My bf has a problem with sleeping with me in the same bed as my ex-bf

Reply 20

Architecture-er

19

Just only sleep together in his bed?

Reply 21

cambio wechsel

20

Original post by therisenmitten

What's he going to to when he goes to university and has to sleep in a bed where countless people have probably had sex?

Perhaps he can go to Imperial?

But his point anyway isn't that sex has been had in the bed but that specifically she has there had sex with another man.

Seems odd, though, you're right. He'll put it in the same vagina.

Reply 22

therisenmitten

12

Original post by cambio wechsel

Perhaps he can go to Imperial?

But his point anyway isn't that sex has been had in the bed but that specifically she has there had sex with another man.

Seems odd, though, you're right. He'll put it in the same vagina.

Good idea

Yeh, it doesn't really seem to be about the bed at all.

I guess he generally doesn't like the idea that she's had sex with someone else, but it doesn't bother him enough to stop sleeping with her.

Reply 23

syrettd

18

Original post by ChocoholicPolyglot

If I'm totally honest then this whole "you both did it here so now I feel strange doing it here with you" thing is slightly silly. Yeah using the same bedding is an issue but not the bed or room. It's as strange as saying to a widow or divorced person that you won't sleep with them in their house because they had a former partner who they slept with in there.

Why is the same bedding an issue? I'm not going to buy new sheets and pillows everytime I get a new partner, and I wouldn't expect them to either. It's not as if the sheets don't get washed, and if they had an issue with the pillows and duvet I'm guessing they'd be insecure enough to have a problem with the mattress too.

Reply 24

ChocoholicPolyglot

9

Original post by syrettd

Why is the same bedding an issue? I'm not going to buy new sheets and pillows everytime I get a new partner, and I wouldn't expect them to either. It's not as if the sheets don't get washed, and if they had an issue with the pillows and duvet I'm guessing they'd be insecure enough to have a problem with the mattress too.

I'm not saying I personally have a bedding issue but I'm saying that a bedding issue is more reasonable than having a problem with a bed or room.

Reply 25

syrettd

18

Original post by ChocoholicPolyglot

I'm not saying I personally have a bedding issue but I'm saying that a bedding issue is more reasonable than having a problem with a bed or room.

I agree it's slightly more reasonable, although in your original post you did state that using the same bedding is an issue, so that's why I asked.

Reply 26

Drederick Tatum

12

Original post by syrettd

Why is the same bedding an issue? I'm not going to buy new sheets and pillows everytime I get a new partner, and I wouldn't expect them to either. It's not as if the sheets don't get washed, and if they had an issue with the pillows and duvet I'm guessing they'd be insecure enough to have a problem with the mattress too.

I personally have a problem with the same sheet, but am fine with the same duvet. I'd also need her to replace at least one of the pillows.

Reply 27

Speckle

18

The title made me think you still slept with your ex-bf in the same bed platonically and you were surprised that he had a problem with it.

Why don't you go and have sex in his bed.

Reply 28

Jabberwox

16

I don't see the problem? A bed is a flipping bed.

Reply 29

fiendishgoon

Can i ask you whether he knew your ex and whether there's some history between them or between the transitional period between your ex and your current boyfriend? To me that would be the only thing that would explain his current situation. If it was completely unrelated then there's nothing you can do but try to explain to him, even if he gets weird about it just give him time he'll come around. If he doesn't you should have a frank and serious talk with him but if you really really like him then i reckon some patience will be rewarded.
Also what one of the earlier posters posted is a good idea, designing the room and having certain nuances that he may have influenced is nice. How about when he's there taking the bed apart, (like take the sheets off the pillow case and the pillow and even the matress) and flip the mattress with him, put new sheets on together (liek brand new) and even maybe a brand new pillow if it will set his mind at ease...
I hope it goes well with you guys.

Reply 30

Kazbian

10

Original post by Speckle

The title made me think you still slept with your ex-bf in the same bed platonically and you were surprised that he had a problem with it.

I thought this too. :tongue:

Anyway, I think your boyfriend needs to grow up. I've had sex with my boyfriend in the same bed he slept with his ex and we've slept together in my bed where before I slept with my ex. This never even crossed my mind.

Reply 31

cl_steele

2

I can vagualy see why he wouldnt be especially amused but i must say his reaction is slightly overboard...
It does remind me strongly of Rules of engagement though...

Reply 32

Jen090393

Maybe this is a bit harsh but if he's considering breaking up with you over a bed then you should seriously consider whether he's the guy for you. If you cheated on him and he wanted to break up with you it's be a different matter, but a bed? If he wants to end it over that then he can't - sorry - like you enough to get past it.
The past is the past, you can't go back and change it
If you can really see you and him going somewhere then keep trying to make him feel better, it might just take time

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 33

Pigling

8

This is bizarre. I'm sorry but you've had sex with someone else before you met him, and he's only able to cope with this if all potential reminders or memories of that fact are removed or replaced?

You've been sympathetic and reassured him enough times. It's about time you drew the line.

He's being incredibly selfish, plainly only considering his own feelings and not how it makes you feel when he tells you your previous sexual relationship "disgusts" him (and this is what he's doing) and constantly threatens you with breaking up over something so ridiculous.

I strongly think it's about time you brought your feelings out on the subject, instead of just pandering to his.

Reply 34

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by fiendishgoon

Can i ask you whether he knew your ex and whether there's some history between them or between the transitional period between your ex and your current boyfriend? To me that would be the only thing that would explain his current situation. If it was completely unrelated then there's nothing you can do but try to explain to him, even if he gets weird about it just give him time he'll come around. If he doesn't you should have a frank and serious talk with him but if you really really like him then i reckon some patience will be rewarded.
Also what one of the earlier posters posted is a good idea, designing the room and having certain nuances that he may have influenced is nice. How about when he's there taking the bed apart, (like take the sheets off the pillow case and the pillow and even the matress) and flip the mattress with him, put new sheets on together (liek brand new) and even maybe a brand new pillow if it will set his mind at ease...
I hope it goes well with you guys.

Thanks. Tbh, I think it's more the entire room as in the location that's the problem. He has said that from now on, every time he's in my room he'll think of what happened there with my ex-bf..
No not at all, my ex-bf moved back to america and i havent even spoken to him since we broke up and my current boyfriend never met him.

Can't go to his house either, since he lives at home and his parents are pretty religious..

I'm happy everyone agrees he's being slightly ridiculous/immature. He does know that himself though, but just isn't sure if he'll be able to forget about it when he's in my room. He'll come round though, hopefully.

Reply 35

syrettd

18

Original post by Drederick Tatum

I personally have a problem with the same sheet, but am fine with the same duvet. I'd also need her to replace at least one of the pillows.

But it's ok that her ex has been inside her, just as long as they weren't on the same sheets and pillow that you'll use?

Reply 36

melanz

5

Use his bed then

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 37

username47781

20

I know he is inexperienced but he is completely overreacting.

Reply 38

HopefulMidwife

12

I think you've done all you can, really. If he's going to be pathetic about it, it's his problem, not yours. I would personally tell him to get the F over it or we break up and move on. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I understand this must be really hard for you and that you don't want to lose him. I wish you all the luck in finding a solution.