I hit her but I didn't mean to

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This isn't domestic abuse, this was standing up to a bully. I think OP is in the right.

She's allowed to push and shove him around and emotionally abuse him but when he retaliates he's the bad guy, sexist crap if she can hit him he can hit her back.

find someone else OP, if i was a bitch enough to cross those lines i'd fully expect a smack in the face.

Im not condoning violence in any way and i dont think it solves anything but i'd have done the same.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 102

ANARCHY__

Original post by amineamine2

By saying that you can't see the relevance of the person not being able to defend herself. That suggets you also believe hitting someone less able to do so, such as a child, is no more serious than an adult. It's called deductive reasoning.

I believe you are deducing an incorrect conclusion. Nonetheless, I believe this discussion is detrimental to the dialogue OP is trying to have so I will be stopping right here.

Reply 103

kka25

Original post by CJKay

That wasn't just verbal - it was mental as well as emotional abuse which can be as, if not more, potent and damaging than physical assault. She didn't shout, "omg you're so annoying!". She shoved him, interrupted his work, then told him, solely out of spite, that it was his behaviour that caused the death of his father.

So, I would put forward that his reaction was actually much less proportionate than would have been expected. Two basic punches lasts at most a week, but something like that can leave scars for the rest of your remaining life on Earth. Like someone else said above: "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will leave psychological scars that will haunt forever".

Original post by CJKay

But the point is that he didn't abuse her, she abused him. He reacted physically to her physical and verbal abuse. He even says in his original post that usually he would just ignore it or just cuss her out, so he blatantly doesn't typically have problems with anger, but she obviously pushed it far too far. Not everybody reacts the same to the same cues, and I think it would be reasonable to have expected the reaction he did give her.
Now, to expect everyone to just be happy, get along and to "be in touch with their feminine side"... that is naivety at its finest. Males were built to hunt and kill remember, and if you push it as far as she did, you are making assumptions about the level of self-deprecation they can take and taking a serious risk.

Original post by madders94

This isn't domestic abuse, this was standing up to a bully. I think OP is in the right.

These, especially the last one.

I think any sane person will snap if provoked like that. The OP, from his post has said that he ignored her; so that's a signal that he has been very patient with that woman; she took advantages of this and started to abuse him; that's why she could just say things like that because he wouldn't react.

Reply 104

Rascacielos

Original post by sabian92

Bitch had it coming. What an awful thing to say - the whole "don't hit women" crap is wrong, it's sexist to exclude them. If a guy said that you'd paste him one so don't feel like "omg she's a woman i hit her" because she deserved it.

It's not sexist. It's wrong to hit anyone - male or female. It's never the solution and he shouldn't have done it. That said, most people on this thread (including me) can sympathise. But that doesn't make it right.

Reply 105

kka25

Original post by Care-Free

This. I'm very sure that that woman will leave out the part where she said those horrible things about his father, shoving his head etc, and jump directly to the "he punched me"-part to make her looked like the "innocent victim".

Reply 106

kitty101

Original post by HenryD

I don't blame you, she had it coming. It's funny to think how different the reaction would be on here if your genders were reversed, very hypocritical.

ouch! no you cant involve sexism in this he punched her! just as much as she was wrong a man is physically stronger than a women. two blows from her might be half the strength of his one punch. Not that i'm condoning violence from either sexes here, it would be wrong if she hit him too but I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt as much so it seems worse when a guy does it to a girl just because its such a damn weak thing to do but I understand he was annoyed.

Reply 107

sabian92

Original post by Rascacielos

It is sexist if you say "it's okay to hit men but not women because they're women", which is what I meant.

No, I agree, it isn't okay but grief can do odd things to people and those who wouldn't normally do that sort of thing do it without meaning to.

She's still a bitch though.

Reply 108

amineamine2

Original post by ANARCHY__

I believe you are deducing an incorrect conclusion. Nonetheless, I believe this discussion is detrimental to the dialogue OP is trying to have so I will be stopping right here.

Well you're not doing a particularly good job in showing my fallacy. Just saying "I'm wrong" isn't a very strong argument.

Reply 109

ANARCHY__

Original post by amineamine2

Well you're not doing a particularly good job in showing my fallacy. Just saying "I'm wrong" isn't a very strong argument.

If you would like to continue over PM, I would be happy to. I kept my point short for brevity's sake to not intrude so much.

Reply 110

amineamine2

Original post by concubine

People are obviously 'negging' you because of your stupid ideas regarding what makes someone a 'man', not because they're pro-violence.

If my so called ideas about punching a woman four times (like the person I quoted suggested OP should do) making you less of a man are stupid, then I wonder what your intelligent ideas of being a man are? Sounds to me like you're pathetically justifying your own actions. Aw, did I hit a nerve or something? :smile:

Reply 111

amineamine2

Original post by ANARCHY__

If you would like to continue over PM, I would be happy to. I kept my point short for brevity's sake to not intrude so much.

Well I'll say the same then; If you'd like to respond then feel free to PM.

Reply 112

HenryD

Original post by kitty101

You have no idea how big either of them are, what martial art training they may have or any physical disabilities. It's just as bad for a girl to hit a guy, relative strength is irrelevant. Hardly weak, anyone who uses something like that in an argument deserves to be hit, I'm sure his punches didn't hurt as much as her comments.

Reply 113

jonathanemptage

I hate to say it but she is way in the wrong here It seems to me like the relationship is over and to be fair your better off without her really if she had done that to me I would have got her out of my house (because I can't bring myself to hit a woman no matter how pissed I am although I've never had someone have a dig at me about a lost loved one.) and then let her know in no uncertain terms that it's over and to never contact me again.

Your better off without her this is abuse against you I'm not surprised you snapped although I don't condone violence against women lots of people would react the same way

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 114

Need help atm

UPDATE:

Yeah, she got in contact with me this morning and told me she wanted to split. She's also said that she's coming with a friend to collect her things, and nearly everyone she knows thinks I'm some kind of abusive piece of crap. I'm at a loss here.
thank you all for the responses. I know what I did was disgusting.

Reply 115

odkfn

Original post by Need help atm

I really need help.
My girlfriend and I have been together for three years ad are both second year uni students at the same uni. Lately, we've been arguing quite a lot over nearly everything. but when we're both feeling up to it, the relationship can be great.
Earlier on today, she was in a bad mood for some reason, and started bitching me out when I was in the middle of studying for second year uni exams. I normally either cuss her out too or ignore her, but today just wasn't really my day and I was too stressed to bother replying. She came into our room (we both share a house) and started to push me about a bit, shoving my hand so that the page I was writing on was ruined. Then, knowing that my dad's recently passed away, she told me that he died because he couldn't stand the thought of living with me as a son.
I lost it. I shoved her into a wall and punched her twice. I regretted it as soon as it happened, and started apologising, but she started crying and stormed off. This all happened earlier today and she still hasn't come back.

I know our relationship sounds awful, but our fights don't occur much, and when we're good, we can really be in love.
i know I love her, but I still feel hurt over what she's said; she definitely took It too far, but I wish there was a way to rewind everything. I'm panicking over what she just might be doing now, and I just want to apologise but she's not answering my calls or anything.
please. I need some advice on what to do now.

I think you should break up. Your relationship sounds like poison and those relationships I never good. I was in one once for a year longer than I should have been, it slowly went downhill. We stayed together because we did love each other but it got out of hand. You should end it and end it soon.

Reply 116

arkhamz

Original post by Need help atm

" nearly everyone she knows thinks I'm some kind of abusive piece of crap" well that's to be expected. She obviously would try to make it seem like she did no wrong. Don't feel to bad OP. It was wrong of you to hit her, but it was equally wrong of her to push/shove and emotionally abuse you. From the looks of things just be glad you can start afresh.

Reply 117

amineamine2

Original post by Need help atm

you will find someone better. she doesn't sound very charming. remember, what she said was disgusting too.
pardon my lack of capitals.

Reply 118

Ice Constricter

Original post by Need help atm

Hope it doesn't go too bad for you, and even if people view you as a "disgusting woman beater" at least now you won't have to deal with anymore of her crap. Cause lets be honest, your relationship with her was virtually over a long time ago. Anywho, good luck to you. :smile:

Reply 119

ash92:)

She sounds like...[ehm]. That's awful to say to anyone. She is the one that needs help.

Whereas your actions are concerned OP, punching is taking it too far - whereas a slap is less damaging/hurtful. I don't blame you for getting peed off (you are only human), I blame you for letting it manifest as a 'punch'.