Do you think marriage makes a difference?

I want to know what people think about marriage. Do you think that there is a big difference between marriage and just cohabiting?

For example, I don't feel that marriage is a massive step if you're cohabiting already since after a wedding you just go back to normal life anyway but when I voiced this opinion in a conversation I was told not to be ridiculous and of course it makes a huge difference.

My parents have cohabited for the last 22 years without being married and I don't think their lives would be any different if they were married.

What do you think?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

yes, once you get married the girl becomes more demanding.

Reply 2

Alpharius

The bank balance changes.

Negative change.

My parents have cohabited for longer, marriage wouldn't shut them up/change anything.

Reply 3

Arenas123

Well of course it makes a difference in some ways.

The rights of a spouse are vastly different to the rights of someone you're cohabiting with.

Legally speaking who makes your Mums medical decisions if she's unable to make them herself ? If they just live together then any one of your Mums family could step in and veto your Dads decision. Unless they have set something up in writing giving him power of attorney.

I can't say for sure if it makes an emotional difference but I've heard that it has. I for one plan on getting married. I think it will bring me closer to the person in question. If I'm wrong I will return to this thread some time in the next two decades.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 4

username242140

Original post by Arenas123

I also plan on getting married. Obviously I don't know until it happens but I don't think being married will make me love my husband any more or less than just being with him would.

My parents have legal thingies so like my Dad's pension and life insurance etc goes to my Mum if something happens, and the house and whatnot are all jointly done.

I meant more on an emotional level than a legal rights level. I know the rights are different. :3

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Reply 5

Arenas123

Original post by Beckyweck

Well that's fair enough. Saying that I hope they have something that gives the other the right to make decisions in medical cases etc.

I think it makes a big difference. On a psychological level we have been brought up to see marriage as the next step. I mean you're with someone and then you get engaged and there's this big celebration. The bride's in a white dress and they act like it's the best day of their lives etc.

I feel for me, on a subconscious level it will automatically make me feel closer to the person because all these things have been ingrained into my mind all my life.

Some people (like your parents) may not have these feelings and therefore a wedding would not bring them closer.

Obviously it goes without saying that some cohabiting couples will be happier than some married couples and vice versa. I think the act of marriage can bring people closer but also create a burden due to the pressure of feeling like you have to stay together.

Reply 6

SpiggyTopes

I can't see myself ever getting married- I'm not religious so I see nothing wrong with cohabiting and I can't see any reason to get married.

Reply 7

username242140

Original post by Arenas123

To be honest I've never had cause to ask if they have medical stuff. xD

They originally intended to get married but they were a young couple and they had me so when they left uni they didn't have much money. By the time they could afford to get married they'd been together ages and said it wouldn't make much difference now so spend their disposable income on stuff they want.

Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I have a skewed view because of growing up in an unmarried household, so I thought I'd ask the TSR public. :P

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Reply 8

SpiggyTopes

Original post by Beckyweck

Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I have a skewed view because of growing up in an unmarried household, so I thought I'd ask the TSR public. :P

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You have the same view as me and my parents have been married for pretty much the same length of time yours have been cohabiting.

Reply 9

Arenas123

Original post by Beckyweck

I'm sure your parents situation has some effect on you. Then again the way marriage is portrayed in the media and people you know who are married will also influence your opinions.

Either way you have your opinion so no need to over think it :wink:

Reply 10

Dragonfly07

For long term partners, marriage makes it worse. It was fine for them beforehand (because they managed to be long term), and then suddenly marriage made everything more boring, predictable, and monotonous. Also people start to have doubts as soon as they're married because the realisation that there is a legal contract binding together downs in.

Reply 11

Cryl

Hmm. I, personally, don't believe in marriage. Although it's good for the economy, but personally, I find it outdated and overrated.

If you need a legal contract to make sure your partner does not leave you, then that says something about how much you trust them hence raising questions about how close you actually are to them. It's just marriage is no longer necessary. I'd rather spend the money it'd take for a fancy wedding, on something for myself and my partner rather than on a ceremony, where I'll have spend it on food & drinks for people I don't even care about (but have unfortunately invited out of pressure).

That being said, for some, marriage can have great emotional benefits. They may feel their relationship is more secure. etc etc.

Reply 12

patterson

both men and women in cohabiting relationships are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners than married people i think

Reply 13

cartman

Marriage is geared in favour of the woman. No sensible man would even think about getting married.

Reply 14

patterson

http://www.civitas.org.uk/images/chart.gif

Reply 15

cartman

Original post by patterson

both men and women in cohabiting relationships are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners than married people i think

What a load of tosh. That's why around 42% of marriages end in divorce.

Reply 16

Psyk

It depends on the people. If they don't really think that much about marriage and end up just getting married because it's the "done thing", then the relationship probably won't change. But I suppose some people might start behaving differently once they're married because of the cultural associations that come with it. They might start thinking "Ok, now we're married it's more serious", so their behaviour and therefore the relationship changes.

Original post by patterson

http://www.civitas.org.uk/images/chart.gif

Correlation is not causation.

Reply 17

CreedofMaurus

I suppose it makes a difference if your religious, apart from that I don't think it does...my parents have been married for almost 30 years, my dads catholic and believes marriage is important, however my boyfriends parents have been together longer had 4 children and are not married, they are happy and completely fine. So I suppose it depends on the person and background really.

Reply 18

sevchenko

religious or not marriage is important, it provides what a family needs the most and that's security and stability. I'm Sickened by how many divorces there are in today's society

Reply 19

Zarek

It's personal choice, if it means something to you. My view is that it is not something to rush in to, ie know someone for 5 years first, but it has merits in being a clear statement of intent and maybe even reassuring for kids. Can't deny that the high divorce rate tends to undermine this institution, mind..