Why do people in relationships still have 'crushes' on other people?

Through my years I have come across this quite a lot. Through college, university and even work!

I always notice a group of ladies (older and younger) always having crushes on the 'hot guy'...WHY!?

They already have boyfriends/husbands so why do they still fancy other people?

What strikes me is that people seem to be okay with it and see it as normal behavior. I don't know about you guys but I would be really hurt of my girlfriend had a crush on other guys.

(oh and guys do this too before all you girls get butt hurt)

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Reply 1

The_Last_Melon

Bad female role models.

Reply 2

Misstery

I don't think you can really help having crushes. I mean, if you like someone, you like someone, its not really a choice.

But I totally agree that the way some people think it's acceptable to indulge such things is unacceptable. You shouldn't joke about it or fantasize about that person when you're with someone else. That's hurtful and insensitive. I mean you can't help feeling what you feel, but if you're going to make a commitment to someone, you should (to the best of your ability) keep that commitment mentally as well. If you find your thoughts wandering to someone else, you should draw them right back in. Not have a laugh with your friends about it.

Of course, it does depend on how bad it is. I mean an offhand comment about how someone is attractive (if its relevant to the conversation) is a bit different to actually lusting after someone.

One of my friends is in a relationship, and is always telling me about how she has crushes on all these other guys. It makes me really uncomfortable, I just think "your boyfriend would probably be really hurt to hear you saying these things..." :/

Reply 3

username677182

Just because you are in a relationship/married, does not mean you are blind.

There is a huge difference between having a crush/finding someone attractive, to progressing those feelings to something more, which is when people end up getting hurt.

Reply 4

irishspringbok

Original post by Misstery

Totally agree. I'm a strong believer in the old "if you look upon another person with eyes of lust, then you have already committed adultery in your heart". there's a fine line between appreciating someones beauty and lusting over them. A "crush" in my eyes..has crossed that line.

Reply 5

The_Last_Melon

Original post by Vikki1805

Reply 6

crazyunicorn133

Because people are human. It is human nature to find other people attractive.

Reply 7

username129099

It ridiculous to believe you wouldn't look at other people.

Reply 8

g_star_raw_1989

Don't think it can be helped really.

If you see someone fit in the street you might fancy them but you're not going to go home and tell your other half about it. You've got to be pretty insecure to be hurt by your gf/bf having a crush.

Reply 9

Climbontoyourseahorse

MancBoy, have you ever been in a relationship? If so, can you honestly tell me that during a relationship no woman other than your girlfriend piques your interest - even slightly? That you don't have a single dirty thought about someone else? There is such a huge difference between mild sexual interest and full-on love. You can also find someone attractive without having any feelings for them. It's the feelings that you need to watch, but saying that, a lot of people have proper crushes during a relationship - and the term 'crush', to me, implies feelings - and know that it's fine because the feelings they have for their partner dwarf any they might have for someone else. It's simply not realistic to expect a partner to not have thoughts about other people. I completely get the concept of an emotional affair, but that is entirely different to having a daydream about kissing Brad Pitt or even having dirty thoughts about someone in your day to day life. It's when you act on those thoughts and feelings or the attraction begins to affect the relationship that things get problematic.

Reply 10

username677182

Original post by The_Last_Melon

That one was legitimate. :angry:

Reply 11

The_Last_Melon

Original post by Vikki1805

That one was legitimate. :angry:

Reply 12

username677182

Original post by The_Last_Melon

Don't drag the thread off topic, you can't afford any more warning points.

Reply 13

Picnic1

Because the guy who they are going out with was once 'the hot guy' to them.

Let me count the awful roll call of ways in which you can become the hot guy:

Persistent exercise giving you a tauter build than most males, preferably accompanied with a side serving of unquenchable arrogance that might come from having a differently shaped body.

An expensive car / nice house / well paid job or , if it is only an averagely paid job still one that gains points with females for the perception that it gives of both risk taking AND security (what a contradiction) e.g. firemen, policemen.

An accomplished feigning of being in 'the friend zone par excellence'. Those males who slyly make themselves the ULTIMATE friend
and, in doing, learn both the girl's and their boyfriend's weak spots so that they can offer sympathy and immediate pick me ups in times of trouble with none of the wider picture that there might be. Then, after they have inevitably failed to resolve her boyfriend's overtly magnified, perceived, flaws (and secretly they didn't want to resolve them), the so called 'friend' become the new boyfriend.

-

So after a while the girl has been indocrinated in to her boyfriend's ways and means. If she ever has any feelings for someone a bit less shallow in the way that they try to attract girls then it is only in a friendly, even pitying, way. Unless something very seriously wrong happens to her she will forever be attracted to 'the hot guy' in the room, however much she pretends not to be or however shabby a person the hot guy's real self may be. And if she knows the hot guy to openly or secretly be a git to everyone who is more truly sincere then frankly she deserves whatever he decides to give her which will probably partly involve periods of anger and unhappiness.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 14

SirRamAlot

Even when you're taken, face boobs ass still exist elsewhere

Reply 15

The_Last_Melon

Anyone who is completely emotionally and physically satisfied is not going to look elsewhere. So do not deny each other and you won't have a problem.

Reply 16

username677182

You sound surprised! :mmm:

Reply 17

Millie228

Because loads of young people get into relationship for the sake of having someone, not because they are profoundly in love.

However, if you have been together for years, the "butterflies" will go away and you'll start noticing other people more.
I see plenty of people who have been together a few months and are still crushing on others though. It's the guys who enter relationships just to have a woman, sex etc. and the girls who give their number to anyone who approaches them and want to have a boyfriend. If you're not selective, you'll always keep looking around.