He has a girlfriend and a child.

Can I just asked, how did he jump from 17 to 31 in 7 years?

Or did he say he was 17 when he was really 24?

Please bear with me, this might end up incredibly long as it's quite complicated.

When I was 14, I started chatting to a guy online who was 17 and lived in London (I live in Scotland). We chatted for around 1.5 years and I thought I was madly in love with him, as you do at that age. Eventually, he cut off contact and told me that we couldn't even talk anymore and I was gutted. I found out at the end of 2007 that the reason he'd cut contact with me was because he had a girlfriend, and a baby on the way. And he was 24 when we spoke, not 17. I got on with my life and didn't think about him much after that, I had no way of getting in touch with him anyway.

A few months ago, I decided to Google him out of curiosity and was shocked to stumble across a news article with a picture of him. Basically, his dad had passed away and I wanted to send my condolences so I eventually managed to find him on Facebook (he had blocked me before) and I sent him a message from a different account, not expecting him to reply. He did reply, and we've been chatting again over the past few months.

The messages started off innocently at first and I didn't think much of it, but eventually they ended up getting a bit flirty and suggestive. I had a trip to London planned and told him about it, and he offered to meet me to show me the sights. I didn't think he would, but I went along with it anyway. About a week before I went to London, I got a phone call from his girlfriend and then she messaged me on Facebook. She'd seen the messages and wanted to know what was going on, and weirdly we ended up in a conversation and she told me that she asks herself why she's with him and that she doesn't want to break up the relationship between him and their child.

I went to London last week, and he met me one afternoon. It was pretty surreal, considering it's been over 7 years now since we first started talking. I'm 21 now, he's 31. He ended up kissing me, and I know it was wrong but I didn't stop him. He left about dinner time to get back home, and as soon as he left, I just broke down in tears. I was almost hoping that when I met him, I'd think he was a bit weird or not be that bothered, but it was like all these feelings came flooding back all at once. I told him I felt miserable once he'd left, and he managed to come back that night to see me. We ended up sleeping together - again, wrong I know, but it just felt right. Again, he had to leave me.

We talked a lot, and he pretty much echoed what his gf had told me. He said he can't leave her because their son means everything to him. He doesn't want to be one of those part-time dads who only sees their kid at weekends, and he got pretty upset talking about it. He says him and gf don't get on.

I know that the first thing to think reading this would be that I shouldn't have met him, he has a girlfriend and is unavailable, I'm a homewrecker or something... But I really just need honest opinions on this horrible situation. I'm back in Scotland now, and I feel so low and depressed at the thought of being 100s of miles away from him again. He's told me it won't be a one-time thing, and that maybe things will be different when I move down south in September.

I just don't know how to convince him that staying with someone for the sake of a child isn't right. I understand where he's coming from and I know it's difficult, but I don't want him to regret staying in an unhappy relationship when he's older and the child has grown up. And I know it's unlikely for men in relationships to leave for the 'other woman' but if even his girlfriend has admitted they're only together for a child, isn't it just a matter of time before one of them has had enough and leaves?

I absolutely hate the sneaking around and only being able to text him at certain times of day. He calls me on his lunch at work and texts when he can, and he wants to meet me next month but I just hate that I'm so far away and he's at home living a completely different life. I don't want to just be a bit of fun for him, a distraction from his relationship. Normally, I'd be cynical and think that he's just saying what I want to hear about only being with her because of the child but the thing is, she's admitted that too.

I don't want to be the homewrecker, I don't want to cause trouble and I know that I could ruin everything between them if I wanted to - I could easily message her and ruin everything. But I don't want to do that, there's a child involved and it isn't fair on anyone. Similarly, I don't want her to find out by him slipping up. I guess I want him to realize that he shouldn't be with her, and leave of his own accord. But I can't even ask him to do that, because it would be like asking him to choose me over his child.

It's such a messed up situation, and if you've read all of this then I applaud you, I really do! Any advice would really be appreciated. Please don't just tell me to leave it and forget about him, because I just can't do that, it's out of the question. x

Please bear with me, this might end up incredibly long as it's quite complicated.

When I was 14, I started chatting to a guy online who was 17 and lived in London (I live in Scotland). We chatted for around 1.5 years and I thought I was madly in love with him, as you do at that age. Eventually, he cut off contact and told me that we couldn't even talk anymore and I was gutted. I found out at the end of 2007 that the reason he'd cut contact with me was because he had a girlfriend, and a baby on the way. And he was 24 when we spoke, not 17. I got on with my life and didn't think about him much after that, I had no way of getting in touch with him anyway.

A few months ago, I decided to Google him out of curiosity and was shocked to stumble across a news article with a picture of him. Basically, his dad had passed away and I wanted to send my condolences so I eventually managed to find him on Facebook (he had blocked me before) and I sent him a message from a different account, not expecting him to reply. He did reply, and we've been chatting again over the past few months.

The messages started off innocently at first and I didn't think much of it, but eventually they ended up getting a bit flirty and suggestive. I had a trip to London planned and told him about it, and he offered to meet me to show me the sights. I didn't think he would, but I went along with it anyway. About a week before I went to London, I got a phone call from his girlfriend and then she messaged me on Facebook. She'd seen the messages and wanted to know what was going on, and weirdly we ended up in a conversation and she told me that she asks herself why she's with him and that she doesn't want to break up the relationship between him and their child.

I went to London last week, and he met me one afternoon. It was pretty surreal, considering it's been over 7 years now since we first started talking. I'm 21 now, he's 31. He ended up kissing me, and I know it was wrong but I didn't stop him. He left about dinner time to get back home, and as soon as he left, I just broke down in tears. I was almost hoping that when I met him, I'd think he was a bit weird or not be that bothered, but it was like all these feelings came flooding back all at once. I told him I felt miserable once he'd left, and he managed to come back that night to see me. We ended up sleeping together - again, wrong I know, but it just felt right. Again, he had to leave me.

We talked a lot, and he pretty much echoed what his gf had told me. He said he can't leave her because their son means everything to him. He doesn't want to be one of those part-time dads who only sees their kid at weekends, and he got pretty upset talking about it. He says him and gf don't get on.

I know that the first thing to think reading this would be that I shouldn't have met him, he has a girlfriend and is unavailable, I'm a homewrecker or something... But I really just need honest opinions on this horrible situation. I'm back in Scotland now, and I feel so low and depressed at the thought of being 100s of miles away from him again. He's told me it won't be a one-time thing, and that maybe things will be different when I move down south in September.

I just don't know how to convince him that staying with someone for the sake of a child isn't right. I understand where he's coming from and I know it's difficult, but I don't want him to regret staying in an unhappy relationship when he's older and the child has grown up. And I know it's unlikely for men in relationships to leave for the 'other woman' but if even his girlfriend has admitted they're only together for a child, isn't it just a matter of time before one of them has had enough and leaves?

I absolutely hate the sneaking around and only being able to text him at certain times of day. He calls me on his lunch at work and texts when he can, and he wants to meet me next month but I just hate that I'm so far away and he's at home living a completely different life. I don't want to just be a bit of fun for him, a distraction from his relationship. Normally, I'd be cynical and think that he's just saying what I want to hear about only being with her because of the child but the thing is, she's admitted that too.

I don't want to be the homewrecker, I don't want to cause trouble and I know that I could ruin everything between them if I wanted to - I could easily message her and ruin everything. But I don't want to do that, there's a child involved and it isn't fair on anyone. Similarly, I don't want her to find out by him slipping up. I guess I want him to realize that he shouldn't be with her, and leave of his own accord. But I can't even ask him to do that, because it would be like asking him to choose me over his child.

It's such a messed up situation, and if you've read all of this then I applaud you, I really do! Any advice would really be appreciated. Please don't just tell me to leave it and forget about him, because I just can't do that, it's out of the question. x

Please bear with me, this might end up incredibly long as it's quite complicated.

When I was 14, I started chatting to a guy online who was 17 and lived in London (I live in Scotland). We chatted for around 1.5 years and I thought I was madly in love with him, as you do at that age. Eventually, he cut off contact and told me that we couldn't even talk anymore and I was gutted. I found out at the end of 2007 that the reason he'd cut contact with me was because he had a girlfriend, and a baby on the way. And he was 24 when we spoke, not 17. I got on with my life and didn't think about him much after that, I had no way of getting in touch with him anyway.

A few months ago, I decided to Google him out of curiosity and was shocked to stumble across a news article with a picture of him. Basically, his dad had passed away and I wanted to send my condolences so I eventually managed to find him on Facebook (he had blocked me before) and I sent him a message from a different account, not expecting him to reply. He did reply, and we've been chatting again over the past few months.

The messages started off innocently at first and I didn't think much of it, but eventually they ended up getting a bit flirty and suggestive. I had a trip to London planned and told him about it, and he offered to meet me to show me the sights. I didn't think he would, but I went along with it anyway. About a week before I went to London, I got a phone call from his girlfriend and then she messaged me on Facebook. She'd seen the messages and wanted to know what was going on, and weirdly we ended up in a conversation and she told me that she asks herself why she's with him and that she doesn't want to break up the relationship between him and their child.

I went to London last week, and he met me one afternoon. It was pretty surreal, considering it's been over 7 years now since we first started talking. I'm 21 now, he's 31. He ended up kissing me, and I know it was wrong but I didn't stop him. He left about dinner time to get back home, and as soon as he left, I just broke down in tears. I was almost hoping that when I met him, I'd think he was a bit weird or not be that bothered, but it was like all these feelings came flooding back all at once. I told him I felt miserable once he'd left, and he managed to come back that night to see me. We ended up sleeping together - again, wrong I know, but it just felt right. Again, he had to leave me.

We talked a lot, and he pretty much echoed what his gf had told me. He said he can't leave her because their son means everything to him. He doesn't want to be one of those part-time dads who only sees their kid at weekends, and he got pretty upset talking about it. He says him and gf don't get on.

I know that the first thing to think reading this would be that I shouldn't have met him, he has a girlfriend and is unavailable, I'm a homewrecker or something... But I really just need honest opinions on this horrible situation. I'm back in Scotland now, and I feel so low and depressed at the thought of being 100s of miles away from him again. He's told me it won't be a one-time thing, and that maybe things will be different when I move down south in September.

I just don't know how to convince him that staying with someone for the sake of a child isn't right. I understand where he's coming from and I know it's difficult, but I don't want him to regret staying in an unhappy relationship when he's older and the child has grown up. And I know it's unlikely for men in relationships to leave for the 'other woman' but if even his girlfriend has admitted they're only together for a child, isn't it just a matter of time before one of them has had enough and leaves?

I absolutely hate the sneaking around and only being able to text him at certain times of day. He calls me on his lunch at work and texts when he can, and he wants to meet me next month but I just hate that I'm so far away and he's at home living a completely different life. I don't want to just be a bit of fun for him, a distraction from his relationship. Normally, I'd be cynical and think that he's just saying what I want to hear about only being with her because of the child but the thing is, she's admitted that too.

I don't want to be the homewrecker, I don't want to cause trouble and I know that I could ruin everything between them if I wanted to - I could easily message her and ruin everything. But I don't want to do that, there's a child involved and it isn't fair on anyone. Similarly, I don't want her to find out by him slipping up. I guess I want him to realize that he shouldn't be with her, and leave of his own accord. But I can't even ask him to do that, because it would be like asking him to choose me over his child.

It's such a messed up situation, and if you've read all of this then I applaud you, I really do! Any advice would really be appreciated. Please don't just tell me to leave it and forget about him, because I just can't do that, it's out of the question. x

This kind of response is exactly why I was hesitant to post here.

It's all fine and well for an outsider to read something, judge a situation and throw whatever comments out there. It's easy to judge a situation, it's not so easy to be the person in the situation.

Like I said, I didn't plan for any of this to happen and of course I feel guilty about it so please try and refrain from hurling insults and abuse my way. You can have your opinion, I respect that, but aggressive and abusive messages aren't going to help.

I know this isn't the advice you want, but I'm honestly trying to help.

If he knew you were 14 when he was 24 then I'd run 1000 miles, and warn his girlfriend. That's a massive age difference. I understand you wouldn't have known it then, but now you are nearly that age you must be able to see that that's just sick?

Ignoring that, I would just walk away - for your sake, and for his. I do understand that you don't think rationally when you think you are in love, but to an outsider it looks a lot like you are simply lying to yourself about the entire situation. Major warning signs;

1. He lied about his age on the internet to seduce a child who was ten years his junior.
2. He is 31, and acting like a twelve year old.
3. He clearly has no respect for his girlfriend - if he had any maturity he would talk to his girlfriend, and they might agree to stay together for the sake of the child, and to see other people, or to simply split up. As they haven't agreed that, he has just cheated on his long term partner, so there is no way he will treat you better.

You shouldn't be trying to persuade him that he shouldn't stay with his girlfriend. He's 31 - he should figure that out for himself, or with her.

I'm sorry to be blunt - as I said, I do understand the strength of feeling involved. I know it's not the advice you wanted, but I wouldn't feel morally right to give you any advice other than walk away now.