How can I get her to be less shy/aloof/see she is attractive?

And get her more into having a relationship, however relaxed. Because she is a great girl, so special-friends, career etc, but she doesn't seemingly have or want to have a relationship. I think it might be inexperience or maybe being quite self contained but shy in a way. I've never felt like this about anyone, never felt such affection for a girl. I really want to get closer to someone for the first time. So how do I break her distant barrier, get her more open to me and possibly intimacy?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Can you give some more details? How old are you and what's the nature of your relationship at the moment?

Reply 2

Wiffy

Well you could try invite her out on a 'date' you know just something where you can spend some time together get to know more about each other and that way you may get the gist if she is interested or not.

Reply 3

FubbyTucker

I'm sure pushing her into a relationship when she clearly doesn't want one is the way forward....

Try being her friend and let her decide if she wants to take it any further. If not, then there's your answer.

Reply 4

Studentus-anonymous

Maybe you can just respect she doesn't want a relationship, or fancy you.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Wiffy

We're not around each other consistently enough. I want her though.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Cue cynical and bitchy responses from people who don't even kow the situation. Glad if it inflates your self esteem though...

Reply 7

Wiffy

Original post by Anonymous

We're not around each other consistently enough. I want her though.

Have you spoken to her before? Are you in the same friendship group or class?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Wiffy

Have you spoken to her before? Are you in the same friendship group or class?

Yeah, a long convo but once. And it's the same club.

Reply 9

Wiffy

Hmm...well it's a difficult one really...have you got her mobile number? Because if not you could ask her for it somehow or use facebook and get to know her..more through that. Sorry I don't really know what to suggest.

Reply 10

Ezekiella

OP, does she know you fancy her?

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ezekiella

OP, does she know you fancy her?

Not sure, don't think so.

Reply 12

biomagic

Original post by Anonymous

Not sure, don't think so.

You said you had a long conversation with her? If you don't mind me asking, what was it about?

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by biomagic

You said you had a long conversation with her? If you don't mind me asking, what was it about?

It wasn;t THAT long. But I don;t want to give away too much on here. Just places etc.

Reply 14

biomagic

Original post by Anonymous

It wasn;t THAT long. But I don;t want to give away too much on here. Just places etc.

Yeah, I see.

Are you at university? If so, just make a move man.
If you're at college, just leave it, especially if she doesn't want a relationship.

Reply 15

Ezekiella

Original post by Anonymous

Not sure, don't think so.

Obviously, you need to tell her. (If you don't, you always regret it... I've told douchebags I fancied them before (used to be quite shallow ha) and not regretted it because it's generally better to let people know.) If she doesn't want a relationship obvs you need to be cool with just being friends.

What club are you guys in if you don't mind me asking?

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ezekiella

It's a sports club. I don;t see her enough and we only had the one initial chat. I think she is wonderful though. It's hard to run into her.

Reply 17

Ezekiella

Original post by Anonymous

It's a sports club. I don;t see her enough and we only had the one initial chat. I think she is wonderful though. It's hard to run into her.

It's not one of the sports that tend to be "cliquey" (e.g. tennis or gymnastics) is it? (I think you should talk to her but be careful, one of my friends who was new to polo tried to hit on the treasurer on a night out, big mistake... she was really arrogant and he ended up dropping out of the club as she told everyone).

Maybe try to get to know her a bit better as a friend first? You might not even fancy her any more once you know her better though I'm sure neither of you are "out of each other's league" or anything.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ezekiella

Well we just go the same leisure place, not in the same sport. I'm not in her sport andshe does train, she's bloody good.

Reply 19

Ezekiella

Original post by Anonymous

Well we just go the same leisure place, not in the same sport. I'm not in her sport andshe does train, she's bloody good.

Well just talk to her then and get to know her as a friend first.

I don't see why you think she doesn't think herself attractive/deserving of being in a relationship though... and even if she does if you really like her you should support her as a friend rather than trying to get her to date you. :dontknow: