Are You Saving Sex For Marriage?

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Is there any point in saving sex for marriage if your a virgin but still do other sexual things with your partner?e.g: hand job/blow job? Or do you guys abstain completely from any type of sexual contact?

Reply 161

abc101

I used to want to wait until marriage, but after experiencing a sexual relationship (albeit not one in which we actually had sex - I am still a virgin), I don't see that happening, and I don't want to wait anymore. I do, however, want to be in a loving, respectful relationship when I have sex for the first time. The main reason I'm still a virgin is because the man I wanted to lose it to was an emotionally abusive ********, to put it briefly, and I knew the aftermath of losing it to him would be too painful - not because I wanted to wait til marriage.

You'll probably find men say they respect you more for still being a virgin - but, even with the best intentions, in all honesty, I think you'll have a difficult time sticking to your resolution. Once you start to get involved with someone romantically, your views about sex change and your boundaries ebb away bit by bit, and before you know it you don't want to wait anymore!

Reply 162

username306617

Original post by abc101

You'll probably find men say they respect you more for still being a virgin - but, even with the best intentions, in all honesty, I think you'll have a difficult time sticking to your resolution. Once you start to get involved with someone romantically, your views about sex change and your boundaries ebb away bit by bit, and before you know it you don't want to wait anymore!

Personally I've never found this.

I've been in 3 long term (1 year+) relationships and never had any real difficulty controlling myself.
I slept in the same bed as my ex for 2 years and was still perfectly able to resist any temptation.

Reply 163

arsenalfan4life

Original post by Popppppy

Hope you don't mind me asking, but do you mean you abstained completely or partly.

Reply 164

username306617

Original post by arsenalfan4life

Hope you don't mind me asking, but do you mean you abstained completely or partly.

I've already answered that.
In short: partly.

Reply 165

abc101

Original post by Popppppy

Did that never make you question your chemistry?

If you can experience strong temptation and, with great difficulty, control yourself, then great. But if it wasn't even hard to resist it, did it not occur to you that you didn't really feel much in the way of sexual emotions for that person?

Of course, some people have very low sex drives, but in general, if it's really easy to resist temptation, it would suggest you're not very sexually interested in the person lying next to you.

Reply 166

username306617

Original post by abc101

I think it's more a case of simply wanting to save myself for marriage more than I wanted to have sex right that minute.

Yea in the heat of the moment it's difficult, but the moment passes and it's fine.

Reply 167

rehmanrad

is there any guys saving them selves for marriage?

Reply 168

Curtiss

Well, i was going to save it for marriage or a very long term relationship, but it sort of didn't work out that way. :colondollar:

Reply 169

yorkshire.lad

probably but if i was in a long term thing with a girl and i knew for sure we would get married i probably would do it before...

Reply 170

Pigling

No.

I want to have sex. I don't see a point in not having it before marriage, any more than in not having it before age 25, or not having sex before I visit Australia, or not having sex before I graduate - it just seems like arbitrarily tying two life events together when there's no need or reason to do so (as I am not religious).

Also, for me personally I think there would be substantial negatives. For me it would place needless sexual pressure on marriage, which to me isn't what marriage is about. I would rather progress a sexual relationship in a less formalised way, just to do what feels natural when it feels natural. I think waiting would have deprived my relationship with my boyfriend of sexual and emotional intimacy in the years that we've been together whilst not economically or socially ready for marriage.

Whilst I find waiting for marriage a strange decision to make, and feel that I'm better off having not made it, my "respect" for other people isn't decided by their private sexual practices either way. Having sex isn't an achievement of any particular value, nor is not having sex.

Reply 171

Pigling

Original post by Misstery

---

(Looking at your very lengthy post)

I know you are only playing devil's advocate to someone who was being rather insensitive.

But much of what you've written seems to be about why sex is undesireable. That's not the debate (is sex good or bad) - we're not talking about people never choosing to have sex because they don't like it. The real notion here is that sex is undesireable outside of marriage, but desireable within it. I think that's what people struggle to understand.

Sex is no less potentially painful and risky within marriage than it is without (when considering people in a relationship very similar to what we think of as a good marriage: long-term, trusting, loving etc). Marriage won't stop your partner hurting or betraying you, whether you are married or not it still ultimately comes down to trust.

In fact your point that such non-marital relationships are very similar/identical to marriage is sort of the whole point. It raises the question why would sex be less desireable in these relationships than in marriage?

I personally don't think a rational answer exists (and that's why it isn't my choice), but obviously non-rational answers such as personal inclination or religious belief do exist which are just as valid - it is a personal decision after all.

Note: noone has to answer these questions or justify their decisions to me. This is just my way of phrasing how I don't really understand it and would not make the same choice - for the sake of discussion no spite intended.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 172

Bronco2012

I'm 18, a guy and a virgin.

I'd be open to the idea of sex in a relationship, heck I'm open to one night stands even, in saying that if I were to end up in a relationship with a girl who wanted to save it for marriage, I wouldn't back out of the relationship, and would be happy to keep it going if it had a future, right up till marriage.

So basically anything goes :tongue:

Reply 173

lifendsoon

Going by the poll results am I to assume that Muslims are the most chaste and that secular people are the most lewd and unchaste?

Reply 174

lucaf

a tad late for that :tongue:

I don't really see the point to be honest. I don't like the idea of one night stands, and would only want to do it with somebody I had actual feelings for, but I don't need marriage for that.

Reply 175

AtlasCanTakeIt

Original post by Pigling

This.

Common sense.

Sex has no intrinsic value. It's an enjoyable activity between two people, the more of a connection those two people have, the more meaningful the experience.

Everything else is superfluous.

Reply 176

HussainP

I waited to have sex after marriage because I believe it is the right thing to do. Also, it's not fun when you've already had the experience before marriage. When it's within marriage, it's more special because you're spending the rest of your life with someone who will always be there for you. It's within a stable relationship. Not with someone who will sleep with you then might dump you in a couple of months time just because they got bored. I'm glad I waited because it feels special with my husband. It's your choice; do what you feel is right. :smile:

Reply 177

dgeorge

Original post by parhanabegum@hotma

Also, it's not fun when you've already had the experience before marriage

Really? Sex magically stops being pleasurable after you get married and you've had it before?

When it's within marriage, it's more special

It's as special as you think it is.

BTW, I've got nothing against people who want to wait until marriage, totally up to them.

Reply 178

HussainP

Original post by dgeorge

Really? Sex magically stops being pleasurable after you get married and you've had it before?

It's as special as you think it is.

BTW, I've got nothing against people who want to wait until marriage, totally up to them.

Well that's your opinion but I waited and I'm glad I did

Reply 179

DeceitfulDove

Nope...lost my virginity very very young. Doesn't mean it wasn't 'special'. It was pretty damn special now that I think about it, there was a shooting star an' all!

let's get it oooowwn :colone: