Not wanting to lead her on...advice?

So I've been texting this girl who I pulled at the weekend... I don't really want anything other than a bit of fun. My question is if a guy suggested a DVD night at ur halls as a first "date" would you get the idea what he was after? I asked her to do this and she said yeah... I don't want to lead her on.

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Reply 1

Gmlogmd

Be careful, if she's a bit immature and inexperienced with relationships then most likely she will not know. However if she seems like the experienced type then am sure she knows.

Reply 2

En237

Original post by Gmlogmd

Be careful, if she's a bit immature and inexperienced with relationships then most likely she will not know. However if she seems like the experienced type then am sure she knows.

Shes 18 so probably the former. Surely one of her friends will click when she tells them though?

Reply 3

rainbowbex

If a guy asked me about a film night I wouldn't think that it was just about sex - I assume that's what you're on about? So easily could be leading her on! Depends what you mean by pulled as well.. like some people say that's snogging in a club or whatever some people say it's a ONS. So yeah.

Reply 4

Harley

I wouldn't have known you were just after sex, but then I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to things like this :colondollar:

Reply 5

Pompeygirl

Id assume thats asking for sex. You should explain to her you dont want anything serious and just a bit of fun.

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Reply 6

Rascacielos

There's no way of telling how she might interpret that. You should just make it clear to her that's all you're interested in.

Reply 7

En237

Original post by Rascacielos

There's no way of telling how she might interpret that. You should just make it clear to her that's all you're interested in.

Would it be best making that clear by text before our 'DVD night'? Or in person that night? If by text how would one even bring that up?

Reply 8

Rascacielos

Original post by En237

Would it be best making that clear by text before our 'DVD night'? Or in person that night? If by text how would one even bring that up?

Before, obviously. For a start, it would save both of you a great deal of embarrassment if she wasn't up for casual sex. And if I were her, I'd also be damned cross that you'd just "assumed" I would be up for it.

Just explain it in a way that feels natural to you. Be blunt if that's your style.

Reply 9

Aries1992

By "pulled" I take it you've already had sex with her then? If so, she knows what your after.

Edit - and a DVD night as a first date to me means just sex. If a man isn't offering to take you out for a meal ect - he's not looking for anything more than sex.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 10

En237

Original post by Aries1992

Pulled as in kissed. Pulled doesnt mean sex!

Reply 11

Studentus-anonymous

As long as you don't act like you have intentions for her beyond what you actually do you should be fine.

Invite her to watch DVDs, only she can decide to give it up to your or not without a commitment first.

My strategy is to not act too enthusiastic, don't say anything that's an outright lie (like saying I like her a lot in a romantic way), mentioning how I'm not looking to date anyone lately when the conversation about relationships, etc, comes up.

Like flirting it's not about being outright blunt most of the time, it's reading between the lines, trying to be obvious but stopping short of outright saying it.

The last girl I slept with for example, when we talked sometimes our sex lives would come up, she didn't attempt to hide the fact she is seeing other guys and I acted as I felt: it didn't bother me because I don't want a commitment from her. How it seems that guy and girl friends seem to end up sleeping together when sharing a bed, how her mum would be all shocked but that's the way things are with our generation, friends can sleep together some times and all that, especially when it's one-offs.

It made the point clear enough without just outright saying: "oh btw I don't want to date you because I totally don't like you in the relationship way but I'll throw you around your bed for a night no problem."

At the most when a good time comes in a conversation just say how you're not looking for a relationship right now. You make your point very obviously without any perceived insult against her, even if you would be willing to date someone else if and when the opportunity arises.

Reply 12

tu_es_jolie_x

I would assume that by watch a DVD you meant sex.

Reply 13

Aries1992

Original post by En237

Pulled as in kissed. Pulled doesnt mean sex!

It does here - Liverpool.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 14

EloiseStar

I'm 18 and if a guy text me saying that I would catch his drift. I would remain a bit weary though, in case he actually wanted to watch a DVD...

Reply 15

LISSEY

As long as you weren't making a DVD of her :tongue:

I think it would be ok.

Reply 16

Pompeygirl

Original post by Aries1992

It does here - Liverpool.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Also here-Portsmouth

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Reply 17

Truflais

I think I'd realise what he was after. But, if you're thinking that she wants more then drop hints that you just want some fun.

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Reply 18

flying plum

I think I'd assume that you were planning a little frolic, but I wouldn't necessarily assume that you were definitely ruling out that it might lead onto anything more serious. That is, if I had really liked you, you turned up with a DVD and some popcorn, and we slept together, I wouldn't necessarily assume that it was a one-time only thing. If she likes you, and is hoping that it might develop into something else (not necessarily even a serious relationship, but at least more than just a one-time thing), it might be best to be honest with her. how you bring that up in a text, I'm not sure. Personally, I think I'd rather the guy brought it up when he was there, face to face. You don't have to assume she'd be up for it, you can ask more tactfully than that, but I think it's a good idea everyone knows where they stand before any shagging takes place...

Reply 19

Misstery

I don't think it's obvious at all, sadly. Personally I've had movie nights with guys that were serious dates, 'a bit of fun' and...genuinely just movie nights. She could interpret it any number of ways.

I suggest just going through with it and seeing how it plays out. Obviously if nothing develops between you there's no need to say anything. But if stuff starts happening, just make sure you mention before you go through with anything big that you're not looking for commitment. She might be fine with it, or she might not, but it'll be easier than trying to break it to her afterwards.