My Bf wants me to do anal to prove my love ?

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No, but you called me a troll when all I had done was make a counter-argument to yours. It's not unreasonable to then conclude that you think a troll is someone who disagrees with you. Try explaining what part of my post made you think it was trolling.

He's not asking for a sexual favour, he's dictating that if she loves him she will do that sexual act.

Language is such an interesting insight into someone's deeply held attitudes. Dictating implies that he is in control; I have no reason to think they don't both have equal control in the relationship, in which case he is merely 'saying' that if she loves him she will do that sexual act. She is fully within her rights to refuse and I'm sure is intelligent and strong enough to think for herself. He is equally within his rights in the relationship to demand validification by a sexual act. That is not dictating, it is requesting. If it were dictation, he would have anally raped her.

You haven't linked anything I said to gendered or sex behaviour. But nice try.

You are using a ridiculous term for manipulation, the whole point is she clearly doesn't just want to do it. Then he's trying to guilt her into doing it. It is literally a textbook definition of manipulation.
But again, none of that said anything about her. So it couldn't possibly be patronising.

Yes, it did, because it implied that he is the one commanding from above. If she doesn't want to do it, she won't do it. Simple. Saying that he is 'manipulating' her by asking for a sexual favour to validate their love implies that she is somewhat dependent on him as not doing so will result in negative consequences for her, thus she is somewhat bound to please him. It implies that by refusing to do the sexual act, she will be punished by his displeasure; otherwise, what leverage does he have with which to manipulate her? If you truly believed in her independence you would see that it is not manipulation since she can easily refuse and walk away.

Basically you seem to think [based on the idiocy of your posts to me on this thread] that everyone who takes an active role in our society is 100% independent and that any advice that anyone gives to someone else is void because people can make their own decisions.
It comes off as some adolescent ill thought through anarcho mindset that has no basis in reality.

And yours comes across as war-hungry, offensively written feminism with an overeagerness to call out men as dominating and manipulative.

Here's your original post:

Tell him to not emotionally blackmail you to prove he really loves you, of course.
At the end of the day it is your body. Your sexuality. Your embodiment.

You cannot allow him to dictate that you must do sexual acts to prove your love to him. It's beyond manipulative. You are not a possession. You are not something to be owned by him.

'your body. Your sexuality. Your embodiment'.

All true. But bloody obvious. The fact that you felt the need to say this to her in the patronising, politicianesque three-point-emphasis way seems to suggest that you would imagine her not to be aware of it already, which is pretty insulting. As is reminding her that she is 'not a possession...not something to be owned by him'. Paranoia much? You are jumping to the conclusion that he views her as a possession and, in thinking it necessary to remind her, that she is not aware of her own validity.

Let's look at your language of the man: 'emotionally blackmail; 'dictate'; 'beyond manipulative'. Melodramatic. He didn't blackmail, dictate or manipulate. He asked her for a sexual favour to prove she loved him. He is fully within his legal and, as I see it, moral rights to do so, and she within hers to refuse and even leave in outrage. Unless you yourself subliminally believe men to be automatically more in control than women I don't see why you would apply this hyperbolic language to his actions here.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 41

beckyrocks

put a strap on and do him anally , see how he likes it!!!!!

Reply 42

jumpingjesusholycow

The word "embody" means to personify or represent in another form. Example: "that Mercedes Benz is the embodiment of class". You were using the word incorrectly.

What you said was:

"At the end of the day it is your body. Your sexuality. Your embodiment."

Reply 43

username47781

As others have said if you are not happy with it then don't do it, don't let him make you do something you don't want to do. To be honest if he is saying prove your love by letting him him do anal on you then he doesn't sound like a nice boyfriend.

On another note can we cut the bickering out.

getting carried away, feeling adventurous, having too much to drink. they are reasons to have anal sex.
proving love ,not so much.

Reply 46

LordVoldemort1

Lol, that aint love. Hand him a bottle of lube and a baseball bat and be on your way my child. :lolwut:

Reply 47

llessur123

Get rid of him. It just shows he is comfortable with emotionally blackmailing you, and it's not worth wasting your time with someone who thinks that is ok.

Reply 48

Care-Free

kick his emotionally blackmailing ass to the curb where the low life belongs :smile:

Reply 49

jumpingjesusholycow

That still doesn't show how you were using it correctly. Your sentence still doesn't make sense.

Reply 50

consumed by stuff

Original post by Care-Free

kick his emotionally blackmailing ass to the curb where the low life belongs :smile:

bad anal experience? you get tricked to?

Reply 51

jumpingjesusholycow

"It's your embodiment" is not an alternative for saying "it's your body to do with what you chose". You're using the word "embodiment" incorrectly :facepalm:

Reply 52

daemonium

That's ridiculous, that's not a real boyfriend. Don't do whatever you're not comfortable with. :s-smilie:

Reply 53

Care-Free

Original post by consumed by stuff

bad anal experience? you get tricked to?

lmao! no!

Reply 54

jumpingjesusholycow

That isn't the correct usage of the term "embodiment". Simply elaborating on the intended meaning your initial sentence isn't going to make your usage of the word any less incorrect you dolt. :rolleyes:

Reply 55

jumpingjesusholycow

If this is what you think then this should have been your first response.

Though I think you understand what I meant when I explained it. The problem I actually have with you is this, you're being an arrogant **** ****ter. Now I really think you should refrain from being an arrogant **** ****ter. I don't recall posting in an uncivil manner to you. But here we are, with you being one.

Continually responding with the same insipid nonsense in some disconcerted effort to feel more correct than one actually is warrants being referred to as a dolt. I stand by your judgement and your knee-jerk reaction to respond to every comment with a disproportionate level of anger can only be indicative of someone with Mount Everest sized insecurities.

I understand the urge to be right, to correct someone. But why put someone down? Why treat them in a hostile manner like that? Did I say something offensive? Did I discriminate against anyone?

No.

So, as we're no-longer treating each other in a civil manner. Go shove it up your arse.

If you're going to be an idiot, you're going to be called an idiot. This has nothing to do with put-downs, quite the contrary. It's about calling a spade a spade.

Reply 56

jumpingjesusholycow

Or you could just act how any normal person without an inferiority complex would and say "whoopsie, wrong word" and have left it with that. Believe me, I'm not the one "checkmating", it's more a case of you backing yourself into an ego driven corner in the delusion that you're "pwning me in debate" :rolleyes:

And to counter your point; responding with the same nonsensical repetition of your initial point instead of just ceding that you were using a word incorrectly is idiotic. That's why you're a dolt, nothing more nothing less.

I can reply with "Everyone's a little insecure about something, but this is not related to my insecurities". But then you'll just say it is and try and make it look that way. And this being the internet, my tone will be hard to read, and you'll be on the offensive, giving you the advantage.
I could lie.

You are quite literally insane. Believe me, I'm having to do none of the work because your hyper-aggressive responses are doing all the work for me. Your pathetic attempt to try to "think one step ahead of me" as if this were some sort of tactical warefare game is absolutely hilarious and I can I've gotten a good laugh out of you :tongue:

What it really comes down to there is your idiotic presumption that you can actually psychoanalyse me.

This really isn't psychoanalysis so much as it is someone who's style of conversation is so transparent and laden with ego that I can only conclude you were never hugged as a child. (I know you're a little slow with things like this so I'll point out that I'm being facetious just to help you out a bit and save some time).

And that really just leaves two things I have left to say to you. Shove it up your arse.
I won't be replying to you.

*yawn* I look forward to seeing you respond within 15 minutes. You're pretty predictable.

Reply 57

SpicyThighs

Wow, the thread title would do well as lyrics in a Steel Panther song.

Seriously, what kind of douche actually says something like that and more importantly how did you not lose respect for him entirely the moment the words left his mouth? If that is the kind of kid he is then you'd be better off leaving him but love is blind and all that jazz.

Just tell him to cut the **** and that that's not what love is about. Most guys only have to try it once and then they never want to again anyway. If you're not there, you're not there, but someone who really loved you wouldn't dream of pressuring you into something like that.