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Is it wrong that I feel this way?

So, I was in an LDR for 9 months. She's at university/college in New York; i'm in London. She decided to end things on valentines day which broke my heart. I was devistated. It's profoundly more difficult when you're the dumpee, as it's usually unexpected (in my case it was).

Well, she ended things due to the lack of proximity, and, honestly, I understood where she was coming from. She basically said that, in 9 months, we'd only seen each other once and that was when she made the effort to come to London. However, i'd already told her that this year would be different (i'm in my final year of A levels and as a result, my Mum was not willing to let me go). So, I managed to convince my Mum to let me purchase tickets to NY (i'd actually saved up money from a part-time job), and i'll be seeing her in April.

So, we're on talking terms again. And, things are going really well. We're practically back to normal (we skype endlessly, just like we use to). We're practically a couple again (however, she says that she'd rather discuss the technicalities of our relationship in person). Now, here's the problem....

A day after ending our relationship, she slept with someone else. This came as a completely surprise to me. It was totally out of character. She'd never been the type to do this. The fact that I still loved her made it hurt that much more. Apparently there was no sex; it was strictly kissing and "maybe" oral sex (she says that she doesn't quite remember). Then, a few days later she had a brief (like 2 minutes according to her) make out session with the same guy ;( it really hurts...I knew about this prior to booking the tickets btw, and I feel like an idiot for doing so ;( surely if she truly loved me, she wouldn't have done that? Idk..i'm trying to negate the negative thoughts, and on the whole it's going well but sometimes they still creep in..and it really hurts..idk..am I wrong for feeling like this?? I'm trying to exhibit nothing but forgiveness and compassion towards her but I can't deny the fact that it truly does sting (and I never mention the "incident" in our conversations btw)..

Reply 1

batboy113

I honestly don't think that's true..again, obviously it COULD be, but I really don't think so..either way, do I have a right to be annoyed about this? What do I do to overcome it? She said that she doesn't want the guy thing to ever be mentioned, and I respect that...but idk, it really does bug me..

Reply 2

Anythingoo1

Go to New York.

Have a great time.

Forget about your girlfriend, she doesn't quite remember if they had oral sex, that's a terrible lie.

Reply 3

batboy113

Original post by Anythingoo1

Go to New York.

Have a great time.

Forget about your girlfriend, she doesn't quite remember if they had oral sex, that's a terrible lie.

Thats the thing man ;( well she said that it "probably" happened ;( i don't drink so I have no clue what to believe (as i've never been drunk so I don't know what sort of effect it actually has on someones memory)..but yes, it obviously did happen and it does hurt alot..

Reply 4

CodeJack

Original post by batboy113

Of course probably means she did, I've had it said to me loads of times from a cheating ex, its that they don't want to face the truth and just say "Yes". Try and forget it.

Reply 5

batboy113

Original post by CodeJack

Of course probably means she did, I've had it said to me loads of times from a cheating ex, its that they don't want to face the truth and just say "Yes". Try and forget it.

But I can't get it out of my head ;( the thought just hurts so much...and these tickets have already been booked..am I an idiot for booking them? I'm in love with someone who did this to me..wtf is wrong with me..wow..was it even wrong what she did? If not, why do I feel like this..ugh idk

Reply 6

monk_keys

move on, she already has.

enjoy NY

Reply 7

batboy113

Original post by monk_keys

move on, she already has.

enjoy NY

You think she's moved on?? I mean, surely the guy thing was just a meaningless hook up? ;( agh

Reply 8

batboy113

we talk everyday and she's taking me to meet her parents too (shes taking me all the way to pennsylvania to meet them)..but I feel like an idiot just crawling back to her after that..

Reply 9

monk_keys

Original post by batboy113

You think she's moved on?? I mean, surely the guy thing was just a meaningless hook up? ;( agh

Whatever she feels for you is nowhere near what you feel for her.

Just think about it, can you imagine doing to her what she did to you? Probably not...

Reply 10

benevansben

It's a difficult position to be in, I feel for you. You should just go to NY and enjoy yourself, you've worked hard to get the money to go so you owe it to yourself. Just see what happens from there. If things don't go as you hope, don't worry! You're young, it isn't the end of the world. Good luck anyway man!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 11

batboy113

Original post by Frankster

Dude, I do feel for you. Seriously. Really sucks to be in the position you're in. How did you start up this LDR in the first place (you here, and she's over in the States?)

You do have a right to be annoyed. As someone's already said you clearly have deeper feelings for her than she has for you. I'd talk to her again about where you two stand. If you still believe things can work (they might), then I think you're gonna have to trust her again to not make the same 'mistake' again. Then again she also is making you meet her parents which may seem positive. Does she seem apologetic towards you after that 'incident'?

Personally though an LDR as it is, I'd say to you to be more wary. Start to slowly drift away from her. If she really likes you, she'll sense that you're drifting away from her, and if she wants you, she'll do anything to get you back. This is the best advice I can give to you bro..

We met at a summer program...i've asked her about where we stand and she says things like "why does everyone have to define everything." And she hasn't really been apologetic at all about the incident ;( yes, she says she regrets it but she hasn't been apologetic..quite the opposite..like, she's been quite aggressive to me at times. Like, there's this guy who has a crush on her, and asks her out on dates (to him they're dates, he clearly likes her) but she says, "no, i'm not attracted to him at all blabla"..she says he's just a friend BUT when I say "why don't you tell him we're dating if he's just a friend blablab" and she says "because i'm not an *******..I don't wanna hurt him blabla..you don't understand blablaba its none of your business you're not even really my boyfriend blabla"...like, idk..idk what to do..its weird because she says "you're not my bf, its none of your business" (despite the fact that i'm travelling over 3000 miles to see her!) to "I love you blabla"...also, she's studying abroad in London from september-december this year for a semester..so yeah..she must like me to do that?? But I just don't understand...

Reply 12

batboy113

also, about the fling she had with a guy..she basically said "you either forgive me or you don't..make your choice" and I said I was over it and forgave her....it's difficult though

Reply 13

Willbean

Find a classy girl, you seem like a nice guy. Don't let her drag you down.

Reply 14

Spongebob'sPants

OP,

You seem like a nice guy...and simply, too nice.

She knows you're madly in love with her, and she s abusing her position to no end.

Instead of asking for your forgiveness, she gives you ultimatums, and tells you that her life isnt your business and that you're not even her bf.

What's left here exactly? She displays a stunning lack of disrespect to you.

My advice would be to stop contacting her. See how she reacts.

Reply 15

Spongebob'sPants

And in response to your original point...If you love someone and break up with them, you do NOT give the next guy oral the following day....clearly. And you know this.