"Friendzoned" a nice guy, now he hates me

I joined my uni gliding club last term and they had a social at the start of it so all the newbies could meet everyone, after playing a couple of drinking games we were all pretty hammered and long story short I ended up making out with one of the committee members. He wanted me to come back to his but I said no as I wasn't sure if I wanted a boyfriend and wanted to take stuff slow. He seemed slightly annoyed at that but said that it was fine as long as I didn't friendzone him, so we swapped numbers at the end of the night.

He texted me the next day asking how I was but I'd had a change of heart (I wasn't sure if he just wanted one thing) and asked if we could just be friends instead. He replied that he was cool with that, but every time I see him at gliding he won't even say hi back. I've made friends with everyone else in the club but it's really awkward between us now, though he's texted me a couple of times and asked if I wanted to go to a couple of local gliding events with him, which I find weird given that he won't speak to me properly in person so I've texted him back but kept making excuses.

We're going on a trip to Wales in a couple of weeks' time and I know he's going but I'm worried it's gonna be really awkward. A lot of the other club members have told me he's not a player and doesn't resent me for not sleeping with him or anything, but it seems like he actually dislikes me. I'm going to have to work with him a bit as he's in charge of health & safety whenever we go on trips, so is there any way to salvage a friendship or should I just write this off as a lost cause? From what I've seen of him he's a bit selfish as well (e.g. he never likes waiting at the airfield when people are late and says it's their own fault even though sometimes he's not on time).

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Reply 1

Michaelj

He's obviously not a nice guy. Just forget about him, don't feel guilty.

Reply 2

Hanvyj

I'd just keep being carefully distant. He'll get the idea eventually. He clearly can't manage being friends with you and you don't want to be in a relationship obviously so you are going to have to just get a working relationship with him.

Reply 3

TheTranshumanist

Sounds like a jerk. Just be civil with him.

Reply 4

dendodge

Then he's not a nice guy.

Just be civil to him, but don't bother making too much of an effort. Make it clear that you're trying to be friendly, but if he's not willing to do the same then it's not worth your time.

Reply 5

jamboogy

Steer clear of wastemen.

I.e. stay clear of him.

He is a wasteman.

Reply 6

ZRO

Lol basically he revealed his "true colors". You were wise to friendzone him, and now its time for him to enter the "endzone"

Reply 7

Ribbits

What a dick.

He is actually just being horrible to you because you don't want to sleep with him.
I wouldn't bother texting him back civilly if that is how he's going to act! Even warning you on the first night you met him 'not to friendzone' him. What kind of person does that? 'You clearly found me sexually attractive tonight while very drunk, you are now never allowed to revise that opinion - if you don't like me anymore, tough, you still have to sleep with me'.

Some people in university seem to be completely sheltered from the real world and have a distorted idea of what is acceptable as normal human contact because they hold a position of social power (committee member) so feel like everything they do is right. Heck, probably spills over into professions in the real world...

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8

annarchy.

Maybe he just feels awkward about the situation and is keeping his distance so you don't get annoyed with him for being overly clingy in person?

Reply 9

Ice Constricter

Thread title should read "Friendzoned a prick, now he hates me".

Original post by Ribbits

Its obvious this guy is lacking real world experience with women. "Oii!!! You'd better not put me in the friendzone!!!"

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 10

miser

Just continue what you're doing. He sounds insecure telling you not to put him in the friendzone, as if people control how they feel about others. If he's going to continue to be a dick to you then there's not much you can do about it, but you can be content in the knowledge that you didn't sleep with a guy like this.

Reply 11

danny111

Original post by Mastermind007

He's not even worth talking to. I knew someone like that...when he realized I never wanted anything more than friendship he became extremely hostile. It was clear he didn't even want to be my friend in the first place. Don't waste time on such jerks.

Why does wanting to be with someone but not as a friend make someone a jerk?

He is probably still very much into OP and is upset every time he sees her. I was friendzoned once and it went on but at some point I just said bye. He does not see her by choice I take it but is forced to because OP comes to his (committee member) club. So his reaction since he can't be friends with her is to be hostile. Doesn't make him a jerk.

Same reason most people don't stay close friends with their ex.

Reply 12

GenialGermanGent

Original post by Anonymous

I joined my uni gliding club last term ...

Your uni has a gliding club? :confused:

Was it founded by rejects of the sailing and polo clubs?!

Reply 13

This Honest

Insecure little boy. "Don't put me in the friendzone" :lol:

Just try and get along with him for the sake of the team.

^anon fail :mmm:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 14

danny111

Original post by Mastermind007

I didn't say that. It doesn't make someone a jerk if they just want to be friends. I mean in my example, I DID only want to be friends....and this guy acted very friendly until his advances were repeatedly rejected, after which he realized that we would be nothing more than friends.

In this situation, a decent person would continue to be friendly or at least be civil and walk away (with an explanation ideally). Instead he was hostile and sometimes downright rude to me when I tried to be a friend. That is what makes him a jerk.

Being friends with an ex I can understand since there were mutual feelings there in the first place so that must be difficult. The point is, I know rejection is difficult to deal with...but being rude to someone who is trying to maintain a friendship just showed me how much he valued me as a friend.

Are you OP?

The guy in OP has no choice but to see OP because of the club. There is a difference to that and what you just said.

And maybe him being hostile was his way of showing "leave me alone" (you said "I tried to be a friend"). Because for whatever reason he thought you would understand and he wouldn't have to tell you to your face "you rejected me i hate you now please leave me alone". That would be rude and humiliating, being hostile would just be rude.

Reply 15

tooosh

He told you not to friendzone him?

Is this real life?

Salvage a friendship? There isn't a friendship to salvage. Nothing wrong with being civil but I wouldn't give someone like that the time of day.

Reply 16

danny111

Original post by Mastermind007

No I'm not. I guess from reading the OP it sounded like it was heading in the same direction. We were friends for a while before all of this happened. Your explanation doesn't suit my situation I'm afraid, but it doesn't matter. Either way, being rude, hostile or even humiliating to someone just because they don't want a relationship is pretty childish. If someone actually said the words in bold, that would reflect poorly on them.

Anyway, OP only you can read this guy and see if there's potential for friendship. If he can't handle it then it's best to let go.

No but it's easier to say than "I really like you and being around you hurts too much so we can't be friends". That's my point.

Reply 17

Ribbits

Original post by danny111

Because he did not and does not know her, it was during one night that he decided he wanted to sleep with her. Wanting to either have sex with someone or have absolutely nothing to do with them at all to the point of rudeness, especially when you're both in the same club, does make you a jerk.

He can't possibly be so hurt about a girl he doesn't know that he tried to sleep with once that he can't be ordinarily polite when he has to still see her.
He doesn't have to be a close friend to say 'hello' and be civil. That's not getting painfully involved with a girl you can't have.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 18

danny111

Original post by Ribbits

I disagree.

Being a jerk would be calling her a bitch in front of others or spreading rumors about her. Or it would be getting to sleep with her and then never calling.

But I guess you would disagree with that, so let's just agree to disagree.

Reply 19

Anonymous #2

This may seem a bit controversial compared to what others have said, but is he just shy? Maybe he's just a bit embarrassed about what happened and so doesn't know what to say to you? I know there was a guy that I don't really know but asked him out for a drink on Facebook and he said no. I'm to shy to talk to him even more after that because I feel a bit shocked with what I did as I've never done it before. That might seem weird by some people but that's how I feel.