This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Arghhhhhh I wish seeing my boyfriend didn't have to take so much planning/cost so much/take so long and just be simpler, grrrrr. :frown:

/endrant.

Reply 9641

Ultimate_Geek

15

Just found out my bf is able to visit for a few days at the beginning of next month after a field trip. SO excited! :excited:

It'll be nice that it'll be warm so we can actually spend some time outside!

Reply 9642

hazel_jg

Hey, I'm basically posting because me and my boyfriend will start being long distance in September, and I've known this for a while but only now have I started to get really worried about it. We both go to uni in September, I'll be in Leeds and he'll be in Brighton, so it's quite a distance :frown:

The thing is, I'm not worried about breaking up, because we've already been together for 3 and a half years and are both very committed. I'm more worried about how I'll react to not seeing him - I'm scared that I'll miss him so much I won't enjoy my new life. I'm also worried about the costs/logistics of seeing each other; we'll both be working hard so it might be hard to find time and it costs at least £60 for train tickets. I guess I'm looking for any advice on how to prepare for it and I'd just like to hear other peoples experiences to calm my nerves. It's difficult because I know no-one else in the same position!

Reply 9643

Pipsqueak :)

Original post by hazel_jg

Hey, I'm basically posting because me and my boyfriend will start being long distance in September, and I've known this for a while but only now have I started to get really worried about it. We both go to uni in September, I'll be in Leeds and he'll be in Brighton, so it's quite a distance :frown:

The thing is, I'm not worried about breaking up, because we've already been together for 3 and a half years and are both very committed. I'm more worried about how I'll react to not seeing him - I'm scared that I'll miss him so much I won't enjoy my new life. I'm also worried about the costs/logistics of seeing each other; we'll both be working hard so it might be hard to find time and it costs at least £60 for train tickets. I guess I'm looking for any advice on how to prepare for it and I'd just like to hear other peoples experiences to calm my nerves. It's difficult because I know no-one else in the same position!

I've always been long distance with the boy so I can't help you on that front but have you looked into megabus for travel? It costs me £16 from Glasgow to Maidstone, Kent :smile:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9644

hazel_jg

Original post by Pipsqueak :)

I've always been long distance with the boy so I can't help you on that front but have you looked into megabus for travel? It costs me £16 from Glasgow to Maidstone, Kent :smile:

Good idea, even with rail cards and booking in advance trains are stupidly expensive!

Reply 9645

Pipsqueak :)

Original post by hazel_jg

Good idea, even with rail cards and booking in advance trains are stupidly expensive!

I know, and they try to discourage us from using cars!! Wonder why we so!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9646

canadamoose

5

Original post by hazel_jg

Hey, I'm basically posting because me and my boyfriend will start being long distance in September, and I've known this for a while but only now have I started to get really worried about it. We both go to uni in September, I'll be in Leeds and he'll be in Brighton, so it's quite a distance :frown:

The thing is, I'm not worried about breaking up, because we've already been together for 3 and a half years and are both very committed. I'm more worried about how I'll react to not seeing him - I'm scared that I'll miss him so much I won't enjoy my new life. I'm also worried about the costs/logistics of seeing each other; we'll both be working hard so it might be hard to find time and it costs at least £60 for train tickets. I guess I'm looking for any advice on how to prepare for it and I'd just like to hear other peoples experiences to calm my nerves. It's difficult because I know no-one else in the same position!

Don't stress over it, and expect that some days will be easier than others. There are definitely some days when I wish time could just go faster so that the time apart would be over, but over time, it becomes a little bit easier to distract yourself.

As for the money thing, I found that if I cut out things that I didn't need (fast food, a night out here and there, or a pair of cute shoes), I had money that I could spend on a train or bus. You just have to decide what is more important to you! My suggestion to you is to get a box and call it the "Brighton Box". Whenever you stop yourself from buying treats or things that aren't necessary, put whatever you would have spent in the box. Not only will this make you happy that you can be with your boyfriend soon, but you will see how much crap you buy and maybe be smarter about your finances! :smile:

Reply 9647

lindarr

My boyfriend and I are going to be in a long distance relationship in September, he'll be in Leeds and I'll be in Birmingham. I'm really scared about how I'll deal with the distance. We go to the same school so I see him basically everyday, but I always miss him so much in the evenings. I don't know how I'm going to cope with not seeing him for weeks on end. I'm also worried about him getting close to other girls, he's really friendly with other girls and gets a bit too close to them in my opinion and I'm just worried about that. Is anyone else going through the same thing or is it just me? :/

Reply 9648

Tiggyblyth

Original post by Anonymous

I'm pretty new to the whole LDR thing, I started uni in September 2012 and met my boyfriend during freshers, we're still happily together and see each other everyday when we're at uni. During the holidays I find it SO hard to be away from him, I feel so stupid for missing him after 2 days because there are so many other people in the world who have it much harder than I do. I miss him ALL of the time and feel as though he has such a good time when he's at home that he forgets about me and doesn't miss me at all. I know that the thoughts I have are probably stupid but I can't help it, sometimes I'm an emotional wreck and don't know what to do with myself! I try to keep busy but I still can't help worrying about him all day everyday even though I know it's pointless (I'm a big worrier anyway). When we talk on the phone or skype it just makes me even more grumpy and want to cry all of the time!
I know that I seem absolutely ridiculous but I just can't help it and need to find a way to cope with it better because otherwise I don't know how I'll make it through the summer. Any help would be much appreciated! Thanks.

That sounds really hard, especially when uni holidays are so long. It might be a good time for you to talk more though? If your with each other everyday you will share the same experiences, which is great. But then when your apart there will be more to explain or describe to one another. At the end of the day it's always going to suck, it's just about using it as we'll as you can :smile:

do things like see family and friends so that you can spend more time with the ldr in term time.

Reply 9649

22KT22

15

Thought i'd post in here and give people some home and encouragement that LDRs work.

I have been Long distance for 4 and a half years (together for 6!)... a year and 3 months (eng to spain) and the rest of the time about 3 hours away which is relatively close but doing a degree with placements means we have gone up to 2 months without seeing each other whilst at uni.

However 2 weeks ago my bf proposed to me and we are (everything allowing) getting married next year and shall no longer be long distance come September :smile:

I just wanted to say to people that often the end of the tunnel can feel a very long way a way but when you get there it will be worth it in the end.

My tips for making LDRS work

Communication This is a key one but its different for everyone. Some people need contact everyday (myself included) whilst others can wait a few days and some have no choice but to. Find a rythmn that suits you, use apps such as whatsapp and BBM and of course utilise skype! Its free and you get to see them :biggrin:

My OH and I tend to set a skype date once a week so we're not waiting in for people and we have something to look forward too!

Keep Busy This is always my advice because keeping busy means you cant mope! Throw yourself into uni work, meet up with friends, take up a hobby.... anything that means you don't sit around waiting for them to call. Obviously you need to be careful that you're not too busy to chat or make time for you OH but i find this technique helps especially when your OH just leaves (otherwise known as the LDR hangover) and also means you have far more to talk about when you do get in touch.

Trust If you don't trust your OH a LDR will not work! End of. You need to be able to trust them and to keep any jealousy under control because otherwise it will tear your relationship apart! This is often easier said than done but before sending a message or text think about how it may sound to your other half and if you need to send it.

Book tickets in advance, shop around LDRS are expensive especially if you have long distances to travel. However with a railcard and booking far in advance and planning visits at the beginning of term you can save a lot! Try different train companies and use sites such as red spotted hanky and the train line (although it has a booking charge) to get slightly cheaper prices. Keep an eye out for deals such as £1 fares on trains and on coaches and get a NUS extra card if you use cross country to save an extra 10%. Booking in advance has meant i have got a 70 pound ticket down to 12.

For flights booking in advance also saves a lot of money so try and work out visits for international trips as advanced as you can to save yourself more money.

Be open and honest If something is upsetting or worrying you talk about it with your other half, make sure that any concerns etc are expressed whether thats i don't think we talk enough or i'm struggling with this. Making your OH aware of how youre feeling prevents any problems that may arise by repressing how you feel. Also means that you can work out routines that work for you.

Don't compare your relationships to others and ignore those who judge Many years ago when i entered a international LDR people were quick to judge and to say why are you staying together, its uni enjoy yourself etc. Did i listen? NO! Only you know if its worth going for it and only you truly know your relationship so don't let others judge it. A lot of people think LDRs are pointless and just as many think they are worth it so its down to you to choose your path. Also when at uni it can be hard seeing couples spending everyday together, try not to let it consume you and try not to compare yourself to others as it will only end in your tears.

Hope these help :smile:

Reply 9650

BlueSheep32

11

Original post by Anonymous

I'm pretty new to the whole LDR thing, I started uni in September 2012 and met my boyfriend during freshers, we're still happily together and see each other everyday when we're at uni. During the holidays I find it SO hard to be away from him, I feel so stupid for missing him after 2 days because there are so many other people in the world who have it much harder than I do. I miss him ALL of the time and feel as though he has such a good time when he's at home that he forgets about me and doesn't miss me at all. I know that the thoughts I have are probably stupid but I can't help it, sometimes I'm an emotional wreck and don't know what to do with myself! I try to keep busy but I still can't help worrying about him all day everyday even though I know it's pointless (I'm a big worrier anyway). When we talk on the phone or skype it just makes me even more grumpy and want to cry all of the time!
I know that I seem absolutely ridiculous but I just can't help it and need to find a way to cope with it better because otherwise I don't know how I'll make it through the summer. Any help would be much appreciated! Thanks.

I can relate to this completely - started uni in 2011, met my boyfriend a few weeks in, and then we saw each other every day during term time because we lived in the same block. Unfortunately that made everything a lot harder when I did come home for the holidays, because I was so used to seeing him, and I was beginning to get symptoms of depression and anxiety (which have intensified over the past year) so I really missed not seeing him every evening because it cheered me up enormously. The difference with us is that we can't Skype because he doesn't have the internet at home, so we just send really long texts to each other.

I was scared that we wouldn't make it through the summer because I know how I get when I'm missing him really badly, but we did, and we're probably stronger than ever now (just under a week away from our 18 month anniversary :biggrin:

). It is hard, and I struggle not to think about how much I miss him even when I am busy, but keeping busy does help - it's not so much that it stops you from missing him, more it passes the time more quickly until you'll see him again. I think this holiday is the first holiday that I've not broken down in tears every day because I miss him so much, because I'm beginning to get used to it. I still don't like us being apart, and neither does he (and I do worry that he doesn't miss me because he doesn't struggle with it like I do; he just tries not to think about it like that and uses the thought of seeing me again to get him through difficult times), but there's not a lot either of us can do about it so we just have to try and get on with our own lives at home.

Make sure you do arrange to see each other during the holidays as much as you can, because that will also help! Also seeing your friends from home a lot will help (although make sure you stay away from any affectionate couples :p:

) because you're doing something fun. It will get better as you get used to it, trust me :smile:

Reply 9651

MarianneY

1

I am from NI, going to Scotland for uni in September. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, my longest and most real relationship, and his first relationship. We love eachother, see eachother a few times a week, stay over when we can, have wee day trips and things, make the most of our times and we do have great times. It has gone SO well! But, in the back of our minds we both know that I'm leaving in September, which is realistic but it makes us both so annoyed and sad to really think about it, the fact that we HAVE to be apart. I have uni to look forward to but, in my mind, I'll be alone there without him to hold me, and he will just be left here, alone too, without me to comfort him, he will have his friends and family here though. I won't have anyone...:/
We have discussed it a few times that we think it wont work, and really, it won't, we both have our needs and we won't be able to get or give them to eachother. So, that's it. We know that we won't be together when I go.

When we argue, I just think about breaking up because I know were going to anyway. Am I being irrational or realistic?
I wish we didn't love eachother. How harsh is THAT?!
When we argue, we make up really easily and we are so good afterwards! It's so confusing :'(
Aw I just don't know what to do or how to feel.
Sometimes I think about my moving day, us saying goodbye and then that's it. Should that be it? I'll be busy with moving and looking forward to Scotland but I think my mind will also be torn at him..

ANY advice or feedback/thoughts would be greatly appreciated

Reply 9652

randymandy

2

Original post by MarianneY

I am from NI, going to Scotland for uni in September. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, my longest and most real relationship, and his first relationship. We love eachother, see eachother a few times a week, stay over when we can, have wee day trips and things, make the most of our times and we do have great times. It has gone SO well! But, in the back of our minds we both know that I'm leaving in September, which is realistic but it makes us both so annoyed and sad to really think about it, the fact that we HAVE to be apart. I have uni to look forward to but, in my mind, I'll be alone there without him to hold me, and he will just be left here, alone too, without me to comfort him, he will have his friends and family here though. I won't have anyone...:/
We have discussed it a few times that we think it wont work, and really, it won't, we both have our needs and we won't be able to get or give them to eachother. So, that's it. We know that we won't be together when I go.

When we argue, I just think about breaking up because I know were going to anyway. Am I being irrational or realistic?
I wish we didn't love eachother. How harsh is THAT?!
When we argue, we make up really easily and we are so good afterwards! It's so confusing :'(
Aw I just don't know what to do or how to feel.
Sometimes I think about my moving day, us saying goodbye and then that's it. Should that be it? I'll be busy with moving and looking forward to Scotland but I think my mind will also be torn at him..

ANY advice or feedback/thoughts would be greatly appreciated

Your not even that far from each other, he visits you every other month, you visit him every other month...why not? Put aside some of your student loan

Reply 9653

Anonymous #518

Original post by MarianneY

I am from NI, going to Scotland for uni in September. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, my longest and most real relationship, and his first relationship. We love eachother, see eachother a few times a week, stay over when we can, have wee day trips and things, make the most of our times and we do have great times. It has gone SO well! But, in the back of our minds we both know that I'm leaving in September, which is realistic but it makes us both so annoyed and sad to really think about it, the fact that we HAVE to be apart. I have uni to look forward to but, in my mind, I'll be alone there without him to hold me, and he will just be left here, alone too, without me to comfort him, he will have his friends and family here though. I won't have anyone...:/
We have discussed it a few times that we think it wont work, and really, it won't, we both have our needs and we won't be able to get or give them to eachother. So, that's it. We know that we won't be together when I go.

When we argue, I just think about breaking up because I know were going to anyway. Am I being irrational or realistic?
I wish we didn't love eachother. How harsh is THAT?!
When we argue, we make up really easily and we are so good afterwards! It's so confusing :'(
Aw I just don't know what to do or how to feel.
Sometimes I think about my moving day, us saying goodbye and then that's it. Should that be it? I'll be busy with moving and looking forward to Scotland but I think my mind will also be torn at him..

ANY advice or feedback/thoughts would be greatly appreciated

If you love each other so much, how come you're so willing to throw that all away just because you're going to uni? I think you should at least give it a chance and see how it goes! Would you not ever wonder if it could've worked if you didn't even try? You'd just have to get good at planning alternate visits to each other and put time and effort into the relationship to keep it going. I only get to see my boyfriend on average every six weeks due to living in different countries but we just make it work the best we can. It's not guaranteed to be easy at all, but if you do really love him you should at least want to make an effort to keep the relationship going surely? Instead of giving up so easily. Read back on some of the posts here too as it might give you more confidence that LDR uni relationships can work.

Reply 9654

MarianneY

1

Original post by Anonymous

If you love each other so much, how come you're so willing to throw that all away just because you're going to uni? I think you should at least give it a chance and see how it goes! Would you not ever wonder if it could've worked if you didn't even try? You'd just have to get good at planning alternate visits to each other and put time and effort into the relationship to keep it going. I only get to see my boyfriend on average every six weeks due to living in different countries but we just make it work the best we can. It's not guaranteed to be easy at all, but if you do really love him you should at least want to make an effort to keep the relationship going surely? Instead of giving up so easily. Read back on some of the posts here too as it might give you more confidence that LDR uni relationships can work.

Thanks, I just need someone else to believe in it and tell me this. I don't want it to end and I am fine with visiting and that. I have uni in Scotland and he has uni in Belfast, so our holidays should be pretty much the same.
And I do believe in, if he doesn't want to try it, he doesn't care so don't waste your time on someone who won't try or who doesn't care :frown:

Thanks for your thoughts and advice :smile:

Reply 9655

rosoria_bone

Hey,
I've been skulking around this thread for a little while and thought i should get round to posting something! I'm currently with the most amazing guy; we've been together since October and I've never been so happy :smile:

Problem is that we both do language degrees and are a year apart at uni, so are facing two years abroad in a row as of this July (first mine, then his). We're going to try and stick together, and I think we might manage - we both trust each other a great deal and have spoken about the future beyond uni - but I'm still scared it might not be possible. We basically live together at uni and the idea of going from that to up to 6 months apart is horrible. Does anyone have any suggestions on how best to stay involved in each others' lives (bearing in mind I'll be in Namibia for the first half of my year, so I can hardly just ring him up!). I really want this to work, but could do with some reassurance that it's possible and advice on ways to cope with such a long time apart. Thanks :smile:

Reply 9656

Anonymous #529

My boyfriend is moving to uni in September. His university is 3 hours away by train. We've been going out 10 months. I'm applying to his university next year when I go ( this has always been my plan I'm not a clingy girlfriend that would follow him).

What should we do to stay together. I do love him and I'd like to stay with him, well for as long as I can whether that be forever or until the relationship runs its course.
Do we go on a break? Well until I can move down too? I do trust him, but with work and school and the expense of train/bus tickets I'm not sure how often ill be able to go down or he'll be able to come up.

Reply 9657

Anonymous #518

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend is moving to uni in September. His university is 3 hours away by train. We've been going out 10 months. I'm applying to his university next year when I go ( this has always been my plan I'm not a clingy girlfriend that would follow him).

What should we do to stay together. I do love him and I'd like to stay with him, well for as long as I can whether that be forever or until the relationship runs its course.
Do we go on a break? Well until I can move down too? I do trust him, but with work and school and the expense of train/bus tickets I'm not sure how often ill be able to go down or he'll be able to come up.

My advice? Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Don't think about big decisions like going on a break or breaking up just because the circumstances of your relationship are changing. Just go with the flow and see how being in a LDR goes. From my personal experience you have no idea how it will pan out, including the obstacles that may come along with it, until you try. I don't think going on a break would do either of you any favours. Either decide to not be together if you find it gets too tough, or do everything possible to make it work. You should definitely talk it through and discuss how you'll both try to make it work though. I've realised that communication is so key when you're in a LDR. Good luck! :smile:

Reply 9658

Sicaspeak

9

I'm not in an LDR yet but I will be come September. I'm staying in Leeds and my boyfriend, who I've been with for a year and a half, is hoping to get the grades to get into UCLan. He'll be in Preston which isn't too far away but it's still further than I'd want him to be :frown:

I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to prepare for him leaving? I'd love to spend every moment of the summer holidays with him before he goes but I'm a bit worried it will make it more painful when he does go. We're completely dedicated/serious about our relationship and each other and this really is true love. We know it will be difficult but we can get through it. He's the love of my life and my best friend ever and I'm going to miss him more than anything. It's sad how even just thinking about it can evoke such emotions.

But anyway, yeah, any tips? Thank you in advance :smile:

Reply 9659

Anonymous #530

Been in a relationship nearly two years. In this time she has moved away from me, in the case of to another country- i live in germany, her in england. Our lives were perfect, i got her into so many hobbies and then she lost them, her lives gotten harder and shes started to say she doesnt want a crap summer being jealous of me doing all my hobbies on the weekend. I don't know what to do and i don't want to lose her. :frown:

The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you