Help boys! BJ crisis!

Hi,
I've been with my boyfriend for ages and we have done a few sexual things but not often and not sex. When I go down on him I can spend ages varying between both mouth and hand and he still won't ejaculate. I can very easily make him hard but this is worrying me because quite simply I want to be good at it for him. I'm very careful not to involve my teeth and to use my tongue around the head. Another thing is that I try not to neglect any part of him while I'm down there. He's always silent for the whole time despite me subtly trying to reassure him that he doesn't have to be. The only way he reacts is if he's lying down he squeezes his legs together and if he's standing while I'm kneeling his legs begin to shake and his breathing increases. He rarely touches me while I do this and so I try maintain eye contact. He's only ever had me go down on him as in previous relationships she had never been ready. We've done this about 10 times now.
Ive read in articles that he could be quiet because he's grown up doing this to himself while his parents were in the next room. But I'm just worried why he never touches me, speaks and doesn't ejaculate. I love him and just want to make him feel good.

P.S. A very small amount of liquid does come out but so small you can't see it only taste it.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

unprinted

He's spent years masturbating, and receiving oral feels very different. It can take time to come in a new way.

It sounds to me that he's enjoying it though and what he's probably doing is a mix of things he does when he's alone (tensing his legs, fantasy etc). Yep, lots of people are quiet when they're aroused, thanks to thin walls between their room and their parent(s)' room...

Have you tried a combination of him playing with himself and you doing oral stuff?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

We've tried both doing each other, 69, but that got even less of a reaction. We've also tried him starting off then me taking over. What's really bothering me is that he stops me from doing it to him and says he doesn't want me to do it if I don't want to. I always say yes of course I want to but he still hesitates or pulls me up and stops me or sometimes won't let me do it. I have a feeling that he goes to the bathroom to finish it off himself though.
I don't know if doing it with him lying down is part of the problem :/ thanks for your advice! :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Anon please for his privacy!

My boyfriend is pretty quiet with BJs and I've never made him cum either, but I'm not sure if that's just because he always pulls out and then switches to intercourse - I presumed as he didn't want for things to end there! I do really wanna make him cum in mouth, but that'll be a fantasy to share one day :wink:

...perhaps your bf thinks you wont like him cumming in your mouth - have you reassured him you wouldnt mind this?

And in response to him not making much noise, I think that's fairly normal. Sometimes my guy is completely silent really and other times he gives really quiet moans, but he reassures me he's enjoying it.

Perhaps ask him if theres anything he particularly likes or wants from a BJ. Sounds like you're doing good things, but perhaps he has preferences to make it even better.

Try not to make you're reassuring him that he can make noise make him feel pressured to do so! Show him you're enjoying it - moan too, breathe heavily, look at him in 'that' way, and I'm sure he'll be enjoying it. Maybe like you say if his previous gf had not been up for BJs then he may be holding back and worrying that you aren't enjoying it!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thanks you, it's good to know were not the only couple like that and that it's normal! Ill try reassuring him that I don't mind if he does in my mouth and ill ask if there's anything have particularly likes. Only problem is I'm a bit to shy to ask.

Reply 5

wildbluesun

Some guys are just quiet. It's just the way they are. It can be disconcerting not getting any feedback, but then you've just got to ask for it - "like this or like this?", "are you enjoying this?", etc.

Also, a lot of fuss is made over female orgasm being "complicated", but male orgasm is often just as complicated. Some guys can only come from intercourse...some only from blowjobs...some can't come unless they finish themselves off. Don't worry about whether he's orgasming from just the BJ, because some guys just aren't built like that.

It might also be worth encouraging him to finish himself off in front of you if you want to see him orgasm. And you never know, he might want to see you orgasm. :wink:

I'm sure he loves you too, so to make the whole experience slightly more intimate, it may be worthwhile asking him to put his hand(s) on your head or shoulders mid-BJ. Just tell him you'll enjoy it more and it'll make you feel more connected to him.

FYI, shaking legs + increased breathing rate = good thing. :smile:

Try not to worry so much; just because he isn't responding in the stereotypical porn star way doesn't mean he isn't having a good time.

Reply 6

Prune.

Original post by wildbluesun

Try not to worry so much; just because he isn't responding in the stereotypical porn star way doesn't mean he isn't having a good time.

stereotypical porn star reaction is silence. which annoys the hell out of me. its teaching our guys its somehow manly not to look like you're enjoying it..

Reply 7

wildbluesun

I haven't watched porn for a long time, but I remember the blowjob bits being all urnf uh and "yeah like that" and so on and so forth, from both parties. Followed by MASSIVE EJACULATION all over her face.

TBH I find most porn fairly gross and haven't properly watched it in years, so I may just be behind the times.

Reply 8

McFlury

exactly, porn exaggerates the noise, surely it is more realistic/natural to be quieter than that? depends what you feel like I suppose and what you are comfortable with.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

My boyfriends just left and I tried going down again on him tonight after reading all your tips and posts. I spent 20 minutes giving head and during that time a very small amount of liquid came out about 9 times. Other than this he reacted no differently and didn't say it was better or worse despite following your advice :/

Reply 10

wildbluesun

Original post by Anonymous

He was probably having a great time beforehand! That is probably just his natural reaction to head; quiet, shaking legs, and not orgasming. Some guys don't come from blowjobs.

(The small liquid is probably pre-come.)

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by wildbluesun

Alright thank you!

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Prune.

stereotypical porn star reaction is silence. which annoys the hell out of me. its teaching our guys its somehow manly not to look like you're enjoying it..

Anyway I can let him know its ok to not be silent without being explicit as I know he'd feel embarrassed and as though I was critiscing him, the last thing I want is for him to feel self-conscious.

Reply 13

Justanothergirl1

When I give my boyfriend blowjobs he doesn't touch me either occasionally he will move my hair or touch my arm. He also doesn't make noise.

The first time I gave him one he said to me after it was a weird feeling and it took him a while to get used to it. He nearly always cums now, I've worked out what he likes best, mostly from his body language such as the tensing and also his facial expression. I know you may not want to do this but watch porn videos that show you different BJ techniques.

Talk to him though, ask him what techniques feel best for him.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 14

leeds85

Being quiet doesn't mean he isn't enjoying it. He might even be concentrating on NOT cuming, so he can last longer and enjoy it more. The other side of the coin is that some young men do have a problem ejaculating for the first few times with bj's. Something to do with that we're normally jacking off down a dirty toilet, and quietly as mention above, then all of a sudden there's a cute girl on the end of your thing looking up at you and saying hurry up and finsh. For most men who are like this they are fine after doing it once or twice.
I say if you want him to cum, then you need to put his penis under some serious pleasure. search for bj techniques should be plenty out there. Or pm me, I've basically taught every girl I've been with how to do it.

Reply 15

Slazenger

i don't want to cause offence or upset anyone, but i think being honest is helpful, ultimately. a lot of girls who are new to blowjobs simply aren't very good at them. it's something that takes practice and guys who are used to orgasming from masturbation or sex can find the adjustment to a 'rookie' blowjob difficult to climax with.

i've noticed that one of the key issues is swapping and changing with techniques. a girl will often start doing something thats working well but it becomes tiring or difficult to maintain so she has to switch to a different method, which essentially resets the 'threshold' somewhat.

Original post by Justanothergirl1

I know you may not want to do this but watch porn videos that show you different BJ techniques.

this is decent advice. certain pornstars just 'get it'.

i know 'sex tips' aren't really allowed, o.p., so i'll just outline what has worked for me in the past (as me and my girlfriend had similar issues). a combination of hand and mouth working in tandem and, once she has the 'rhythm' going and it's starting to build, it's best for her to really try and maintain that (i.e., avoid stopping and slowing down to a less climactic pace/rhythm which sets back the orgasm).

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by Slazenger

i know 'sex tips' aren't really allowed, o.p., so i'll just outline what has worked for me in the past (as me and my girlfriend had similar issues). a combination of hand and mouth working in tandem and, once she has the 'rhythm' going and it's starting to build, it's best for her to really try and maintain that (i.e., avoid stopping and slowing down to a less climactic pace/rhythm which sets back the orgasm).

For how long would you recommend doing the same thing for as everything I've read suggests variation :/ thank you for your advice though!

Reply 17

Slazenger

Original post by Anonymous

For how long would you recommend doing the same thing for as everything I've read suggests variation :/ thank you for your advice though!

well, i guess what i'm trying to say is once intensity has started to build up, it's not brilliant if the girl then switches to a less intense method. that's essentially the equivalent of a guy slowing down during sex because it's starting to build up for him.

variation is fine when you're teasing/playing, but when you actually want to get to the finish line, it needs to be a fairly consistent pace and sensation.

again, as 'sex tips' aren't allowed, i'll just say what i'd do if i was a girl in this position. i'd do the variation etc to tease or excite, but then i'd try with a fairly consistent and intense* method in the same/similar way for a few minutes. my prediction is that the guy would be much more likely to climax.

*as i said in my previous post, hand and mouth in tandem works well for me (and speaking to male friends about this sort of thing, it's been a source of agreement).

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 18

Slazenger

been more successful or are you in need of someone else's advice? :p:

Reply 19

Anonymous #3

My boyfriend is always silent during sex and blowjobs - that's just normal for a lot of guys. I wouldn't read into it.

It took a long time to figure out how to get my bf come from oral sex, and it's always been quite difficult/slow - he needs manual stimulation as well. I don't think it's that unusual - especially (perhaps) for guys who, like my boyfriend, are circumcised. I think guys also get a bit nervous (much like girls) - oral is quite an exposed act for all of us. They also worry that it is unpleasant for their gf.

I wouldn't fret to much or put the blame on anyone. Just persevere. You probably just need to practice more and slowly get to learn little ways to make it better for him, that probably even he doesn't know.

Things to help:
- It may be unrealistic to expect him to come from oral alone, at least at first. Combine it with your hand.
- He may have some particular fantasy/preference about it which he isn't telling you. If there's something you can do to turn him on even more than would help. For example my boyfriend likes attention on the balls! :colondollar:

- Don't put loads of pressure on it. If he says he enjoys it even if he doesn't come, just believe him. And could you maybe have sex after (you didn't make it clear if you are or aren't having vaginal sex?) so that him not coming from oral isn't a "failure" or the end
- Really encourage him to be as honest as possible about what he likes and to actually instruct you when you are doing it so that you can improve