me go. So we gave it a go. It was hard, there were a lot of arguments everytime one of us couldn't get hold of the other, when facebook photos surfaced of nights out. But by second year, things got MUCH easier. It became routine to just see each other once a fortnight, and then spend all of Christmas/Easter/summer back together.

Me and my boyfriend had been together for about 8 months when we started our LDR.

If you love this girl, then fight to stay with her. It's better to give it a go and perhaps it won't work out, rather than just letting go of her without trying.

It's not going to be easy anytime soon, but it does get easier. Just make sure you have things to do while she's not around cause trust me, there will be nothing worse than sitting around missing your other half.

And maybe arrange an hour every few days where you skype. Timetable it in so that you KNOW that you can definitely get hold of them at that point. Make sure you keep in touch regularly, but don't suffocate the other. And be patient, it's hard when you feel as though you can't get hold of someone, but there is always a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Good luck and I really hope you make the right decision for both of you.