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Why do people want kids so badly?
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Original post by 1on4
Fertility and children are a blessing.
Fertility and children are a blessing.
Yeh, except when they're not.
I have plenty of friends who don't want kids, and I don't blame them in the least. It's a huge undertaking, and the responsibility puts you in a financially and psychologically strained position for a minimum of 18 years, and that's if you only have one child.
I know that I want kids - I love their energy, enthusiasm, and willingness to imagine goodness in the world. Those qualities make me happy, which is why I choose to work with children as a profession. I also want to be the parent of kids with the man I love. Creating a person that is a mixture of yourself and your spouse is an amazing thing, and while it's not for everyone, I know that my relationship wouldn't work if there wasn't that possibility. I would love to help raise a child from an infant to an adult, and see the transformation that the person goes through, and see all of my hard work and devotion go into one human being with their own quirks and imperfections.
Not everybody has to be the same way, and obviously not everybody wants to have children. I wouldn't have a long-term relationship with someone who didn't want kids, because I know that our relationship would never work out.
Honestly, some people are on a high horse when they say that you'll change your mind. Nobody's forcing you to have kids. If you don't want them, don't have them! Hell, there are enough people in the world already. Have fun with whatever you choose.
I know that I want kids - I love their energy, enthusiasm, and willingness to imagine goodness in the world. Those qualities make me happy, which is why I choose to work with children as a profession. I also want to be the parent of kids with the man I love. Creating a person that is a mixture of yourself and your spouse is an amazing thing, and while it's not for everyone, I know that my relationship wouldn't work if there wasn't that possibility. I would love to help raise a child from an infant to an adult, and see the transformation that the person goes through, and see all of my hard work and devotion go into one human being with their own quirks and imperfections.
Not everybody has to be the same way, and obviously not everybody wants to have children. I wouldn't have a long-term relationship with someone who didn't want kids, because I know that our relationship would never work out.
Honestly, some people are on a high horse when they say that you'll change your mind. Nobody's forcing you to have kids. If you don't want them, don't have them! Hell, there are enough people in the world already. Have fun with whatever you choose.
Biologically its one of our main drives in life, the main purpose of finding a wife/gf isn't to get laid it's to have kids and spread our DNA thus being more Superior. I'm talking primitively here having kids is something all species strive for. This may be an explanation as to why it's expected.
Personally I'm an 18 year old and would love to have kids (at the right time ofcourse). And for as far back as i can think i've wanted to.
Personally I'm an 18 year old and would love to have kids (at the right time ofcourse). And for as far back as i can think i've wanted to.
I guess it is in our nature - desire to find a partner, have sex, even take risks with sex at a time when we don't want kids. And for quite a lot of people, despite the obvious huge investment and changes, a desire to parent. Not something to rush in to but, for me, it is a part of what life is about..
Original post by Hypocrism
That's absolutely disgusting, even if it was a joke. People can be just as harmed by being forced to not have babies than by being forced to have them if that's what they decided to do.
As for the OP, I agree completely and I feel 100% the same way. I also have the added deterrents on top of that of being a woman, so I have the added pain of carrying/giving birth to the baby and the after effects + health issues and loss of attractiveness after each birth. No idea why any woman would wish that on herself.
I'm not having kids. Decided quite resolutely a few weeks ago. I want to be free forever. Family = burden. I want to be able to potentially go and do whatever I like, wherever I like, and follow up every opportunity without being held back by anything. Kids are a huuuuuuuge commitment. Everyone says, when your child is born, suddenly your whole life is about them. I don't want that.
That's just my stance. Other people can do the reproduction -it's not like humans are in short supply!
Posted from TSR Mobile
That's just my stance. Other people can do the reproduction -it's not like humans are in short supply!
Posted from TSR Mobile
I don't want kids, because I'm too selfish. It would basically mean giving up my entire life to care for someone else.
My mum's also put me off. She has 4 kids, the first of which she had when she was 21 and still at university. I can see how much she resents not having had her own life at all.
My mum's also put me off. She has 4 kids, the first of which she had when she was 21 and still at university. I can see how much she resents not having had her own life at all.
Hear, hear! It's like you've read my mind. The whole "you're too young to decide now if you want them" and more grating "you'll change your mind when you're older" used to hack me off to no end. I've known for years that I don't want kids, I'm 24 now and can't see that changing at all. I'll never say never, of course, I can't predict the future and might end up with them. But I don't like children, don't enjoy being around them and certainly don't want to dedicate a large chunk of my life to them. I have absolutely no desire to have them, in fact, the thought horrifies me. Maybe it stems from my upbringing - my younger sister was incredibly selfish when we were kids (still is now, actually, for someone who's supposed to be 22 she's incredibly immature and self-centred) so maybe that's why I don't want to spend years raising a selfish child.
Some people's goal in life is to have and raise them. And that's fine. But why is this so widely accepted, and not having children is a bad thing? Most of the people I went to school with have had them now, they can populate the next generation and I'll go on to fulfil my goals that just happen to not involve having children - which is NOT a bad thing, unlike what some people I've met in the past seem to insinuate.
Some people's goal in life is to have and raise them. And that's fine. But why is this so widely accepted, and not having children is a bad thing? Most of the people I went to school with have had them now, they can populate the next generation and I'll go on to fulfil my goals that just happen to not involve having children - which is NOT a bad thing, unlike what some people I've met in the past seem to insinuate.
Mhm you see...This is what I think why people have children. When you get older, having a family and children is very beneficial. For instance, my grandmother lives in woods alone. She has a cow, some chickens and has a heart problem. If she have not had children, she would have to do hard chores herself which she is unable to do due to her health. My father as her child come to her every weekend to look after her, talk to her and help whatever he can. I think when people have children they think that in the old age their descendants will make life easier, and love parents given to their children will be transferred back when they are old. It's a very lonely life when you get older.
Interesting that most girls on here are saying they would be cool with having kids one day, but some guys are saying they wouldn't. There's a definite biological imperative at work at our age - guys want to have sex, girls are interested in a long term partner and maybe kids one day. That's the way we are set up by our genes. I think this changes for men as they get older, they get more fatherly when their partner gets pregnant and then they see their baby in front of them.
Also, our relationships with our parents affect how we think about this and the way our parents feel about having kids also factors in. We get so much from the models of behaviour set by parents and sometimes by uncles/aunts, older siblings and grandparents. Basically, if you are loved well by your parents and they visibly are delighted to have you most of the time, that presets you to feel you will be the same with your own family.
Also, our relationships with our parents affect how we think about this and the way our parents feel about having kids also factors in. We get so much from the models of behaviour set by parents and sometimes by uncles/aunts, older siblings and grandparents. Basically, if you are loved well by your parents and they visibly are delighted to have you most of the time, that presets you to feel you will be the same with your own family.
I kinda agree with the OP, even though I do want kids. I definitely want to adopt a kid, so it's not about me leaving my legacy, but about me actually helping (pretty much for the rest of my life) another human being that might otherwise have suffered. But I do get you re the commitment and also when people say they feel as though their life will be over - that is true to a huge extent...it might also be hard seeing your kids live the dreams you didn't get a chance to, or take for granted things you can't. But I think by I'm in my late 20's/early 30's, I'll have done most of what I want to do solo with my life so that'll be the right time to have them.
But if you don't want kids, definitely don't let other people (eg: family) pressure you into having them. This goes for pretty much anything your family pressures you to do (such as getting married, settling down, doing a certain degree...) - they won't be the ones raising the kids 24/7 for a couple decades fo' sure! It should be your decision to have kids. Not your family's, not just your partner's.
But if you don't want kids, definitely don't let other people (eg: family) pressure you into having them. This goes for pretty much anything your family pressures you to do (such as getting married, settling down, doing a certain degree...) - they won't be the ones raising the kids 24/7 for a couple decades fo' sure! It should be your decision to have kids. Not your family's, not just your partner's.
Original post by Redolent
How is it "stupid" or in any way unreasonable to expect that the people I spend about 20 years looking after might give me a helping hand when I'm too old and frail to completely look after myself? That is, I believe, the way things are done for the vast majority of well-adjusted families. My parents help my old frail nan out when she needs it and I'd be happy to do the same for them, it would be utterly preposterous for me to think they are taking advantage of me in that situation because they're the ones who gave me life and a warm stable upbringing. I wouldn't forsake a chance to prove my gratitude. It was pretty clear from my other paragraph that my reasons for wanting children go beyond some nasty selfish desire for a carer when I'm old.
Seriously, I think being an old person without kids would be terrible. Yeah, you can still sit around and watch TV or perform other sedentary tasks that aren't too taxing on the body/brain, but in a way you're just sitting around waiting to die. Having a family at least means you've left your mark, and I don't think it's all that arrogant to say I think mine would be a positive one.
How is it "stupid" or in any way unreasonable to expect that the people I spend about 20 years looking after might give me a helping hand when I'm too old and frail to completely look after myself? That is, I believe, the way things are done for the vast majority of well-adjusted families. My parents help my old frail nan out when she needs it and I'd be happy to do the same for them, it would be utterly preposterous for me to think they are taking advantage of me in that situation because they're the ones who gave me life and a warm stable upbringing. I wouldn't forsake a chance to prove my gratitude. It was pretty clear from my other paragraph that my reasons for wanting children go beyond some nasty selfish desire for a carer when I'm old.
Seriously, I think being an old person without kids would be terrible. Yeah, you can still sit around and watch TV or perform other sedentary tasks that aren't too taxing on the body/brain, but in a way you're just sitting around waiting to die. Having a family at least means you've left your mark, and I don't think it's all that arrogant to say I think mine would be a positive one.
That's the thing I've always had a problem is. It is your RESPONSIBILITY as a person who CHOSE to bring a child into the world to look after them and raise them to the best of your ability.
The child never asked you to do anything for him, he just came bewildered into the world not knowing what was going on, then met some dude and a woman who he happened to live with.
It would be absolutely abhorrent to bring a child into the world by expecting him to do something for you in return before he was even born. It's like building a living and thinking insurance machine as a back-up, doesn't sound very caring OR loving to me. The amount of people who have the same opinion as you is concerning.
No amount of "but I love my child" or "it's something everyone else does" makes it a good excuse imo.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Dragonfly07
That's the thing I've always had a problem is. It is your RESPONSIBILITY as a person who CHOSE to bring a child into the world to look after them and raise them to the best of your ability.
The child never asked you to do anything for him, he just came bewildered into the world not knowing what was going on, then met some dude and a woman who he happened to live with.
It would be absolutely abhorrent to bring a child into the world by expecting him to do something for you in return before he was even born. It's like building a living and thinking insurance machine as a back-up, doesn't sound very caring OR loving to me. The amount of people who have the same opinion as you is concerning.
The child never asked you to do anything for him, he just came bewildered into the world not knowing what was going on, then met some dude and a woman who he happened to live with.
It would be absolutely abhorrent to bring a child into the world by expecting him to do something for you in return before he was even born. It's like building a living and thinking insurance machine as a back-up, doesn't sound very caring OR loving to me. The amount of people who have the same opinion as you is concerning.
It's kind of a natural thing for children to want to help their parents and grandparents when they are older - it's not that it's 'expected' so much as just normal and healthy.
Original post by Valentas
Mhm you see...This is what I think why people have children. When you get older, having a family and children is very beneficial. For instance, my grandmother lives in woods alone. She has a cow, some chickens and has a heart problem. If she have not had children, she would have to do hard chores herself which she is unable to do due to her health. My father as her child come to her every weekend to look after her, talk to her and help whatever he can. I think when people have children they think that in the old age their descendants will make life easier, and love parents given to their children will be transferred back when they are old. It's a very lonely life when you get older.
Why does your grandmother live in the woods?
Original post by Fullofsurprises
It's kind of a natural thing for children to want to help their parents and grandparents when they are older - it's not that it's 'expected' so much as just normal and healthy.
I know that many children want to do it, but it's definitely true that it's also expected and that's what's bothering me.
Original post by Dragonfly07
I know that many children want to do it, but it's definitely true that it's also expected and that's what's bothering me.
Well, I don't know, I doubt that many people really have children thinking "oh great, someone to look after me when I'm old" but maybe there's a sense that you will have companions and I don't really see anything wrong with that. I am very good friends with my parents and I expect to remain so - I'm sure they will appreciate their children's company and support when they are older and I don't begrudge that for a microsecond.
Original post by Fullofsurprises
Well, I don't know, I doubt that many people really have children thinking "oh great, someone to look after me when I'm old" but maybe there's a sense that you will have companions and I don't really see anything wrong with that. I am very good friends with my parents and I expect to remain so - I'm sure they will appreciate their children's company and support when they are older and I don't begrudge that for a microsecond.
Well I have different parents to yours... and I know lots of other people do.
Original post by Dragonfly07
Why does your grandmother live in the woods?
Because she wants peace at her old age.
No kids for me either. Fair enough some people want them - we'd be screwed if they didn't - but when it comes up in conversation and you say you don't it's literally like you've just revealed you're a mass murderer. It really is ridiculous. Even in this day and age when we're all told to do what we want with the 'yolo' culture etc, if you dare admit you don't want kids you're viewed as 'weird', 'abnormal' - an outcast in society. There's loads of reasons why I don't want them, and there's an article here about one woman who never had, yet went ahead and had them for her husband and ended up deeply regretting it. It is from the DM so I expect some comments about that but it's an interesting read and goes against what people say about only regretting not having kids:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html
I look forward to having kids...obviously when I'm older of course.
I think children give a purpose and meaning to life, you transition from being selfishly orientated to be a lot more selfless. Your kid is your priority.
I love the idea of raising a little person, seeing their character develop, seeing the, develop likes, dislikes and ambitions.
I think children give a purpose and meaning to life, you transition from being selfishly orientated to be a lot more selfless. Your kid is your priority.
I love the idea of raising a little person, seeing their character develop, seeing the, develop likes, dislikes and ambitions.
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