Promiscuity: Give it up or play along

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Live life how you want to live life. There is not a right way or wrong way.

Am I personally into promiscuity? No

I remember someone I once knew who said they once entered a pub and realised that they had slept with every guy that was in there,. Obviously this was in a small town, but to me that would be a nightmare.

Reply 21

consumed by stuff

Original post by Anonymous

Another question: To those so against casual relationships and such, can I just get your answers as to why?

Just something i've always wanted to know

i think for me. for whatever the reasonn is. i link sex with trust. i like that i've earned that trust, and i don't trust a person who's goes round trusting everyone.

Reply 22

viriol

Original post by Anonymous

It's never really been like that for me. Do you think this is because I just haven't met the right person yet or ever been in love?

I think it has more to do with your personality. I thought like that before I even started dating. In fact, I "turned down" my now almost 4-year girlfriend 3 years before we started dating because I felt I couldn't be that intimate with her without knowing her much better.

Reply 23

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

I didn't think I'd get hurt tbh. But the last one won't leave my mind. He was a friend of a friends who I've been wanting to meet for a while. We ended up sleeping together that night and now I regret it because I really wanted to be friends with him because he's really fun to be around. We spoke a lot before hand and a few times afterwards but now he doesn't speak to me anymore which makes me regret doing it.

I've decided to chuck the lifestyle to avoid getting seriously hurt and the anxiety is killing me.
Thanks for all your help guys :smile:

You've made the right choice honestly, i'm a girl who's slept around alot got hurt, and i look back and i want to punch myself.

Reply 24

Classical Liberal

Original post by redferry

Its generally pretty obvious, if he is at your beck and call and tries to tend to your emotional needs, puts in that extra effort compared to your other friends, then he likes you.

And you proceed to stick them in the friend zone :wink:

Reply 25

jreid1994

Original post by Classical Liberal

And you proceed to stick them in the friend zone :wink:

To be honest if I ever see any of my mates in the friendzone I'll slap them upside the head and say "no friend is worth that much attention don't be a mug".

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 26

redferry

Original post by Classical Liberal

And you proceed to stick them in the friend zone :wink:

If you want to cultivate good cross gender friendships you need to place firm friendzone boundaries and behaviours that limit people falling for you and work as damage limitation if they do.

There is nothing wrong with having a friend zone.

Reply 27

Spetznaaz

It's absolute rubbish that "the right guy won't care".

Fact is, you may meet an amazing guy in the future, who won't want to be with you because of your past. You may also meet an amazing guy who doesn't give a ****.

It's up to you what you do with your life, but just be sure that what you're doing is actually going to bring you happiness. IMHO i don't think it will in the end, and i believe there is a high chance you will regret you're actions later in life, but what do i know.

Reply 28

Dark Horse

Original post by redferry

Yes there is. Imo, there's always an element of "Ha! Got you now!" with friendzone situations. Last time I was put there, I deliberately stopped speaking to the girl and just gradually phased her out. She called me selfish for doing this. I'm sure people who play these games think of other people as just there to satisfy their own ego.

And OP you aren't a slut. Although it has to be said that wanton promiscuity is a response to being unable to decide what you look for and need from a man.

Reply 29

redferry

Original post by Dark Horse

Well if someone is only interested in you on a romantic level they aren't your friend so there is no point in putting them in the friendzone. Actual friends go in the friendzone, and no there is no way out of it. I have clear friend relationship boundaries and I have never so much as kissed a friend.

I don't play any games, I just have a lot of male friends and fell I need to be clear that that is all they are, friends, in order not to lead anyone on.

Reply 30

Anonymous #1

Original post by Spetznaaz

I completely agree with the first part. I've spoken to a lot of my guy friends and we started a big debate. Some don't care and it bothers others but I think if you really love them you'd be able to overlook it. The number of guys i've slept with isn't that high at all tbh.

I don't let things dwell on me too much but you're right it's starting to make me feel a bit weird. I'm torn between wanting to calm down and settle down or enjoying the single life. I'm only 19 and a fresher but I think I want to be a lot more sensible with things. Many thanks, your reply was very useful :smile:

Reply 31

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

You've made the right choice honestly, i'm a girl who's slept around alot got hurt, and i look back and i want to punch myself.

Feeling that way now tbh. I'm not the type of person to dwell on things but the last guy really made me realise I need to stop.

Reply 32

Anonymous #5

Original post by abhiksetia

Jealousy.

Don't worry about what other people think. :smile:

How is it jealousy that leads people to disapprove of casual sex? I'm in a happy relationship and enjoy frequent, passionate sex with someone who loves me and who knows exactly what I like. Why would I be jealous of someone who has had four one night stands with random men since last September?

I agree that she shouldn't worry about what other people think; if it's safe, consensual sex then it's nobody else's business, but I don't understand the assertion that what she's doing makes her enviable.

Reply 33

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I think they meant someone who was single and wasn't get much/any sex at all. To be honest if someone else was doing what I was doing I wouldn't envy them now that I know what it's actually like. I'm quite a strong person but for someone who wasn't I can imagine this type of thing being pretty horrific.

I'd much rather be in a happy relationship tbh, hope things are going well for you and your partner :smile:

Reply 34

Dark Horse

Original post by redferry

Don't think you got it.

People who get friendzoned and decide to discontinue the friendship due to wanting to move on have made a good move. You can't expect people to pine for you and massage your ego by sticking around in your "friendzone". The person who did the friendzoning almost always gets butthurt over it though.

What's incredible, though, is the person who did the friendzoning usually feels alot of jealousy when their "friend" does indeed find someone else.

Seems to be the rule tbh. Insecure people always ask for more than what can be given.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 35

ssupernova

Original post by ZRO

end of the day. .

comes night

Reply 36

ZRO

Original post by ssupernova

comes night

I see what you did there :colone:

Reply 37

tehFrance

Original post by redferry

You'll be fine, if a guy likes you enough it wont bother him.

It won't bother a guy if the girl has been with a load of guys? it does bother the guy, even if he himself has been with a lot of women. You don't seem to understand men in this regard at all, while yes some won't mind, I know a fair few that do mind and I have heard of a few more that do too, those that don't mind tend to be using the girl.

Reply 38

Anonymous #6

I was the same as you as a fresher, except I wasn't out-going, I was shy and needed a self-esteem boost and I used drink and boys to do that.
Enjoy single life but please make sure you are not mistaking it for something deeper, like low self-esteem.
I have slept with so many people, everyday I think of what a mess I've made of my life, I have pretty much destroyed any chance of a proper relationship I have in the future, or so I think.

Sorry I have been really morbid, but seriously enjoy life and enjoy sex, but keep being sensible and don't go mad, think about the consequences and think about why you want to sleep with a particular person.

This probably hasn't been much help,
Best wishes.

Reply 39

Willbean

Original post by Anonymous

Sooo...how many possible fathers?

This girl does have a point, don't be miserable. Not only will this affect yourself but also ruin your uni education and have a serious impact on your grades.

If your gonna slut around, do it with pride. You may have less class than the common chav but so what? You have a degree!