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Why are girls so picky and why do so many dislike black men?

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You do know there are specialist dating websites, geared towards, women liking black men.......have you considered joining on?
Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
I'm 19 in South East


Where you from?
Original post by SloaneRanger
Have you considered going outside the confines of your own friendship circles..... just like your friend did with the married women???


What you mean like going all the way to Hastings for university?

Original post by SleepySheep
Where you from?


Woolwich :smile:

I want to point out that of course I'm not going to seem mature when I'm venting my frustrations. It's a rant for crying out loud! That's the point.

But my frustration aside, if you're not being helpful then it's probably best if you just go away. It's like you reading a post from someone crying over a break up and you say "aw well, it's your fault, you seem like this and that" and so on when you know nothing about that person. That seems likes a stupid assumption to make. When I've gone through years and years of negative experiences do you think I'm going to particularly happy? If I've taken to speaking to my age group in an angry manner don't you think that perhaps something just happened to make me bitter as you found me?

Simply put, I don't understand girl's thinking when it comes to selecting the men they date. They say they want this and that and don't care about looks etc but then many of their actions seem to contradict this. At least boys are more or less honest with what they want even if it makes them seem like jerks.

Some may not realise this but by me saying I want a meaningful relationship "NOW" it means I want a relationship sooner rather than later that's not me throwing a tantrum, that's me putting greater emphasis on the word "now".

I don't any one night stands or any casual relationships, I would like to eventually settle down with a woman who knows what she wants, knows how to treat people and for once isn't superficial but I can't seem to meet these people. I knew a girl for 3 years and helped her along her rocky relationship and despite us getting along very well ultimately she didn't think we were a good match for each other. Instead she ends up dating a stranger she bumps into one day which completely threw. I just don't understand how the world works.

Surely it's better to build a friendship with a person right? You want to know you can trust them and confide in them. If this is what people say that they want then why is it that people seem to get together with people they don't know and when it comes to people they do know they say they're "too good friends"? Two of my greatest friends are female but I haven't been with any of them even though we get on really well.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou


I want to point out that of course I'm not going to seem mature when I'm venting my frustrations. It's a rant for crying out loud! That's the point.

But my frustration aside, if you're not being helpful then it's probably best if you just go away. It's like you reading a post from someone crying over a break up and you say "aw well, it's your fault, you seem like this and that" and so on when you know nothing about that person. That seems likes a stupid assumption to make. When I've gone through years and years of negative experiences do you think I'm going to particularly happy? If I've taken to speaking to my age group in an angry manner don't you think that perhaps something just happened to make me bitter as you found me?

Simply put, I don't understand girl's thinking when it comes to selecting the men they date. They say they want this and that and don't care about looks etc but then many of their actions seem to contradict this. At least boys are more or less honest with what they want even if it makes them seem like jerks.

Some may not realise this but by me saying I want a meaningful relationship "NOW" it means I want a relationship sooner rather than later that's not me throwing a tantrum, that's me putting greater emphasis on the word "now".

I don't any one night stands or any casual relationships, I would like to eventually settle down with a woman who knows what she wants, knows how to treat people and for once isn't superficial but I can't seem to meet these people. I knew a girl for 3 years and helped her along her rocky relationship and despite us getting along very well ultimately she didn't think we were a good match for each other. Instead she ends up dating a stranger she bumps into one day which completely threw. I just don't understand how the world works.

Surely it's better to build a friendship with a person right? You want to know you can trust them and confide in them. If this is what people say that they want then why is it that people seem to get together with people they don't know and when it comes to people they do know they say they're "too good friends"? Two of my greatest friends are female but I haven't been with any of them even though we get on really well.


By this point, she was also convinced that you were 'just friends' and will always be 'just friends'. This is a mistake many guys seem to make. Helping a girl along her rocky relationship isn't going to make her like you more - in fact she'll be more inclined to see you as a friend because well, you're doing exactly what friends do. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. :smile:

I do agree that it is better to build a friendship with someone first, I'm exactly the same. However the moment I start to feel something 'more' for someone, I tell them immediately. Making your intentions clear will almost always put you in the front of the pack when it comes to women. A mistake many men make, is that they hide behind the veil of their feelings, and this in turn will only lead them to getting hurt.

Another thing, as you are well aware - what a woman says she wants is very different to what she actually wants. Most of them don't even know what they want so it's pointless trying to figure them out. Some may have a list of interpersonal characteristics and physical attributes that they abide by, but I guarantee you that there will always be a man who meets none of the things on her proverbial list, i.e. dark, tall, handsome etc (insert rubbish here) but will still make her froth down below. Can't help who you're attracted to, and all that jazz.

In addition to the above, I think you need to discard the opinion that women hate black men - they sir, do not! Many love us very much. Placing your race as the main or secondary reason for why you're not successful with women is not a good look - your race has literally zero effect on your ability to attract women as a whole. To be perfectly frank, I'd find it an insult if one of the reasons a girl was attracted to me was because of my race - well not an insult, but I just don't understand the fetish people have towards particular races.

I can understand your frustration but I would suggest that you try and meet more women. Eventually you will find someone decent who's right for you - but I won't dress this in mayonnaise with Unicorns and rainbows, it's up to you to change the situation. It seems like you're going for the wrong women. However, try not to seek a relationship purely for the sake of getting into one - and rejection you do receive is more likely going to be taken personally and you'll probably think that there is something wrong with you when there isn't.

Just focus on yourself, meet more people, flirt a lot, get to know them as friends but still make your intentions clear as day when you do feel something for them - and just enjoy the ride lol. Don't let it beat you up too much. :smile:
I realised about the "friend zone" a while ago haha. It's all about actually meeting the girl who I could be with now :smile:

My friend told me that his girlfriend doesn't like black men and then he even told me that the woman he's cheating with doesn't like black men.

I know that there are girls who like black men but it seems that these girls prefer the "hip-hop" black man. What probably annoys me the most is that most if not all black girls I know prefer (by their words) "tall white men".

This makes me feel a little inferior because then I think about the aesthetic differences such as hair, for starters. And like I said, I'm an outgoing guy but it's hard to befriend people when they look at you and aren't interested from the start. In fact, the girl my friend is dating is a girl I met first.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 25
Avatar for Millie228
Millie228
9
I have to be honest, when I read the first paragraphs I thought you were a girl. "I have a really good personality; I'm kind, generous, considerate, thoughtful, a good listener, caring, affectionate".
Not that these characteristics aren't good for both sexes - they are. But they are more prominent in women.
It's great that you have them, but I consider it a warning sign that those are the ones you think matter the most. A man who would want to emphasize him being a great potential partner would say "I have a good personality - I am confident, self-assured, ambitious, outgoing and funny". Maybe you didn't list traits like that because you don't have them, or maybe you just don't realize the importance of them. Either way, these are things women look for.

Regarding the 'normal' social stuff you're mentioning. You don't have to have facebook, or if you did, you don't need to use it actively. But you have to accept that most people do. Not necessarily to show off but to communicate, post events and send invites and tell old friends what they're up to. I talk to friends more over facebook inbox than I do over text (also it's free).
Not everybody drinks to get "smashed". But over a certain age, alcohol is pretty normal. Most of the time I will meet friends for a drink or a glass of wine. Because I like it and because it helps most people loosen up - you too, if you did.
I think you need to lose this attitude that everyone who consumes alcohol or are on facebook/twitter/instagram or do anything else of the normal things young people do today, are hopeless and working against you. Sometimes you have to adjust, if only a little.

If you really cannot relate to anyone in your area because it's a very specific group of people, then consider living somewhere else. Everybody else isn't going to adjust to you.

Regarding friendzone, it's pretty simple. If you don't want to be "just friends" with a girl, don't be. Men who find themselves in the friendzone have most of the time done one of two mistakes. Either they have not actually asked the girl out on a date, or they HAVE, got a negative/ambiguous answer and starting hanging around her feet hoping that she'll change her mind. Set the tone. Be flirtatious, confident, don't try to identify with women or be their emotional outlet. Ask a girl out, if she says no, stop hanging out with her, move on to the next. Simple as that.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
I realised about the "friend zone" a while ago haha. It's all about actually meeting the girl who I could be with now :smile:

My friend told me that his girlfriend doesn't like black men and then he even told me that the woman he's cheating with doesn't like black men.

I know that there are girls who like black men but it seems that these girls prefer the "hip-hop" black man. What probably annoys me the most is that most if not all black girls I know prefer (by their words) "tall white men".

This makes me feel a little inferior because then I think about the aesthetic differences such as hair, for starters. And like I said, I'm an outgoing guy but it's hard to befriend people when they look at you and aren't interested from the start. In fact, the girl my friend is dating is a girl I met first.


You are right there, but this only applies to many of those who pick black men as their 'racial preference'. And they're usually from ghetto neighbourhoods anyways where hip-hop is the preferred genre of music.

Shouldn't feel inferior at all. I think it would do you a bundle of good if you improved your confidence and self-esteem in general first. Even if people say they don't like black men, there will always be many who will like you for you and not your race :s-smilie:

Just meet more girls, honestly. And don't think of the relationship as the 'goal', just get to know them as people and consistently express interest as soon as you can. As for your friend dating a girl you met first. There is a strong chance that he has just naturally come across as more attractive to the female than you have, displaying confidence and positive levels of self-belief. Women and men (unsurprisingly) can pick up on these things. Self-depreciation is unattractive, you have no reason to feel inferior to anyone.
Original post by Millie228
I have to be honest, when I read the first paragraphs I thought you were a girl. "I have a really good personality; I'm kind, generous, considerate, thoughtful, a good listener, caring, affectionate".
Not that these characteristics aren't good for both sexes - they are. But they are more prominent in women.
It's great that you have them, but I consider it a warning sign that those are the ones you think matter the most. A man who would want to emphasize him being a great potential partner would say "I have a good personality - I am confident, self-assured, ambitious, outgoing and funny". Maybe you didn't list traits like that because you don't have them, or maybe you just don't realize the importance of them. Either way, these are things women look for.

Regarding the 'normal' social stuff you're mentioning. You don't have to have facebook, or if you did, you don't need to use it actively. But you have to accept that most people do. Not necessarily to show off but to communicate, post events and send invites and tell old friends what they're up to. I talk to friends more over facebook inbox than I do over text (also it's free).
Not everybody drinks to get "smashed". But over a certain age, alcohol is pretty normal. Most of the time I will meet friends for a drink or a glass of wine. Because I like it and because it helps most people loosen up - you too, if you did.
I think you need to lose this attitude that everyone who consumes alcohol or are on facebook/twitter/instagram or do anything else of the normal things young people do today, are hopeless and working against you. Sometimes you have to adjust, if only a little.

If you really cannot relate to anyone in your area because it's a very specific group of people, then consider living somewhere else. Everybody else isn't going to adjust to you.

Regarding friendzone, it's pretty simple. If you don't want to be "just friends" with a girl, don't be. Men who find themselves in the friendzone have most of the time done one of two mistakes. Either they have not actually asked the girl out on a date, or they HAVE, got a negative/ambiguous answer and starting hanging around her feet hoping that she'll change her mind. Set the tone. Be flirtatious, confident, don't try to identify with women or be their emotional outlet. Ask a girl out, if she says no, stop hanging out with her, move on to the next. Simple as that.


So much this!
Reply 28
Avatar for Knighted
Knighted
10
Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou

When I've gone through years and years of negative experiences do you think I'm going to particularly happy?


There are always people going through worst experiences then you have been/are going through. The majority of these people do not have the everyday privileges that you do but yet still smile everyday. Yes you've had loads of negative experiences but don't let that affect your life...then the negative wins over the positive.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
If I've taken to speaking to my age group in an angry manner don't you think that perhaps something just happened to make me bitter as you found me?


Nope, I'd just think you were a dickhead. People are far too busy to think "oh he seems angry perhaps he's had a bad life" and even if I did, you would come across as a weak individual instead of a strong one.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
Simply put, I don't understand girl's thinking when it comes to selecting the men they date. They say they want this and that and don't care about looks etc but then many of their actions seem to contradict this.


Agree with this, it goes like
What women tell men they want.
What women think they want want.
What women actually want <This is the true one.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
Some may not realise this but by me saying I want a meaningful relationship "NOW" it means I want a relationship sooner rather than later that's not me throwing a tantrum, that's me putting greater emphasis on the word "now".


Then you need to sit yourself down and realize what are YOU doing wrong. You can't constantly blame other individuals for this kind of thing because you won't progress any further. Sit yourself down and think what is wrong about you that is stopping you from getting a girlfriend:

Is it your looks? if so, get a haircut, get exercising.
Is it your personality? if so, go outside, chat to people, improve your communication skills.
Are you awkward/shy around girls? Go for a walk every other day. On the first day, nod your head, smile and simply say hello to every girl that passes. as the days pass increase the amount of conversation. Say hello, ask how their day is. You'd be surprised at how many girls are actually up for a chat. It's also different, which I find girls lov

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
I don't any one night stands or any casual relationships, I would like to eventually settle down with a woman who knows what she wants, knows how to treat people and for once isn't superficial but I can't seem to meet these people.


You won't till you're in your 30s mate. Girls these days have no idea what they want and most can't even make a simple decision. This goes for guys too, nobody knows what they really want till they hit 30. Its why most individuals who already have a baby by the time of 20 will be depressed by the time they're 30 because they know they made the wrong decision.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
I knew a girl for 3 years and helped her along her rocky relationship and despite us getting along very well ultimately she didn't think we were a good match for each other.


Standard to be honest. You should have seen that coming. Why would a girl date you/let you **** her when you're helping her with her problems no matter what anyway. Girls have so many different views on what they want and they will tell you what they think they want but then go after something completely different because it threw them for a loop.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
Instead she ends up dating a stranger she bumps into one day which completely threw. I just don't understand how the world works.


"Some stranger" obviously has the confidence, balls and charm to chat her up in public on a random day...what girl wouldn't love this? Its also completely different to how guys behave these days which means its not only different its exciting which makes it romantic.

Also NO GIRL LEAVES HER HOUSE THINKING "I DONT WANT TO BE WHISKED OFF MY FEET TODAY"

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
Surely it's better to build a friendship with a person right? You want to know you can trust them and confide in them.


Nope because she already has tons and tons and tons of friends, friend-zoned and gay friends she can share that sort of stuff with already. In a relationship a girl is looking for someone she can do stuff with that she can't do with anyone else. You need to make her life exciting/different because you start getting into the heavy stuff.

Trust me, she'll be the one to bring out the heavy stuff first anyway.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
If this is what people say that they want then why is it that people seem to get together with people they don't know and when it comes to people they do know they say they're "too good friends"? Two of my greatest friends are female but I haven't been with any of them even though we get on really well.


Because ultimately at the end of the day going from friends to a couple is very boring. Personally if I wanted to start dating a friend that I was into I would get her to sleep with me first, I would make things exciting and show her a side of me that she doesn't see as a friend and that no other friends see.

Then after a couple months hiding behind peoples back, getting cheeky kisses and shags then I'd force a decision.

From your posts you sound like a whiny little kid who can't get his rattle.

Stop blaming others and blame yourself. In the world of relationships, dating, ****ing and sucking you only have yourself to blame if you're doing poorly.

TAKE THE NEGATIVE AND TURN IT POSITIVE.

Make yourself stand out from the crowd. Stop thinking your entitled to a relationship and show women that they should be damned lucky to be a relationship with you.
Ah, one of those "I'm a nice guy, but hate all those around me, particularly the girls who turn me down" thread - contradictory much?
Original post by Knighted


I'm not entirely dating people but the truth is I'm a good guy and if people don't think I'm their type then I'm simply not their type and I can't change that if I tried. Just because I'm the one saying that their is a problem that doesn't automatically make it so that everything is because of me.

I get what you're saying though.

In the end however, I am simply a good guy with bad luck. I have more confidence than my friend who gets the girls, I smile at people, I make brief eye-contact, I go out of my way to befriend and talk to people - and I did this especially when I went to uni. I even bought a girl I met and liked a drink when I went to a club, we spoke for a while but then she just didn't want to be my friend in the end. I dress well and I'm physically fit. The only problem is I can't do much with my hair.

That's just how things are and I wish I could do more but I can't. All I can do is try as hard as I am now and hope that one day my efforts pay off.
Reply 31
Avatar for Converse
Converse
11
Original post by Millie228
I have to be honest, when I read the first paragraphs I thought you were a girl. "I have a really good personality; I'm kind, generous, considerate, thoughtful, a good listener, caring, affectionate".
Not that these characteristics aren't good for both sexes - they are. But they are more prominent in women.


Literally what I thought when I read that. Was debating whether to quote him and tell him these are the real reasons girls don't like him.

Also agree with the part of your post that the guy above bolded.
Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
I'm not entirely dating people but the truth is I'm a good guy and if people don't think I'm their type then I'm simply not their type and I can't change that if I tried. Just because I'm the one saying that their is a problem that doesn't automatically make it so that everything is because of me.

I get what you're saying though.

In the end however, I am simply a good guy with bad luck. I have more confidence than my friend who gets the girls, I smile at people, I make brief eye-contact, I go out of my way to befriend and talk to people - and I did this especially when I went to uni. I even bought a girl I met and liked a drink when I went to a club, we spoke for a while but then she just didn't want to be my friend in the end. I dress well and I'm physically fit. The only problem is I can't do much with my hair.

That's just how things are and I wish I could do more but I can't. All I can do is try as hard as I am now and hope that one day my efforts pay off.


Please quote us when you make a response - it'd make it much easier for us to reply as soon as possible.

Even if you had more confidence, you are self-depreciative which can be smelt miles away. It isn't all about looks with women, well of course a girl wouldn't date someone she wasn't attracted to but personality counts to a great degree too. You constantly say that you're a good guy etc, but can you give me some more examples, specifically things that make you interesting? What are your hobbies and/or interests? Simply being nice/good isn't enough to get into a relationship though. I just think you need some extra vigour and a dose of stringent stubbornness to get what you want. Crete more opportunities to meet people. Why don't you try going on meetup.com - and meet up with people in your area who have similar interests to what you have. The more people you meet, the more 'friends' you'll have. Things will also be more likely to progress from there.

It's all a numbers game, but it starts from your attitude and your beliefs about yourself. It's like having a website. If you have 1,500 visitors a month - only about 30-50 will subscribe to your e-mail newsletter because they really like your stuff. The more eyes you get in front of your site, or in your case - yourself, the more likely you are to have relations with girls.

I'm still unaware why you desperately seek a relationship by the way. They're really not all that, however the best ones are those that compliment and not complete, the lives of the parties involved.

Also, I never buy girls drinks :lol: - doing so doesn't entitle you to friends or a relationship. A club isn't the best place to make friends let alone a relationship anyways.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 33
Avatar for Ezekiella
Ezekiella
3
No offence OP, but you really need to grow up..
Reply 34
Avatar for Knighted
Knighted
10
Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
I'm not entirely dating people but the truth is I'm a good guy and if people don't think I'm their type then I'm simply not their type and I can't change that if I tried. Just because I'm the one saying that their is a problem that doesn't automatically make it so that everything is because of me.


Your attitude towards this sort of thing is definitely why you aren't finding girls attracted to you. A "Its the girls fault, they're so shallow" is a "Im never gonna get laid or find a girl" attitude. Do you really think a girl wants to even remotely hang around a guy that is so negative about everyone else all the time.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
In the end however, I am simply a good guy with bad luck.


You call yourself mature yet blame it on luck...this is wrong yet again mate. Stop blaming other things, a mature individual is able to blame themselves and build upon that.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
I have more confidence than my friend who gets the girls, I smile at people, I make brief eye-contact, I go out of my way to befriend and talk to people - and I did this especially when I went to uni.


Then obviously he has other things going for him as well. He must be funny or interesting. Its never all about looks, a girl will look at a guy with good looks and go "Oh he's hot as ****" then talk to him to find out what his personality is like and if its **** she will instantly find him unattractive and go seek a better male.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
I even bought a girl I met and liked a drink when I went to a club, we spoke for a while but then she just didn't want to be my friend in the end. I dress well and I'm physically fit. The only problem is I can't do much with my hair.


Don't buy girls drinks and yet again its not all about looks.

Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
That's just how things are and I wish I could do more but I can't. All I can do is try as hard as I am now and hope that one day my efforts pay off.


You can always try harder.

Are you getting a number every time you go out? no? you should be if you are then why aren't you getting 2 numbers?

You can always progress and from what other members have also said you have a fair bit of growing up to do.

Stop looking at your mates and going "OHHHH WAHHH WHY DO DEY GET ALL DA GIRLS" as its probably one of the reasons you aren't getting any.
hmmm, i think u have anger problems, consider counselling buddy
Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou
Woolwich :smile:


Oh, Woolwich is ****. I would suggest moving.
You do realise that loads of girls love black guys you often see them with really hot girlfriends you are just blaming being black for women not liking you.
Don't get menstrual about it.
Reply 39
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myah_94
12
Why are some people being such dicks on here..chill out

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