Is it so wrong to want someone on instinct, initial impressions?
Like, I always get this thing from women on here of how wrong it is. But it's nonsense to me, what's the point in pretense, you have senses and chemistry and instinct for a reason. Why the hell would you want to try and cultivate something for somoen who on countless casual or 'first' impressions gives you no feelings, just because this is supposedly so 'mature' and any feelings involving instinct are so immature or silly? I mean, I dream of people in instinct, and I can know other people properly, load of conversation, and never once dream of them, and I couldn;t make myself feel that way. So, why do we have to be so pretentious about it, why can;t we be primal?
Like you say, you have instincts for a reason. They are the result of millions of years of evolution, and maybe the subconscious parts of your brain know something you don't. Follow your instincts if that is what you think is best, and just ignore anyone who happens to disagree with you. Actually, there is this idea that things you can do really quickly you can do really quickly because evolution has deemed them highly important, and so has dedicated large sections of your brain to handling the task.
Think how easily children start speaking language (because it something humans have done for hundreds of thousands of years and has been necessary to survival), yet how extremely difficult it is to learn to read and write (takes many years of dedicated tuition), as writing has only been around for a few thousand years and until a century or two ago most people did not read or write. This ability has not been properly hardwired into the brain yet, while speaking has.
Attraction is another thing that the human brain has learnt to assess extremely quickly. Your brain has been hardwired to make all the calculations for you in an instant, so that you don't need to waste time trying to figure it out for yourself.
Think how easily children start speaking language (because it something humans have done for hundreds of thousands of years and has been necessary to survival), yet how extremely difficult it is to learn to read and write (takes many years of dedicated tuition), as writing has only been around for a few thousand years and until a century or two ago most people did not read or write. This ability has not been properly hardwired into the brain yet, while speaking has.
Attraction is another thing that the human brain has learnt to assess extremely quickly. Your brain has been hardwired to make all the calculations for you in an instant, so that you don't need to waste time trying to figure it out for yourself.
Original post by Chillaxer
Like, I always get this thing from women on here of how wrong it is.
I work entirely of that initial instinct.
If I don't find myself fancying a girl within 5 minutes of meeting her, chances are I never will. Means I very rarely meet women that I actually want to be with, but I'm fine with that.
There's nothing wrong with feeling attracted to someone based on your gut instinct/first impression etc...The issue of maturity is whether you then behave like a lovestruck 13 year old and decide that they must be perfect and the love of your life based on absolutely no rational evidence whatsoever or whether you have the maturity to think 'ok, i'm definitely attracted to you, let's get to know each other and see what happens'.
Chemistry is brilliant but when it comes to having a serious relationship with someone I'd say that it definitely takes more than just chemistry to sustain it. Chemistry and friendship/mature relationship are not mutually exclusive anyway, your argument over simplifies the nature of adult relationships.
Chemistry is brilliant but when it comes to having a serious relationship with someone I'd say that it definitely takes more than just chemistry to sustain it. Chemistry and friendship/mature relationship are not mutually exclusive anyway, your argument over simplifies the nature of adult relationships.
Original post by mikeyd85
I work entirely of that initial instinct.
If I don't find myself fancying a girl within 5 minutes of meeting her, chances are I never will. Means I very rarely meet women that I actually want to be with, but I'm fine with that.
If I don't find myself fancying a girl within 5 minutes of meeting her, chances are I never will. Means I very rarely meet women that I actually want to be with, but I'm fine with that.
Surely the people you fancy within the first 5 minutes often turn out to be totally incompatible?
Have you never grown to like someone once you got to know someone?
Original post by redferry
Surely the people you fancy within the first 5 minutes often turn out to be totally incompatible?
Have you never grown to like someone once you got to know someone?
Have you never grown to like someone once you got to know someone?
Sometimes, yes, but mostly no. When it comes to women, I'm a very quick judge as to whether we'd work as a couple. Should that end up in a relationship, it works well. Doesn't happen often though.
Not if I didn't already fancy them within the first few minutes, no.
I've always been like this. I'm the same with friends as well - I just know very quickly if I'll properly get on with people. Take work for example; There are many lovely people at my work that I enjoy seeing, but it's very rare that I'd meet up with them unless it's a proper works do. At this point, I tend to confirm that in a social situation, we're all on completely different wavelengths.
Original post by mikeyd85
Sometimes, yes, but mostly no. When it comes to women, I'm a very quick judge as to whether we'd work as a couple. Should that end up in a relationship, it works well. Doesn't happen often though.
Not if I didn't already fancy them within the first few minutes, no.
I've always been like this. I'm the same with friends as well - I just know very quickly if I'll properly get on with people. Take work for example; There are many lovely people at my work that I enjoy seeing, but it's very rare that I'd meet up with them unless it's a proper works do. At this point, I tend to confirm that in a social situation, we're all on completely different wavelengths.
Not if I didn't already fancy them within the first few minutes, no.
I've always been like this. I'm the same with friends as well - I just know very quickly if I'll properly get on with people. Take work for example; There are many lovely people at my work that I enjoy seeing, but it's very rare that I'd meet up with them unless it's a proper works do. At this point, I tend to confirm that in a social situation, we're all on completely different wavelengths.
Haha most people go off me once they get to know me, in the nicest way possible XD But no I guess you can to some extent tell straight away based on personality, me and my boyfriend clicked from the minute we met each other despite him having a black eye and a penis drawn on the side of his face and me slobbing it out having a girly evening in with a friend baking to help her get over a breakup.
Original post by redferry
Haha most people go off me once they get to know me, in the nicest way possible XD But no I guess you can to some extent tell straight away based on personality, me and my boyfriend clicked from the minute we met each other despite him having a black eye and a penis drawn on the side of his face and me slobbing it out having a girly evening in with a friend baking to help her get over a breakup.
Awww! That sounds so romantic! Just like in the movies!
Seriously though, that's what I mean. Sometimes you just meet a person and you both just know that you're going to work well together.
Original post by mikeyd85
Awww! That sounds so romantic! Just like in the movies!
Seriously though, that's what I mean. Sometimes you just meet a person and you both just know that you're going to work well together.
Seriously though, that's what I mean. Sometimes you just meet a person and you both just know that you're going to work well together.
The rest of our relationship has carried on in much the same manner, as you can imagine we are THE most romantic couple in the world.
I've got it wrong a lot of times though where I have thought I have clicked with someone and they have turned out to be a total bellend
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