Should your partner be more important than friends?

I dont mean your partner should come before family work or anything like that but surely they should be of some importance to you?

I just ask because I am at the very bottom of my boyfriend priorities my feelings dont count and im always an after thought.

We hardly talk because he works all day which im not moaning about at all,but then he doesnt talk to me in the eveings either because he's at the pub every night with his work friends and doesnt get in till late. Again i dont mind this but i feel like he knows nothing about me he doesnt ask about my life, ive been in hospital recently he doesnt know, i went through a pregnancy scare he doesnt know about that either becuase he just replies with one worded answers and I feel like im bothering him

He sees his friends atleast 5 times a week he invites them out with all his work mates and they go out to dinner and clubbing im never invited. When i do see him i see him for about an hour a week , he says i cant go round till 8 after the pub and then makes me leave at 9 as he has to get up for work. I cant see him on the weekend because he lies in bed till 12 plays football till 5 then goes out with his friends clubbing and on sunday hes to tired.

I dont expect him to put me above his friends but surely how i feel should be more important? tonight hes out at dinner with the new girl from work then off clubbing with all his friends and her for the night he's not spoken to me at all today, i ended up again in hospital having more tests ( I have kidney problems) which again he has no idea abotu even when i do tell him he says ok good luck and never asks me about it. I just cry constantly i feel second best and its making me depressed i love him and id drop anyting for him but for him it seems im just sex on tap abd somebody to hang outwith when he is bored, bearing in mind hes 26 next year i didnt think hed act like this

Reply 1

ETRC

It sounds like he doesn't even know you exist. You should tell him how much you miss him because you never see him.

Reply 2

Pride

Hi, I'm sorry you feel that way. It does sound like you spend hardly any time together now. How long have you been together? Do you think it's always been like this, was there something that caused things to change?

If you think practically, you can do two things. You can tell him how you're feeling. Now I'm not saying that that would be a simple conversation, it might not be. Use times when it's quiet and there are no distractions. Do you live together? Perhaps it'd be easier that way. Keep it light-hearted if you think it could quickly turn into an argument. And also, don't expect an instant change in the relationship, change could be gradual. Ask him questions too, is he happy with the relationship, does he think you see each other enough, does he understand why you aren't happy? Read his body language and try to understand what's gone wrong.

The only other thing you can do is break up. You have feelings for him, but do you think things will ever improve? If so, then you have to talk and make it clear to him that you aren't happy. If you come to realise that things won't improve, then it'd do you good to break up.

What you can't do, is remain sad about how little time you spend together. It requires effort from both of you to make it work.

Reply 3

igloo1

sounds like a serious talk needs to be had here.

Hmmmm maybe

dump him pronto

Original post by Anonymous

Just leave him, he clearly doesn't give a damn about you, this isn't a relationship. Friends are very important

Reply 7

consumed by stuff

i bet you still have sex with him though.

Reply 8

yashkaminah

Heyya.

I think that you should never have to decide between the two. Me and my partner share all the same friends, and if anything, that actually eases so much tension in our relationship.

I wouldn't call what you have a relationship though. I think you should sit down together and write a list of things that couples stereo-typically do or qualities they have, and things that you guys do and qualities you have, and choose to improve things from there :smile:

It's not easy to just up and leave someone who's been such a big part in your life, but if you can't sort it out then he's not worth wrecking yourself over. Give it some time, and a chance and things will get better one way or another! :biggrin:

Reply 9

tashazzz

I don't think boyfriends should come before friends no, equal to maybe, but not before. Your boyfriend seems like a dick to be honest. If anything he's using you. He doesn't seem interested at all. Are you sure he's even doing what he claims to be? 6 days drinking every single week sounds extremely excessive for me. Wouldn't surprise me if he was cheating to be honest.