Relationships at uni - distraction?
Hey TSR, just wanted to get your opinion on having a relationship at uni; did you find them distracting? Like for example you found that you were spending a lot of time with them - time that could be spent on working/socialising. Or that if you had an argument it would affect your concentration at lectures/independent study? Especially those of you doing degrees with loads of hours (med/physics/chem/maths)? Do you think it's wise to be dating at uni - somewhere you've worked hard to be and to better your future, for it all to be gambled upon a relationship?
Please share your experiences!
Please share your experiences!
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I suppose it depends what kind of relationship you want/have! I'm in my final year studying History and have been with my boyfriend since mid year one, and I've never had a problem with distractions! He makes me do my work else we can't go out or do nice things, so that my work always takes priority! He even sits and reads some of it even though it bores him to death as he has literally no interest in history or education haha!
basically, if you ensure that your work is your main priority but always keep time free for your friends/hobbies then you will be fine
basically, if you ensure that your work is your main priority but always keep time free for your friends/hobbies then you will be fine
They're only as distracting as you let them be. Personally, I came to uni in a relationship and I didn't see any issue... We were at different unis and I always had time for work etc but being single now I see just how much I was restricting myself. It hasn't put me off being in a relationship whilst I'm here at all I just know I'd do things differently and not focus most of my attention on my relationship. You live and learn!
I've been with my girlfriend (at a different uni) since before year 1 (now in third year). It would be a lie to say that it had never impacted my work, but if you're a well balanced person you should be able to juggle all your work, social and relationship commitments like you'll have to all the way through life.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey TSR, just wanted to get your opinion on having a relationship at uni; did you find them distracting? Like for example you found that you were spending a lot of time with them - time that could be spent on working/socialising. Or that if you had an argument it would affect your concentration at lectures/independent study? Especially those of you doing degrees with loads of hours (med/physics/chem/maths)? Do you think it's wise to be dating at uni - somewhere you've worked hard to be and to better your future, for it all to be gambled upon a relationship?
Please share your experiences!
Please share your experiences!
I think your argument is wrong, wrong, wrong, I known of so much evidence to suggest that socialising with social groups of friends & in relationships even while we study our degrees is not only good to decrease the amount of emotion stress we experience whilst at university, yet also it is therapeutic in the sense of we bounce ideas off our piers & partners to solve some of the many, many problems & academic challenges that our university courses make us question. Iain Brown Exeter University
Original post by newintown704
University
University
I think your argument is wrong, wrong, wrong, I known of so much evidence to suggest that socialising with social groups of friends & in relationships even while we study our degrees is not only good to decrease the amount of emotion stress we experience whilst at university, yet also it is therapeutic in the sense of we bounce ideas off our piers & partners to solve some of the many, many problems & academic challenges that our university courses make us question. Iain Brown Exeter University
Original post by Frankster
So I presume it's an LDR? Considering you're doing medicine (which is a time consuming degree), how much time are you be able to spend with your partner?
Yeah it's an LDR. We normally manage one of us visiting the other for a weekend every three weeks or so in term time. We live near enough to each other at home though, and with Cambridge's short terms I'm able to go down and visit her at the start and end of term, getting on with some work while she's at uni. We also skype for an hour or so most evenings while getting on with other things. It takes time, but in the end my aim in life isn't to be a lonely old doctor who can look back and say he got a first in his intercalated degree.
depends on you really.
Whilst there are exceptions, having a gf with you 24/7 when you have things to do is rarely conducive. Maybe if you are happy enough to work while she watches tv etc, but unless you are incredibly closely matched on work amount, timings and attitude, your better off working alone. That doesnt mean you cant have a relationship with those barriers in place. as long as you can both handle not seeing each other for a few days and have the discipline to instill it, theres no reason to be at a disadvantage.
I think being single is far more distracting. Especially guys, lets face it, they want sex. If you want sex you have to go where women are. thats clubs and pubs and bars and socials. Doing these things in excess will be far more detremental than watching a film at the cinema with a girlfriend.
Whilst there are exceptions, having a gf with you 24/7 when you have things to do is rarely conducive. Maybe if you are happy enough to work while she watches tv etc, but unless you are incredibly closely matched on work amount, timings and attitude, your better off working alone. That doesnt mean you cant have a relationship with those barriers in place. as long as you can both handle not seeing each other for a few days and have the discipline to instill it, theres no reason to be at a disadvantage.
I think being single is far more distracting. Especially guys, lets face it, they want sex. If you want sex you have to go where women are. thats clubs and pubs and bars and socials. Doing these things in excess will be far more detremental than watching a film at the cinema with a girlfriend.
I broke up with a guy during my second year, which was very distracting, but other than that, it's ok so long as you prioritise deadlines over seeing them. I'm in 3rd year now and find it tricky to see my friends, do uni work, part time job and see my boyfriend but life is about more than getting amazing grades all the time. I'd much rather have come out of my younger years having had a fun social life with plenty of memories than being a hermit and getting 100%'s week in week out. But then everyone's different!
Thanks for the replies so far guys!
Just to put out there that I was in a relationship during A-levels and felt that it had negatively impacted on it a LOT. I know it was partly my fault (i.e. bad time management) but I did feel it was also partly my partner's fault, even when I wanted to work and go to classes they would pressure me to spend time with them instead. Though, tbh, he was just an all round jerk and I won't be making the mistake of picking someone like that again.
Most people here are saying that it doesn't impact on work as long as your good at time management - but how many uni students are able to balance studies/work/social commitments/visiting family AND spending time with gf/bf everyday? (Whether that be actually seeing them or having an hour or two chat on the phone or skype). I'm not at uni yet but I would feel exhausted having to do it all! Ideally I think I would rather make good friends that are there for you and to let some steam off than a bf/gf who I would probably feel happy with for a while but then I would have to do all this compulsory time consuming stuff with them with a big chance of breaking up with them anyway.
Just to put out there that I was in a relationship during A-levels and felt that it had negatively impacted on it a LOT. I know it was partly my fault (i.e. bad time management) but I did feel it was also partly my partner's fault, even when I wanted to work and go to classes they would pressure me to spend time with them instead. Though, tbh, he was just an all round jerk and I won't be making the mistake of picking someone like that again.
Most people here are saying that it doesn't impact on work as long as your good at time management - but how many uni students are able to balance studies/work/social commitments/visiting family AND spending time with gf/bf everyday? (Whether that be actually seeing them or having an hour or two chat on the phone or skype). I'm not at uni yet but I would feel exhausted having to do it all! Ideally I think I would rather make good friends that are there for you and to let some steam off than a bf/gf who I would probably feel happy with for a while but then I would have to do all this compulsory time consuming stuff with them with a big chance of breaking up with them anyway.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the replies so far guys!
Just to put out there that I was in a relationship during A-levels and felt that it had negatively impacted on it a LOT. I know it was partly my fault (i.e. bad time management) but I did feel it was also partly my partner's fault, even when I wanted to work and go to classes they would pressure me to spend time with them instead. Though, tbh, he was just an all round jerk and I won't be making the mistake of picking someone like that again.
Most people here are saying that it doesn't impact on work as long as your good at time management - but how many uni students are able to balance studies/work/social commitments/visiting family AND spending time with gf/bf everyday? (Whether that be actually seeing them or having an hour or two chat on the phone or skype). I'm not at uni yet but I would feel exhausted having to do it all! Ideally I think I would rather make good friends that are there for you and to let some steam off than a bf/gf who I would probably feel happy with for a while but then I would have to do all this compulsory time consuming stuff with them with a big chance of breaking up with them anyway.
Just to put out there that I was in a relationship during A-levels and felt that it had negatively impacted on it a LOT. I know it was partly my fault (i.e. bad time management) but I did feel it was also partly my partner's fault, even when I wanted to work and go to classes they would pressure me to spend time with them instead. Though, tbh, he was just an all round jerk and I won't be making the mistake of picking someone like that again.
Most people here are saying that it doesn't impact on work as long as your good at time management - but how many uni students are able to balance studies/work/social commitments/visiting family AND spending time with gf/bf everyday? (Whether that be actually seeing them or having an hour or two chat on the phone or skype). I'm not at uni yet but I would feel exhausted having to do it all! Ideally I think I would rather make good friends that are there for you and to let some steam off than a bf/gf who I would probably feel happy with for a while but then I would have to do all this compulsory time consuming stuff with them with a big chance of breaking up with them anyway.
If spending time with your partner feels like an obligation ("compulsory time consuming stuff"), rather than something that you enjoy or want to do, then there is an issue with the relationship itself.
I think as long as you are open with your partner about when you need time to get on with work, or time to with your own friends and family, and they are willing to accommodate those needs then your relationship shouldn't feel like a distraction.
My boyfriend is always very frank with me about when he needs to concentrate on deadlines, and even though this can mean that sometimes we go for longer periods without seeing each other (I took time out of uni, and we're therefore currently in an LDR), I give him the space he needs, and see him when things have settled down again. But for this to work you need a bit of give and take on both sides - and you both need to recognise that sometimes you're not going to be the top priority.
And - obviously this depends on the people involved - but not all relationships require daily maintenance - I tend to communicate with my boyfriend when I want to see how he's doing or when I have news to share with him, and vice versa. We can easily go a few days without speaking when we're both busy, but equally I know he'd be there if I needed him.
I actually think the stability of being in a relatively serious relationship is less of a distraction that being single at university. Think of all the time you dedicate to going on dates/chasing prospective partners/flirting/worrying about whether they like you or not when you're single. I'm in a LDR though and I can see how having a partner who goes to the same university would be distracting. But for me, I'm not in the type of relationship where we have to talk on the phone for an hour every day. We try and text every day but he never really distracts me from my work. The only time he does distract me from working is when he comes up to visit during term time (only once a term at the most) and I just work twice as hard as usual the week before.
Although I'm only in my first year, I've not found it a distraction. I see my bf twice a week, and some weekends (he only lives 45 min drive away, so he comes up to the uni, also he gets on quite well with my friends so often we'll all so something in a big group), managed to juggle 3 socs, 2 of which I'm BUCS level, and get an ~80% average so far. Yeah my life is very busy, but I like it that way it's all about time management
Edit: I do this by getting up at 7 each day tbh, and since I'm a bit older than the majority of first years (i'm 22) I got all my huge drinking and clubbing phase out of the way at 18/19, so evenings at uni are either a quiet couple in a bar or a meal after doing work etc, and I've got friends who also enjoy this. This might be why I have more time haha.
it's all about time management Edit: I do this by getting up at 7 each day tbh, and since I'm a bit older than the majority of first years (i'm 22) I got all my huge drinking and clubbing phase out of the way at 18/19, so evenings at uni are either a quiet couple in a bar or a meal after doing work etc, and I've got friends who also enjoy this. This might be why I have more time haha.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Frankster
I see. Thats great. Hope you both pull it together good luck.
sometimes at social events during Uni for both u and her, when you know that your partner isn't there with you, how do you manage? I mean surely there are some events tajy you can invite your partner to and vice versa?
good luck. sometimes at social events during Uni for both u and her, when you know that your partner isn't there with you, how do you manage? I mean surely there are some events tajy you can invite your partner to and vice versa?
I miss her sometimes when there are events like that but I have good close friends at uni and I never really feel like I'm missing out through her not being there, and we do manage to visit for some events (eg May Balls).
@OP - If that's how you feel then fair enough, we're just giving you the answers we've had from our experience! If your partner goes to the same university as you, though, surely you'll be seeing them a lot with your friends there anyway, efficiently combining your mathematically strict time to be spent socialising and time to be spent with partner :P:
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the replies so far guys!
Just to put out there that I was in a relationship during A-levels and felt that it had negatively impacted on it a LOT. I know it was partly my fault (i.e. bad time management) but I did feel it was also partly my partner's fault, even when I wanted to work and go to classes they would pressure me to spend time with them instead. Though, tbh, he was just an all round jerk and I won't be making the mistake of picking someone like that again.
Most people here are saying that it doesn't impact on work as long as your good at time management - but how many uni students are able to balance studies/work/social commitments/visiting family AND spending time with gf/bf everyday? (Whether that be actually seeing them or having an hour or two chat on the phone or skype). I'm not at uni yet but I would feel exhausted having to do it all! Ideally I think I would rather make good friends that are there for you and to let some steam off than a bf/gf who I would probably feel happy with for a while but then I would have to do all this compulsory time consuming stuff with them with a big chance of breaking up with them anyway.
Just to put out there that I was in a relationship during A-levels and felt that it had negatively impacted on it a LOT. I know it was partly my fault (i.e. bad time management) but I did feel it was also partly my partner's fault, even when I wanted to work and go to classes they would pressure me to spend time with them instead. Though, tbh, he was just an all round jerk and I won't be making the mistake of picking someone like that again.
Most people here are saying that it doesn't impact on work as long as your good at time management - but how many uni students are able to balance studies/work/social commitments/visiting family AND spending time with gf/bf everyday? (Whether that be actually seeing them or having an hour or two chat on the phone or skype). I'm not at uni yet but I would feel exhausted having to do it all! Ideally I think I would rather make good friends that are there for you and to let some steam off than a bf/gf who I would probably feel happy with for a while but then I would have to do all this compulsory time consuming stuff with them with a big chance of breaking up with them anyway.
I continued with my relationship when I went to uni (we'd been together two years, now coming to the end of our first years at university) and it is the best decision I ever made. We're 200 miles away, and I miss him unbelievably and wish he was closer, but he's still in my life and I wouldn't change that for the world.
It was hard at first to time manage, especially cos my mum really missed me and visited more, but it is so possible. Currently I see my parents twice a term for a day, my boyfriend Friday-Sunday every other weekend, then I have a 6-15 hour a week part-time job, and obviously I socialise and see friends. Me and my boyfriend Skype three times a week, for about three hours each time although if we need to we will work whilst on skype. We also text a LOT. I also have quite a serious health condition (currently waiting for an operation) which takes up lecture/learning time. However, I am still getting most of my grades back as very high firsts. I've had probably two/three 2:1s and 1 2.2 - my average is around 85%.
BUT I don't see time spent with "compulsory" and "time consuming" - if I did there'd be no point in being with him.
I can see why you might think it as my boyfriend in the first year of 6th form and I were practically glued to each other and it was a big distraction. However I am currently in a relationship with a guy I met at uni and it's not such a big distraction because we don't let it. When I had coursework due in I didn't see him at all that week because I needed to concentrate on it, we just spoke a little on Facebook in my 'coursework breaks'. Now I'm home for Easter and don't get back until just before exams start (probably should have arranged to come back earlier in hindsight but it was just after Christmas when I booked the coach and I'd felt I'd not been home long enough over xmas and I was single at the time). He has coursework and we're both worried about exams so we spent the day together the day before I left and agreed we wouldn't see each other properly again until his coursework is in and our exams are over.
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