He has a girlfriend and a child.

It's such a messed up situation, and if you've read all of this then I applaud you, I really do! Any advice would really be appreciated. Please don't just tell me to leave it and forget about him, because I just can't do that, it's out of the question. x

I would understand that if it was what I had set out to do and had intended on it, but I didn't. I feel bloody awful about it, my head is a complete mess and of course I feel guilty. Even still, I don't think that deserves a complete stranger wishing me to get hit by a car..

Ok, this could potentially seem more harsh than it is meant to but I feel as if you need a small slap back to reality:

Firstly, don't give me this 'it's out of the question' ****e because it isn't. Everybody who has ever had feelings for someone gets to the point where they want to protract what is ultimately an unbelievably negative romantic involvement for the pure fact of not wanting to be lonely any more. It's a BAD MOVE. You may feel like this is the guy, you may feel you're in love with him and you may have engineered your entire conscious being to revolve around him. He is not the guy. Here are some reasons why:

Seducing 14 year olds is just flatly wrong. I shouldn't have to justify this really, as thankfully society has largely accepted this as an axiom, but if considered you should realise that your current situation is exactly part of the reason for discouraging this contact. He hit on you, grew close to you, when you were entering a period of emotional development. You were effectively in the formative period of your sexual and emotional consciousness - this is part of the reason why young teenagers are particularly volatile: wild hormones, new feelings, and insecurities. His taking advantage of being much older is not just wrong from a physical point of view but has effectively groomed you. What this means is that through a lot of your emotional development - matters pertaining to love, romance or sex - you've subconsciously associated him with these feelings. It's therefore generated a reasonably natural state of dependence on this complete douchehole.

When we consider he has a girlfriend and a child, and that he systematically and ruthlessly betrays them with you, do you honestly believe that you're the only one? And even if you are, he's still a wild dick who seems to shirk his responsibilities to maturity, life and family by trying to reinvent himself through the eyes of those significantly younger than himself. You don't want to be a homewrecker? What else do you actually envision? The guy is emotionally cheating on his partner and betraying his child with you, which you are enabling, and you don't want to be a homewrecker? Tough. You are one.

This guy is a tool. What is most frustrating is that you don't rate yourself higher than this. If he was the guy for you, you'd be together. You're Scottish so I'll say whit's fer ye'll nae gae by ye and you should understand. He's not. If you sat down and objectively thought about what you wanted for yourself, what you deserve, and what is potentially going to make you happy for the rest of your life you are unlikely to write down a serial cheater with a proclivity for paedophilia, are you?

Cut the cord, feel **** for a while which is natural, and actually get on with your life without throwing it away to this complete waste of space.

I seriously hope you do, and I wish you all the best, but you CANNOT stay with this guy and if you do, then you deserve all the heartache that is inevitably going to come your way because only an outrageously naive person with a sense of masochism would get involved with this guy.

This kind of response is exactly why I was hesitant to post here.

It's all fine and well for an outsider to read something, judge a situation and throw whatever comments out there. It's easy to judge a situation, it's not so easy to be the person in the situation.

Like I said, I didn't plan for any of this to happen and of course I feel guilty about it so please try and refrain from hurling insults and abuse my way. You can have your opinion, I respect that, but aggressive and abusive messages aren't going to help.

Thank you. Glad I posted here now, think I've come to my senses a little more. Going to have a chat with him this week and let him know that I can't do this anymore. It'll only get worse as time goes on, I don't have the emotional strength right now to put myself through keeping this act up and feeling guilty about it.

Thanks again.

1. Please ignore some of the idiots on the thread. A lot of people are keyboard warriors and suddenly get a

Thank you. Glad I posted here now, think I've come to my senses a little more. Going to have a chat with him this week and let him know that I can't do this anymore. It'll only get worse as time goes on, I don't have the emotional strength right now to put myself through keeping this act up and feeling guilty about it.

Thanks again.

...desire to click submit before finishing their posts?

Please bear with me, this might end up incredibly long as it's quite complicated.

When I was 14, I started chatting to a guy online who was 17 and lived in London (I live in Scotland). We chatted for around 1.5 years and I thought I was madly in love with him, as you do at that age. Eventually, he cut off contact and told me that we couldn't even talk anymore and I was gutted. I found out at the end of 2007 that the reason he'd cut contact with me was because he had a girlfriend, and a baby on the way. And he was 24 when we spoke, not 17. I got on with my life and didn't think about him much after that, I had no way of getting in touch with him anyway.

A few months ago, I decided to Google him out of curiosity and was shocked to stumble across a news article with a picture of him. Basically, his dad had passed away and I wanted to send my condolences so I eventually managed to find him on Facebook (he had blocked me before) and I sent him a message from a different account, not expecting him to reply. He did reply, and we've been chatting again over the past few months.

The messages started off innocently at first and I didn't think much of it, but eventually they ended up getting a bit flirty and suggestive. I had a trip to London planned and told him about it, and he offered to meet me to show me the sights. I didn't think he would, but I went along with it anyway. About a week before I went to London, I got a phone call from his girlfriend and then she messaged me on Facebook. She'd seen the messages and wanted to know what was going on, and weirdly we ended up in a conversation and she told me that she asks herself why she's with him and that she doesn't want to break up the relationship between him and their child.

I went to London last week, and he met me one afternoon. It was pretty surreal, considering it's been over 7 years now since we first started talking. I'm 21 now, he's 31. He ended up kissing me, and I know it was wrong but I didn't stop him. He left about dinner time to get back home, and as soon as he left, I just broke down in tears. I was almost hoping that when I met him, I'd think he was a bit weird or not be that bothered, but it was like all these feelings came flooding back all at once. I told him I felt miserable once he'd left, and he managed to come back that night to see me. We ended up sleeping together - again, wrong I know, but it just felt right. Again, he had to leave me.

We talked a lot, and he pretty much echoed what his gf had told me. He said he can't leave her because their son means everything to him. He doesn't want to be one of those part-time dads who only sees their kid at weekends, and he got pretty upset talking about it. He says him and gf don't get on.

I know that the first thing to think reading this would be that I shouldn't have met him, he has a girlfriend and is unavailable, I'm a homewrecker or something... But I really just need honest opinions on this horrible situation. I'm back in Scotland now, and I feel so low and depressed at the thought of being 100s of miles away from him again. He's told me it won't be a one-time thing, and that maybe things will be different when I move down south in September.

I just don't know how to convince him that staying with someone for the sake of a child isn't right. I understand where he's coming from and I know it's difficult, but I don't want him to regret staying in an unhappy relationship when he's older and the child has grown up. And I know it's unlikely for men in relationships to leave for the 'other woman' but if even his girlfriend has admitted they're only together for a child, isn't it just a matter of time before one of them has had enough and leaves?

I absolutely hate the sneaking around and only being able to text him at certain times of day. He calls me on his lunch at work and texts when he can, and he wants to meet me next month but I just hate that I'm so far away and he's at home living a completely different life. I don't want to just be a bit of fun for him, a distraction from his relationship. Normally, I'd be cynical and think that he's just saying what I want to hear about only being with her because of the child but the thing is, she's admitted that too.

I don't want to be the homewrecker, I don't want to cause trouble and I know that I could ruin everything between them if I wanted to - I could easily message her and ruin everything. But I don't want to do that, there's a child involved and it isn't fair on anyone. Similarly, I don't want her to find out by him slipping up. I guess I want him to realize that he shouldn't be with her, and leave of his own accord. But I can't even ask him to do that, because it would be like asking him to choose me over his child.

It's such a messed up situation, and if you've read all of this then I applaud you, I really do! Any advice would really be appreciated. Please don't just tell me to leave it and forget about him, because I just can't do that, it's out of the question. x

Thank you. Glad I posted here now, think I've come to my senses a little more. Going to have a chat with him this week and let him know that I can't do this anymore. It'll only get worse as time goes on, I don't have the emotional strength right now to put myself through keeping this act up and feeling guilty about it.

Thanks again.

So even though you knew he had a girlfriend and a child you still went there. Sorry but you are completely wrong in what you are doing, he is having his cake and eating it. You really think he will leave his girlfriend, come on they never do. You need to stop this madness now, how would you feel if it was you with the child and the guy you were with was cheating on you with someone else

To be fair, I had to go to London for other reasons and didn't expect him to meet me. When he offered to meet me, it was in the afternoon and we went for lunch and it was innocent. But there was a connection there and yeah, it got out of hand and I shouldn't have let it but I did. I'm not trying to shift responsibility or blame him, I could have stopped it if I wanted to but in that moment I wasn't thinking of anything else.
But yeah, I'm seeing sense now and will have to speak to him this week. Can't imagine my life like this for the next few months, it's not fair on anyone.

This kind of response is exactly why I was hesitant to post here.

It's all fine and well for an outsider to read something, judge a situation and throw whatever comments out there. It's easy to judge a situation, it's not so easy to be the person in the situation.

Like I said, I didn't plan for any of this to happen and of course I feel guilty about it so please try and refrain from hurling insults and abuse my way. You can have your opinion, I respect that, but aggressive and abusive messages aren't going to help.

You disgusting women, just ruined a kids life. WELL DONE

Thank you.

I really wish I could walk away. In some ways, I wish I hadn't even met him when I was London because it would have been so much easier to cut ties with him. I'm just finding the whole situation so frustrating, more than anything else. I know he doesn't want to be with her, and the only thing keeping him there is his child. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about that.

I think I'm slowly realizing that I'm being delusional about the situation though. In my head, it's all happy endings and fairytales and that when I move downs south, he'll see me more and leave her and everything will be fine. Think I need to take off the rose-tinted glasses because I know that's not going to happen. x

Well he could have stopped it as well so just as much his fault