Guy friend can't take his eyes off me - does he fancy me?

I'm at uni, and I met this guy through mutual friends before we broke up for Christmas last year. I've noticed he's always staring at me (to the point that it's embarrassing), but, when I talk to him, it seems awkward sometimes although he's quite nice. However, he's a bit of a ladies' man so I'm not sure whether I should make anything of it or not.

I've seen him around quite a lot recently at parties and such, and I'm always catching him staring at me (when I turn and look at him, he always looks away and seems a bit embarrassed), but when I don't really acknowledge it I've noticed him looking at me out of the corner of my eye for ages. He's always smiling at me too.

We were both at a party two weeks ago and he "liked" the fact I was going on FB. He seems to be the type of guy who likes loads of things, but I've never chatted to him on there and added him months ago when we barely knew each other so I'm surprised he even knew my full name. We were playing a drinking game there where we each took it in turn to ask everyone else a question and they had to answer it truthfully or do a dare, and when I was asking my question I noticed him grinning at me constantly, but I was a bit shy so didn't smile back and looked at one of my other friends, and weirdly he seemed a bit annoyed by that and wouldn't even look back at me when he answered my question.

I think he's pretty cute, but I'm not sure whether to take it any further as he's a couple of years older than me and he seems to be one of those guys who's nice but a bit of a player. Whenever his FB photos come up on my news feed half the time they're of of him with loads of girls and his guy friends are commenting "lad" or something. He's one of those popular guys who could have most of the girls he wanted, although he's also a bit geeky as are all the women who hit on him (he seems to have a couple of close female friends who constantly flirt with him). He's always smiling at me and he's generally quite nice, but he seems like such a player I'm not sure if he just wants me because I'm the girl he can't have (I'm polite but I don't really flirt back, I put a lot of effort into my appearance though I'm not stuck-up, we're in different friend groups and I'm that girl who does loads of things and is always busy.)

Advice? :smile:

x

Reply 1

Tomsta

16

You could always just ask him, but not directly, make it subtle, ask him casually something like "i noticed you seem to be looking over at me a lot, i'm just curious as to why" then based on his response you might be able to guess what, it's easier if you do this in person, body language and all that

Reply 2

superduper9

10

The fact that you wrote "player" so many times should suggest that it might be best to steer clear! It's really quite hard to sum somebody up based on your perceptions - most of the time, instincts are right, on the odd occasion, the person may end up surprising you. Although I don't quite understand how he can be geeky, awkward and stare to the point of it being embarrassing and still be a ladies man - it just doesn't quite add up! I guess he might fancy you, but if he's with loads of girls, he may want to just add you to that list. I know that's a big assumption, but I'm going by what you said.

I'm sure you could find a guy who talks to you nicely and doesn't just stare for the sake of it!

Reply 3

consumed by stuff

9

he's planted the seed.

Reply 4

Welsh_insomniac

14

Original post by Tcrumpen

You could always just ask him, but not directly, make it subtle, ask him casually something like "i noticed you seem to be looking over at me a lot, i'm just curious as to why" then based on his response you might be able to guess what, it's easier if you do this in person, body language and all that

Subtle...

Reply 5

Tomsta

16

Original post by Welsh_insomniac

Subtle...

yes it's a lot more subtle than her asking "do you have a crush on me"

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by superduper9

The fact that you wrote "player" so many times should suggest that it might be best to steer clear! It's really quite hard to sum somebody up based on your perceptions - most of the time, instincts are right, on the odd occasion, the person may end up surprising you. Although I don't quite understand how he can be geeky, awkward and stare to the point of it being embarrassing and still be a ladies man - it just doesn't quite add up! I guess he might fancy you, but if he's with loads of girls, he may want to just add you to that list. I know that's a big assumption, but I'm going by what you said.

I'm sure you could find a guy who talks to you nicely and doesn't just stare for the sake of it!

Thanks. I don't know for sure that he's a player, he just seems like he could have a lot of the girls he wanted (though most of the girls who I see hitting on him are on his course and very different to me - more academic and less girly-girl). He also gets a lot of female attention (as in, half his status updates and profile pictures have the same group of girls posting comments like "ooh fit", though, to be fair, he doesn't flirt back). Apart from the fact I'm (without sounding really up myself, sorry!) "hot" according to a lot of guys, he doesn't know me very well so I don't get why he seems to like me.

He's not the stereotypical geek (he does maths and is into video games and stuff); he's popular because he's been at uni for a lot longer than I have (I'm a second-year) and he sells tickets to a lot of club nights and used to be on a hall committee and stuff. He's not awkward at all, it just feels like that when we talk sometimes, like there's something he wants to bring up but can't. (He says weird stuff to me without realising it, like once he said it would "mean a lot to him" if I bought his last 5 tickets to a night out he was promoting - surely it wasn't that big a deal?).

consumed by stuff

he's planted the seed

Huh?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Welsh_insomniac

Subtle...

What do you reckon I should say instead? :smile:

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

OK he's just liked my profile picture... should I message him and ask him what's up? :/

Reply 9

Tomsta

16

Original post by Anonymous

OK he's just liked my profile picture... should I message him and ask him what's up? :/

i like my girl friends (as in friends who are girls) profile pics all the time, nothing to be too concerened aboutl, now if he starts liking everything you do, then maybe ask him

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Tcrumpen

i like my girl friends (as in friends who are girls) profile pics all the time, nothing to be too concerened aboutl, now if he starts liking everything you do, then maybe ask him

Hmm ok

Reply 11

monk_keys

16

i think he's too lad for you, he'll only lad you up.

lad.

Reply 12

igloo1

Ask him out for a coffee, he'll probably make himself clearer if he goes. :smile:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by monk_keys

i think he's too lad for you, he'll only lad you up.

lad.

lolwut?

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by igloo1

Ask him out for a coffee, he'll probably make himself clearer if he goes. :smile:

Hmm might do, thanks! :smile:

Do you reckon he definitely fancies me, though? Also, don't "player" type guys prefer to chase?

Reply 15

username1088632

2

Are you a 6.5+ out of 10?
If so then he would probably find you attractive enough.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by goldenforever

Are you a 6.5+ out of 10?
If so then he would probably find you attractive enough.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Not sure if he likes me as a person though or just likes to ogle..

Reply 17

Climbontoyourseahorse

9

You don't to know this guy very well but are projecting all sorts of traits onto him and really analysing his behviour. I get it - when someone piques our interest and they seem to be interested, it's hard not to think about it a bit. But only for a short period is that ok. You then either decide that he's too much of a 'player' for you and move on, or your put your judgements aside, get to know him better and see where it leads. I know you gave your reasons to think like this, but I think your judgement about him being a player is, well... judgemental. You might see him in photos on Facebook with loads of girls, but think about it: a lot of people pose for photos with people they don't like and know. And the 'lad' comments are coming from his friends, not him - loads of guys comment with 'lad' when their mates simply speak to a girl. If he knows loads of girls and you seem to have held his attention over a period of time, that has to mean something. If you had loads of male friends (perhaps you do), how would you feel if you learned that he was put off making a move on you because he just assumed that you were a bit of a one for the guys? Maybe he does think that? Bottom line is that you have to work out whether he is worth the risk. Every guy carries risk. In some ways you are more likely to get hurt by a guy who is clueless about women and most definitely not a 'player' than one who is perhaps more experienced with women. You could be missing out on a really nice guy if you just go with your first impression and aren't willing to take a risk because you're too concerned about not getting hurt.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse

You don't to know this guy very well but are projecting all sorts of traits onto him and really analysing his behviour. I get it - when someone piques our interest and they seem to be interested, it's hard not to think about it a bit. But only for a short period is that ok. You then either decide that he's too much of a 'player' for you and move on, or your put your judgements aside, get to know him better and see where it leads. I know you gave your reasons to think like this, but I think your judgement about him being a player is, well... judgemental. You might see him in photos on Facebook with loads of girls, but think about it: a lot of people pose for photos with people they don't like and know. And the 'lad' comments are coming from his friends, not him - loads of guys comment with 'lad' when their mates simply speak to a girl. If he knows loads of girls and you seem to have held his attention over a period of time, that has to mean something. If you had loads of male friends (perhaps you do), how would you feel if you learned that he was put off making a move on you because he just assumed that you were a bit of a one for the guys? Maybe he does think that? Bottom line is that you have to work out whether he is worth the risk. Every guy carries risk. In some ways you are more likely to get hurt by a guy who is clueless about women and most definitely not a 'player' than one who is perhaps more experienced with women. You could be missing out on a really nice guy if you just go with your first impression and aren't willing to take a risk because you're too concerned about not getting hurt.

Great advice, thanks! I think Ill get to know him a bit better and see where it goes. What do I do if he flirts with me a bit, though? If he does like me, I get the feeling that sometimes he's offended because I treat him as "just a friend" as opposed to something more (like at the party above, or another time I saw him and another guy friend on a night out and talked to the other guy for a couple of minutes first, which he seemed upset about). Should I flirt back or take it slow?