I feel as if I'm socially excluded because I don't drink?

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Hey.

I rarely drink either and am also not invited to any random drinking parties. I think thats more to do with the fact that I'm not in the 'cool' social circle than for the reason that I hardly drink.

To be honest I'm not really bothered and even when I go to uni in september I'm still not going to drink just because others are and/or people might not want to hang out with me since I must be boring as I don't drink.

Just do whatever you feel comfortable doing and if that's an issue with others than it's their loss. After all, for all we know, you could be a fun person to hang out with, without mixing alcohol into the equation.

This person has it right.

Reply 41

Lucia.

It could be a pretty innocent reason. For example, if you don't accept early invitations, people assume that you're not interested in joining them for certain occasions and just won't think to invite you.

But if it is because you don't drink, then hang around with people who respect you more.

Reply 42

sheldorbaggins

They would probably think that you wouldn't be interested in going and think that it would upset you to see them intoxicated etc or they could be those type of people who invite the village fool so that they can have a good laugh and wouldn't really care to have someone there with no great entertainment value. So it's probably just because you don't drink not that you're generally hated.

Reply 43

Malevolent

I know how you feel but believe it or not your not the only person in the world who is like that, there are people who don't like drinking or just don't drink. I don't think your hated i think its just those people have a view your going to be bored if you go out not drinking.

But I always say a Diet Coke will do me just fine :smile:

Reply 44

TimmonaPortella

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry I exist you *******, its people like you that make me think I might as well live at home when I go to university in September. I mean, if people aren't gonna invite me out- I can just live at home, it would be no different.

Either people just think you won't want to go out with them because you don't drink -- in which case it's open to you to correct them -- or they don't like you. You know better than anyone on here which is more likely.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 45

feghdan

I read all the comments , some of the comments could be partially right but what I perceived is that you are hanging out with the wrong group of people , the people who you may have very little in common with them.
try to find like-minded people and make friends with them , actual friends enjoy hanging out with their mates whether sober or not .

Reply 46

Elsie-

Have you made it a big deal that you're not drinking? I don't really drink but I don't make a statement, or even say, 'I don't drink', I just choose not to always pick the alcoholic drink and still always get invited out with my friends. If you're having fun and socialising with people I don't see why it should be a problem. Maybe you should talk to your friends and explain that just because you don't drink it doesn't mean you have a problem with people around you drinking and that you'd still like to go out with them! If they're still still not inviting you out after that maybe it's time to find some different friends.

Reply 47

canadamoose

I'm not a big drinker, mainly because I really don't like myself when I'm drunk. But when my friends go out drinking, I make sure that I have a rum and coke or something, just socially. I am able to get along with drunk people while I'm sober (this is a trait that I love having) and so it's ok for my friends to invite me.

I do know some people who don't drink and judge those who do. They wouldn't be invited out, mainly because they bring the party down. Sometimes sober people are more of a drag than a voice of reason, so if you're like that, that'd be why.

Reply 48

superduper9

Original post by Mockery

People like drinking to let themselves go and lose inhibitions, you can't do that when the bloke sat next to you is sober and judging every damn thing you do/say.

Others begin to feel awkward for your own sake because they know that drunk people are appalling company for anyone even the slightest bit less toxicated than themselves.

Why don't you drink by the way? Personal choice?

Wtf?! Why would you think someone who isn't drinking is judging you? They're not drinking because of their personal choice or given circumstances. If anything, you're judging them for not drinking. The fact that they've come out with you says that they like your company and are up for a good time.

There's no need for you to feel awkward either; its not like they can't eat or drink at all - they can still drink something non-alcoholic, chat, share jokes, and just have a good time. If they thought people who drink were appalling company, they wouldn't have come out with you in the first place. By making these ridiculous assumptions, people like you make life difficult for those like OP who want to go out and a have good time but not drink. Alcohol isn't the be all, end all. Read what the person below has written:

Original post by Syrokal

Might just be your personality im afraid, I don't drink and im always hitting the town with mates, staying out as long as they are, dancing just as retardedly as they are and waking up feeling a lot better than they are.

Spot on, this is what I was trying to convey. People who don't drink, and a mate of mine is like that, still comes out with us and has a great time. If anything, he gets more crazy than those of us who drink - he's naturally very outgoing and a great laugh. So its very easy for him, even without alcohol, to entertain us!

OP, work on becoming more sociable and fun to be around. When people enjoy and appreciate your company, you will get invited out more. Next time you're out, by a round of drinks and get yourself whatever you like. Just say it quite casually that you can't drink, but still are up for a good time!

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 49

superduper9

Original post by Elsie-

I've read two of your responses - really sensible and great advice! I have a feeling that you're quite street smart :tongue:

Reply 50

scottjwilson1987

Just go to stuff that doesnt include drinking like running or cycling club. You'll find most of these don't drink even socially.

Reply 51

POWCATTY

maybe show more of an interest when your friends go out. stuff like, where you going, whos going, sounds like itll be fun etc. integrate yourself into their plans. dont make a deal of not drinking. drink coke or whatever, but perhaps dont specifically say its not got alcohol. its not being ashamed, or embarrassed, its more about appearing more socially 'normal' (for want of a better word) to people who perhaps arent comfortable with you not drinking. sounds bad, but i know plenty of people that avoid those who dont drink on nights out, thinking that they are weird, or boring or whatever. if you do hang out with them when they drink, kind of go with the flow. obviously sober people arent much fun, unless you are fairly outgoing anyway. that goes for your defense/offense, like you showed above! normally its fine (although, maybe stand your ground a bit more, rather than giving ground so quickly lol!) but not really with drunk people!!
anyway, youre not at uni yet...so why are you worrying?! people at uni are definitley more open to people not drinking (well, generally) i have a couple of friends who dont drink at all, and although they chose to not come out, they do come along for the predrinks etc. there are a lot of people who also dont drink very much, or dont go out all the time.
youll be fine! just yeah, make sure you are open and show interest in their activities :smile:

Reply 52

Substantia

Original post by rival_

Bull sh*t nobody needs to drink to have fun, coffee mugs have done the trick for years. It's all an illusion, if you think about it people drink just to lack conscience control. Alcohol is just a liquid, water is a liquid, coke zero is a liquid. Coke zero will increase your blood glucose concentration and induce a physical state of alertness. You don't HAVE to drink, your friends have to accustom themselves to the fact that you don't want/like/ to drink.

Confidence, lack of self consciousness and increased esteem may well be influenced by the social situation (the party environment) but alcohol clearly does effect the way you act and is certainly not an illusion. Itis possible to have fun without drinking if you are outgoing, sociable and naturally confident but tbh people who lack these qualities when sober can often come across as quite boring.

(Your liquid argument is just silly, intravenous heroin and hydrogen cyanide are also liquids, the state of a chemical doesn't nullify its pharmacological activity.)

Reply 53

Feelmyage

Original post by Anonymous

I just don't get any invites to anywhere- I'm not sure if thats because I'm generally hated ect or because I don't drink.

What can I do.

I used to feel the same,people weren't interested in me and i would be invisible to girls if i didn't drink

My advice would be too start drinking,even if its only 3 or 4 drinks at a party or a club,it will change your experience and how people see you

Reply 54

Isambard Kingdom Brunel

You need to have fun, regardless of whether you are drinking or not.

I have no tolerance for lager; 2 pints and I am completely smashed. Any more than that I will vomit all over the place.

So it is normally a cheap night for me, which means I have more money to spend on paying for other people's drinks, hence I ALWAYS get invited out even though I'm a boring minger. :cool:

Reply 55

Mockery

Original post by superduper9

You don't drink do you? I've had nights out when I haven't drunk yet everyone around me is going hammer and tongs at the beer pump and I can safely say that the level of enjoyment that I was experiencing was drastically hindered. I also found myself realising how stupid some of the things you do when drunk are which added to the feeling of being sidelined. The vast majority of other individuals appear to behave exactly the same in this situation, as I said before I only know of one person who genuinely enjoys going out when she isn't drinking and we literally can't tell the difference.

Reply 56

superduper9

Original post by Mockery

If you had finished reading my post, you would have realised that I wrote "If anything, he gets more crazy than those of us who drink" which means that I do drink.

If you're enjoyment was hindered, that is your own personal experience and does not account for every single person that doesn't drink. If they don't normally drink, then being pressurised into drinking would be the point where they stopped having fun. If, instead, they joined in with everyone, was allowed to drink whatever they wanted and still could socialise, then I can't see why they can't have fun.

Of course, I agree that people who do not drink may feel out of place in a booze night where its just about getting hammered. However, if its a night out and drinking is only a part of it, then there is no reason why those who don't drink can't get involved. Like I said, a friend of ours doesn't drink and it makes no difference. We hardly even notice it any more. Moreover, like Elsie said in her response, you don't have to make it known to the world that you don't drink. People go out together, get what they like to eat or drink, have some fun and like I say, many times we don't notice who has had what drink.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 57

Mockery

Original post by superduper9

If you had finished reading my post, you would have realised that I wrote "If anything, he gets more crazy than those of us who drink" which means that I do drink.

Fair enough I should have kept reading, but that is one individual that you regularly invite out due to him being able to have a good time. How many people have you met who seem unable to do that? And do you invite them out often?

Original post by superduper9

If you're enjoyment was hindered, that is your own personal experience and does not account for every single person that doesn't drink. If they don't normally drink, then being pressurised into drinking would be the point where they stopped having fun. If, instead, they joined in with everyone, was allowed to drink whatever they wanted and still could socialise, then I can't see why they can't have fun.

What I'm getting at is that it is difficult to get involved when you are the only one not drinking, I even find this the case when I'm with the same people, doing the same routine, but without a drink in hand. But then again, maybe I'm just dependent on alcohol? :rolleyes:

Original post by superduper9

Of course, I agree that people who do not drink may feel out of place in a booze night where its just about getting hammered. However, if its a night out and drinking is only a part of it, then there is no reason why those who don't drink can't get involved. Like I said, a friend of ours doesn't drink and it makes no difference. We hardly even notice it any more. Moreover, like Elsie said in her response, you don't have to make it known to the world that you don't drink. People go out together, get what they like to eat or drink, have some fun and like I say, many times we don't notice who has had what drink.

Exactly the point I'm making, a lot of people do feel out of place in this situation. For people who you know can have a good time, things are not in the slightest bit awkward, they are only ever awkward when you're with people who look bored ragged and those who are new to you. As for those who are new to you, not drinking makes getting to know one another impossible, try bonding with someone who has been back and forth from the bar a fair few times, it's bloody difficult.

Last but not least, I would consider myself someone who gives people the chance, inviting them out often despite whether or not they drink or if they seem like they enjoy it. I can say that the majority of the time when dealing with someone who doesn't drink it feels like getting blood out of a stone, and they'll stop willingly coming out after a while anyway as opposed to me stopping inviting them.

Reply 58

Anonymous #1

Everyone has automatically assumed that because I don't drink, I'm boring---

Reply 59

superduper9

Original post by Anonymous

Everyone has automatically assumed that because I don't drink, I'm boring---

No, quite the opposite - I was trying to argue this point, but it keeps getting misinterpreted.

To answer your question, and not enter into a different debate with others, my point is that, on nights out where drinking isn't the only activity, you have no need to feel socially excluded, so long as you are outgoing, good to chat to, happy to have a laugh, share a bit of banter and just mingle. If, at the moment, you feel left out, then as someone else suggested, plan a night out and invite those close to you; buy everyone there the first round of drinks and get yourself whatever is your favourite (non-alcoholic) drink. As one other poster pointed out, when you get involved and buy a round, you're on everybody's good side, even if you don't drink yourself. Don't misinterpret as buying their friendship, but simply as something that shows you can make the effort to be part of the group. Once they see you get involved with the group and being active, then it shouldn't be long before they start inviting you out. I would start with these simple things and with time, you should feel socially included! Best of luck :smile: