Boyfriend keeps comparing me to the new women at work :( what should i do
My boyfriend of 2 years works at an accounting firm while im in my second year of uni. Recently a women whose a few years older than me has started working there, ive never met her just heard about her from my boyfriend. I literally am not fussed in the slightest about him working with women I live in the real world men and women mix it doesnt bother me at all he works with loads of young pretty women but for some reason what he says about this girl really bothers me.
For instance he told me she was gorgous which fair enough could be an observation but I dont think hes ever refered to me once as gorgous in our whole relationship yet starts banging on about her stunning and pretty she isd and told me that his boss told him to "keep away" from her. He went out for a boys night out with the work lot on friday and if im honest i was slightly upset he was going as hes going away on holiday and ive got deadlines so it was the last night we could spend together for over a month. Anyway I didnt make a fuss as i thought its a boys night its not fair to demand to see him yet i find out this new women at work went with them, non of the other girls did but this one found out where they were going clubbing and turned up at the same club.
My boyfriend also kept telling me how amazing she is and intersting as she is going travelling for 3 weeks round Asia and its something he'd love to do, i cant travel as I have bad health etc and also I want to get my degree and get straight into working yet he said ' i wouldnt understand' about how exciting and amazing travelling would be and basically implied im boring.
We went out for dinner and I made a massive effort to look nice to impress him as he never says anything about how I look I brought a brand new dress did my hair nicely and spent bloody hours trying to look nice for him to which he just told me 'vicly (the women at work) wore a dress like that when we went out it really suited her' then made no comment about how I looked. The women is always texting him constantly claiming its work but then ive seen its getting quite personal such as what are you up to this weekend we should go for a drink blah blah shes only been working there a week yet is texting him alot. The work events he use to take me to have now suddanly become no girlfriends.
I dont know if im becoming paronoid but the way he is accting and the fact hes only known this women for a week yet talks about her more nicely and affectionatly than he has ever spoken to or about me is getting me down do I have a right to feel threatend or is it all in my head
For instance he told me she was gorgous which fair enough could be an observation but I dont think hes ever refered to me once as gorgous in our whole relationship yet starts banging on about her stunning and pretty she isd and told me that his boss told him to "keep away" from her. He went out for a boys night out with the work lot on friday and if im honest i was slightly upset he was going as hes going away on holiday and ive got deadlines so it was the last night we could spend together for over a month. Anyway I didnt make a fuss as i thought its a boys night its not fair to demand to see him yet i find out this new women at work went with them, non of the other girls did but this one found out where they were going clubbing and turned up at the same club.
My boyfriend also kept telling me how amazing she is and intersting as she is going travelling for 3 weeks round Asia and its something he'd love to do, i cant travel as I have bad health etc and also I want to get my degree and get straight into working yet he said ' i wouldnt understand' about how exciting and amazing travelling would be and basically implied im boring.
We went out for dinner and I made a massive effort to look nice to impress him as he never says anything about how I look I brought a brand new dress did my hair nicely and spent bloody hours trying to look nice for him to which he just told me 'vicly (the women at work) wore a dress like that when we went out it really suited her' then made no comment about how I looked. The women is always texting him constantly claiming its work but then ive seen its getting quite personal such as what are you up to this weekend we should go for a drink blah blah shes only been working there a week yet is texting him alot. The work events he use to take me to have now suddanly become no girlfriends.
I dont know if im becoming paronoid but the way he is accting and the fact hes only known this women for a week yet talks about her more nicely and affectionatly than he has ever spoken to or about me is getting me down do I have a right to feel threatend or is it all in my head
It would seem your boyfriend is not making you feel good but he is ruining your self-esteem, I think personally you should get rid of him or at least tell him you are not happy with the way he talks about this girl.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend of 2 years works at an accounting firm while im in my second year of uni. Recently a women whose a few years older than me has started working there, ive never met her just heard about her from my boyfriend. I literally am not fussed in the slightest about him working with women I live in the real world men and women mix it doesnt bother me at all he works with loads of young pretty women but for some reason what he says about this girl really bothers me.
For instance he told me she was gorgous which fair enough could be an observation but I dont think hes ever refered to me once as gorgous in our whole relationship yet starts banging on about her stunning and pretty she isd and told me that his boss told him to "keep away" from her. He went out for a boys night out with the work lot on friday and if im honest i was slightly upset he was going as hes going away on holiday and ive got deadlines so it was the last night we could spend together for over a month. Anyway I didnt make a fuss as i thought its a boys night its not fair to demand to see him yet i find out this new women at work went with them, non of the other girls did but this one found out where they were going clubbing and turned up at the same club.
My boyfriend also kept telling me how amazing she is and intersting as she is going travelling for 3 weeks round Asia and its something he'd love to do, i cant travel as I have bad health etc and also I want to get my degree and get straight into working yet he said ' i wouldnt understand' about how exciting and amazing travelling would be and basically implied im boring.
We went out for dinner and I made a massive effort to look nice to impress him as he never says anything about how I look I brought a brand new dress did my hair nicely and spent bloody hours trying to look nice for him to which he just told me 'vicly (the women at work) wore a dress like that when we went out it really suited her' then made no comment about how I looked. The women is always texting him constantly claiming its work but then ive seen its getting quite personal such as what are you up to this weekend we should go for a drink blah blah shes only been working there a week yet is texting him alot. The work events he use to take me to have now suddanly become no girlfriends.
I dont know if im becoming paronoid but the way he is accting and the fact hes only known this women for a week yet talks about her more nicely and affectionatly than he has ever spoken to or about me is getting me down do I have a right to feel threatend or is it all in my head
For instance he told me she was gorgous which fair enough could be an observation but I dont think hes ever refered to me once as gorgous in our whole relationship yet starts banging on about her stunning and pretty she isd and told me that his boss told him to "keep away" from her. He went out for a boys night out with the work lot on friday and if im honest i was slightly upset he was going as hes going away on holiday and ive got deadlines so it was the last night we could spend together for over a month. Anyway I didnt make a fuss as i thought its a boys night its not fair to demand to see him yet i find out this new women at work went with them, non of the other girls did but this one found out where they were going clubbing and turned up at the same club.
My boyfriend also kept telling me how amazing she is and intersting as she is going travelling for 3 weeks round Asia and its something he'd love to do, i cant travel as I have bad health etc and also I want to get my degree and get straight into working yet he said ' i wouldnt understand' about how exciting and amazing travelling would be and basically implied im boring.
We went out for dinner and I made a massive effort to look nice to impress him as he never says anything about how I look I brought a brand new dress did my hair nicely and spent bloody hours trying to look nice for him to which he just told me 'vicly (the women at work) wore a dress like that when we went out it really suited her' then made no comment about how I looked. The women is always texting him constantly claiming its work but then ive seen its getting quite personal such as what are you up to this weekend we should go for a drink blah blah shes only been working there a week yet is texting him alot. The work events he use to take me to have now suddanly become no girlfriends.
I dont know if im becoming paronoid but the way he is accting and the fact hes only known this women for a week yet talks about her more nicely and affectionatly than he has ever spoken to or about me is getting me down do I have a right to feel threatend or is it all in my head
I'm not going to lie - this sounds crap. The only thing I can advise is talking to him about, I've recently been in a similar situation (but I must admit not quite as bad) and I just spoke to my other half about it and he reassured me.
Confront him, sort it out. Sounds like a bad, bad relationship at the moment. Good luck.
When your partner makes someone else sound more important and interesting to them/their life it's usually a sign to leave them to it, dump them and go find someone else.
Fairness would suggest you talk to him about it, but pure practicality/experience suggests that behaviour and signs like this are probably going to lead to disappointment in the end, do you need that?
I dunno, either way best of luck OP, if you can't get your boyfriend to treat you better someone else surely will.
Fairness would suggest you talk to him about it, but pure practicality/experience suggests that behaviour and signs like this are probably going to lead to disappointment in the end, do you need that?
I dunno, either way best of luck OP, if you can't get your boyfriend to treat you better someone else surely will.
Tell him to **** off and go out with her if shes that great. I mean I am a very laid back person but it is not ok to bang on about how attractive someone else it without being 100% jokey or some reassurance that your gf is amazing/whatever. Even I would be upset by that and me and my bf joke about how my friends/his ex are fitter than me all the time.
(edited 11 years ago)
I don't think paranoid is the right word, do you trust him completely? I would mirror other peoples views, talk to him about it and tell gim that its bothering you. If he has anything about him he will respect your feelings and stop.
Is there a guy you find attractive at work/uni, compare your boyfriend to him and see how he likes it. hes making a fool out of you just from reading what you wrote, if i told my gf another girl was gorgeous who was not her friend/random celebrity or something she would tell me to jog on and go shag her. dont take that crap you deserve the same respect you obviously show him.
Sorry but it's really bothering me how you keep writing women instead of woman :/
About your problem;
It's a ****ty thing to do :/ is he aware?? Sometimes when you like someone you're unaware of the things you're saying about them... You really need to talk about this to him tbh
Posted from TSR Mobile
About your problem;
It's a ****ty thing to do :/ is he aware?? Sometimes when you like someone you're unaware of the things you're saying about them... You really need to talk about this to him tbh
Posted from TSR Mobile
He's only just met her, he doesn't know her bad side yet. It's normal. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it's just he's been with you for so long there's nothing new to enthuse about. Be heartened by the fact that if he's telling you all this stuff he's probably too honest to do anything behind your back.
Actions you could take would include making him feel guilty about the comments he's making or doing something special for him, time permitting. If that doesn't work communicate frankly. If that doesn't work he's probably a lost cause, only then dump him.
Actions you could take would include making him feel guilty about the comments he's making or doing something special for him, time permitting. If that doesn't work communicate frankly. If that doesn't work he's probably a lost cause, only then dump him.
Your boyfriend doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend at all. I know this is easier said than done, but just get rid. Change people like this is either impressive or too strenuous to be worth it.
Your boyfriend is either insensitive or indirectly trying to tell you something...or just plain stupid.
Sounds like shes playing a little game and your piggy in the middle. Play him at his own game and see how he likes it. Dress up nice and dont tell him where your going. Be a bit mysterious. Change your hair wear something you would never wear. Start going to the gym and come back late. It will go one of 2 ways. He will either take notice and step up or he will take it as an opportunity to start something with this girl. Whichever way it goes you are the winner. You win back his interest because your way smarter than this girl , or he starts something with her. In that case you know hes just a shallow looser and you will find someone better. Best of luck.
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