So am I gay or what?

Yo
I'm 16, a girl, and I'm really freaking confused about my sexuality. I know it's normal to feel like that at this age but I just want to feel less confused.
This is like the 5th time I've tried to write this to explain how I feel. I am definitely sexually attracted to women. Like there is no doubt about that. I love women. And I'm not sexually attracted to guys. I mean if I see a nice looking guy, I can go hey, he's a nice looking guy, but it's not like I wanna have sex with him. But I don't want a relationship with either. The idea of an actual relationship sends me running. I don't know if its a commitment thing or I'm afraid or whatever, but I really do not want a relationship. Everything I feel towards women is purely sexual, like its not 'omg I'm soooo in love with this girl' it's like... Well I think that's self explanatory actually. So what, am I gay?

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(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

cambio wechsel

20

Original post by clementine_

I'm 16, a girl,... I am definitely sexually attracted to women.... And I'm not sexually attracted to guys.

I'm not a sexologist but the evidence would suggest...

Reply 2

Truflais

20

Would you like to find out? :sexface:

Kidding. Have you had any sexual experiences with either? It sounds like you are probably a lesbian but not ready for a relationship, which is 100% normal at your age. If you are not sexually attracted to men then I would guess you're a lesbian.

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Reply 3

username952244

13

Why are you so bothered about giving yourself a label? It doesn't matter whether you're gay or not, just bang anyone you want to :P

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 4

irishspringbok

8

I think there is a good chance you could be. But then again you are young. I was very similar at your age. I wasn't interested in guys, and the thought of being in a relationship kind of repulsed me. I seemed to appreciate women more..I wasn't necessarily sexually attracted to them.
If you are more confident around women etc it can often make you fee like you understand them more...so you are attracted to that...
The turning point came for me when my lesbian friend admitted she was in love with me and tried to make a move. I realised it wasn't what I wanted. I was just more comfortable thinking about girls..than the risk of liking a guy..if that makes sense :smile:

Everyone is different....but you should feel comfortable enough to explore how you feel.

Reply 5

Aries1992

13

My Sister was like this (confused/unsure) until she turned 18 and then came out as a lesbian.

I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to need the label of being gay. Just wait and see - your still young so you never know what will happen.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 6

clementine_

OP

2

Original post by eliza.anne

Would you like to find out? :sexface:

Kidding. Have you had any sexual experiences with either? It sounds like you are probably a lesbian but not ready for a relationship, which is 100% normal at your age. If you are not sexually attracted to men then I would guess you're a lesbian.

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I have with both. With a guy, although it was my decision, there was a lot of peer pressure and alcohol, so obviously I didn't really enjoy it. With a girl, it was with a close friend

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Reply 7

clementine_

OP

2

Original post by irishspringbok

I think there is a good chance you could be. But then again you are young. I was very similar at your age. I wasn't interested in guys, and the thought of being in a relationship kind of repulsed me. I seemed to appreciate women more..I wasn't necessarily sexually attracted to them.
If you are more confident around women etc it can often make you fee like you understand them more...so you are attracted to that...
The turning point came for me when my lesbian friend admitted she was in love with me and tried to make a move. I realised it wasn't what I wanted. I was just more comfortable thinking about girls..than the risk of liking a guy..if that makes sense :smile:

Everyone is different....but you should feel comfortable enough to explore how you feel.

I've had a lesbian friend make a move on me but the reason I 'rejected' her so to speak was because she was already in a relationship. Had she been single it probably would have gone very differently

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Reply 8

dendodge

9

It doesn't matter as much as people think it does. You like who you like, and it doesn't particularly matter what gender they are.

That said, you sound like a lesbian who either isn't ready for a relationship or is afraid of commitment - totally normal at 16.

Reply 9

Truflais

20

Original post by clementine_

I have with both. With a guy, although it was my decision, there was a lot of peer pressure and alcohol, so obviously I didn't really enjoy it. With a girl, it was with a close friend

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And you preferred the experience with your girl friend?

As others have said, you're young. It's normal to be confused about your sexuality. Things will become clearer in the years to come. I'd say you're bisexual but not if you don't find guys sexually attractive.

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Reply 10

clementine_

OP

2

Original post by eliza.anne

And you preferred the experience with your girl friend?

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Definitely.

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Reply 11

Truflais

20

Original post by clementine_

Definitely.

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Then there's your answer.

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Reply 12

AyeFaye

9

Don't worry about labelling yourself. Concerning yourself over which category you fit into is counter-productive to your happiness.

Like who you like. Love who you love. Why do you feel the need for a label?

Reply 13

JagSan

11

F*ck a guy and f*ck a girl(it doesn't matter which you do first) and decide which one you like better.

Reply 14

Pastel-pennyy

Get it on with a girl and a guy, see what you prefer, genius that.

Reply 15

Ataloss

13

Original post by JagSan

F*ck a guy and f*ck a girl(it doesn't matter which you do first) and decide which one you like better.

That isn't by itself going to help anyone determine their sexuality - sex isn't the only component of sexuality.

If you on one occasion enjoyed a sexual experience more with a guy than a girl it wouldn't define your sexuality. For example if you were blindfolded and a guy and a girl gave you a blowjob and you were asked which you preferred without knowing which was which and you picked the guy as being better - it wouldn't by definition make you gay - it would just mean the guy had given you a better blowjob.

Reply 16

irishspringbok

8

Original post by Ataloss

That isn't by itself going to help anyone determine their sexuality - sex isn't the only component of sexuality.

If you on one occasion enjoyed a sexual experience more with a guy than a girl it wouldn't define your sexuality. For example if you were blindfolded and a guy and a girl gave you a blowjob and you were asked which you preferred without knowing which was which and you picked the guy as being better - it wouldn't by definition make you gay - it would just mean the guy had given you a better blowjob.

exactly what I was thinking..great advice! :smile:

Reply 17

JagSan

11

Original post by Ataloss

That isn't by itself going to help anyone determine their sexuality - sex isn't the only component of sexuality.

If you on one occasion enjoyed a sexual experience more with a guy than a girl it wouldn't define your sexuality. For example if you were blindfolded and a guy and a girl gave you a blowjob and you were asked which you preferred without knowing which was which and you picked the guy as being better - it wouldn't by definition make you gay - it would just mean the guy had given you a better blowjob.

...I was making a joke ¬_¬

Reply 18

KJbean

It's impossible to say, because we don't know what's going on in your head. But like most of the other posts have said - labels are not important, what's important is you being happy and feeling comfortable enough to do whatever feels right. If you preferred the sexual experience with a girl, then maybe at the moment, you're leaning a little more towards being gay than being straight, but that doesn't mean you'll feel that way forever! Things, and circumstances change everyday.

I understand it's frustrating to not really have an answer to "so are you gay then?" when people ask you, but don't worry about it. The only thing you need to be is happy, regardless of your sexuality.

However... it is important to note that as a person who is leading towards being a little more gay at the moment... romantic feelings towards the same sex are a big factor. It's not just about sex when it comes to sexuality.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 19

Tasss

yeh you're gay

So am I gay or what?

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