I hit her but I didn't mean to

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I'm surprised at how many people seem to think this is ok. It isn't. What she said was despicable and completely out of order, and I can understand the OP's actions. I can understand that most people (myself included) would lose control and react like that in that situation. That doesn't mean it was ok though (and I'm not suggesting it was ok for her to say those things - they were absolutely appalling). They're both in the wrong here.

I'm not sure what to suggest. Your girlfriend sounds like a fairly awful person. I wouldn't even think of saying that to my boyfriend if one of his parents died. Maybe you need to reconsider your relationship?

Reply 41

scrotgrot

Don't worry about your character. I think her saying that is an absolutely exceptional circumstance and that it would take uncommon self-control not to hit someone who said something so disgusting, even if you have as ingrained an aversion to hitting women as, say, I do.

One thing that is evident is that your relationship needs to end with immediate effect.

Reply 42

ANARCHY__

Original post by amineamine2

Well when I edited my post and made it clear that I was 'taking a stance against abusing women' (or however I worded it, can't remember) I only had one neg. Now I've got six. So I think, as scary as it sounds, that people believe I'm simply crazy in believing that hitting a woman is wrong.

Why does it matter if it's a woman or a man? :s-smilie:

I don't understand.

Reply 43

Pigling

Original post by Calllu-m

If the person I was dating said that to me, I'd hit them. There's a line between hitting someone and domestic abuse. It wasn't unwarranted, that's disrespectful on so many levels and she probably understand what she said was wrong.

I wouldn't call this domestic abuse.

But I would call it an argument severely, unacceptably out of hand from both parties. She should never have said such a vile cruel thing. But additionally he should never have hit her. It is a bad thing to do not only for her sake but his own.

It seems extreme, but every now and again when someone allows their rage to result in violence like that a person is seriously hurt or killed - that is the risk of violence which should never be underestimated. Violence can produce tragedy much greater, much faster than a cruel thing spoken. You should always be able to stop yourself.

Not attempting to attach blame to either of them, blame hardly matters anyway. But it's something to learn from, I think the relationship sounds totally unhealthy and some drastic action (to repair or end it) must be taken. And the OP must be able to restrain himself in future. The more powerful you are, the more an ability to restrain yourself is important as the more harm you can do. That's why it's generally more important for men to be able to exercise self-restraint physically, as they are more powerful, although obv it is still important for women too.

Reply 44

amineamine2

Original post by ANARCHY__

Why does it matter if it's a woman or a man? :s-smilie:

I don't understand.

Why does it matter if it's an adult or a kid? A 90 year old or a 25 year old?
Hit someone your own size who can defend himself by force.

Reply 45

ANARCHY__

Original post by amineamine2

Why does it matter if it's an adult or a kid? A 90 year old or a 25 year old?
Hit someone your own size who can defend himself by force.

I don't see why it makes a difference as to whether they can defend themselves. So if I was 25 and I punched another 25 year old male repeatedly in the face that would be fine?

Reply 46

amineamine2

Original post by ANARCHY__

I don't see why it makes a difference as to whether they can defend themselves. So if I was 25 and I punched another 25 year old male repeatedly in the face that would be fine?

It would be less severe than if you punched an infant baby repeatedly in the face, yes. So you argue that punching a child in the face is no more serious than punching someone your own age (when or if you're 25)?
I wouldn't want to be your child, that's for sure.

Reply 47

Ice Constricter

OP end it. What she said was disgusting and your reaction was completely understandable. People can say you're both equally wrong in this situation all they like but it doesn't make it true. If your OP is a 100% documentation of what happened, wasn't she the one that threw out that disgusting remark about your deceased father? Wasn't she the one that started physically provoking you? She was the aggressor in this scenario, you just reacted to it. If the genders were reversed this wouldn't look as bad to most people, so they can just shut it. What if the OP was a female? Wouldn't look as bad would it?

Original post by ANARCHY__

Why does it matter if it's a woman or a man? :s-smilie:

I don't understand.

Because society brainwashes men to think like that because women are apparently "weaker" even though most guys have no aversions to hitting smaller and weaker guys. In essence, hypocritical retards think like that.

Reply 48

ANARCHY__

Original post by amineamine2

I didn't make that argument? I said it's not right to hit someone just cos they're of equal stature to you. If you'd like to make arguments with yourself though, feel free.

Reply 49

farhaanf

As much as she deserved it, it was still wrong. Not because she's a girl, but violence just ain't the way. I think the easiest way out of this is to end it. Clearly because she don't know where to draw the line.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 50

pandabird

Original post by S1L3NTPR3Y

What kind of GF, jokes about someone's (particularly their BF) father hating their son in front of them, especially so soon after their death??

TBH I don't support physical violence but this is a special case.

But how can you come to that conclusion so quickly? For all we know there could have been a lot of verbal abuse thrown back and forth between the couple before she said that.

Reply 51

ANARCHY__

Original post by Ice Constricter

I'm not saying either is correct. I just don't believe it makes sense to have that double standard.

Reply 52

Some random guy

To all the idiots saying 'good on you OP' I say grow the **** up. Violence is never the answer, she didn't hit him, she just verbally abused him. He could have told her to **** off. I'm not defending her insult but the OP should learn to take insults on the chin and not lash out like a child. Words can't hurt you unless you let them.

Oh and I don't care that she's a female either, violence is the way Neanderthals act in situations like this.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 53

ChocoCoatedLemons

Wow. Your girlfriend sounds like an utter bitch. It wasn't right for you to hit her, but I think many people would have also lost control at that point. Also, she did start it by shoving you around first. Maybe you hit harder, but you were provoked.

I'd break it off. She clearly isn't good for you and by the sounds of it, you're not good for her either.

Reply 54

Tiina

Wow this relationship does not sound healthy. Think you could do with a break to be honest, and if things can't change I don't see how you can move forward together.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 55

Ice Constricter

Original post by ANARCHY__

I'm not saying either is correct. I just don't believe it makes sense to have that double standard.

I wasn't disagreeing with you. People should be promoting the motto that violence against anyone is wrong instead of just restricting it to women only.

Reply 56

amineamine2

Original post by ANARCHY__

I didn't make that argument
? I said it's not right to hit someone just cos they're of equal stature to you. If you'd like to make arguments with yourself though, feel free.

you clearly said that being less able to defend yourself is no factor at all in this debate. at least stick to your argument.

Reply 57

Ice Constricter

Original post by Some random guy

She's physically provoked him. Read the OP again and drop the bias.

Reply 58

Some random guy

Original post by Ice Constricter

She's physically provoked him. Read the OP again and drop the bias.

She pushed him. He punched her. You drop the bias.

Reply 59

amineamine2

Original post by Ice Constricter

Very mature of you to call people you disagree with a retard. What you are calling retarded is me saying that I wouldn't hit someone who can't defend herself. Stop trying to justify your cowardice and man up :smile: