Being Pakistani: Does it come with a price?

Before I ask anything, I guess, I'll just introduce myself from the very 'root' of my question: I'm 19, I'm a girl, a metalhead and a Pakistani.

Where I live, I'm considered a freak, but I guess a girl trying her best screamo vocals will be considered a freak anywhere so that isn't really a problem.

Problem is, if I get the grades I'll have to pack my bags for uni soon (Sheffield, hopefully or Reading), and that has made me anxious.

I was really excited at first, since I can finally breathe and do what I want without being judged within seconds, but then I googled stuff and now I just feel....confused.
Now, I feel that I'll be stuck in the in-between. I drink here, smoke sometimes, date men, go to parties, but from what I've heard of the Pakistani's living or studying in UK, I guess I'm far from the stereotype and the 'ideal' pakistani chick so I certainly won't be welcomed in those circles.

BUT, then with the kind of opinion people of other nationalities seem to hold about pakistani's and muslims I guess I wouldn't even be welcome anywhere outside my own ethnic circle.

What if I'm left to shrivel and die alone.

Pakistani girls usually don't go to nightclubs, they don't even date most of the time,they certainly don't like metal or even basic rock and sometimes the one's who 'party', can um, do a bit tooo much of this. I'm a nerd of sorts so I'm certainly not going to abandon studying.

And then there are the boys. I'm not judging since i've met amazing people here but I've always seen that most of the guys who leave for studying turn into total douchebags there, and the first thing they want to do is get into your pants.

And then there are the gigs... I LOVE going to gigs, and discovering underground bands and stuff. What about the music scene? Will I have to let go of that too?

Honestly, I'm kind of scared.

What happens if I wear a dress or shorts? Am I going to be judged for being a 'sinner' or a 'wannabe' or something?

It's just three years, and I'll be back in my hometown and probably be obliged to marry some weird douche and give him babies. All I want is to live for those three years, so that my life isn't entirely a waste.

And what about my not so romantic 'love' life? :O Will I be set aside when it comes to the dating game? The only boys I like here are the ones who like the same music as me, have a piercing or two and can just generally have fun and not act like their forty and employed or something. And men like those are RARE in my country. I've only met one, but I guess I've friendzoned him and there's no going back so um, yeah.
I once promised a friend I'll only die peacefully once I've dated atleast one guy from every country so I have my own personal record
But seriously, how bad will it get?

You can post anonymously I guess, so please be as honest as you can, be mean or rude or anything I won't really mind lol

Sorry for such a LONG post. I don't even know how to structure this question, I'm just writing everything that popped up in my head.
But basically all I'm asking is what is the pakistani-girl stereotype, what is generally thought of them, and how will I be treated if I'm not as 'pious' as expected, and just a little lacking when it comes to feminine traits.
Guess that's it.
Thank you

Where I live, I'm considered a freak, but I guess a girl trying her best screamo vocals will be considered a freak anywhere so that isn't really a problem.

Problem is, if I get the grades I'll have to pack my bags for uni soon (Sheffield, hopefully or Reading), and that has made me anxious.

I was really excited at first, since I can finally breathe and do what I want without being judged within seconds, but then I googled stuff and now I just feel....confused.
Now, I feel that I'll be stuck in the in-between. I drink here, smoke sometimes, date men, go to parties, but from what I've heard of the Pakistani's living or studying in UK, I guess I'm far from the stereotype and the 'ideal' pakistani chick so I certainly won't be welcomed in those circles. BUT, then with the kind of opinion people of other nationalities seem to hold about pakistani's and muslims I guess I wouldn't even be welcome anywhere outside my own ethnic circle.

What if I'm left to shrivel and die alone. Pakistani girls usually don't go to nightclubs, they don't even date most of the time,they certainly don't like metal or even basic rock and sometimes the one's who 'party', can um, do a bit tooo much of this. I'm a nerd of sorts so I'm certainly not going to abandon studying.

And then there are the boys. I'm not judging since i've met amazing people here but I've always seen that most of the guys who leave for studying turn into total douchebags there, and the first thing they want to do is get into your pants.

And then there are the gigs... I LOVE going to gigs, and discovering underground bands and stuff. What about the music scene? Will I have to let go of that too?
Honestly, I'm kind of scared.

What happens if I wear a dress or shorts? Am I going to be judged for being a 'sinner' or a 'wannabe' or something?

It's just three years, and I'll be back in my hometown and probably be obliged to marry some weird douche and give him babies. All I want is to live for those three years, so that my life isn't entirely a waste.

And what about my not so romantic 'love' life? :O Will I be set aside when it comes to the dating game? The only boys I like here are the ones who like the same music as me, have a piercing or two and can just generally have fun and not act like their forty and employed or something. And men like those are RARE in my country. I've only met one, but I guess I've friendzoned him and there's no going back so um, yeah.

I once promised a friend I'll only die peacefully once I've dated atleast one guy from every country so I have my own personal record
But seriously, how bad will it get?

You can post anonymously I guess, so please be as honest as you can, be mean or rude or anything I won't really mind lol

Sorry for such a LONG post. I don't even know how to structure this question, I'm just writing everything that popped up in my head.
But basically all I'm asking is what is the pakistani-girl stereotype, what is generally thought of them, and how will I be treated if I'm not as 'pious' as expected, and just a little lacking when it comes to feminine traits.
Guess that's it.
Thank you

De_monies answered everything perfectly,



Just go to uni, be nice enjoy yourself, wear what you want, do what you want, date who you want, you will have loads of friends!

wow.....i just read your whole post...

i am a pakistani guy, and i must you are insane....definitely not within the pakistani girl stereotype!

date every guy from every race? wow...arents ur parents strict or something?

what kind of society do u live in? u have been grown up in a weird way and i am sorry to say this but u are gonna misrepresent pakistan in the future, so u need help...

Pak girl speaking Also, I live heavy metal



Screw haters


Make your friends irrespective of which circle they belong to...doesn't matter if you aren't the standard/typical Pakistani girl, tbh you would be surprised how much something like that doesn't even exist any more...I certainly am not one by any means LOL...



That ain't true sweetie Regardless of those opinions there are so many people who don't actually give one about your ethnicity etc, if they like you as a person then you're off As long as you don't go around spreading propaganda or anything like that then you shouldn't worry, uni is a big place so you would meet all sorts of people from everywhere



Oh maan! Shtooooop!!!



Rock music, ROCKS. End of Yeah you're right, it's kind of like you're either one or the other, partying excessively or hardly ever. But you can still juggle your way around it it will take some time but if you prioritise then that should make things easier....


LOL yeah igy



Being at uni means studying for your degree as well as meeting loads of people, doing what you feel like doing, with people who share similar interests to you, and it is a time to get involved with tons of different things and just generally develop your interests No need to change yourself.



Don't give two ticks to whoever says that...people should just mind their own business...



If you understand when it is time to study and when it is time to chill and do other things, then you will have a great time You are mature enough by now to look after yourself and make decisions



Ermmm LOL...can't be asked commenting on the guy stuff, do what you want, stay safe, whatever...I don't understand why you will be set aside as such, nobody is the same so just try making friends and take it from there...it isn't actually that big a deal lol...let things happen naturally



Forget what the stereotype is, be yourself. Who cares what people think of them, if anyone does have any views then once they see your personality they'll know you are unique and they will find it refreshing...you don't need to be pious to be treated nicely, whoever said pakistani girls at uni are always pious??

Honestly, be yourself, don't worry too much, you're there for your degree and then just enjoy the experience and don't start trying to change yourself or trying hard to be like something you know you aren't....there will be people of all sorts at uni, you'll make tons of friends from all circles

Let's start by saying I AM a Pakistani guy and don't worry about that. I mean where I live, they reckon I'm gay (Well the guys do any way) You've just got to realise that they're the ones with the problem, not you



Universities are VERY liberal environments. I mean, most people really couldn't give a damn what you do, as long as you're nice. Yeah, according to religion, you shouldn't really be drinking, but there are definitely Muslims who do go out and drink, and for me I couldn't give a damn. Sort of like "live and let live"

If any thing, you'd probably be more accepted by non Pakistanis imo, but most people Pakistani or not, really don't give a damn about what you do and don't do. My reasoning is "What you do is between you and Allah" (and maybe your parents)





Um, just leave them be. You're not them, and tbh, I reckon most students at uni are geeks of some nature (Geeks are social, nerds aren't. Don't call yourself a nerd)



Hey that's a tad harsh! Shareef here, so not really gonna have sex till marriage myself



Lol hell no, there'll be people that'll go with you most likely. Loads of people like that sorta music. Not for me but still...


Im going to be honest, and say you probably will be in all fairness. Not by me, but you probably will be



Wait what? That's forced marriage and you shouldn't be co-erced in to such a thing


So most likely not me then, but I guess you'd be able to find people who are like that at uni tbf



You wanted me to be honest, so I'm going to say that does sound a bit... promiscuous for want of a better word



Answered in quotes, and if you wanna talk, PM me?

I have no idea what you're talking about because where I live there are lots of pakistani girls who wear revealing clothing and are obsessed with music etc. It's quite prevalent nowadays. Not that I agree with half the things you're saying, one must remember being pakistani is someone's ethnicity thus different to ones religion.

I don't agree with lots of pakistani ideologies but as with religion, I'm a muslim and quite proud of that. I don't understand why you want to have experience with as many guys as possible and would feel content having this experience before you die? Surely that's the last thing you would have wished to have acomplished.

I'd be thinking about whether I lead a futile or productive existence or not.

De_monies answered everything perfectly,

Just to add my two cents, because its great you asked this. The amount of Asian people who are "obliged" to do what there culture tells them even though its on the freaking other side of the world.

I apologise that I haven't covered anything, but i think biggest question was pretty much "will I be accepted in uni". Bottom line is yes. You are right if you do things against the norm to your own ethnic group there will be those who reject you. But you should be in a circle that actually like you for who you are not for how you act. I mean if you constantly try and juggle the ethnically strict group, and your going out party friends your going to end up losing them both. It's clear you feel most comfortable with your party friends. Don't for a second feel you owe your ethnic community something, as long as your happy and your not doing stupid things. You should be confident in who you are. Forget what ever anyone else thinks it doesn't concern you. If another person of your ethnic group tries to put you down because you doing something not cultural to your country. just reply "well, when in Rome, Do as...."

Im a sikh but definitely not typical my relatives constantly have their little jabs at me calling me the "white sheep of the family" because my mannerisms are british, I go out, I trim my beard (god i hate it when my facial hair becomes long) Only thing remotely cultural is my Turban, but they look awesome and I can use the term "turbinator". One rule in my life is, be nice to the people who are nice to you, not the people who come up to you talk to you just because your brown. The amount of times i've had Sikhs come up to me and say "oh im sikh, your sikh we're brothers." I just reply "err no we really are not. I have a sibling and he looks nothing like you".

Just go to uni, be nice enjoy yourself, wear what you want, do what you want, date who you want, you will have loads of friends!

You do realize that was a joke right?
And I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was the ambassador. I'm not going there to 'represent' and even if I was, how is this even going to be a misrepresentation? 0.0
Drinking is common here. Secretive, but common. Same goes for dating.
But no thank you, you can save the help for your future wife bro. I wish you all success.

what? you are insane...plz behave like a proper pakistani girl

I'm sorry, you actually think most Asian teenagers aren't drinking and dating?! She seems to be behaving like any normal 18-19 year old would who is from Britain. Just to bring you up to speed with the rest of Britain, (and if you knew this already I apologise) Asians in this country have been drinking and dating since the son and daughters of the families that moved here! Heck, teenagers in South Asia are drinking and dating now. Please if you wouldn't mind, it would be beneficial if you come out of the 1940's and join us in 2013 Thanks