Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

First of all, BRAVO YOU. Accepting your problem is hands-down, the longest and hardest part. It might not SEEM like it, but because you've spent so long just DOING it and never QUESTIONING it, your ED might have started far earlier than you'd even thought.

Now, talking to your GP. What I'm going to say sounds strange but it's actually a good thing. YOUR GP IS TRAINED TO TREAT YOU WITHOUT EMOTIONALLY INVOLVING HIM OR HERSELF. He or she is paid to have zero judgement towards you. Like I said, this sounds bad, but is initially a good thing. You are worried how to word, how to articulate, what to say, what not to say - your GP is paid to actually hear the most lurid, bizarre and taboo of things without flinching, and they do it so well because they see you as a human, and not as Bob Bobson.

You must tell him or her EVERYTHING. If it's in your mind for whatever reason, it's IN there. And it needs to come out. If all you can tell them is that you "know your eating is wrong and it's hurting you", then so be it. If you feel you can tell them exactly how you structure your day around eating (or NOT, as it might be), then do so. The more you can say, the better.

When I went to my GP initially, I lied a lot. It did me no good. It delayed the process by about two months as they tested me for a bunch of stuff I knew I didn't have. I lied to myself I had a problem, but it "wasn't that bad". But in the end, my GP was a logical, precision instrument, and basically told me "This is all it can be. You MUST be doing something you're not telling me. You NEED to tell me, otherwise, I can't help you." And that's just it - they don't care HOW you tell them, so long as you do. It's almost an unwritten law that even if they know exactly what's wrong with you before YOU do, until you confess and itemise your mental disorder, they aren't able to accurately diagnose.

I'm back and although I really hated it at the time, I know it was the right thing to do. I feel like I have spent my day crying. My friends picked me up and I could barely breathe on the way. I don't think I ever really wanted to accept that this had happened. He wanted me to speak to him first and I could hardly get the words out .. there was a female GP at the back too, making notes, is that normal? Then he started asking me questions about life and stuff and how I felt in myself and then about eating. I found it so hard to talk about, it felt physically painful, I knew what I wanted to say I just couldn't get it out. He did a tick box type thing on me and I scored 20-26 putting me in the top band, and it made me realise how bad I had gotten. My best friend was there the whole time and she was so helpful, I dont think I could have done it without her. And my other best friend was there too although he didn't come in with me. It made me realise how much of a bitch I have been. They care so much and I thought they were just trying to make me what I didn't want to be.
I got put on sertraline .. does anyone know anything about this. I was a bit worried because it said side effects could be loss of appetite and anorexia.. surely thats counter productive. But i guess I need to trust my doctor. I also have to have weekly appointments with my doctor and I'm getting reffered to a specialist as well. I'm so nervous. I feel like this has happened so quickly, but in a way I'm glad. If i had chickened out today I don't think I ever would have done it.
The worst part was coming home, and having to tell my grandparents who I have so far managed to keep it secret from. To say they were gutted is an understatement and they blamed themselves which made me feel awful. I spent the afternoon mostly crying and trying to explain how I feel. I think a big issue for me is that I cant talk about it. I dont want to, it makes me feel physically sick. I've only ever been able to speak to anyone before today about it online .. even my best friends only got it out of me online.
I know its going to take me a long time to feel ok again, but I think I realise now, that I want to live, I want to be ok and I want to be the person I used to be. I have university in September and I want to be able to enjoy my time.
This thread has honestly been so much help to me so I want to thank you all <3

The reason a student doctor was probably there is actually likely because even amongst the veteran GPs, it's still a very new area to treat. Mental Health, up until perhaps five years ago, was still being treated with the incorrect amount of firmness and simultaneous tact.

See it as a constantly learning fledgling subsector of the NHS. By being so honest and truthful, you are making it even EASIER for the next generation to help others too.

Getting so fed up with these "health side effects" .. I could give anything to stop bringing my food up and being so god damn cold, despite the heating being on 25 degrees with two jumpers on! Nearly 4 weeks with no purging. I will stick at this b*tch!

Anon, stick with it, my friend. You have done so well to come this far. Your body has grown accustomed to a way of life that is slowly killing it and the fact is, your U-turn is ironically something of a shock! Imagine if Cinderella's ugly sisters randomly bought her a new pair of Louboutins and all of FRIENDS on BluRay one day. Cinderella be like, "WHAAA?!" and starts to put her guard up for longer than she would if the ugly sisters had just been neutral.

What's happening is your body is still in defence mode and burning the last of it's danger mode out. Ride it out though. When it happened to me, I had migraines like you wouldn't believe. Every time I ate a full meal my body seemed to go into this mad kick-my-own-ass mode. But it's not wrong, it's just your body doing it's self preserving routine.

I am proud, anon.

I don't even think I have an eating disorder as such, but my relationship with food has changed the past year and I worry about every little thing that I eat/drink. For example, all my meal portions are tiny and I restrict my food intake to three little meals a day with no snacks even if I'm feeling hungry. I think I'm just so desperate to lose weight and look skinny that I'm doing everything I can to avoid consuming calories. Ah wish I could lose the pounds easily but it's so hard.

I think you might have some issues with body image. I assume that is a recent picture of yourself on your profile?You look like very normal and not fat, I don't think you need to lose weight. Start eating more

Yes that photo was taken about 3 months ago.
I can't because whenever I do eat something unhealthy like bread/chips/cake I feel really guilty afterwards and feel like punishing myself. I'm 9st so that's healthy for my 5'6 height, however I still feel too big. I'd like to be 8st ideally.

That's a really unhealthy attitude to food and it could be verging on an eating disorder. Why do you feel too big? Do you actually have a lot of fat? I doubt it. It might be a good idea to post anonymous pics of yourself on the fitness forum (I'm not a perv lol) and get an opinion, to me it seems more like you see yourself fatter than you are.

Also don't categorise food into healthy and unhealthy, there is no such thing. Food is made of macronutrients (carbs, fat and protein) and as long as you get a balanced macronutrient profile (and micronutrients from fruit/veggies) then you don't need to feel guilty about eating chips or cake.

I eat chocolate everyday and I have lost 5st so far, you need to re-establish a healthy relationship with food. Feelings of guilt are not healthy.

I don't think I'd ever establish an eating disorder as it's not that serious considering that I eat three meals a day and therefore I don't skip meals or do excessive exercise. Whatever I do though and even if I eat less I can never seem to drop any weight.

That's a good idea to post anonymous pictures on the fitness forum I may do that and see what others think, because for me I have fat in horrible places especially my legs/stomach/arms.

I can't believe you have managed to lose 5st whilst eating chocolate haha how on earth did you manage that?! I know feelings of guilt aren't healthy but in the past I used to make myself throw up after eating takeaways and cake because of the regret.

I hate the term skinny-fat. It just makes people think that they don't look good when they do.

FallonSmith you are slim! Please don't aim for unhealthy ideals because it's not a good look. It sounds like you do have eating disorder behaviour and are worried so sounds like you need support. It's not normal to feel guilty about eating a treat.

Eating three meals a day is nothing to do with it. You could be eating 10 meals a day, but it's your attitude to food that is disordered.