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A homosexual muslim's dilemma.

(Before I begin, I just want to say that I know the stance of homosexuality within Islam and it's rulings and that I do adhere to my religion and no, homosexuality is not a choice).

I am a gay muslim and wanted to get some advice. Apart from 2 people, no one knows that I am gay. Trying to reconcile my homosexuality with Islam has been hard, to say the least, and it doesn't help that I have hardly anyone to talk to about this, hence why I am making this thread.

What can I do to reconcile with myself, instead of going into a pit of depression, anxiety and self hatred, which I am slowly going into? Telling anyone within the family or the muslim community would be social suicide and I would treated as someone with an incurable highly infectious disease. Any advice would be appreciated, particularly from any other gay muslims.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Bump

Reply 2

JC.

19

Original post by Anonymous

I am a gay muslim

I thought the rules said you were either one or the other? :confused:

Reply 3

Tabzqt

My honest advice is to leave Islam, you'd be a lot happier not being guilt-ridden and repressed just for who you are.

Reply 4

TheBitchOf96

9

I really don't know what to suggest. So you're out to 2 people? That's a start. I understand that Islam disapproves of homosexuality, so talking to older members of your family wouldn't be sensible, but do you have any siblings or cousins etc around your age who are accustomed more to British culture (assuming that you live in the UK)? Talking to them might not get the reaction you think. Also, talking to people online could help more than you think, it did for me when I was questioning my sexuality.

Anyway, I wouldn't come out to your older family members just yet. Doubt this post was much help but I tried :smile:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by JC.

I thought the rules said you were either one or the other? :confused:

Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't. Acting on homosexual desires is a sin and sins do not put you out of the fold of Islam.

Reply 6

McFlury

8

why would you want to be part of a religion and community that would be so against who you are?

Reply 7

McFlury

8

Agree about the only God can judge bs. You mean only "God", the guy in the sky who is very unlikely to be, I mean who isn't real, can judge you, but real people can't? come on!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Allah says in the Qur'an that a soul is not tested more than it can bear. I would say I am pretty committed to Islam, but I guess sometimes it can get pretty difficult to know that I can never be in a loving committed relationship and since I have no one to talk to about this, it gets even harder.

Reply 9

AspiringGenius

15

if you want some1 to talk to, feel free to PM me I won't reveal your identity. :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by TheBitchOf96

Doesn't seem like a troll to me...

Anyway, OP, I really don't know what to suggest. So you're out to 2 people? That's a start. I understand that Islam disapproves of homosexuality, so talking to older members of your family wouldn't be sensible, but do you have any siblings or cousins etc around your age who are accustomed more to British culture (assuming that you live in the UK)? Talking to them might not get the reaction you think. Also, talking to people online could help more than you think, it did for me when I was questioning my sexuality.

Anyway, I wouldn't come out to your older family members just yet. Doubt this post was much help but I tried :smile:

Any constructive response is a good response to me, thank you :smile:

.

I have no siblings and (due to other reasons) I cannot talk to any of my cousins. To be honest, in the asian muslim community, even many of the younger people are quite disgusted by even the thought of a man attracted to a man, and then there is always the problem of trust. Can I trust that person to not tell anyone else?

I don't think I would ever come out to the older people.

The 2 people, I'm actually out to, are online friends.

Reply 11

Simple Symphony

9

Original post by Anonymous

(Before I begin, I just want to say that I know the stance of homosexuality within Islam and it's rulings and that I do adhere to my religion and no, homosexuality is not a choice).

I am a gay muslim and wanted to get some advice. Apart from 2 people, no one knows that I am gay. Trying to reconcile my homosexuality with Islam has been hard, to say the least, and it doesn't help that I have hardly anyone to talk to about this, hence why I am making this thread.

What can I do to reconcile with myself, instead of going into a pit of depression, anxiety and self hatred, which I am slowly going into? Telling anyone within the family or the muslim community would be social suicide and I would treated as someone with an incurable highly infectious disease. Any advice would be appreciated, particularly from any other gay muslims.

I understand your dilemma, I really do.

You are aware of Islam's stance on homosexuality and its rulings; it's highly probable that your family members and Muslim friends do too. If there's a possibility your relatives may not be so open-minded regarding your sexuality, I would not suggest telling them just yet. Although I cannot stress the importance of telling your parents, perhaps not today, and perhaps not even tomorrow, but there will come a time where you will have to openly admit that you are a homosexual.

You seem certain about your sexuality and I believe you require support and impartial advice, rather than being labelled by the Islamic society. Your parents may be ashamed, your relatives may blame your Western upbringing, your male friends may start to avoid you. This, I would say, seems very likely, only because Islam and homosexuality are polar opposites. I would suggest you take a step away from Islam for a moment and think about yourself as am individual. There is more to Islam than your sexuality, just like there is more to Islam than a girl's virginity, wearing a headscarf, drinking alcohol and fasting. People sometimes make bad choices in life, especially in mainstream society, where temptation surrounds us all, but this does not make us bad people.

There is no need for you to feel the need to reconcile with your religion, otherwise we would all have to find the means to do the same. I have not met a single Muslim who has abode by the words of Allah 100%

Reply 12

username47781

20

Sensible advice only please guys, any insults or stuff that is off topic will be removed and warned, thanks.

Reply 13

McFlury

8

Original post by Rock Fan

Sensible advice only please guys, any insults or stuff that is off topic will be removed and warned, thanks.

does that mean I can't mention religion? Because that is a main factor in this thread.

Reply 14

vickyjade95

I think that if you believe in it and you're sure about it then you shouldn't feel depressed about it. You're you and nobody can change that, I'm not Muslim so I can't really say much, but I'm sure God loves you the way you are regardless of it being "wrong" in the religion.

My boyfriend is Muslim, I'm white and I'm not religious at all, but I don't stop him from doing anything within his religion, I respect it/his values.

But in my opinion, times are changing, religion still exists but in this generation nobody really sticks to the rules fully.
I'm sure your family care about your happiness more than anything?

Hope I have given you a bit of verbal help :smile:

Reply 15

grape monster

If this is genuine...

As a Muslim who has nothing against homosexual people... The Islamic scripture forbids sodomy (remember, lust should not be your god). There's nothing explicitly (that I can recall) forbidding a man's attraction to another man. It's acting on it that would, apparently, result in sin but even then, "dealing" with it in Islam differs between the various schools of thought.

In terms of coming out... It really does depend on your family. I knew of a gay Muslim, who came out and was disowned and bullied. He's converted to Christianity because he found it more accepting after being fostered by Christians. Yeah, I wouldn't come out to anyone older or anyone you know is especially religious. It depends on what you want to risk...

When it comes to homosexuality, I feel like a person should be judged on actions that really concern ethics and something like sexuality shouldn't be concerned. Of course, views differ on the matter.