Ladies - what's the weirdest and worst way a guy has approached you?

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Oh I remembered another one. XD
I'd been playing basketball in my spanish friend's garage, got bored and decided to walk down the street towards the beach, expecting him to follow me (he didn't and went back inside his flat). About 100 yards down the street a man caught up with me from behind and asked me for the time. I told him, then he said 'Ooh estás buena, sabes?' (you're fit, ya know?) I was like um thanks and turned around to go back to the flat. He then said in spanish 'oooh just give me a kiss', I looked at him a bit freaked out and started power-walking back towards my friend's house. He followed me and so I started running, ran up the stairs and banged on the door for my friend to let me in. He took ages to open the door cos he was annoyed I'd gone off without him and when he eventually let me in didn't believe me!

Reply 101

username242140

Original post by tillytots

Walking back from tescos to my halls of residence ( about a ten minute walk) I had my headphones in so had no idea some guy was following me, he followed all the way up to the front door of the block I lived in, finally managed to get my attention and said he'd followed me all the way out of tesco's down here and could he take me out to dinner. I was a bit freaked out considering he was mid 30's and I was only 18 and that he'd followed me all the way to where I lived, got past the gates and all. I said no and just quickly ran down the corridor.

That wasn't in Salford by the tesco express was it? Some random Jamaican guy followed me and my friends back from there when we were in halls there once shouting about how we should go with him.

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Reply 102

Ziggy2252

Original post by modalsoul

Highly unlikely because I usually only get hit on by really old freshies or just freshies in general or really young teenyboppers. That's the extent of it, tbh. Normal guys do not approach women in this way, it's not the movies.

Well theres a reason only young teenyboppers and old freshies hit on you only.

Reply 103

Pigling

Original post by Anonymous

Decent advise thanks.

I disagree with compliments, i think it all depends who the guy is.

If the guy was hot/cute but complimented you, you would feel flattered right. Then again as you say as long as she doesn't blow you out, that's good enough.

Sorry, I didn't mean you can't complement - only that it's a bad idea for a complement about appearance to be the first thing you say.

So you know, after you've started chatting, only if it's right, you might be able complement appearance*. You might be able to open with a complement not about appearance "you've got a good taste in music" but I'd just generally avoid going up to a stranger and the first thing you say is "you're beautiful", "you're cute" etc

*Even this, why say it? Girls will know/guess you find them attractive simply because you've approached them and are flirting with them. I always think it's a bit of a dunce who thinks they need to awkwardly state their physical attraction when it should be obvious from the other things you are saying/doing. I mean what would you think of some random girl who started slobbering over you, saying how fit/good-looking you are, instead of just you know, having some control and exercising a proper two-way conversation.

Yes if you are hot/cute yourself you're more likely to get away with it, but even so, if it were me (and I think it goes for a lot of women) it's more likely to give the impression that that's what you're after, as it were, and that is very off-putting.

Obviously, anyone's interest in a stranger is going largely on appearance. But even if it's sort of like play acting, it's just more polite/appealing to give off the impression you're interested in a person's company without making it obvious from the offset it's because you find them sexually attractive. I can't speak for all girls, but I don't like to think of strangers thinking about getting into bed with me. First line "you're beautiful" (or worse "you're sexy") causes me immediately to think of this as what they want out of me. And it reminds me of every other guy who has gone too far and been creepy/intrusive - most/all of whom start commenting on appearance much too early.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 104

Pigling

Original post by Anonymous

How do you know that you misinterpreted it by thinking that he followed you - maybe, just maybe , he knew he would never see you again so took the opportunity to 'follow you' so that he could chat to you. Putting his ego on the line.

How is that any different from some lout approaching you in a bar?

You aren't being fair.

Now I could be wrong applying this to everyone, but speaking for myself and my friends, and I would guess at least a fair proportion of women: there is literally a little place in the back of our minds where we imagine how we're going to get raped and killed by some psycho.

You hear the stories, you get warned by your mum and dad. We know that most men aren't aggressors, but we also know it's hard to tell the difference. And most of us have already had a fair few run ins with intimidating, rude, pushy strangers already - for whom following is just one way to remove your choice about whether you want to interact with them. Why behave like the guys in that category? Being followed by someone is creepy, it's frightening, it's intrusive.

I want to get on with my day, without imagining someone following and watching me without my knowledge.

Imagine firstly how much you would feel attracted to/comfortable with a woman who spotted you at a distance, followed you for some time and then approached you loudly declaring her sexual interest. Is that a nice experience? Then imagine you frequently hear stories/warnings about women who abduct and kill men, randomnly or after a period of stalking them. Feel any better? Imagine that already you frequently experience such women approaching you without respect for your boundaries or privacy. That is what it is like to be female.

Reply 105

Zarek

I think this is a very interesting thread as it makes visible the amount of hassle the average young woman gets going about day to day. I think it is a concept that as I guy I find hard to envisage. I guess it will still be the same in a 100 years from now and that girls develop ways to handle it, but there is something about this that doesn't seem quite right...

Reply 106

LavenderBlueSky88

Two that come to mind: At my last university a guy (think he was an exchange student) followed me all the way back to my halls from the laundrette with a tea-towel I'd dropped and then knocked on my door to give it to me. That in itself was quite sweet but then he proceeded to follow me around...i'd have to walk past his window to get down to the bustop or the shop so he'd see me and start walking down and subsequently 'bump' into me.

The other one was when I was on the train with my MUM, and there was a group of boys about 16/17 years old (I was about 22 at the time), one of the boys asked if he could borrow the magazine I was reading...so I gave it to him, he then asked to borrow a pen...so I gave him one (slightly confused). When they got off he gave me the magazine back and he's left "call me" with his number scrawled across an advert for a car. The best part was he'd obviously tried to find the most masculine advert in my cosmo magazine. Bless.

Reply 107

IWTGBT07

Wow, I had no idea what's it like to be a woman.

Reply 108

Pigling

Original post by Zarek

It is an issue, but it's also worth remembering these are a collection of the worst/weirdest encounters over a period of years. If a woman who uses walking/public transport does experience some form of this perhaps every couple of days, it's usually no more than a one-off comment or a slightly creepy staring episode. It's more unusual to be followed/persistently harassed, but it does happen.

>90% of men (when you consider all ages and groups) probably don't behave at all in this way, and most women appreciate that.

It is a problem more (but not always) with "freshies" as others have pointed out. I don't like to say it, but I think some men fresh in from other cultures find it difficult to understand the way women behave, appear and expect to be treated in the UK. I don't want to jump to conclusions (and tbh, don't know all that much about the cultures they are from), but I often get the impression that they don't understand that just because women here are more sexually and socially liberated (eg: do have sex outside of marriage, wear less clothing on average, go out on their own, interact with men on their own etc) doesn't make them, well free prostitutes who will just go home with someone off the bus. I think they view women as too sexual and not enough individual.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 109

eventidexc

I was in town about 8 in the evening, but it was summer so it was still really light. Anyway, this 30/40 something year old guy approached me and asked if I wanted to have sex with him.

I was 13.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 110

superduper9

Original post by Kage

It'd be interesting to hear if this kind of thing has ever happened to guys, from girls. I doubt it.

You would be surprised my friend! It's happened only once to me but left me totally shell shocked! Here's what happened:

I was in costa coffee with my friend. I was sat facing the entrance. This lady, probably middle-aged, walks in a few steps and looks over in my direction. She caught my eye by smiling and then waved at me (the flirty sort of wave). I thought she had spotted her friend maybe behind me, so I ignored it at first. She then rushed over to me and said "hi, and how are you today ...." By this point, I'm totally puzzled, I stop the conversation I was having with my friend. The lady breaks the silence after a few seconds and says "oh I'm so sorry, you looked like someone who works in Sainsburys that I know really well." I said don't worry and didn't think too much of it. My friend then says to me, "I think she's trying to come onto you." I said "no way!!".

The lady gets her coffee and sits at the table next to mine, smiling happily at me. I ignore her initially. But then she says "you're a handsome young man .... how about you give me some company" still smiling as though its ok to say this to a total stranger!! I'm like "no its ok, I'm chatting to my friend here" and my friend is trying so hard not to laugh. The lady then says "Don't worry, I'm really friendly and very good company!"

All I could do was say "I think I've finished my coffee .... nice meeting you ... bye" and then made a run for the door.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 111

raaachek

A few months ago I was jogging along the canal at about 8am on a Saturday morning and these two guys walked past and one of them said, 'You want a c0ck in your a$$?' I just stopped and turned around and stared at them as they walked on laughing... they were pretty well built so I wasn't gonna put up a fight. I was probably dressed a bit inappropriately - leggings and a top that didn't cover my bum - but I don't think that totally justified it.

I remember once when I was about 16, I was cycling to school and a man rolled down his car window and said he wanted to suck my *****.

There've been other ordeals but I've managed to more or less wipe them from my memory.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 112

gemmam

Whilst going to the local shop at 9pm some guy came over to me and asked if I had a light, I said no and he tried to drag me on to a building site. I got away and he followed me home shouting things after me like "how old are you?" "do you have a boyfriend?". Also on a derby day, again whilst going the shop, I was blocked from going into the shop by a drunk Liverpool supporter because I was wearing blue (demin jacket). He then proceeded to stroke my hair and face and tried to kiss me. It was only 3pm.

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Reply 113

Future African game vet

came sleezing over to me in a club in the backstreets of cyprus and said
"hey gorgeous, you've got tiny hands, why don't you put them round my cock, it'll make it look bigger"

WTF, it doesn't even make sense!!!

Reply 114

gemmam

Original post by Future African game vet

He mustnt have been very well endowned

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Reply 115

kat91s

I turned down a drink from a guy in a bar because I wasn't interested, and he followed me around for the rest of the night, repeatedly asking me to dance, telling me I was the most gorgeous girl he's ever seen, and trying to buy me drinks. When I left with my friends he ran after our taxi.

Reply 116

T_x

Original post by Anonymous

So lets do a role reversal - if it was a girl who approached a guy would it be more acceptable.

And it does happen, seen it with my good looking friends. I also know of guys that do approach women on the street and have been successful.

How do you know that you misinterpreted it by thinking that he followed you - maybe, just maybe , he knew he would never see you again so took the opportunity to 'follow you' so that he could chat to you. Putting his ego on the line.

How is that any different from some lout approaching you in a bar?

And who cares if he's older, it's not like he is approaching an underage girl, is he? Fair play to the man.

Btw sorry for being like this, but you clearly have no idea how hard it is to approach a girl you fancy only for her to reject you.

Mods keep this anon please.

Original post by Anonymous

And to add - if say you are single, and the guy was cute. Like totally your type, but he approached you like this, would you reject him flat out.

be honest with yourself. Bet you would give him more time to prove himself.

Yeah, I think you need to take the main point of my last argument away with you: 'I am not comfortable with just being randomly approached. I have a lot of confidence, but it irks me that guys feel it is acceptable to just go up to a woman and hope to strike up a relationship in the street/whatever.' I don't quite know how I can make that any clearer. The issue I take with all of this is that the guy OR girl approaching you is essentially doing it solely on the basis of your looks and/or figure. There's probably nothing else about you that stands out to them. Can you see and understand how vapid and vacuous that comes across?

Also: 'How do you know that you misinterpreted it by thinking that he followed you - maybe, just maybe , he knew he would never see you again so took the opportunity to 'follow you' so that he could chat to you. Putting his ego on the line.' <--- This doesn't make any sense to me. Your first argument, from what I can make out, seems to be that I think he was following me, then your second is that he wanted to follow me so that he could chat to me. I know he was following me. He told me specifically that he had jumped out of the taxi and followed me into the reception of a university that he wasn't a part of because he 'saw my face' in the back of a taxi. Now, in films, that might be acceptable. I however, found it a) creepy and b) actually quite insulting. I knew that this man wanted to talk to me because he'd seen a hazy view of my face. Since when should girls be flattered that a boy is approaching them when they know it's solely due to their looks and not their personality/interests?

When you say 'How is that any different from some lout approaching you in a bar?' you seem to think that I welcome such advances in these situations. I don't. Also, not all people who approach others in bars are 'louts.'

'And who cares if he's older, it's not like he is approaching an underage girl, is he? Fair play to the man.' <-- Not if the girl is just out of school and the guy tells her he's a teacher that works in secondary school education.

'Btw sorry for being like this, but you clearly have no idea how hard it is to approach a girl you fancy only for her to reject you. ' I'm not denying that it must be quite a blow to the ego. However, once again, I take issue with your wording: 'fancy.' To me, you can be attracted to someone who you have never even met before, but to say you fancy someone in that situation (which, for me at least, implies that you like the person's mind and interests as well as being attracted to their appearance) is laughable.

Also - why are you anon? You're not exactly saying anything that needs to be kept anonymous, I would have thought.

Reply 117

xStaceyy

At new year in a bar a guy grabbed me by the waist, asked me my name and told me I had a 'cracking set of boobs' I just walked away and he shouted after me 'Can I get a cuddle?!'. Creepy.

Also it was Christmas time and i was wearing a santa hat in work and an old man (around 75) asked me if I was coming down his chimney this Christmas. His wife wasn't very happy, she just went 'Yeah you'd love that wouldn't you, George!' No dinner for old Georgie that night

Reply 118

maryamlondon

The way men approach me gets stranger and stranger every day. 2 days ago somebody told me come I have a ferrari here look at the keys...
Get a lot of noises like tsssst.
Recently somebody asked me if I was wearing space pants, because my A** is out of this world...
You look so beautiful, you have a boyfriend? That's ok just wanted to be friends...
Oh you saw me from afar and thought I'd be a good friend hey?
Highly unlikely...
Haha

Reply 119

superduper9

Having read the posts, I have to say I'm quite shocked. I may have expected one or two stories about a creepy guy saying inappropriate things to a girl. However, it seems as though almost every girl has had an experience like this and what's worse, the guys are not only creepy but so much older than the girl :eek:

No wonder girls are nervous when a guy approaches them on the street.

To all the threads last week about "how to approach a girl on a bus or train", I'm strongly inclined now, having read these stories, to say "don't approach!" Apart from a few rare cases, I can't see much good coming of it if so many women have had run ins with creepy old guys!