The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

I'm in an ldr too me and my boyfriend had been together three nearly four years before I left for uni in September.
I drive back every weekend to see him which causes lots of arguments! Aha.
I find because I see him every weekend he gets a bit complacent and doesn't really make an effort to do anything or make it special when he see's me how can I change that?




Posted from mars

hey! awesome post! finally somebody who understands me hahaha its hard to be commited to a long term relationship especially at our age. relationships are hard work but worth it at the end.
i hope yours is going pretty well. are u in london?

Tell him or see him less? i didnt even see my boyfriend every weekend when i was home :P

Yeah mine's going great actually, and as for London I'm not sure yet! Trying to decide between UCL and Warwick at the moment, so not sure where I'll be in September where are you going to study?

Hey all...
So i'm 6 months into my year abroad and thankfully I get to see the other half quite a bit from now until I come back to the UK for good so i'm feeling pretty happy about that but I wanted your opinions on something...is it normal to have doubts about your relationship purely because it's long-distance? As in, does is mess with your heads too sometimes? haha.
We've been together over 3 years and the first couple of years were absolutely amazing but then I guess we started to have the year abroad hanging over us and maybe I kind of subconsciously started trying to find faults with him because I didn't want to miss him too much! We were still happy but every now and then I would get a little niggle.
Now I think there are a few things going on...1) I've been feeling pretty lonely here and and worried that i'm gonna be too dependent on him when I go back to the UK (especially cos a lot of friends will have moved on). I want to be with him for the right reasons 2) After a good few weeks away sometimes I start to forget how I feel when i'm with him and what I love about him, sounds bad but skype isn't always the same, how do you work out what you really feel?! I know that I love him as a friend 100% but how do you determine your romantic feelings? 3) I think i've become a bit less physically attracted to him over time and as we've both changed (however I definitely don't find him unattractive and it's partly to do with how familiar he is to me now, even after time apart). I still think he has an amazing personality and I can't imagine clicking with anyone like I click with him. 4) Due to all these conflicting thoughts sometimes I get really nervous about seeing him, 'how will I feel?' etc. To the point where he came to visit me one time over a month ago and it took me a good couple of days to adjust to him being here and I think i'd actually convinced myself that I wouldn't be attracted to him anymore. To put this in perspective the last time I saw him was amazing and I was so upset to leave.
So basically...is it normal to feel hot and cold, to have the odd doubt, to be a bit uncertain about being reunited for good?

im going to kings college in london. im excited! i live close to LA. you?

Hi guys, little bit of advice needed. I love my girlfriend very much and she is literally like one of my best friends. I've been having trouble with the whole long distance thing since I came back to Uni after Christmas, my girlfriend came to visit me for a week at Valentines and everything was fine but as soon as she left I went right back to being miserable again. I haven't made it a secret that I hate the distance but it's just lately I've been wanting to end things because I'm finding it too hard. I go home for Easter at the end of this month and I really can't wait to see her and spend time with her but we live a two hour bus journey away so the distance will still be there. I want to wait till Easter to make any sort of decision but I really don't think things will change , even though I hope it will, and I'm scared that pretending everythings fine will be leading her on

Hi guys, little bit of advice needed. I love my girlfriend very much and she is literally like one of my best friends. I've been having trouble with the whole long distance thing since I came back to Uni after Christmas, my girlfriend came to visit me for a week at Valentines and everything was fine but as soon as she left I went right back to being miserable again. I haven't made it a secret that I hate the distance but it's just lately I've been wanting to end things because I'm finding it too hard. I go home for Easter at the end of this month and I really can't wait to see her and spend time with her but we live a two hour bus journey away so the distance will still be there. I want to wait till Easter to make any sort of decision but I really don't think things will change , even though I hope it will, and I'm scared that pretending everythings fine will be leading her on

Hey everyone!
Boyfriend is going through a pretty rough patch with his family and I feel as if I can't do anything because of all the distance. He feels so hurt and betrayed, my heart is breaking for him every time I see his face on skype or think about what they did. I am giving him all of my love and support but it feels as if it isn't enough at the moment. Thankfully, we will see one another in a month. Until then, I don't know what to do. I feel useless when he needs me the most. Any advice?

Hey everyone!
Boyfriend is going through a pretty rough patch with his family and I feel as if I can't do anything because of all the distance. He feels so hurt and betrayed, my heart is breaking for him every time I see his face on skype or think about what they did. I am giving him all of my love and support but it feels as if it isn't enough at the moment. Thankfully, we will see one another in a month. Until then, I don't know what to do. I feel useless when he needs me the most. Any advice?

Posted as a thread but might be more appropriate here

"I'm currently in the last year of my degree and my girlfriend is in the second last year of her Medicine degree. Come graduation I don't have any set plans, I'm in the early stages of a grad scheme I'm very keen about and I'm also running in SU elections but the chances are I'm not going to be in the same city as my girlfriend next year.

I just wondered if anyone has had a similar experience? If I think about it for too long it makes me completely upset, we're very much in love but I have a doubt that a LDR could work when my girlfriend is going to be so busy and i'll have no set career path..."

hey, i had the same issue with my boyfriend when he lost his job unfairly and had to go to disciplinary hearings and stuff, just felt so useless sitting up here without be able to help him, i sent him a personalised card off moonpig that cheered him up a bit, you're doing all you can and im sure he appreciates it

was in the same situation a month back, she's from england but on a year abroad and her grandad died (who lived in ireland) so she was upset and getting stressed over last minute travelling etc.

I felt absolutely useless sat at uni all i could do was try n cheer her up by whatsapp that was it. You're probably helping him more than you realise though just by being there for him even if it is only via text/skype

Hey, I've had a similar experience I guess. My partner had a grad scheme sorted at the end of uni so knew where they would be for certain, whereas I had absolutely no clue what I was going to be doing. It was quite hard coming to the end of year and realising we definitely wouldn't be in the same place after graduation and the summer. It put a lot of pressure on me too and made decisions I made a whole lot harder as I felt like it was up to me to either be physically together in the same place or not. I wasn't sure how an LDR would turn out but we've managed it okay so far. It hasn't been easy by any means and we've had quite a few arguments over things due to finding it hard, but in the end we've been strong enough to still stay together despite the hard times. My advice would be just to take it day by day... As you said, she'll be really busy anyway, whatever your plans, so concentrate on what you want to do after graduating, be it the grad scheme or something else. I believe if you're really in love with someone and can see a possible future together then you'll try and make it work no matter what. Obviously it's upsetting knowing you'll most likely be in different places but if you think about it too much it'll just make it worse. Concentrate on now and enjoy how much time you're able to still spend together, and whatever happens just take it as it comes.

Oh I'm from near London, so not too bad for me! I assume your boyfriend's staying over in the US?