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Is this a bitch thing to do? Why do I feel like this?

Basically..

There was this guy I liked for ages at work. And, I got the feeling he liked me too. We flirted and stuff, but he was kind of flirty with other people (not as much as with me) and he was a bit like 'too cool' for it, which I liked.
I liked the chase, and the fact that he didn't show he liked me. I used to come see him at work and we would have good conversation, but I wanted more.
So.. I got it. We kissed, and it was nice, but I couldn't help feeling like it was wrong, cause we wouldn't last or work out.
Anyway.. as soon as we kissed.. he asked when we could meet up. But the honest answer was, I didn't. I didn't want to go any deeper into this. I didn't even want to see him again. I wouldn't really care if we never spoke again. This is not because I don't care about him. I really enjoy his company.. but I don't want anything else, I hate the pressure of feeling obliged to someone. I've cut people off before who have gotten to this stage, he's no different.
I do this ALL the time, but I can't let anyone in -_-
Original post by Anonymous
Basically..

There was this guy I liked for ages at work. And, I got the feeling he liked me too. We flirted and stuff, but he was kind of flirty with other people (not as much as with me) and he was a bit like 'too cool' for it, which I liked.
I liked the chase, and the fact that he didn't show he liked me. I used to come see him at work and we would have good conversation, but I wanted more.
So.. I got it. We kissed, and it was nice, but I couldn't help feeling like it was wrong, cause we wouldn't last or work out.
Anyway.. as soon as we kissed.. he asked when we could meet up. But the honest answer was, I didn't. I didn't want to go any deeper into this. I didn't even want to see him again. I wouldn't really care if we never spoke again. This is not because I don't care about him. I really enjoy his company.. but I don't want anything else, I hate the pressure of feeling obliged to someone. I've cut people off before who have gotten to this stage, he's no different.
I do this ALL the time, but I can't let anyone in -_-


I am a bit confused, if you like him why would you cut him off?
If you like him, why would you cut him off?
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Basically..

There was this guy I liked for ages at work. And, I got the feeling he liked me too. We flirted and stuff, but he was kind of flirty with other people (not as much as with me) and he was a bit like 'too cool' for it, which I liked.
I liked the chase, and the fact that he didn't show he liked me. I used to come see him at work and we would have good conversation, but I wanted more.
So.. I got it. We kissed, and it was nice, but I couldn't help feeling like it was wrong, cause we wouldn't last or work out.
Anyway.. as soon as we kissed.. he asked when we could meet up. But the honest answer was, I didn't. I didn't want to go any deeper into this. I didn't even want to see him again. I wouldn't really care if we never spoke again. This is not because I don't care about him. I really enjoy his company.. but I don't want anything else, I hate the pressure of feeling obliged to someone. I've cut people off before who have gotten to this stage, he's no different.
I do this ALL the time, but I can't let anyone in -_-


I actually do this quite a lot too... It's really hard to explain why as well... Hmmm.


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Original post by LSD
I actually do this quite a lot too... It's really hard to explain why as well... Hmmm.


Posted from TSR Mobile


Scared of committing?
Reply 5
I can see how he might be a bit hurt and confused as to why you would do this, although I guess you can't help how you feel. If you do this a lot, have you any idea why? Maybe you should try and figure that out and work on it if it happens a lot. In the meantime, assuming you haven't already told him no, why don't you give him a chance? You don't have to sleep with him/marry him/even kiss him again if you two meet up again, and you might feel differently?
This sounds like some typical childhood bonding issues being the cause of this.
Reply 7
Original post by Rock Fan
Scared of committing?


Probably!


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Reply 8
It was probably rough on him at the time but it's admirable that you wouldn't lead him on.
It seems like you're more attracted to the fact that someone takes a bit of work to get. When someone becomes available and wants to be with you, they become less exciting.

It's actually quite common, for men and women. I think we naturally assume that someone who is resistant/difficult to obtain must be 'better' in some way, whereas someone who is desperate/throws himself at you is less so. It's also why people apparently become more attractive when they're in a relationship with someone else.

I'm sure there are ways around it; most people can live with the minor loss of excitement and continue to have a relationship after the chasing stage, so if you're not able to get beyond that then it probably isn't 'bitchy' as such, you can't decide who you're attracted to, but it might be something to work on because it does you no favours and can irritate other people. I used to be quite like it myself until I worked out what enduring traits I found attractive (i.e. those that endure beyond the exciting bit), and on reflection, a lot of people I might have initially been interested in were not actually that interesting.
(edited 11 years ago)
I used to be exactly the same. I'd like a guy for ages and then as soon as there was hint of something happening between us, I'd freak and get the hell out of there. I'm sure I was just scared of commitment. This didn't change until I met a guy who was similar to me and so we started a relationship that was never 'official', but we were exclusive to each other and spent every weekend together! After that, I've been more into commitment. I think I just needed a gentle introduction to the idea of commitment.
just let him know that you don't want to see him cos it's only going to get worse if you string him along, make peace with yourself and try and work out why you keep doing this though
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by llessur123
It was probably rough on him at the time but it's admirable that you wouldn't lead him on.


True but the only thing is she likes him and if he then goes and gets with another girl she would probably then be upset, I just wondered why someone would push another away when they are clearly into them. As I said maybe it is down to scared of commitment
Reply 13
Original post by Rock Fan
I am a bit confused, if you like him why would you cut him off?



Original post by ohhello92x
If you like him, why would you cut him off?


I like him, but I like myself more, in the sense that I don't want to get hurt, it's really hard to put into words!


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Original post by russellsteapot
It seems like you're more attracted to the fact that someone takes a bit of work to get. When someone becomes available and wants to be with you, they become less exciting.

It's actually quite common, for men and women. I think we naturally assume that someone who is resistant/difficult to obtain must be 'better' in some way, whereas someone who is desperate/throws himself at you is less so. It's also why people apparently become more attractive when they're in a relationship with someone else.

I'm sure there are ways around it; most people can live with the minor loss of excitement and continue to have a relationship after the chasing stage, so if you're not able to get beyond that then it probably isn't 'bitchy' as such, you can't decide who you're attracted to, but it might be something to work on because it does you no favours and can irritate other people. I used to be quite like it myself until I worked out what enduring traits I found attractive (i.e. those that endure beyond the exciting bit), and on reflection, a lot of people I might have initially been interested in were not actually that interesting.


Most of this is basically what I think. But now, he's kind of ignoring me and I'm the one texting him first. We won't see each other a lot anymore, and I feel myself getting desperate to see him now. Wow, I'm confused


Original post by Rock Fan
True but the only thing is she likes him and if he then goes and gets with another girl she would probably then be upset, I just wondered why someone would push another away when they are clearly into them. As I said maybe it is down to scared of commitment


Here's what I think about commitment. It's fine in certain circumstances, however, in my situation I know that commitment is not an option. Maybe it's just a bit of fun for us?
If this does progress, I don't want to put a label on us or anything, and I want to tell him why, because people just end up getting hurt. He's a fair bit older than me as well, which doesn't make things easier.
I knew it would get complicated inside my head from the moment we kissed, but I don't want to turn back time, because it's not a regret.
Woe. :frown:

But thanks for the replies, they actually solidified some of my concerns and made me see the situation more clearly. I guess I'll just wait for the next time I'll see him
Original post by Anonymous
I like him, but I like myself more, in the sense that I don't want to get hurt, it's really hard to put into words!


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I hope you do make a decision on whether or not to tell him.
Reply 15
Original post by ohhello92x
I hope you do make a decision on whether or not to tell him.


I am going to have to tell him about it, just a matter of when. But, I've got this feeling that he doesn't want much either, apart from a bit of fun. I've never been in a situation of a completely casual thing, but maybe it can work.
Original post by Anonymous
I am going to have to tell him about it, just a matter of when. But, I've got this feeling that he doesn't want much either, apart from a bit of fun. I've never been in a situation of a completely casual thing, but maybe it can work.


Maybe
You sound like you just feel that you don't want to be with this person. If the kiss feels wrong to you then don't. If it feels like you have to force a relationship with someone and it doesn't feel like you want to or should be doing it, then it's most likely because it's just not the right person you've found yet.

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