Am I ever going to get a boyfriend...

Really awkward post so it's clear why i'm posting this anonymously :tongue:

I'm nearly 16 and i have never had a boyfriend (apart from the silly ones you have when you're like 8!) At school, our year group has two sides of in it really, people who work hard and the ones who dont. I do work hard in school and am friends with people who are like 'really' clever! A lot of my friends have started getting boyfriends and i just don't even know how to go about getting one! I do like a guy, he is really nice and we get along but i dont think he 'likes' me back :frown:

he also has other friends who i don't really talk to very often so if i was trying to hang around with him then it would be awkward on my behalf and his behalf. I'm not the prettiest, but I'm not the ugliest either! I always put on make-up, do my hair and make a genuine effort before leaving the house so i don't look like a tramp (as far as i'm aware) so i dunno what else i can do! I'm rubbish at flirting and I do honestly wonder if I'll ever get a boyfriend, ever find 'the one' and ever get married then live happily ever after how it is supposed to. Will I? Hopefully be off to college next year so it will be like a new start... and be able to make new friends (hopefully) will it all be ok eventually, will i find someone in the end?
I'd love some advice on what to do and if anyone is in or has been in the same position. Thank-you so much :smile:

Reply 1

dathtom

14

There will be SO many guys in the exact same position as you. If you see one you like, ask him out. If he says no, move on, find someone else. You'd be surprised I would much rather go for a girl who was less pretty, but had a really good personality. Just go for it, confidence is the key and try not to get too hung up on one person. You'll look more attractive to someone with a boyfriend than without, and experience is always a plus in my opinion. (Although not too much, don't go crazy :P )

I'm probably not the best person to give you advice to take it with a pinch of salt, 'cause I'm male and never had a gf either (16 also), but I do go to a boys school and don't exactly get the opportunity.

Good Luck!

Tom

Reply 2

RHCPfan

12

You're 16, it's hardly like you're having to plan a future as a crazy cat lady now.

You say you like someone, how do you know he doesn't like you back?

Reply 3

JodieW

13

There's more to life than boyfriends, especially when your 16. If you put that into perspective you'll realise how ridiculously you're thinking :smile:

You're still young, there's plenty of decades ahead of you where you can find someone you love who will love you back. Right now you'd better concentrate on your studies rather than worrying about having a high school sweetheart.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 4

Kabloomybuzz

19

You're 16, loads of people don't have relationships at 16. Its fine, don't obsess over it.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by dathtom

There will be SO many guys in the exact same position as you. If you see one you like, ask him out. If he says no, move on, find someone else. You'd be surprised I would much rather go for a girl who was less pretty, but had a really good personality. Just go for it, confidence is the key and try not to get too hung up on one person. You'll look more attractive to someone with a boyfriend than without, and experience is always a plus in my opinion. (Although not too much, don't go crazy :P )

I'm probably not the best person to give you advice to take it with a pinch of salt, 'cause I'm male and never had a gf either (16 also), but I do go to a boys school and don't exactly get the opportunity.

Good Luck!

Tom

Thanks Tom :smile:

i like your advice on asking him out but if he says no, then other people in the school will find out and they wont let me forget it... so that is the only part that concerns me but thanks so much for your reply!!! :biggrin:

Reply 6

dathtom

14

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks Tom :smile:

i like your advice on asking him out but if he says no, then other people in the school will find out and they wont let me forget it... so that is the only part that concerns me but thanks so much for your reply!!! :biggrin:

Just like every single school drama, you'll be in the spotlight for like, half an hour, then everyone will have forgotten about it and go and find something else. But you'll have the warm and fuzzy satisfaction of knowing that every one of them will be a teensy bit jealous that you had the courage to ask someone out they didn't.

Confidence, confidence is the key. People I speak to at work think I'm 19 because I'm confident around people and believe me I don't look it.

Reply 7

It's****ingWOODY

20

Hmm, 16... hard to tell if you're still in "it's still acceptable to get your friend to ask a guy out for you" territory. I think you can get away with it until you leave school, I was asked out by a girl via friend in year 10 or 11 and nobody found it weird. Is writing love letters to people still acceptable these days, or is it all email and text now? God, the last few years have flown by...

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8

Protagoras

3

I'm 27 years old (and male) and I wish I could go back and do it all so differently now so I'll give you some advice.

Don't worry about it. Worry about your future, what you want to do as a profession: Lawyer, Doctor, Computer Scientist and how you are going to get there - which A Levels? Law, Biology, Computing etc..

Boys will be more impressed that you show initiative for your future (job, children, living life to the full - holidays, travelling, (gap year) cultural interests such as Art, etc..) and getting into a good university will be of interest to boys.

You really need to be of interest to them (in the long term) but you've made good friends from school so talk to them about it you'll be intrigued to find out that they are all going through the exact same thing!

Remember sex and love are very different things. You can go to a nightclub at 17 years old and after 2 WKD's can score in the toilets (usually unprepared and without a condom) but getting into a serious relationship and being in love and will literally tear you apart just trying to keep it together but love is incredible and you can share each other's worlds and you really have to think about you and I mean your child is going to be you one day with the same fears and curiosity, so be prepared to teach them well.

I went to a state comprehensive (normal) school and I know a girl that got pregnant at 16 and her daughter has just turned ten and is now having her fourth child with her third different partner whose some 5 years younger than her and a complete dickhead with other kids himself (Jeremy Kyle!!) and at the complete and much preferable opposite I know a couple that knew each other throughout school (same tutor group) and got together in year 13 and then went travelling together and uni together and have been together for ten years and now planning their wedding.

You are legally allowed to smoke and have sex at 16 and drive at 17 and drink at 18 but you're not really prepared to be an adult until you are at least 25, in particular being emotionally strong for the commitment of marriage and pregnancy.

So enjoy learning about the world through education - sixthform, uni, graduate training.. and you will learn about yourself foremost and those around you and remember not to regret things and you won't regret things if you think it through first and be in control of your life don't let others control you.

I think it was Taylor Swift talking on the Ellen Degeneres Show who said she's not interested in finding comfort from going from one guy to the next just for comfort (which some people do) and she's waiting for something that will be special and mean something to her and I think she is a good role model.

I'm pretty sure I'd say this to my own daughter one day :smile:

Reply 9

Rum Ham

20

You will find someone when you least expect it, that is what usually happens.

I believe there is someone out there for everyone and yeah, you are only 16 so you have plenty of time to meet someone for a serious relationship but you are at the age now where I'm sure soon you will meet someone to gain experience with and who knows, that could end up leading to something serious :smile:

Reply 10

Mankytoes

10

Original post by Anonymous

Really awkward post so it's clear why i'm posting this anonymously :tongue:

I'm nearly 16 and i have never had a boyfriend (apart from the silly ones you have when you're like 8!) At school, our year group has two sides of in it really, people who work hard and the ones who dont. I do work hard in school and am friends with people who are like 'really' clever! A lot of my friends have started getting boyfriends and i just don't even know how to go about getting one! I do like a guy, he is really nice and we get along but i dont think he 'likes' me back :frown:

he also has other friends who i don't really talk to very often so if i was trying to hang around with him then it would be awkward on my behalf and his behalf. I'm not the prettiest, but I'm not the ugliest either! I always put on make-up, do my hair and make a genuine effort before leaving the house so i don't look like a tramp (as far as i'm aware) so i dunno what else i can do! I'm rubbish at flirting and I do honestly wonder if I'll ever get a boyfriend, ever find 'the one' and ever get married then live happily ever after how it is supposed to. Will I? Hopefully be off to college next year so it will be like a new start... and be able to make new friends (hopefully) will it all be ok eventually, will i find someone in the end?
I'd love some advice on what to do and if anyone is in or has been in the same position. Thank-you so much :smile:

We had a thread on here saying at what age people got their first real partner. The average age was a lot higher than 15! If you really want a boyfriend that's fair enough, but it certainly isn't a problem not having one. I was maybe in a similar situation at school, I was one of the smallest and youngest looking in the year, so I didn't really have much confidence, and like you say, I knew if I asked a girl out everyone would make such a massive deal out of it. I never really came close to having a girlfriend at school. At uni I thought the whole vibe was totally different, people fool around together and are just like "no big deal". I found it very liberating and enjoyable, and even though I was nearly 19 when I first got a girlfriend, I don't have any problems with girls, and I don't think missing out at school has caused me any problems.

You aren't at any disadvantage, is all I'm saying. Looking back, your friends will probably consider their current relationships pretty irrelevant.

As for flirting, the only thing I would suggest is to make sure you smile. Smiling girls are so much more approachable.

Reply 11

Hal.E.Lujah

19

This was just meant to be.. :h:

"Does anyone want a boyfriend"

I honestly wouldn't worry about it though, most people don't get their first proper boyfriend/girlfriend until 16-19 anyway. I've started to think it's unhealthy to have a partner any younger than that, just sets you on the path to casual break ups.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 12

ironandwine

15

I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was eighteen (or perhaps nineteen, icr) :smile:

you'll find someone when you least expect it - annoying but true. Don't waste your teen years worrying about it; I wish I hadn't!

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks Tom :smile:

i like your advice on asking him out but if he says no, then other people in the school will find out and they wont let me forget it... so that is the only part that concerns me but thanks so much for your reply!!! :biggrin:

Don't worry about this.

If anyone says that, you say: "YOLO b**** :borat:

"

Reply 14

Anonymous #3

Im 22, yet to find a girlfriend yet.

Do I wish I could turn back time and do it all over.

No.

Yes I couldve had a lot more sex and love and all that stuff that comes with girls but its taken a long time since I was 18 to where I am now to build up my confidence and for once in my life I actually feel like a man. It sounds silly I know it does but I feel mature I feel like Ive achieved something by building up confidence and seeing peoples reactions around me, thats a confidence booster in itself.

In a way just do what you want to do in life and relationships will soon follow. Its natural. Unless you lock yourself away in your room all the time. Go out and meet people, dont rush it. You'll make friendships and there will be that one friendship that feels different.

Dont worry. Be Happy. Believe in yourself.

Reply 15

RemiMarcelle

17

Original post by JodieW

There's more to life than boyfriends, especially when your 16. If you put that into perspective you'll realise how ridiculously you're thinking :smile:

You're still young, there's plenty of decades ahead of you where you can find someone you love who will love you back. Right now you'd better concentrate on your studies rather than worrying about having a high school sweetheart.

Posted from TSR Mobile

OP she has such a good point, I'm 16 as well, even though I would like to be with someone, studying is really important to me at the moment.

But if I do meet someone I like, I will just go for it.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 16

ce303ce303

2

OF COURSE YOU WILL! My god, you are only 16!!! dont worry a bit :smile:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 17

Anonymous #4

You're only 16. There are people much older people (like me at nearly 24) who has never had a boyfriend.

Reply 18

Kage

8

I think the media, etc makes you think you need one earlier on.
You know what? When I was 16, I wasn't really thinking about needing a girlfriend. Heck, I haven't had one yet, but your time will come.

As a girl, no doubt you will have guys flying at you. You hardly have to do anything :tongue:

Just choose. That is the way it seems to work later in life.