Uni has changed me: I don't know who I am anymore and it's really freaking me out
I really want to have the balls to post this without anon, but I just can't bring myself to it. Generally I'm quite sure of myself...but lately I just feel slightly lost. I'll try not to make this post massively long because I know how much effort that would be to read 
I feel like I'm going round the twist. I'm 18 and in my 1st year of Uni and I absoutely no idea what to do about anything anymore. It all started when I went to Uni. At first it was best thing that had ever happened to me, it was really truely excited, for once I felt like I really belonged and I was going to have the best time of my life...but bit by bit the illusion faded, or maybe I just ****ed everything up, which I seem really good at lately.
Well, I was in a really happy relationship towards the beginning of the year, I liked him, he liked me; and honestly it just felt right. But soon I started to worry that things were going too well. Ridiculous I know but I've never had a successful relationship before and well I just thought eventually something would go wrong...also if I'm honest committment scared me massively and things were starting to get a bit too serious. So I dumped him: despite (which I massively denied until now) being madly in love with him.
Since then I've kissed a lot of guys while off my face, like one every night. This is pretty standard behaviour I know, but it's just not me...suddenly I just feel really cheap and not sure why I get with randomers either; it just makes me feel numb really. I get drunk 1-3 times a week, I feel like I actually need to get completely smashed now to have a good time. I also smoke a fair bit which I didn't used to do. I know most people will think this is all pretty standard stuff at uni but honestly I feel like I'm losing who I am. I've been pretty crappy to people in the pursuit of 'fun' and 'a good time' and I really haven't given a monkeys about what uni was about for me all along; getting an education (done the bare minimum mostly).
Also the stuff I'm doing is slowly cranking up in intensity, I came pretty close to losing my virginity to a guy who I have realised now only wanted me for sex despite being completely in love with someone else. I feel like...for want of a better word...a slut. And a flake. I've turned into someone I never thought I'd be. And I really don't like it. I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. I know why I'm suddenly into this party hard/ crazy pulling stuff now; because I want the 'full uni experience' I just don't want to turn into something I'm not get it.
Does anyone else here feel like they do stuff at uni they would never normally consider back at home? Has uni changed you? I don't know what I'm really expecting here but I just feel like a right tool snogging a random guy everynight and getting wasted all the time...It's fun but It just seems a bit pathetic. (This isn't my whole life btw I do some constructive stuff while at uni e.g. societies, and occasionally even work!)
I guess I'm bringing this up now because lately I've been getting a lot of judgement from friends who don't go out as much who have been suggesting I'm a 'slut' for kissing random guys while drunk and going out loads. Not sure I want people who are so judgemental as friends...but then I thought they might actually be trying to look at for me
I just want an outsiders opinion really.
Short Version: I get wasted and pull a lot of random guys while out at uni who only want me for sex, in the long term I want more than that (I've never had sex with any of them). I smoke now too, which I didn't do before all in the name of 'bants' and 'having a good time'. I like having fun but it makes me feel like a slut/someone I'm not. I'm not really into partying when back at home but I just see its a 'part of the uni experience'. I feel like uni has changed me and made me slightly less moral. Anyone feel the same? Am I going too far just to have a good time?
I feel like I'm going round the twist. I'm 18 and in my 1st year of Uni and I absoutely no idea what to do about anything anymore. It all started when I went to Uni. At first it was best thing that had ever happened to me, it was really truely excited, for once I felt like I really belonged and I was going to have the best time of my life...but bit by bit the illusion faded, or maybe I just ****ed everything up, which I seem really good at lately.
Well, I was in a really happy relationship towards the beginning of the year, I liked him, he liked me; and honestly it just felt right. But soon I started to worry that things were going too well. Ridiculous I know but I've never had a successful relationship before and well I just thought eventually something would go wrong...also if I'm honest committment scared me massively and things were starting to get a bit too serious. So I dumped him: despite (which I massively denied until now) being madly in love with him.
Since then I've kissed a lot of guys while off my face, like one every night. This is pretty standard behaviour I know, but it's just not me...suddenly I just feel really cheap and not sure why I get with randomers either; it just makes me feel numb really. I get drunk 1-3 times a week, I feel like I actually need to get completely smashed now to have a good time. I also smoke a fair bit which I didn't used to do. I know most people will think this is all pretty standard stuff at uni but honestly I feel like I'm losing who I am. I've been pretty crappy to people in the pursuit of 'fun' and 'a good time' and I really haven't given a monkeys about what uni was about for me all along; getting an education (done the bare minimum mostly).
Also the stuff I'm doing is slowly cranking up in intensity, I came pretty close to losing my virginity to a guy who I have realised now only wanted me for sex despite being completely in love with someone else. I feel like...for want of a better word...a slut. And a flake. I've turned into someone I never thought I'd be. And I really don't like it. I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. I know why I'm suddenly into this party hard/ crazy pulling stuff now; because I want the 'full uni experience' I just don't want to turn into something I'm not get it.
Does anyone else here feel like they do stuff at uni they would never normally consider back at home? Has uni changed you? I don't know what I'm really expecting here but I just feel like a right tool snogging a random guy everynight and getting wasted all the time...It's fun but It just seems a bit pathetic. (This isn't my whole life btw I do some constructive stuff while at uni e.g. societies, and occasionally even work!
) I guess I'm bringing this up now because lately I've been getting a lot of judgement from friends who don't go out as much who have been suggesting I'm a 'slut' for kissing random guys while drunk and going out loads. Not sure I want people who are so judgemental as friends...but then I thought they might actually be trying to look at for me
I just want an outsiders opinion really.Short Version: I get wasted and pull a lot of random guys while out at uni who only want me for sex, in the long term I want more than that (I've never had sex with any of them). I smoke now too, which I didn't do before all in the name of 'bants' and 'having a good time'. I like having fun but it makes me feel like a slut/someone I'm not. I'm not really into partying when back at home but I just see its a 'part of the uni experience'. I feel like uni has changed me and made me slightly less moral. Anyone feel the same? Am I going too far just to have a good time?
Don't worry about it. Uni is a time for you to find who you are. It's natural. And a 'slut' is not someone who goes around kissing people, you know that!
Believe me, party hard and have fun because it will be over before you know it! Do what you want to do, when you're older you'll kick yourself for trying to be someone your not.
If that means getting smashed and having a good time, so be it. You aren't the only one doing it! You're young, enjoy it while you can! :-)
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Believe me, party hard and have fun because it will be over before you know it! Do what you want to do, when you're older you'll kick yourself for trying to be someone your not.
If that means getting smashed and having a good time, so be it. You aren't the only one doing it! You're young, enjoy it while you can! :-)
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Original post by Lee R
Don't worry about it. Uni is a time for you to find who you are. It's natural. And a 'slut' is not someone who goes around kissing people, you know that!
Believe me, party hard and have fun because it will be over before you know it! Do what you want to do, when you're older you'll kick yourself for trying to be someone your not.
If that means getting smashed and having a good time, so be it. You aren't the only one doing it! You're young, enjoy it while you can! :-)
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Believe me, party hard and have fun because it will be over before you know it! Do what you want to do, when you're older you'll kick yourself for trying to be someone your not.
If that means getting smashed and having a good time, so be it. You aren't the only one doing it! You're young, enjoy it while you can! :-)
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Thanks loads for replying! I know I'm probably just being silly I just hate being judged by other people...
I promise I'm not as ridiculously prudish as I sound I love having a laugh, I just don't want to do anything I'll regret I s'pose
But I shall heed your advice and have a ruddy good time 
Good, have a great time! ;-)
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
If you're willing to change yourself just to conform to a ridiculous and frankly stupid culture then that is a damn shame.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
You seem (from what's written) a nice girl. Have you tried to get back with your ex or even just spoke to him how you truly feel? Seem to me that you're blaming yourself about ending the relationship by (in your own words) acting like a "slut", you've not had sex though so therefore you're not 
. try to set a few goals, you should try to get more involved in the societies that you're in.
. try to set a few goals, you should try to get more involved in the societies that you're in.(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by HeavyTeddy
If you're willing to change yourself just to conform to a ridiculous and frankly stupid culture then that is a damn shame.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Hmm.
I get the feeling that you've never been a student.
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Nothing you've done is bad or harmful in itself and you have nothing to be ashamed of. The issue is that these things are all fine to do if you enjoy them and they make you happy but it doesn't sound like it does make you happy.
Firstly, try to stop giving yourself a hard time. You are still young and you need to make a few msitakes here and there because you're human and that's how we learn.
Secondly, try to stop snogging the random guys. Doing it doesn't make you a slut but clearly it also doesn't make you happy or help you get over your ex (which is probably at the root of this).
Then, start putting your real effort and potential into your uni work. It's only your first year so the marks are unlikely to count overall so you don't need to worry about what you've done to date but by getting absorbed in the work more you'll feel more like the old/real you again.
Maybe you could even talk to your ex, explain that you made a mistake in ending things because you haven't had a relationship that serious before and you got a bit scared.He may understand and be willing to try again. If he doesn't want to try again then at least you know and can properly start to move on.
Firstly, try to stop giving yourself a hard time. You are still young and you need to make a few msitakes here and there because you're human and that's how we learn.
Secondly, try to stop snogging the random guys. Doing it doesn't make you a slut but clearly it also doesn't make you happy or help you get over your ex (which is probably at the root of this).
Then, start putting your real effort and potential into your uni work. It's only your first year so the marks are unlikely to count overall so you don't need to worry about what you've done to date but by getting absorbed in the work more you'll feel more like the old/real you again.
Maybe you could even talk to your ex, explain that you made a mistake in ending things because you haven't had a relationship that serious before and you got a bit scared.He may understand and be willing to try again. If he doesn't want to try again then at least you know and can properly start to move on.
I kind of feel the same way you do. At home I did go to house parties but never went clubbing in my hometown because: most clubs in it are **** and full of chavs, I didn't want to get judged by people I know from school for being the awkward shy "boffin" they knew me as. So when I came to Uni I made new friends who had a lot more previous experience with going to clubs etc and naturally I went along with it to fit in. I saw the opportunity to be more confident in myself than ever. Sometimes I went out at the beginning of the year up to 3 times a week, I was always getting drunk and running out of money. Guys approached me offering to get me drinks and at first I was stupid and let them buy me drinks but they usually wanted sex out of it too and I don't like the idea of getting off with randomers. At the beginning of the year I was in a relationship too and wanted to stay faithful, I'm single now and still wouldn't do it. So I was harassed quite a few times and I stopped accepting free drinks. I can only say that these situations taught me to embrace the "uni experience" but also to be careful not to overdo it at the same time.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Sazzle4
Nothing you've done is bad or harmful in itself and you have nothing to be ashamed of. The issue is that these things are all fine to do if you enjoy them and they make you happy but it doesn't sound like it does make you happy.
Firstly, try to stop giving yourself a hard time. You are still young and you need to make a few msitakes here and there because you're human and that's how we learn.
Secondly, try to stop snogging the random guys. Doing it doesn't make you a slut but clearly it also doesn't make you happy or help you get over your ex (which is probably at the root of this).
Then, start putting your real effort and potential into your uni work. It's only your first year so the marks are unlikely to count overall so you don't need to worry about what you've done to date but by getting absorbed in the work more you'll feel more like the old/real you again.
Maybe you could even talk to your ex, explain that you made a mistake in ending things because you haven't had a relationship that serious before and you got a bit scared.He may understand and be willing to try again. If he doesn't want to try again then at least you know and can properly start to move on.
Firstly, try to stop giving yourself a hard time. You are still young and you need to make a few msitakes here and there because you're human and that's how we learn.
Secondly, try to stop snogging the random guys. Doing it doesn't make you a slut but clearly it also doesn't make you happy or help you get over your ex (which is probably at the root of this).
Then, start putting your real effort and potential into your uni work. It's only your first year so the marks are unlikely to count overall so you don't need to worry about what you've done to date but by getting absorbed in the work more you'll feel more like the old/real you again.
Maybe you could even talk to your ex, explain that you made a mistake in ending things because you haven't had a relationship that serious before and you got a bit scared.He may understand and be willing to try again. If he doesn't want to try again then at least you know and can properly start to move on.
This is great advice... Phrased what I wanted to say better than I could have!
Xxx
posted from the TSR Android app
Everyone acts differently away from their parents for the first time, it's why so many people start smoking. If it's making you unhappy how you're acting, maybe make a trip home and try to get back to being yourself again, then take that mentality back to uni with you. You can always talk to your ex and apologise for how it ended and talk about it with him 
Hi
I completely understand how your feeling, during the first year of university. I got drunk up to 4 times a week. I had never had a boyfriend before.... My first kiss was to a 30 year old Ukrainian student... I was drunk, but I can remember it was wet, sloppy and disgusting.
I always wanted my first kiss to be with someone special, e.g. my boyfriend not some random man.
Anyway things got worse, I kissed several other guys as months went on... And I ended up bringing 4 of the guys (on separate occasions lol) back home... And almost having sex with them.
Thankfully 3/4 didn't want to have sex with me after I told them I was a virgin, in fact one of them lectured me the next morning and said I need to be careful. Those who say guys don't care, are wrong!
The one I didn't tell I was a virgin, we did stuff but not sex.
Anyway it ****ed my head up, as I felt ashamed that I was doing this... (Not saying that people who have casual sex are bad or anything each to there own I say)
2nd year of uni came, and I completely changed, I go out once a week and I do not get drunk, I took a break from guys
its made me feel a lot better. I am doing better at uni, I am feeling much better (emotionally). My friends actually have complimented the change in me :-)
Also I must add I was influenced by one or two people whom I avoid like the plague now. But I don't blame them, I did everything no one put a gun to my head! Anyway if I can change so can you :-)
I completely understand how your feeling, during the first year of university. I got drunk up to 4 times a week. I had never had a boyfriend before.... My first kiss was to a 30 year old Ukrainian student... I was drunk, but I can remember it was wet, sloppy and disgusting.
I always wanted my first kiss to be with someone special, e.g. my boyfriend not some random man.
Anyway things got worse, I kissed several other guys as months went on... And I ended up bringing 4 of the guys (on separate occasions lol) back home... And almost having sex with them.
Thankfully 3/4 didn't want to have sex with me after I told them I was a virgin, in fact one of them lectured me the next morning and said I need to be careful. Those who say guys don't care, are wrong!
The one I didn't tell I was a virgin, we did stuff but not sex.
Anyway it ****ed my head up, as I felt ashamed that I was doing this... (Not saying that people who have casual sex are bad or anything each to there own I say)
2nd year of uni came, and I completely changed, I go out once a week and I do not get drunk, I took a break from guys
its made me feel a lot better. I am doing better at uni, I am feeling much better (emotionally). My friends actually have complimented the change in me :-) Also I must add I was influenced by one or two people whom I avoid like the plague now. But I don't blame them, I did everything no one put a gun to my head! Anyway if I can change so can you :-)
If you're not happy with who you're becoming then why not do something about it & stop yourself before you do something you really regret?
From your OP it seems like your bad experience in early relationships made you pretty insecure in your last one, which ultimately ended it & made you depressed & do what you're doing now (just a lay man's observation). My advice if you want it to stop would be to pretty much speak to a councillor or something to get yourself sorted - the way you describe it it sounds like you're going down a path you neither like nor particularly desire, and one which will ultimately do a great deal of harm to your health - nip it in the bud before it gets worse.
As for the people (who I assume are your friends/ex boyfriend) who you've probably upset in the past, I think it'd be best to apologise to them for what you've done & explain why you did it - if they're really your friends chances are they'll forgive you and help you through changing your ways. You might even be able to get back with your ex if he's not moved on, but I wouldn't get your hopes up too much there I'm afraid.
However if you do nothing else, then please, please quit smoking... it'll not do you any good.
From your OP it seems like your bad experience in early relationships made you pretty insecure in your last one, which ultimately ended it & made you depressed & do what you're doing now (just a lay man's observation). My advice if you want it to stop would be to pretty much speak to a councillor or something to get yourself sorted - the way you describe it it sounds like you're going down a path you neither like nor particularly desire, and one which will ultimately do a great deal of harm to your health - nip it in the bud before it gets worse.
As for the people (who I assume are your friends/ex boyfriend) who you've probably upset in the past, I think it'd be best to apologise to them for what you've done & explain why you did it - if they're really your friends chances are they'll forgive you and help you through changing your ways. You might even be able to get back with your ex if he's not moved on, but I wouldn't get your hopes up too much there I'm afraid.
However if you do nothing else, then please, please quit smoking... it'll not do you any good.
im still happy in the relationship i was before i went to uni but i have noticed ive changed a bit. I was tetoal before i went to uni i hated clubbing going out etc etc
The first term it changed drastically i was drinking to excess about 4/5 times a week i was going clubbing atleast 4 times a week and even just getting drunk with my friends on nights in, id miss lectures because i was still being sick the next day, i got quite aggressive when drunk sometimes so if a girl started on me (like they usually do at clubs) instead of just walking away which i use to do id literally argue back and would wake up the next morning really ashamed.
The wake up call came for me when I ended up in hospital having my stomach pumped twice 1) i was humilated 2) i felt like i was wasting the doctors time 3) having everybody know i drank myself into an oblivion was highly embarssing.
I drink once a week now at uni and go out once a week, I dont drink excessively i get tipsy and I stop, ive learnt my lesson and my friends have all supported me cutting down on going out drinking. Ive made far more friends and enjoyed uni a billion times more the second term as i remeber it and havent made a tit out of myself.
so i dont really know what im saying, but you need to make a conscience effort to cut down drinking as drinking is changing who you are not uni
The first term it changed drastically i was drinking to excess about 4/5 times a week i was going clubbing atleast 4 times a week and even just getting drunk with my friends on nights in, id miss lectures because i was still being sick the next day, i got quite aggressive when drunk sometimes so if a girl started on me (like they usually do at clubs) instead of just walking away which i use to do id literally argue back and would wake up the next morning really ashamed.
The wake up call came for me when I ended up in hospital having my stomach pumped twice 1) i was humilated 2) i felt like i was wasting the doctors time 3) having everybody know i drank myself into an oblivion was highly embarssing.
I drink once a week now at uni and go out once a week, I dont drink excessively i get tipsy and I stop, ive learnt my lesson and my friends have all supported me cutting down on going out drinking. Ive made far more friends and enjoyed uni a billion times more the second term as i remeber it and havent made a tit out of myself.
so i dont really know what im saying, but you need to make a conscience effort to cut down drinking as drinking is changing who you are not uni
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks loads for replying! I know I'm probably just being silly I just hate being judged by other people...
I promise I'm not as ridiculously prudish as I sound I love having a laugh, I just don't want to do anything I'll regret I s'pose But I shall heed your advice and have a ruddy good time
I promise I'm not as ridiculously prudish as I sound I love having a laugh, I just don't want to do anything I'll regret I s'pose
But I shall heed your advice and have a ruddy good time You should probably get over that, given that everyone is judged by everyone else.
Dunno why you feel the need to do all these things you apparently disapprove of or dislike.
INVERTEBRATE MUCH?
Original post by Anonymous
I really want to have the balls to post this without anon, but I just can't bring myself to it. Generally I'm quite sure of myself...but lately I just feel slightly lost. I'll try not to make this post massively long because I know how much effort that would be to read
I feel like I'm going round the twist. I'm 18 and in my 1st year of Uni and I absoutely no idea what to do about anything anymore. It all started when I went to Uni. At first it was best thing that had ever happened to me, it was really truely excited, for once I felt like I really belonged and I was going to have the best time of my life...but bit by bit the illusion faded, or maybe I just ****ed everything up, which I seem really good at lately.
Well, I was in a really happy relationship towards the beginning of the year, I liked him, he liked me; and honestly it just felt right. But soon I started to worry that things were going too well. Ridiculous I know but I've never had a successful relationship before and well I just thought eventually something would go wrong...also if I'm honest committment scared me massively and things were starting to get a bit too serious. So I dumped him: despite (which I massively denied until now) being madly in love with him.
Since then I've kissed a lot of guys while off my face, like one every night. This is pretty standard behaviour I know, but it's just not me...suddenly I just feel really cheap and not sure why I get with randomers either; it just makes me feel numb really. I get drunk 1-3 times a week, I feel like I actually need to get completely smashed now to have a good time. I also smoke a fair bit which I didn't used to do. I know most people will think this is all pretty standard stuff at uni but honestly I feel like I'm losing who I am. I've been pretty crappy to people in the pursuit of 'fun' and 'a good time' and I really haven't given a monkeys about what uni was about for me all along; getting an education (done the bare minimum mostly).
Also the stuff I'm doing is slowly cranking up in intensity, I came pretty close to losing my virginity to a guy who I have realised now only wanted me for sex despite being completely in love with someone else. I feel like...for want of a better word...a slut. And a flake. I've turned into someone I never thought I'd be. And I really don't like it. I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. I know why I'm suddenly into this party hard/ crazy pulling stuff now; because I want the 'full uni experience' I just don't want to turn into something I'm not get it.
Does anyone else here feel like they do stuff at uni they would never normally consider back at home? Has uni changed you? I don't know what I'm really expecting here but I just feel like a right tool snogging a random guy everynight and getting wasted all the time...It's fun but It just seems a bit pathetic. (This isn't my whole life btw I do some constructive stuff while at uni e.g. societies, and occasionally even work!)
I guess I'm bringing this up now because lately I've been getting a lot of judgement from friends who don't go out as much who have been suggesting I'm a 'slut' for kissing random guys while drunk and going out loads. Not sure I want people who are so judgemental as friends...but then I thought they might actually be trying to look at for me I just want an outsiders opinion really.
Short Version: I get wasted and pull a lot of random guys while out at uni who only want me for sex, in the long term I want more than that (I've never had sex with any of them). I smoke now too, which I didn't do before all in the name of 'bants' and 'having a good time'. I like having fun but it makes me feel like a slut/someone I'm not. I'm not really into partying when back at home but I just see its a 'part of the uni experience'. I feel like uni has changed me and made me slightly less moral. Anyone feel the same? Am I going too far just to have a good time?
I feel like I'm going round the twist. I'm 18 and in my 1st year of Uni and I absoutely no idea what to do about anything anymore. It all started when I went to Uni. At first it was best thing that had ever happened to me, it was really truely excited, for once I felt like I really belonged and I was going to have the best time of my life...but bit by bit the illusion faded, or maybe I just ****ed everything up, which I seem really good at lately.
Well, I was in a really happy relationship towards the beginning of the year, I liked him, he liked me; and honestly it just felt right. But soon I started to worry that things were going too well. Ridiculous I know but I've never had a successful relationship before and well I just thought eventually something would go wrong...also if I'm honest committment scared me massively and things were starting to get a bit too serious. So I dumped him: despite (which I massively denied until now) being madly in love with him.
Since then I've kissed a lot of guys while off my face, like one every night. This is pretty standard behaviour I know, but it's just not me...suddenly I just feel really cheap and not sure why I get with randomers either; it just makes me feel numb really. I get drunk 1-3 times a week, I feel like I actually need to get completely smashed now to have a good time. I also smoke a fair bit which I didn't used to do. I know most people will think this is all pretty standard stuff at uni but honestly I feel like I'm losing who I am. I've been pretty crappy to people in the pursuit of 'fun' and 'a good time' and I really haven't given a monkeys about what uni was about for me all along; getting an education (done the bare minimum mostly).
Also the stuff I'm doing is slowly cranking up in intensity, I came pretty close to losing my virginity to a guy who I have realised now only wanted me for sex despite being completely in love with someone else. I feel like...for want of a better word...a slut. And a flake. I've turned into someone I never thought I'd be. And I really don't like it. I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. I know why I'm suddenly into this party hard/ crazy pulling stuff now; because I want the 'full uni experience' I just don't want to turn into something I'm not get it.
Does anyone else here feel like they do stuff at uni they would never normally consider back at home? Has uni changed you? I don't know what I'm really expecting here but I just feel like a right tool snogging a random guy everynight and getting wasted all the time...It's fun but It just seems a bit pathetic. (This isn't my whole life btw I do some constructive stuff while at uni e.g. societies, and occasionally even work!
) I guess I'm bringing this up now because lately I've been getting a lot of judgement from friends who don't go out as much who have been suggesting I'm a 'slut' for kissing random guys while drunk and going out loads. Not sure I want people who are so judgemental as friends...but then I thought they might actually be trying to look at for me
I just want an outsiders opinion really.Short Version: I get wasted and pull a lot of random guys while out at uni who only want me for sex, in the long term I want more than that (I've never had sex with any of them). I smoke now too, which I didn't do before all in the name of 'bants' and 'having a good time'. I like having fun but it makes me feel like a slut/someone I'm not. I'm not really into partying when back at home but I just see its a 'part of the uni experience'. I feel like uni has changed me and made me slightly less moral. Anyone feel the same? Am I going too far just to have a good time?
Forgive me for being patronising but to me it sounds like you are a standard middle-class girl let loose by moving out to university. It's OK, it happens to the best of us. Uni changes everyone especially if they haven't done things like have sex or move out or really go out before. You'll be a totally different person by this time next year I expect, it's what happened to me.
I have, really, had a similar sort of experience and I often feel like I don't know who I am either. First year is meant to be for letting go a bit, that's why they have it, because the real reason for uni is to build up a rapport with others of your eventual class. Second and third year you might want to do a bit more work though. Don't worry because everyone else will settle down too, and you seem self-aware enough that you will get the work handed in.
Original post by Anonymous
I really want to have the balls to post this without anon, but I just can't bring myself to it. Generally I'm quite sure of myself...but lately I just feel slightly lost. I'll try not to make this post massively long because I know how much effort that would be to read
I feel like I'm going round the twist. I'm 18 and in my 1st year of Uni and I absoutely no idea what to do about anything anymore. It all started when I went to Uni. At first it was best thing that had ever happened to me, it was really truely excited, for once I felt like I really belonged and I was going to have the best time of my life...but bit by bit the illusion faded, or maybe I just ****ed everything up, which I seem really good at lately.
Well, I was in a really happy relationship towards the beginning of the year, I liked him, he liked me; and honestly it just felt right. But soon I started to worry that things were going too well. Ridiculous I know but I've never had a successful relationship before and well I just thought eventually something would go wrong...also if I'm honest committment scared me massively and things were starting to get a bit too serious. So I dumped him: despite (which I massively denied until now) being madly in love with him.
Since then I've kissed a lot of guys while off my face, like one every night. This is pretty standard behaviour I know, but it's just not me...suddenly I just feel really cheap and not sure why I get with randomers either; it just makes me feel numb really. I get drunk 1-3 times a week, I feel like I actually need to get completely smashed now to have a good time. I also smoke a fair bit which I didn't used to do. I know most people will think this is all pretty standard stuff at uni but honestly I feel like I'm losing who I am. I've been pretty crappy to people in the pursuit of 'fun' and 'a good time' and I really haven't given a monkeys about what uni was about for me all along; getting an education (done the bare minimum mostly).
Also the stuff I'm doing is slowly cranking up in intensity, I came pretty close to losing my virginity to a guy who I have realised now only wanted me for sex despite being completely in love with someone else. I feel like...for want of a better word...a slut. And a flake. I've turned into someone I never thought I'd be. And I really don't like it. I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. I know why I'm suddenly into this party hard/ crazy pulling stuff now; because I want the 'full uni experience' I just don't want to turn into something I'm not get it.
Does anyone else here feel like they do stuff at uni they would never normally consider back at home? Has uni changed you? I don't know what I'm really expecting here but I just feel like a right tool snogging a random guy everynight and getting wasted all the time...It's fun but It just seems a bit pathetic. (This isn't my whole life btw I do some constructive stuff while at uni e.g. societies, and occasionally even work!)
I guess I'm bringing this up now because lately I've been getting a lot of judgement from friends who don't go out as much who have been suggesting I'm a 'slut' for kissing random guys while drunk and going out loads. Not sure I want people who are so judgemental as friends...but then I thought they might actually be trying to look at for me I just want an outsiders opinion really.
Short Version: I get wasted and pull a lot of random guys while out at uni who only want me for sex, in the long term I want more than that (I've never had sex with any of them). I smoke now too, which I didn't do before all in the name of 'bants' and 'having a good time'. I like having fun but it makes me feel like a slut/someone I'm not. I'm not really into partying when back at home but I just see its a 'part of the uni experience'. I feel like uni has changed me and made me slightly less moral. Anyone feel the same? Am I going too far just to have a good time?
I feel like I'm going round the twist. I'm 18 and in my 1st year of Uni and I absoutely no idea what to do about anything anymore. It all started when I went to Uni. At first it was best thing that had ever happened to me, it was really truely excited, for once I felt like I really belonged and I was going to have the best time of my life...but bit by bit the illusion faded, or maybe I just ****ed everything up, which I seem really good at lately.
Well, I was in a really happy relationship towards the beginning of the year, I liked him, he liked me; and honestly it just felt right. But soon I started to worry that things were going too well. Ridiculous I know but I've never had a successful relationship before and well I just thought eventually something would go wrong...also if I'm honest committment scared me massively and things were starting to get a bit too serious. So I dumped him: despite (which I massively denied until now) being madly in love with him.
Since then I've kissed a lot of guys while off my face, like one every night. This is pretty standard behaviour I know, but it's just not me...suddenly I just feel really cheap and not sure why I get with randomers either; it just makes me feel numb really. I get drunk 1-3 times a week, I feel like I actually need to get completely smashed now to have a good time. I also smoke a fair bit which I didn't used to do. I know most people will think this is all pretty standard stuff at uni but honestly I feel like I'm losing who I am. I've been pretty crappy to people in the pursuit of 'fun' and 'a good time' and I really haven't given a monkeys about what uni was about for me all along; getting an education (done the bare minimum mostly).
Also the stuff I'm doing is slowly cranking up in intensity, I came pretty close to losing my virginity to a guy who I have realised now only wanted me for sex despite being completely in love with someone else. I feel like...for want of a better word...a slut. And a flake. I've turned into someone I never thought I'd be. And I really don't like it. I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. I know why I'm suddenly into this party hard/ crazy pulling stuff now; because I want the 'full uni experience' I just don't want to turn into something I'm not get it.
Does anyone else here feel like they do stuff at uni they would never normally consider back at home? Has uni changed you? I don't know what I'm really expecting here but I just feel like a right tool snogging a random guy everynight and getting wasted all the time...It's fun but It just seems a bit pathetic. (This isn't my whole life btw I do some constructive stuff while at uni e.g. societies, and occasionally even work!
) I guess I'm bringing this up now because lately I've been getting a lot of judgement from friends who don't go out as much who have been suggesting I'm a 'slut' for kissing random guys while drunk and going out loads. Not sure I want people who are so judgemental as friends...but then I thought they might actually be trying to look at for me
I just want an outsiders opinion really.Short Version: I get wasted and pull a lot of random guys while out at uni who only want me for sex, in the long term I want more than that (I've never had sex with any of them). I smoke now too, which I didn't do before all in the name of 'bants' and 'having a good time'. I like having fun but it makes me feel like a slut/someone I'm not. I'm not really into partying when back at home but I just see its a 'part of the uni experience'. I feel like uni has changed me and made me slightly less moral. Anyone feel the same? Am I going too far just to have a good time?
Just sounds like you were restricted before by overprotective parents or reserved friends and now you have a bit of freedom you're overcompensating. The effect of getting pissed all the time and going out and getting with loads of random guys will wear off eventually.
You're only 18 - you will probably change more throughout Uni as you stop being a child/teenager and become an adult.
I think these moments of identity chrisis are necessary to know truly what we do or don't want.
However, I might encourage you to not place yourself in dangerous situations (ie - don't drink so much that you will destroy your liver/smoke so much that you will destroy your lungs/hang out with too many drunk strangers who may try to take advantage of you). I don't think experimentation is a bad thing, though if you feel it isn't what you want, know that you can say no.
If you still like your ex and want to get back with him, I wouldn't be afraid and I would just talk to him, try and fix what's broken. If it can't be fixed, then move on and you will meet someone else. Also, you are 18 - not many people have had successful relationships by that age - and probably won't for a few other years, so you can meet other people, see what you like, what you don't like, and eventually find the right person.
I think these moments of identity chrisis are necessary to know truly what we do or don't want.
However, I might encourage you to not place yourself in dangerous situations (ie - don't drink so much that you will destroy your liver/smoke so much that you will destroy your lungs/hang out with too many drunk strangers who may try to take advantage of you). I don't think experimentation is a bad thing, though if you feel it isn't what you want, know that you can say no.
If you still like your ex and want to get back with him, I wouldn't be afraid and I would just talk to him, try and fix what's broken. If it can't be fixed, then move on and you will meet someone else. Also, you are 18 - not many people have had successful relationships by that age - and probably won't for a few other years, so you can meet other people, see what you like, what you don't like, and eventually find the right person.
Original post by Anonymous
I really want to have the balls to post this without anon, but I just can't bring myself to it. Generally I'm quite sure of myself...but lately I just feel slightly lost. I'll try not to make this post massively long because I know how much effort that would be to read
I feel like I'm going round the twist. I'm 18 and in my 1st year of Uni and I absoutely no idea what to do about anything anymore. It all started when I went to Uni. At first it was best thing that had ever happened to me, it was really truely excited, for once I felt like I really belonged and I was going to have the best time of my life...but bit by bit the illusion faded, or maybe I just ****ed everything up, which I seem really good at lately.
Well, I was in a really happy relationship towards the beginning of the year, I liked him, he liked me; and honestly it just felt right. But soon I started to worry that things were going well. Ridiculous I know but I've never had a successful relationship before and well I just thought eventually something would go wrong...also if I'm honest committment scared me massively and things were starting to get a bit too serious. So I dumped him: despite (which I massively denied until now) being madly in love with him.
Since then I've kissed a lot of guys while off my face, like one every night. This is pretty standard behaviour I know, but it's just not me...suddenly I just feel really cheap and not sure why I get with randomers either; it just makes me feel numb really. I get drunk 1-3 times a week, I feel like I actually need to get completely smashed now to have a good time. I also smoke a fair bit which I didn't used to do. I know most people will think this is all pretty standard stuff at uni but honestly I feel like I'm losing who I am. I've been pretty crappy to people in the pursuit of 'fun' and 'a good time' and I really haven't given a monkeys about what uni was about for me all along; getting an education (done the bare minimum mostly).
Also the stuff I'm doing is slowly cranking up in intensity, I came pretty close to losing my virginity to a guy who I have realised now only wanted me for sex despite being completely in love with someone else. I feel like...for want of a better word...a slut. And a flake. I've turned into someone I never thought I'd be. And I really don't like it. I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. I know why I'm suddenly into this party hard/ crazy pulling stuff now; because I want the 'full uni experience' I just don't want to turn into something I'm not get it.
Does anyone else here feel like they do stuff at uni they would never normally consider back at home? Has uni changed you? I don't know what I'm really expecting here but I just feel like a right tool snogging a random guy everynight and getting wasted all the time...It's fun but It just seems a bit pathetic. (This isn't my whole life btw I do some constructive stuff while at uni e.g. societies, and occasionally even work!)
I guess I'm bringing this up now because lately I've been getting a lot of judgement from friends who don't go out as much who have been suggesting I'm a 'slut' for kissing random guys while drunk and going out loads. Not sure I want people who are so judgemental as friends...but then I thought they might actually be trying to look at for me I just want an outsiders opinion really.
Short Version: I get wasted and pull a lot of random guys while out at uni who only want me for sex, in the long term I want more than that (I've never had sex with any of them). I smoke now too, which I didn't do before all in the name of 'bants' and 'having a good time'. I like having fun but it makes me feel like a slut/someone I'm not. I'm not really into partying when back at home but I just see its a 'part of the uni experience'. I feel like uni has changed me and made me slightly less moral. Anyone feel the same? Am I going too far just to have a good time?
I feel like I'm going round the twist. I'm 18 and in my 1st year of Uni and I absoutely no idea what to do about anything anymore. It all started when I went to Uni. At first it was best thing that had ever happened to me, it was really truely excited, for once I felt like I really belonged and I was going to have the best time of my life...but bit by bit the illusion faded, or maybe I just ****ed everything up, which I seem really good at lately.
Well, I was in a really happy relationship towards the beginning of the year, I liked him, he liked me; and honestly it just felt right. But soon I started to worry that things were going well. Ridiculous I know but I've never had a successful relationship before and well I just thought eventually something would go wrong...also if I'm honest committment scared me massively and things were starting to get a bit too serious. So I dumped him: despite (which I massively denied until now) being madly in love with him.
Since then I've kissed a lot of guys while off my face, like one every night. This is pretty standard behaviour I know, but it's just not me...suddenly I just feel really cheap and not sure why I get with randomers either; it just makes me feel numb really. I get drunk 1-3 times a week, I feel like I actually need to get completely smashed now to have a good time. I also smoke a fair bit which I didn't used to do. I know most people will think this is all pretty standard stuff at uni but honestly I feel like I'm losing who I am. I've been pretty crappy to people in the pursuit of 'fun' and 'a good time' and I really haven't given a monkeys about what uni was about for me all along; getting an education (done the bare minimum mostly).
Also the stuff I'm doing is slowly cranking up in intensity, I came pretty close to losing my virginity to a guy who I have realised now only wanted me for sex despite being completely in love with someone else. I feel like...for want of a better word...a slut. And a flake. I've turned into someone I never thought I'd be. And I really don't like it. I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. I know why I'm suddenly into this party hard/ crazy pulling stuff now; because I want the 'full uni experience' I just don't want to turn into something I'm not get it.
Does anyone else here feel like they do stuff at uni they would never normally consider back at home? Has uni changed you? I don't know what I'm really expecting here but I just feel like a right tool snogging a random guy everynight and getting wasted all the time...It's fun but It just seems a bit pathetic. (This isn't my whole life btw I do some constructive stuff while at uni e.g. societies, and occasionally even work!
) I guess I'm bringing this up now because lately I've been getting a lot of judgement from friends who don't go out as much who have been suggesting I'm a 'slut' for kissing random guys while drunk and going out loads. Not sure I want people who are so judgemental as friends...but then I thought they might actually be trying to look at for me
I just want an outsiders opinion really.Short Version: I get wasted and pull a lot of random guys while out at uni who only want me for sex, in the long term I want more than that (I've never had sex with any of them). I smoke now too, which I didn't do before all in the name of 'bants' and 'having a good time'. I like having fun but it makes me feel like a slut/someone I'm not. I'm not really into partying when back at home but I just see its a 'part of the uni experience'. I feel like uni has changed me and made me slightly less moral. Anyone feel the same? Am I going too far just to have a good time?
Yeh I feel similar to yourself.
I have never had a relationship before coming to uni or even kissed a guy, but during freshers week I managed to get with this guy whilst clubbing and we kissed and he came back to my room and we did sexual stuff and it nearly turned into a full one night stand. And then I have also got rather attached to alcohol and I will now drink pretty excessively whenever I go out which is normally once a week and then I have kissed I think 3 guys whilst out clubbing like just random guys who are just begging for kisses and I just won't say no like they'll just kinda lean in and I'll just go ahead and start kissing them and like I don't even get their name or anything let alone remember what they look like after, so I feel a bit like a slut in that sense.
And then me and my friends one night got very drunk and then decided to do these legal highs and I nearly passed out tbh and it was only the next day I realise how dangerous what we were doing considering we all drunk, and before uni I would've never have touched any drugs.
So yeh uni has changed me and I also feel like not much work gets done either
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- bit worried about my predicteds
- I’m freaking out plz help
- i should stop thinking about him
- Randomly selected for EPQ AQA moderation (in distress)
- someone i really dislike going to same university in september
- Need some advice
- Just another rant from a depressed virgin 20 year old guy with no life...
- Friendship break up?
- mixed signals
- Am I being egotistical
- Lonely at University
- Should I have finished sixth form college to keep the uni door open
- i'm a third year in bereavement
- My study buddy crush
- Does he like me?
- feeling numb as an adult
- guy won't respond but is on social media
- Anyone else applying for PWP at UCL
- I want to quit uni so badly but I’m in too deep
- Switching from Economics to Business
Latest
Last reply 12 minutes ago
How do I start my email to a college to sit for Alevel as a private candidateLast reply 1 hour ago
Official University College London Applicant Thread for 2024Last reply 1 hour ago
Can I do economics degree without a level maths?Last reply 2 hours ago
How to choose unis in UCAS application for CS undergraduate course?Last reply 2 hours ago
Rishi Sunak pledges to remove benefits for people not taking jobs after 12 monthsLast reply 2 hours ago
Got my crush's number 2 days ago and no reply yet. What could be the reasons?Posted 2 hours ago
GB News set to axe 40 jobs after channel posts heavy lossesLast reply 2 hours ago
Rwanda bill likely to be stalled at least till April after seven defeats in the LordsPosted 3 hours ago
Sunak rejects offer of youth mobility scheme between EU and UKTrending
Last reply 22 hours ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 1 week ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 1 week ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceTrending
Last reply 22 hours ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 1 week ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 1 week ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choice
