Why do people in relationships still have 'crushes' on other people?

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Not everyone does. It actually makes me feel ill at the thought of fancying/doing things with other men. I really don't seem to find anyone else apart from my boyfriend attractive at all.

Reply 21

scrotgrot

It is simply natural. You get crushes which seem exciting but that's because you haven't discovered all the stupid/annoying/boring sides to those people's lives like you have with your partner. You then recognise this bias and ignore the crushes.

Reply 22

Turty

Original post by MancBoy

Through my years I have come across this quite a lot. Through college, university and even work!

I always notice a group of ladies (older and younger) always having crushes on the 'hot guy'...WHY!?

They already have boyfriends/husbands so why do they still fancy other people?

What strikes me is that people seem to be okay with it and see it as normal behavior. I don't know about you guys but I would be really hurt of my girlfriend had a crush on other guys.

(oh and guys do this too before all you girls get butt hurt)

There you go, answer it yourself haha.

Reply 23

sugarmouse

Once you're in a relationship with someone-you don't automatically begin to find every other member of the opposite (or same or whatever!) sex repulsive, that's why.

It's unrealistic to think that any other way. If a guy fancies girl a and girl b, and begins to go out with girl a, perhaps even falling in love-it doesn't change the fact that he still thinks girl b is pretty and fun or whatever, she's still the same person as she was before he began to date girl a.

Reply 24

McUsername

I don't expect my boyfriend not to find other girls attractive, they're still attractive whether he's taken or not. As long as he doesn't do any more than look, I'm generally ok with it. After all if he liked them that much he wouldn't waste his time in a relationship with someone else. & vice versa (or, I think anyway, he doesn't ever say otherwise) :smile:

Reply 25

Lucia.

Original post by MancBoy

What strikes me is that people seem to be okay with it and see it as normal behavior. I don't know about you guys but I would be really hurt of my girlfriend had a crush on other guys.

Maybe I'm being a bit too literal about this but I haven't had a crush for about 2 years now. I just don't get them anymore because it takes me a long time to make up my about mind about someone, regardless of how attractive they are.

Oh and I certainly don't fawn around 'hot' guys because they get enough of that.

I expect anyone I'd date to continue to find other women attractive and I'm pretty okay with that, well as okay as it's possible to be. It's better to be open about the fact you still find other people attractive rather than try to bury it. Then I only date people I know for certain I'm attracted to because it isn't fair to treat anyone as a 'second-best' option.

I deliberately don't make friendships with men if I'm in a relationship, and often if I'm not. I doubt I'd have enough proximity with other men to develop any kind of attraction anyway.

Reply 26

aspirinpharmacist

Do celebrity crushes count? My mum is always making jokes about Hugh Jackman. When my dad hears he doesn't seem overly concerned. He's just like "Must be gay." Despite the fact that he's married. My dad was watching Van Helsing a while ago and my mum was teasing my dad about Kate Beckinsale. The two of them are hilarious. But both my parents know the other wouldn't cheat. Never heard of them having crushes on people they actually know though.

Also, as long as they never acted on the crush, I'd just laugh at them about it. I don't imagine I'd stop fancying fictional characters if I was in a relationship. As for real people, I have no idea. If I'm ever in that situation I'll let you know. Proper crushes aren't something I tend to fall into very quickly, it usually takes a while. Full-on fancying someone else I wouldn't be ok with, but the kind of shallow crush you have on celebrities? They can have as many as they like. But of course your partner is still going to find other people attractive. I'm not catty about other girls being pretty though, they can't help it after all. So as long as they didn't get too friendly, I wouldn't mind. Crushes happen, you can't control them.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 27

Ronove

Original post by scrotgrot

Thiiiiis.

Reply 28

metric

You can appreciate someone else being attractive, it is as soon as you start finding them emotionally attractive i.e having feelings for them, that it is a worry.

I don't really look at anyone else and find them hot or whatever anymore, but if someone asks me if 'this person' is hot I can agree or disagree.

Reply 29

Malevolent

You don't have to lust over someone if you find them attractive. One can appreciate another persons looks without it implying I want them. I won't bring it up with my partner and say wow she's stunning but if she brought it up or a friend did I can agree. Your telling me that you want to be in a relationship where you can't even say someone else is good looking. Seems like your going to be treading a thin line for a very long time.

When your in a relationship you don't suddenly only think your partner is good looking. As long as it doesn't develop into emotional feelings then why not?

Reply 30

MancBoy

Thanks for the comments everyone I understand your points but are you really telling me that if your partner had a crush on someone else they know...would you feel even a little upset/inadequate?

Reply 31

Lemonzaz

Its natural to find other people attractive, but this doesn't mean you'll act upon it as being in love and being attracted to someone is not the same thing. My boyfriend has a 'crush' on Liv tyler and i agree that she's stunning but that doesn't mean i don't think he loves me just because he's appreciating someone else's looks.
If it's acted upon, and real feeling start to occur, then yes thats different - a crush is innocent.

Reply 32

Tim2341

Original post by MancBoy

I thought that same as you, I noticed the wandering eyes too- It's basically a form of betrayal.

Reply 33

the666thmessiah

Coz we are naturally from a polyandry practicing species?

Reply 34

socio-p

it's a free world.

who the ****ing hell are you to tell people what they can or cannot do?

cheating is normal, get with it.

Reply 35

socio-p

Original post by Ezekiella

Personally I get a bit offended whenever a guy who has a gf is clearly ogling me/flirting with me. I wouldn't say it's "betrayal" but it definitely irritates me. If you're not in a relationship with me you have no right to play around with me.

maybe he wants to cheat.

I don't get the furore on cheating. As per my above post, it's a free world, anything goes.

Reply 36

Ezekiella

Original post by socio-p

maybe he wants to cheat.

I don't get the furore on cheating. As per my above post, it's a free world, anything goes.

lol

Reply 37

socio-p

Yeah, basic human behaviour is funny. Do you laugh at people walking or talking?

Reply 38

Ezekiella

Original post by socio-p

Yeah, basic human behaviour is funny. Do you laugh at people walking or talking?

3/10 for trolling, needs some work son. :tongue:

Reply 39

ce90

I would also like to know the answer to this. I read the whole thread. :biggrin:

I got one crush, but they wouldn't be interested in me. I would never cheat anyhow. So I am just trying to channel it into admiring the work they do instead (which I think is where it stemmed from) :P. It has actually made me want to learn more about the thing they specialise in.