I need some "guy" advice...

So basically I am in love with my best mate. (I'm keeping this anonymous just in case he reads it, so lets call him Ryan). He's a proper physics nerd, almost top of every class, kinda cute, unbelievably funny, and just the type of person that you would fall for after getting to know them a bit.

We've dated before but that was a while ago when we were just kinda trying it out. We were gonna try it again in the summer, but i didnt want to start anything since i would've spent the first week of our relationship on summer camp (where we werent allowed any mobiles or basically anything electrical that wasnt a torch) so we decided to wait.

However i met someone on summer camp (lets call him David) who is sexy, funny, has a really niec Scottish accent (i'm a sucker for accents), has same music interests as me, etc. and i ended up snogging him on the last night of camp. Me & David kinda had this summer fling but nothing really happened because the next day he had to go back to Scotland so i havent seen him since (he lives like at the top of Scotland and i live South of England), so its just been talking on webcam. That finished in September but i still talk to him quite a lot and he'll often send me like the hottest dirty messages ever.

Since then i realised that i am crazy about Ryan and i have no real interest in David other than being just friends. But i broke Ryan's heart with what i did on summer camp. I had to tell him what happened. I just felt too guilty that i couldn't lie to him. Now he says he's "over" me and I should move on to. There's been awkwardness between us since then, from him not me. My other friends dont believe he is over me, just that he doesnt what to put himself in that situation where he can get hurt by me again. He knows how I feel about him, but that doesnt make any of it any better. He keeps giving me 'guilt trips' about what i did to him. He'll say things that he knows in advance will hit a nerve and then says it's my fault for taking what he says to heart. But i still love him. Its been 6 months since he told me to move on and what i feel towards him is just as strong as it was about 18 months ago.

David is crazy about me though. He has hinted at wanting to propose to me in a few years time and stuff like that (which kinda creeped me out first of all). He wants to start a proper relationship when we are in uni becuase we'll be close to each other then (we start uni in sept). I dont want to lead him on knowing that i have no real interest in a relationship with him atm, but he is really sweet and caring and it seems a shame to let someone like that go just to 'save myself' for someone who no longer has any interest in me....

I just don't know what to do.....

Advice please???

Reply 1

BaronSamedi

I'm assuming you only dated once, and decided to try it out again during the summer, which didn't happen, OK. Where inbetween did you both choose to be exclusive with one another?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by BaronSamedi

I'm assuming you only dated once, and decided to try it out again during the summer, which didn't happen, OK. Where inbetween did you both choose to be exclusive with one another?

Err, Not sure quite what you mean but here-
Jan-Feb was when we dated. Then End of June/Beginning of July we established that we still wanted to be more than just friends (just from joking around and me saying that any girl would be lucky to have him). Mid-End July we considered going out again but as i said, spending a week on summer camp with no contact isnt the best way to start a relationship. Sept i told him how i still felt which was good until one of my friends kindly pointed out that i was "Bella Swan"-ing him. Since Oct its been awkward and he hasnt beeen interested.
Sorry if that wasnt quite what you were looking for, i'm a bit of an air head. I'm clever in the school/college work form, but i have no common sense. :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I just tried replying to that but it hasn't seemed to posted it.... :frown:

Reply 4

Balloon Baboon

Move on. If a guy tells you he is over you, he more than likely is. More so the fact that he's making you feel guilty, this means he won't ever forget what you did and will bring it up each time you have a fight. Not worth it.

You need to move on yourself.

The other guy seems a bit creepy in my opinion!

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 5

username47781

I think after all that has happened, is either guy right for you? I think you blew it with Ryan though for sure.

Reply 6

CJKay

Basically, you definitely blew it with the Ryan guy.

Reply 7

PatheticVirgin

Ryan got blown by you for sure

Reply 8

Studentus-anonymous

Original post by Anonymous

I just don't know what to do.....

Advice please???

So you weren't going out and his response to you doing what single girls often do (have a harmless fling on holiday) is to become a mopey emo teenager who guilt trips you and sulks about as if you've somehow actually wronged him?

Good riddance TBH.

Sorry but I have no respect for a guy who can feel so entitled to your chastity when you guys aren't going out or anything.

Your Ryan fella has made his decision and if I was you I'd more than happily move on. Since you're going to uni soon anyway you'll meet plenty of funny charming people, some physics majors themselves.
Ryan is going to have to learn the hard way (if at all) that he simply can't act and behave that way around women in life if he expects to get anywhere with them.

I'm sure he probably will grow out of it but you won't be around.

Fool around with the David guy for a little while, but I'd suggest going to uni free and easy, you'll be in a new place with new people and new ideas and knowledge. You'll change as a person pretty quickish and thus your interests and wants will change to, you may not even want a funny physicist by the end but yeah.

Best of luck OP, dealing with unrequited feelings, or simply not having the one you want, and more importantly coming to terms with that is just part of life. Most learn how to and I'm confident you'll be fine.

BUT IF YOU WANT ADVICE on getting him to listen to you?

Go up and talk to him, don't carry a desperate air or a begging tone. He sounds like a little boy in a way, so you need to be the big girl and tell him off.
Don't shout at him but be clear and stern to an extent.
Tell him he has no right to treat you like that when you haven't done anything wrong, you guys aren't a couple.
Tell him straight you have strong feelings for him but he is jepodising those affections by acting like a child.
Tell him (though really it's not his business) that you hung around with a guy at summer camp while single and kissed a guy on the last day, you didn't **** someone on your wedding night and that he needs to grow up.

He'll respect you more if you stand up for yourself (which realistically you should be doing anyway).

Cliffs:
- He is being an immature little boy.
- His behaviour is actually anything but attractive.
- You didn't do anything wrong.
- You weren't his girlfriend.
- Move on since he said as much and you're going to uni soon.
- Tell him off/put him right.

Reply 9

WaceMindu

I was pretty much in Ryan's position 2 years ago so everything I'm saying about him, whilst yes speculation is how I felt, so I'd imagine it can't be too far from the truth.

Men often do a lot of things to save face, to avoid appearing hurt or upset. Chances are Ryan still has a soft spot for you and whilst he is hurt it won't ruin your chances. He most likely says all of these put downs ect to try and make you feel a bit how he felt at the time, because he is most likely still a bit bitter about you going off with another guy when you and him had been so close. Was the decision not to do anything before camp more your decision?

I doubt however that this would prevent you and him starting something together. Way I see it you have two options for ending up with Ryan. Either you completely tell Ryan how you feel, that you feel nothing for David and that you would really like to be with him. Depending on how angry Ryan is he might reject you on principle, to save face ect. (not what I would have done in his position)

Or option two, you and Ryan (assuming you and him are still close friends) do a lot of things together, but your self in positions when you can get a kiss from him, and then you hope one thing leads to another and you both discover/rekindle/admit your feelings for each other.

As for David, I wouldn't lead him on, be upfront with him maybe let him know with the "i really like someone here and don't know what I should do" ...thus friend zoning him.

Good luck, hope it works out.

Reply 10

WaceMindu

Original post by Studentus-anonymous

They weren't going out but it sounds like they almost were... and to be perfectly honest whilst Ryan has no right to feel he's laid claim to her or anything, he has every right to feel his nose has been put a little out of joint. If I were that close to going out with a girl and then less than a week later she's made out with another random guy whom she barely knows... I would feel a little bit insulted.

As for you advice with David... that's literally the worst thing to do. She's already admitted she has no desire for a relationship with him, and he obviously wants one with her. Fooling around with him is just leading him on and if she does that knowing what she knows then she'd be being a total bitch.