So basically I am in love with my best mate. (I'm keeping this anonymous just in case he reads it, so lets call him Ryan). He's a proper physics nerd, almost top of every class, kinda cute, unbelievably funny, and just the type of person that you would fall for after getting to know them a bit.
We've dated before but that was a while ago when we were just kinda trying it out. We were gonna try it again in the summer, but i didnt want to start anything since i would've spent the first week of our relationship on summer camp (where we werent allowed any mobiles or basically anything electrical that wasnt a torch) so we decided to wait.
However i met someone on summer camp (lets call him David) who is sexy, funny, has a really niec Scottish accent (i'm a sucker for accents), has same music interests as me, etc. and i ended up snogging him on the last night of camp. Me & David kinda had this summer fling but nothing really happened because the next day he had to go back to Scotland so i havent seen him since (he lives like at the top of Scotland and i live South of England), so its just been talking on webcam. That finished in September but i still talk to him quite a lot and he'll often send me like the hottest dirty messages ever.
Since then i realised that i am crazy about Ryan and i have no real interest in David other than being just friends. But i broke Ryan's heart with what i did on summer camp. I had to tell him what happened. I just felt too guilty that i couldn't lie to him. Now he says he's "over" me and I should move on to. There's been awkwardness between us since then, from him not me. My other friends dont believe he is over me, just that he doesnt what to put himself in that situation where he can get hurt by me again. He knows how I feel about him, but that doesnt make any of it any better. He keeps giving me 'guilt trips' about what i did to him. He'll say things that he knows in advance will hit a nerve and then says it's my fault for taking what he says to heart. But i still love him. Its been 6 months since he told me to move on and what i feel towards him is just as strong as it was about 18 months ago.
David is crazy about me though. He has hinted at wanting to propose to me in a few years time and stuff like that (which kinda creeped me out first of all). He wants to start a proper relationship when we are in uni becuase we'll be close to each other then (we start uni in sept). I dont want to lead him on knowing that i have no real interest in a relationship with him atm, but he is really sweet and caring and it seems a shame to let someone like that go just to 'save myself' for someone who no longer has any interest in me....
I just don't know what to do.....
Advice please???