Gf slept with someone else after we broke up - help!

mb1986

Hi

Basically me and my gf of 18 months split up and within a month she was seeing someone else. This has lasted a month and now she wants to get back with me, and she is saying that the relationship that she is now in is just a rebound and she wants me back. She feels really stupid for getting with this guy and knows she has made a mistake and only did cos she was lonely after the break up.

I want her back but I'm really struggling with the fact that she has slept with someone else (even though she was single) and feel like she never cared about me if she was willing to jump straight into bed with another guy so soon after she was with me. She is insists she did care about me, she was just on the rebound and lonely

Is it normal to feel this hurt that she slept with someone?

(edited 11 years ago)

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

321zero

Original post by mb1986

Hi

Basically me and my gf of 18 months split up and within a few weeks she was seeing someone else. This has lasted a month and now she wants to get back with me, and she is saying that the relationship that she is now in is just a rebound and she wants me back.

I want her back but I'm really struggling with the fact that she has slept with someone else (even though she was single) and feel like she never cared about me if she was willing to jump straight into bed with another guy so soon after she was with me.

Is it normal to feel this hurt that she slept with someone?

Move on. You will never forget she slept with someone else so soon. It will come up again and again. Plenty more fish in the sea pal.

Reply 2

Truflais

Original post by 321zero

Move on. You will never forget she slept with someone else so soon. It will come up again and again. Plenty more fish in the sea pal.

This.

She is probably still on the rebound but that doesn't excuse what she's doing. Yes, you were broken up and she was within her right to have sex with someone else. But to be in another relationship so soon and still say how she wants to be back with you WHILST she's with another person? That isn't fair on you. Try your best to move on.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 3

sugarmouse

In my experience-it can and often does cause a lot of problems.

But it doesn't have to!
It's most likely not that she didn't care about you-she was probably dealing with the hurt of the break up.

It's hard for me to give any further advice without knowing A) Why you split up and B) What she's said and how she's acted, when the scenario has been discussed afterwards!

One good thing to remember if you do get back together and want to make it work is, you were together and happy for X amount of time, you broke up-she likely thought you'd never get back together, and what she did is just one small instance when compared to what you perhaps did have and could have in future. It can be a big deal but it doesn't have to be.

Reply 4

expectopatronumm

ID feel the exact same as you. However some people do sleep with someone else to try and forget about the fact that they lost someone they love. You need to give a good think about your options.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

letitia

or she cares for you, but she was horny at the time.

I'd have an issue with whether she felt the sex with this other dude was meaningful or not. If it was a one off thing probably not...

Have you told her your concerns? Better to tell her where she stands now than two months down the line in an argument built up on doubt, hurt and jealousy.

Reply 6

Elsie-

Of course you have the right to be hurt, you're human! However people do deal with things in different ways and when someone is hurting they do tend to do things they later regret, but it's understandable if you can't get over it. If you think you can't get over it, as hard as it is, it's best if you try and move on.

Reply 7

username474976

It's a difficult one. Technically she hasn't done anything wrong (as she was single) but it's definitely in the grey area because to start sleeping with someone so soon indicates a lack of emotional attachment to you. I mean, if you were genuinely upset about a relationship ending you would try and fix it, you wouldn't start sleeping around. Personally, I would find that difficult to deal with.

Reply 8

Historicity

I wish people would maybe open up a bit more.

We all make mistakes, we all do silly things as rebounds, heat of the moment, desperation, longing for worth.

Why don't you do the mature thing and say maybe if you can prove you want to be with me by being caring, forget about the mistakes and let's try again.

I see no point in cutting off my nose to spite my face, neither should you. We make mistakes, she made one, she regrets it, as long as she is truly sorry and you don't see any other problems then why be unhappy just because something she did when she was not officially with you was what you deem hurtful and now she regrets it anyway?

Reply 9

username474976

Original post by expectopatronumm

However some people do sleep with someone else to try and forget about the fact that they lost someone they love.

Original post by sugarmouse

It's most likely not that she didn't care about you-she was probably dealing with the hurt of the break up.

Girl A's relationship ends. She starts sleeping with someone else.
Girl B's relationship ends. She's too hurt to even think about anyone else.

Who do you think - ethically and personally - is in the right?

Reply 10

canadamoose

Why do so many people think what she did was wrong? Yes, it was soon after the relationship. But a lot of people need to physically detach themselves from their ex to get over them - and she did that my physically attaching herself elsewhere. It makes a lot of sense to try and remove herself from the previous relationship entirely so that she can move on.

It is perfectly understandable that she did that, and now that she's realised that she didn't want to be split from you, she's made a point of telling you what happened and is expressing herself fully and openly.

I see nothing wrong here. If you want her back, she's being honest.

Reply 11

sugarmouse

Original post by maskofsanity

It depends on the people involved.

Reply 12

C.M.182

I'd probably try and move on mate, or if you are still really into her, at least make her sweat about it and let her try and prove to you how much she actually wants to get back with you.

Reply 13

SuperSam_Fantastiche

Original post by maskofsanity

Well neither is in the wrong...

Reply 14

username474976

Original post by canadamoose

I think you're diluting the situation here. It wasn't simply a physical detachment, i.e. it wasn't a one night stand. She started seeing someone else and sleeping with him. There's a big difference. The former is an irrational, possibly drunken, mistake after breaking-up, the latter is a continued conscience effort to see someone and get closer to them in a relationship.

Reply 15

canadamoose

Original post by maskofsanity

Still, I think she was trying to get over her previous relationship with a rebound, which is something that a lot of people do. It's a tried and tested method; works wonders for some people, but clearly not her, as it made her realise she wanted her old relationship back. It's not like she ran off and got engaged, or started the rebound while in her other relationship.

Reply 16

username474976

Original post by SuperSam_Fantastiche

Well neither is in the wrong...

...because?

Original post by canadamoose

I understand the reasoning behind it, I just don't agree with it like you. If she was ready to start a new (sexual) relationship so soon then I don't see how you wouldn't question her loyalty/personality.

Reply 17

canadamoose

Original post by maskofsanity

Fair enough if we don't agree!

I wouldn't question it. Some people don't make sex quite as personal as others, and they view it as more of an "act" for pleasure than a meaningful expression of themselves. I can't say that I'd do what she did, as I don't think I'd be able to detach sex from my current relationship, but a year ago, I think I would've been able to do what she did and honestly say that loyalty wasn't an issue.

Reply 18

username474976

Original post by canadamoose

It's not the sex per se. Like I said earlier, it's also the fact that it was a relationship. There's a difference between meaningless sex and seeing someone.