This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- I have a frenulum breve, will sex still be fairly pleasurable?
- Me and my GF’s sex life is awful
- Questions for the honest men real answers-anyone and all answering appreciated!
- Wtf?
- Cannot ejaculate during sex
- Lesbian and my GF has no interest in sex
- Living with Ex at Uni
- Not sure how I feel about my girlfriend anymore
- My Girlfriend And I
- Housemate making sexual comments
- i wanted to experience young love :(
- I need to explore my sex life before making any long-term commitments
- Ex still holds a grudge after 3 years
- At what age do you first have sex?
- Are you still a virgin?
- if a guy asks to go out for a drink do they just want sex
- 27 (male) and never had a girlfriend
- Girlfriend constantly snide and nasty remarks
- Frenulum breve, is surgery essential or are steroid creams effective?
- I don’t know how to feel
Haven't had sex with girlfriend but been together 14 months
Scroll to see replies
...
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by hali0112
Just because you're not having sex, it doesn't mean that your relationship is not an adult one. Wowww!!! You need to mature a bit 
Many deeply religious couples abstain from sex until after marriage, do you think that they are having a child like relationship too?
Many deeply religious couples abstain from sex until after marriage, do you think that they are having a child like relationship too?
Yes, well they believe that sex isn't needed in a relationship until marriage, fair play to them. I don't believe that, and that's my opinion. I believe sex is an important part of a relationship, as much as the emotional side is. To show she trusts me, loves me physically in a complete sense.
...
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by thediamondsky
Yes, well they believe that sex isn't needed in a relationship until marriage, fair play to them. I don't believe that, and that's my opinion. I believe sex is an important part of a relationship, as much as the emotional side is. To show she trusts me, loves me physically in a complete sense.
Outercourse is as valid a form of sex as intercourse, and generally doesn't risk pregnancy.
Condoms can fail; so can hormonal contraception, and hormonal contraception can have bloody awful side-effects. (To the point I wouldn't bother going on it for a long distance relationship, and would stick with condoms!)
Original post by James Lucifer
I agree with this actually. You see her for the holidays and a few times in between? I'm sorry but this is pointless.
Don't worry, be happy.
Listen to what I say.
In your life expect some trouble.
But when you worry.
You make it double.
Don't worry, be happy.
Listen to what I say.
In your life expect some trouble.
But when you worry.
You make it double.
Don't worry, be happy.
It's about baby steps, dude. If you've gone from kissing to "right, I wanna smash your back doors in now", then of course she's gonna be freaked out/uninterested. Have you seen each other naked? Do you spend time together naked? Have you touched her in any sensitive areas? Has any part of you been inside her? Think of it as a progression, right now I'm hearing a one-step program.
It will happen when it happens, but there's things you could be doing to make it less of a big deal. It's not even rally selfish either, since it might turn out that she loves having sex once she's eased into it and gotten comfortable with the experience.
It will happen when it happens, but there's things you could be doing to make it less of a big deal. It's not even rally selfish either, since it might turn out that she loves having sex once she's eased into it and gotten comfortable with the experience.
Book a weekend away/short holiday in the summer holidays that you both can look forward to and hopefully you'll have it then.
She'll have time to get her head around it and you'll stop worrying about it.
I had an ex that talked about it all the time, he would be like 'I've got a free night on Thursday, why don't you come over
' and it would be awkward. But I had another boyfriend and we slept together straight away as we were in the moment.
It will happen so stop worrying!
She'll have time to get her head around it and you'll stop worrying about it.
I had an ex that talked about it all the time, he would be like 'I've got a free night on Thursday, why don't you come over
' and it would be awkward. But I had another boyfriend and we slept together straight away as we were in the moment. It will happen so stop worrying!
I was with a guy for 3 years and didnt have sex because he wasnt the right 1.
Been 'seeing' a guy for a few weeks though not official yet and i know its right with him
Not saying your girlfriend doesnt feel right, but also you guys are really young- like 18 is still quite young, just because a lot of ppl have done it by then not everyone has.
Id say after 3 years if it still hasnt happened I would start questioning, but at the moment, just enjoy being with her
Been 'seeing' a guy for a few weeks though not official yet and i know its right with him
Not saying your girlfriend doesnt feel right, but also you guys are really young- like 18 is still quite young, just because a lot of ppl have done it by then not everyone has.
Id say after 3 years if it still hasnt happened I would start questioning, but at the moment, just enjoy being with her
Original post by Octopus_Garden
If you've done everything other than intercourse, then she's already proven that.
Outercourse is as valid a form of sex as intercourse, and generally doesn't risk pregnancy.
Condoms can fail; so can hormonal contraception, and hormonal contraception can have bloody awful side-effects. (To the point I wouldn't bother going on it for a long distance relationship, and would stick with condoms!)
Outercourse is as valid a form of sex as intercourse, and generally doesn't risk pregnancy.
Condoms can fail; so can hormonal contraception, and hormonal contraception can have bloody awful side-effects. (To the point I wouldn't bother going on it for a long distance relationship, and would stick with condoms!)
"Outercourse" is definitely not sex, and a willingness to do outercourse but not sex is demonstrating one of two things:
1) she isn't ready for sex with anyone yet
2) she isn't ready for sex with him
The first is obviously ok, and she shouldn't be pressured if she isn't ready. The second if true would mean that he should get out of there, he's being used.
If you can say you love someone honestly, but don't allow sex to occur, there's an inconsistency that is worrying.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Hypocrism
"Outercourse" is definitely not sex, and a willingness to do outercourse but not sex is demonstrating one of two things:
1) she isn't ready for sex with anyone yet
2) she isn't ready for sex with him
The first is obviously ok, and she shouldn't be pressured if she isn't ready. The second if true would mean that he should get out of there, he's being used.
If you can say you love someone honestly, but don't allow sex to occur, there's an inconsistency that is worrying.
Posted from TSR Mobile
1) she isn't ready for sex with anyone yet
2) she isn't ready for sex with him
The first is obviously ok, and she shouldn't be pressured if she isn't ready. The second if true would mean that he should get out of there, he's being used.
If you can say you love someone honestly, but don't allow sex to occur, there's an inconsistency that is worrying.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Just for fun, are you willing to tell me that lesbians can't have full, satisfying sex without penetrative devices being involved?
Spoiler
It is perfectly possible to love someone and not want to have full sex. As someone quipped earlier, it's called marriage. <-- not being entirely serious
Here are some other numbers for you to consider:
3) medical issues (probably not an issue here, but given the OP is on the internet instead of discussing it with his girlfriend, it's possible she doesn't confide in him either)
4) concerns over contraceptive failure
5) Fear of family finding out (depends on family background)
6) Lack of access to contraception (provision isn't perfect. If you live in a rural area, it may be impossible for a teenager to get to the doctor or clinic without involving her parents.)
There's others as well, if I could be bothered to think about it for longer.
Original post by Octopus_Garden
Incorrect.
Just for fun, are you willing to tell me that lesbians can't have full, satisfying sex without penetrative devices being involved?
It is perfectly possible to love someone and not want to have full sex. As someone quipped earlier, it's called marriage. <-- not being entirely serious
Here are some other numbers for you to consider:
3) medical issues (probably not an issue here, but given the OP is on the internet instead of discussing it with his girlfriend, it's possible she doesn't confide in him either)
4) concerns over contraceptive failure
5) Fear of family finding out (depends on family background)
6) Lack of access to contraception (provision isn't perfect. If you live in a rural area, it may be impossible for a teenager to get to the doctor or clinic without involving her parents.)
There's others as well, if I could be bothered to think about it for longer.
Just for fun, are you willing to tell me that lesbians can't have full, satisfying sex without penetrative devices being involved?
Spoiler
It is perfectly possible to love someone and not want to have full sex. As someone quipped earlier, it's called marriage. <-- not being entirely serious
Here are some other numbers for you to consider:
3) medical issues (probably not an issue here, but given the OP is on the internet instead of discussing it with his girlfriend, it's possible she doesn't confide in him either)
4) concerns over contraceptive failure
5) Fear of family finding out (depends on family background)
6) Lack of access to contraception (provision isn't perfect. If you live in a rural area, it may be impossible for a teenager to get to the doctor or clinic without involving her parents.)
There's others as well, if I could be bothered to think about it for longer.
All of those "extra" reasons come under 1), not being ready to have sex with anybody. I'm talking about the distinction between her being ready to have sex but not engaging in it with him, and her entirely not being ready with anybody. After 14 months the prior would be very worrying.
Lesbians can't have sex on their own, because there is no penis. A dildo would not be sex either. They can however participate in a range of other intimate and satisfying activities, as I'm sure you know. For example we call it "oral sex", distinguishing it as different from "sex".
In any case, the situation of the TS is one of a heterosexual relationship where the practicality or semantics of sex is not in question like in a lesbian relationship. In that case, for the TS there is a big distinction between "outercourse" and sex. What I'm envisaging here is the man (TS) desiring physical relations, and the woman begrudgingly allowing him an orgasm every so often to keep him quiet, all the while taking advantage. And after 14 months, there aren't really that many good reasons left, excluding religion.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Hypocrism
Lesbians can't have sex on their own, because there is no penis. A dildo would not be sex either. They can however participate in a range of other intimate and satisfying activities, as I'm sure you know. For example we call it "oral sex", distinguishing it as different from "sex".[quote]
Initial suspicions at Octopus Gardens confirmed...
The presence of a penis is really not the be-all and end-all of sexual activity. You're using circular reasoning. Sex is sex because it is called sex. Penises don't need to be involved to be called sexual activity.
In any case, the situation of the TS is one of a heterosexual relationship where the practicality or semantics of sex is not in question like in a lesbian relationship. In that case, for the TS there is a big distinction between "outercourse" and sex. What I'm envisaging here is the man (TS) desiring physical relations, and the woman begrudgingly allowing him an orgasm every so often to keep him quiet, all the while taking advantage. And after 14 months, there aren't really that many good reasons left, excluding religion.
And where is this taking advantage coming in? "She's not having sex with him; she's taking advantage of him"? What advantage would that be? It's a teenage long-distance relationship dude, not a weird contract. It's not even a thread about some married couple who share finances and aren't having sex.
Pressuring her to do it will most likely just make her want to do it less 
plus if you did it when she wasn't fully comfortable with it, then she'd probably end up regretting it, which I'm sure you don't want to be responsible for. If you love her and want to stay with her and stuff, then just give it time, it's all you can do really.
plus if you did it when she wasn't fully comfortable with it, then she'd probably end up regretting it, which I'm sure you don't want to be responsible for. If you love her and want to stay with her and stuff, then just give it time, it's all you can do really.Original post by Nick1sHere
Damn son, I feel bad for your penis right now strong no homo
Really? When the focus of his thought is his penis who is gonna believe you?
Original post by Octopus_Garden
Initial suspicions at Octopus Gardens confirmed...
The presence of a penis is really not the be-all and end-all of sexual activity. You're using circular reasoning. Sex is sex because it is called sex. Penises don't need to be involved to be called sexual activity.
The presence of a penis is really not the be-all and end-all of sexual activity. You're using circular reasoning. Sex is sex because it is called sex. Penises don't need to be involved to be called sexual activity.
Sure, you could say I'm using circular reasoning, but only if circular reasoning is the following:
1) derp takes definition of word
2) derp uses definition of word to see if situation is described by definition of word
3) derp finds that situation is not described by definition of word
4) derp proclaims that the situation is not the word
[5) derp proclaims that the bird is the word ah-dah-dah bird bird bird...]
You could therefore be accused of "linear reasoning":
1) le you takes definition of word
2) le you says situation is described by word
3) le you ignores definition of word
"Sexual activity" is not "sex". Sexual, meaning 'relating to activities connected with physical attraction' is quite different from sex, meaning 'insertion of the male genitalia inside the female genitalia'.]
Original post by Hypocrism
Sure, you could say I'm using circular reasoning, but only if circular reasoning is the following:
1) derp takes definition of word
2) derp uses definition of word to see if situation is described by definition of word
3) derp finds that situation is not described by definition of word
4) derp proclaims that the situation is not the word
[5) derp proclaims that the bird is the word ah-dah-dah bird bird bird...]
You could therefore be accused of "linear reasoning":
1) le you takes definition of word
2) le you says situation is described by word
3) le you ignores definition of word
"Sexual activity" is not "sex". Sexual, meaning 'relating to activities connected with physical attraction' is quite different from sex, meaning 'insertion of the male genitalia inside the female genitalia'.]
1) derp takes definition of word
2) derp uses definition of word to see if situation is described by definition of word
3) derp finds that situation is not described by definition of word
4) derp proclaims that the situation is not the word
[5) derp proclaims that the bird is the word ah-dah-dah bird bird bird...]
You could therefore be accused of "linear reasoning":
1) le you takes definition of word
2) le you says situation is described by word
3) le you ignores definition of word
"Sexual activity" is not "sex". Sexual, meaning 'relating to activities connected with physical attraction' is quite different from sex, meaning 'insertion of the male genitalia inside the female genitalia'.]
You yourself have just said that: sex, meaning 'insertion of the male genitalia inside the female genitalia'. Logically enough, you feel that lesbians can't have sex.
Fine. It's an opinion I've heard many times. From men, and from women.
But. Why is it that I have never heard that gay men can't have sex, because there's no vagina involved? They're both equally (in)valid heterocentric beliefs. This is the internet, so someone will post to say they've heard the latter, but even so, it still nowhere approaches the frequency of the former.
Unless you are trying to conceive, there is no need for this outmoded, outdated value put on penis-in-vagina sex. It's fun, yes. When done properly. So are all the others. When done properly.
Original post by thediamondsky
I'm expecting replies calling into question my lad points, etc etc. But I really love my girlfriend, and after so long I am starting to worry that if it won't happen soon it will never happen. We are 18, in an LDR but see each other every holidays and a few times in term time.
I am ready but she feels she isn't yet. I have waited for a long time and I am happy to do so, just wish we could take the step that makes our relationship an adult one.
I am ready but she feels she isn't yet. I have waited for a long time and I am happy to do so, just wish we could take the step that makes our relationship an adult one.
Your in the friend zone till you get it!
Original post by thediamondsky
Yes, well they believe that sex isn't needed in a relationship until marriage, fair play to them. I don't believe that, and that's my opinion. I believe sex is an important part of a relationship, as much as the emotional side is. To show she trusts me, loves me physically in a complete sense.
You are entitled to your opinion but your statement in your original post shows ignorance. I agree with you, I believe it's important to explore both aspects of a relationship and the fact that you have waited so long clearly shows that you care about her and are in it for the long haul. You are 18 so you are legal. I think it might be time to talk to her about how you feel. Don't confront or accuse her directly but just ask her what's going through her head, what she is worried about and be attentive and respond to what she says. She may have a very good reason to wait or maybe she is just scared or insecure about her body. Either way you'll get to the bottom of it. You have every right to ask her as you've been together a long time and she should feel comfortable talking to you about these things. As a relationship is between 2 people, you bot need to be comfortable and happy and it should be a mutual thing
Related discussions
- I have a frenulum breve, will sex still be fairly pleasurable?
- Me and my GF’s sex life is awful
- Questions for the honest men real answers-anyone and all answering appreciated!
- Wtf?
- Cannot ejaculate during sex
- Lesbian and my GF has no interest in sex
- Living with Ex at Uni
- Not sure how I feel about my girlfriend anymore
- My Girlfriend And I
- Housemate making sexual comments
- i wanted to experience young love :(
- I need to explore my sex life before making any long-term commitments
- Ex still holds a grudge after 3 years
- At what age do you first have sex?
- Are you still a virgin?
- if a guy asks to go out for a drink do they just want sex
- 27 (male) and never had a girlfriend
- Girlfriend constantly snide and nasty remarks
- Frenulum breve, is surgery essential or are steroid creams effective?
- I don’t know how to feel
Latest
Last reply 1 minute ago
HSBC Degree Apprenticeship 2024Last reply 2 minutes ago
CPS Pupillage/Legal Trainee Scheme 2024 (2025 Start)Last reply 2 minutes ago
which unis will accept BBB for economicsLast reply 2 minutes ago
Official Cambridge Postgraduate Applicants 2024 ThreadLast reply 3 minutes ago
Official University College London Applicant Thread for 2024Last reply 4 minutes ago
TSR Study Together - STEM vs Humanities - Tenth SessionLast reply 5 minutes ago
Edexcel GCSE Statistics Paper 2 Higher Tier (1ST0 2H) - 19th June 2023 [Exam Chat]Maths Exams
169
Last reply 6 minutes ago
Medical doctor degree apprenticeship 2024Last reply 7 minutes ago
GSK or AstraZeneca degree apprenticeship applicants?Last reply 8 minutes ago
Government Social Research - Research Officer Scheme 2024Last reply 8 minutes ago
Lloyds Apprenticeships 2024Last reply 9 minutes ago
Civil Service Fast Stream 2024 - Applicants threadTrending
Last reply 2 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 2 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 2 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 2 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
