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I hate my course but my parents will kick me out if I leave?
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Original post by JamesM24
I hate my course and I want to leave - I never wanted to study the subject in the first place. My parents forced me to apply for the subject because they know someone who works in the industry who can give me a job and the university was close by - they want to control every aspect of my life, they even demand that I return home every weekend. I know my parents won't listen to me, they never have - not once, the only opinion that gets heard is theirs. I not even allowed to hold an opinion let alone say it. It's like living in a dictatorship.
My parents want me to be in a well paying job to pay off the private school fees they spent on me.
I have 3 A grades at A-level and I'm studying a competitive course. I don't want to give too many personal details away.
My original plan was to complete the course and work in the job, save some money and do runner then change career. If I did change my course now, my parents would probably kick me out but I have no money and no friends who I can turn to. What should I do?
However, I can't stand studying the course any longer. Should I just grin and bear it?
My parents want me to be in a well paying job to pay off the private school fees they spent on me.
I have 3 A grades at A-level and I'm studying a competitive course. I don't want to give too many personal details away.
My original plan was to complete the course and work in the job, save some money and do runner then change career. If I did change my course now, my parents would probably kick me out but I have no money and no friends who I can turn to. What should I do?
However, I can't stand studying the course any longer. Should I just grin and bear it?
What year are you in and what course? Medicine?
Are your parents even paying for this course, in full? If so, they have a little bit of influence. If you're taking out a loan in your own name, it's none of their business what you study. I'd arrange a meeting asap (depending on which year you're in) and discuss your options. If you're in first year it's feasible to transfer to another course/university if you complete the year if you transfer to a new course and start again - student finance will be able to cover the extra year - but if you're in second year it'll be a bit harder to do since in most courses what you've been doing counts towards your final degree classification. Again discuss your options with your tutors, we are unable to offer any detailed advice. Good luck!
Original post by JamesM24
My parents have repeatedly said that because they've brought me up, it's not my life to do with as I wish - I'm their property to do with as they see fit. They say they know what's best.
I'd move out asap and find somewhere else to live, other relatives, friends, anything. Just because your parents raised you gives them no right to treat you like their personal slave; you're an adult now, you have just as many rights to make your own decisions as they do. This sounds very harsh but if they felt that way I don't understand why they bothered having kids.
Original post by JamesM24
I don't have any where to go. I've got no friends as I've never had the opportunity to make them. I don't think that anyone I know will believe my predicament. My parents are quite negative, saying that I'll never get a job in anything else.
Why dont you tell us what you are studying. How can it give away your identity?
We can then tell you if your parents are right or not about the course and its job potential.
Original post by the.cookie.monster
What are you studying and what do you want to study? If the subjects are similar there may be some scope for a transfer?
If you can't talk to your parents are there any other relatives you could talk to?
If you can't talk to your parents are there any other relatives you could talk to?
I don't have any other relatives to talk to about this.
The way you talk, you make it sound like you've accepted 'you have no choice'. They don't make you go home; you refuse to say no to them, so travel home. Student finance loan you extra money if you live away from home, even if it's the same city.
It's a shame you think they won't support you for doing another course, but from the sounds of it, you're going to piss them off no matter what you do in life. What if they don't like your partner? Or the way you bring up your children (I'd assume you wouldn't treat them like the dirt they treat you)? Are you going to let them tell you how to raise your children, effectively raising them themselves? Are you going to keep finding partners until they approve of one, if they ever do? As for paying them back your school fees, tell them where to go. The nerve of them.
Even if you please them now, they're going to be pissed off at you for something else in the future. I guarantee you that you will look back and realise you were never going to please them. You'll realise you may as well have done as you pleased earlier in life, because the outcome was inevitable.
I'm not sure on the options available to you now in terms of finance and changing course, so it's best to see a career adviser or something.
If you're in student accommodation now, you could try your best to get a part time job and raise enough money to cover a full years rent. I think a lot of uni owned accommodation have rents for 40-44 weeks. But there is accommodation aimed at students that rent out for the full year. Or people advertising room in a shared house for the summer.
For your sake, I hope you stand up to them sooner rather than later. Even if you can't change course, it sure sounds like you could do with some freedom, so moving out would make you much happier. Good luck whatever you do.
It's a shame you think they won't support you for doing another course, but from the sounds of it, you're going to piss them off no matter what you do in life. What if they don't like your partner? Or the way you bring up your children (I'd assume you wouldn't treat them like the dirt they treat you)? Are you going to let them tell you how to raise your children, effectively raising them themselves? Are you going to keep finding partners until they approve of one, if they ever do? As for paying them back your school fees, tell them where to go. The nerve of them.
Even if you please them now, they're going to be pissed off at you for something else in the future. I guarantee you that you will look back and realise you were never going to please them. You'll realise you may as well have done as you pleased earlier in life, because the outcome was inevitable.
I'm not sure on the options available to you now in terms of finance and changing course, so it's best to see a career adviser or something.
If you're in student accommodation now, you could try your best to get a part time job and raise enough money to cover a full years rent. I think a lot of uni owned accommodation have rents for 40-44 weeks. But there is accommodation aimed at students that rent out for the full year. Or people advertising room in a shared house for the summer.
For your sake, I hope you stand up to them sooner rather than later. Even if you can't change course, it sure sounds like you could do with some freedom, so moving out would make you much happier. Good luck whatever you do.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by hedgemonkey
So you enjoyed private school for 18 years then? Loved not getting your backside kicked in the school yard like if you were in a state school. Did not have to worry about the bullying from other children as much as you would have in a state school.
And now this is how you want to repay your parents??? They could have had a new car every year if it were not for you school fees. Lets see if you put your children through private school......
And now this is how you want to repay your parents??? They could have had a new car every year if it were not for you school fees. Lets see if you put your children through private school......
You know perfectly well that no one goes to any school for 18 years under normal academic circumstances. What are you suggesting? That my mother gave birth to me at the school gates and then dumped me in front of a teacher? As it happens, I went to a private school, only from Year 7 to 13.
If my private education shielded me from bullying at school, my parents certainly made up for this at home. The statement you've made implies that you think the majority of state educated children are savages who simply don't know any better and that nothing else should be expected of them - which quite frankly is disgustingly prejudiced.
I was bullied at every school that I went to. Is it supposed to hurt less when a privately educated thug repeatedly slams your head against a desk and then locks you in a broom cupboard on a daily basis compared to a bully from a state school? It certainly wasn't the experience I had - I'm glad you cleared up my misconceptions - I feel so much better now (!)
I've met bullies from both backgrounds and some very good people from both backgrounds. Bullies are bullies and schooling doesn't make a difference when it comes to a person's moral character.
I'm quite happy to repay my parents (many times over) for the sacrifices they have made but only through a career that's my choice. Their generosity does not entitle them to hold me to ransom and I'm glad to see the other people on this forum agree with me.
It's good to see that your answer has been rated negatively. Everyone can see it for what it is.
Original post by matt9210
The way you talk, you make it sound like you've accepted 'you have no choice'. They don't make you go home; you refuse to say no to them, so travel home. Student finance loan you extra money if you live away from home, even if it's the same city.
It's a shame you think they won't support you for doing another course, but from the sounds of it, you're going to piss them off no matter what you do in life. What if they don't like your partner? Or the way you bring up your children (I'd assume you wouldn't treat them like the dirt they treat you)? Are you going to let them tell you how to raise your children, effectively raising them themselves? Are you going to keep finding partners until they approve of one, if they ever do? As for paying them back your school fees, tell them where to go. The nerve of them.
It's a shame you think they won't support you for doing another course, but from the sounds of it, you're going to piss them off no matter what you do in life. What if they don't like your partner? Or the way you bring up your children (I'd assume you wouldn't treat them like the dirt they treat you)? Are you going to let them tell you how to raise your children, effectively raising them themselves? Are you going to keep finding partners until they approve of one, if they ever do? As for paying them back your school fees, tell them where to go. The nerve of them.
I'm from an Asian background, my parents even want to decide who I marry. I once refused to return home and they went mental over it and I decided it wasn't worth the hassle. They're quite manipulative sometimes, if I do want they want, they make life easy but if I do what I want then they make things difficult. I told them I have no motivation to study the course and they said maybe if I'm homeless or starving with bills to pay then maybe I'd be motivated, they say I'll never get a job doing anything else. They think the only alternative to their career choice is destitution.
Original post by JamesM24
I'm from an Asian background, my parents even want to decide who I marry. I once refused to return home and they went mental over it and I decided it wasn't worth the hassle. They're quite manipulative sometimes, if I do want they want, they make life easy but if I do what I want then they make things difficult. I told them I have no motivation to study the course and they said maybe if I'm homeless or starving with bills to pay then maybe I'd be motivated, they say I'll never get a job doing anything else. They think the only alternative to their career choice is destitution.
You want us to sympathise with you and are using the tradition of asian culture as an excuse. You wont tell us what course you are now doing and what course you wish to do. Maybe your parents are actually right. Maybe the course you are currently doing, with the guarantee of a job from a relative is the right course of action for your future.
Dont bring forced marriage into this. You can refuse to do get married.
At the end of the day, you are trying to reject your culture and your traditional inheritance without revealing why you want to do so.
The very fact that you are hiding behind anonymity from revealing the courses (it is ridiculous to suggest that we will be able to identify you from your course) is a pointer to your confused mind. I think your parents are right.
You need to have a good look at yourself.
Stop being a spoiled brat and respect your parents wishes. Kids these days, too rebellious.
Original post by hedgemonkey
You want us to sympathise with you and are using the tradition of asian culture as an excuse. You wont tell us what course you are now doing and what course you wish to do. Maybe your parents are actually right. Maybe the course you are currently doing, with the guarantee of a job from a relative is the right course of action for your future.
Dont bring forced marriage into this. You can refuse to do get married.
At the end of the day, you are trying to reject your culture and your traditional inheritance without revealing why you want to do so.
The very fact that you are hiding behind anonymity from revealing the courses (it is ridiculous to suggest that we will be able to identify you from your course) is a pointer to your confused mind. I think your parents are right.
You need to have a good look at yourself.
Dont bring forced marriage into this. You can refuse to do get married.
At the end of the day, you are trying to reject your culture and your traditional inheritance without revealing why you want to do so.
The very fact that you are hiding behind anonymity from revealing the courses (it is ridiculous to suggest that we will be able to identify you from your course) is a pointer to your confused mind. I think your parents are right.
You need to have a good look at yourself.
OMG what an retarded response...
Original post by JamesM24
I hate my course and I want to leave - I never wanted to study the subject in the first place. My parents forced me to apply for the subject because they know someone who works in the industry who can give me a job and the university was close by - they want to control every aspect of my life, they even demand that I return home every weekend. I know my parents won't listen to me, they never have - not once, the only opinion that gets heard is theirs. I not even allowed to hold an opinion let alone say it. It's like living in a dictatorship.
My parents want me to be in a well paying job to pay off the private school fees they spent on me.
I have 3 A grades at A-level and I'm studying a competitive course. I don't want to give too many personal details away.
My original plan was to complete the course and work in the job, save some money and do runner then change career. If I did change my course now, my parents would probably kick me out but I have no money and no friends who I can turn to. What should I do?
However, I can't stand studying the course any longer. Should I just grin and bear it?
My parents want me to be in a well paying job to pay off the private school fees they spent on me.
I have 3 A grades at A-level and I'm studying a competitive course. I don't want to give too many personal details away.
My original plan was to complete the course and work in the job, save some money and do runner then change career. If I did change my course now, my parents would probably kick me out but I have no money and no friends who I can turn to. What should I do?
However, I can't stand studying the course any longer. Should I just grin and bear it?
Take control of your own life! I've known people in your position who are still under the control p their parents and are in their 30s! You don't want that!
If you parents are so bad, think about how much you need them in your life..
But then, maybe they're just pushy because they love you? Be defiant if you want to be. You are an adult, don't let them rule you because you'll grow up and regret not doing something sooner
Posted from TSR Mobile
Looks like the purpose of this thread was to let off some steam as opposed to actually wanting advice.
From your last post, you don't do anything because it's the 'easy' way. Do what mum and dad say, and it keeps them quiet. That is your choice. But you make out you don't have one.
It's as if your purpose in life is to satisfy your parents.
From your last post, you don't do anything because it's the 'easy' way. Do what mum and dad say, and it keeps them quiet. That is your choice. But you make out you don't have one.
It's as if your purpose in life is to satisfy your parents.
Original post by JamesM24
I hate my course and I want to leave - I never wanted to study the subject in the first place. My parents forced me to apply for the subject because they know someone who works in the industry who can give me a job and the university was close by - they want to control every aspect of my life, they even demand that I return home every weekend. I know my parents won't listen to me, they never have - not once, the only opinion that gets heard is theirs. I not even allowed to hold an opinion let alone say it. It's like living in a dictatorship.
My parents want me to be in a well paying job to pay off the private school fees they spent on me.
I have 3 A grades at A-level and I'm studying a competitive course. I don't want to give too many personal details away.
My original plan was to complete the course and work in the job, save some money and do runner then change career. If I did change my course now, my parents would probably kick me out but I have no money and no friends who I can turn to. What should I do?
However, I can't stand studying the course any longer. Should I just grin and bear it?
My parents want me to be in a well paying job to pay off the private school fees they spent on me.
I have 3 A grades at A-level and I'm studying a competitive course. I don't want to give too many personal details away.
My original plan was to complete the course and work in the job, save some money and do runner then change career. If I did change my course now, my parents would probably kick me out but I have no money and no friends who I can turn to. What should I do?
However, I can't stand studying the course any longer. Should I just grin and bear it?
My mate had the same problem. Parents = alcoholics/wasters who beat him. Friend went to uni to escape this. Parents ok with it. They thought degree = better job and parents will get all the money. They'd take all my mate's money from his paper round.
Plan your exit strategy so when you jump ship, you have somewhere to go, and a job to support yourself.
Off the top of my head, there are 2 options:
1 - If the course is not too hard, try working while you study to get work experience, which will help you get a full time job after uni. The wages - save it so you have a deposit and a first few months' rent. When you can, move out of parents' into your own place. Then change course to one you like.
2 - Complete the course so you have a qualification that you can use to to apply for jobs, and some better jobs. If you don't have a job by the time you leave, take the job your parents want you to do. Be frugal and save like crazy. The more you save the quicker you can afford to move out of your parents'.
My mate did 1st option (w/o changing course) and never went home. He now lives abroad.
Make some friends so you can flat share and reduce costs when you move out of your parents.
Original post by hedgemonkey
So you enjoyed private school for 18 years then? Loved not getting your backside kicked in the school yard like if you were in a state school. Did not have to worry about the bullying from other children as much as you would have in a state school.
And now this is how you want to repay your parents??? They could have had a new car every year if it were not for you school fees. Lets see if you put your children through private school......
And now this is how you want to repay your parents??? They could have had a new car every year if it were not for you school fees. Lets see if you put your children through private school......
Did the dude get a say in all of this? Did he sign the dotted line somewhere? Then he doesn't owe his parents anything.
Looks like parents did all this to make themselves look good to their social circle. Dude has done 20+ yrs as an involuntary performing monkey for his folks. His folks OWE him.
(edited 7 years ago)
by any chance is it medicine?
Hey I know this is a really old post but just in case anyone is scrolling through - I was in a similar situation as you and felt like I had no option but to stick it out. Ten years on and I'm absolutely miserable, I haven't been able to hold down a job, my degree was honestly a complete waste of time and I regret my decision to carry on with it. To make matters worse I now have a disability caused by the eating disorder that I had pre -uni but which got significantly worse there so any jobs involving manual handling I now can not apply for. My life is honestly ****ed and my parents are disappointed in me but then I could never have fulfilled their expectations. I say all this to say that it is YOUR life no one else's. Never let your parents make you do something you don't want to because you will be miserable. Do life for you.
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