The Student Room Group
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>

This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

I don't love my girlfriend anymore, what's wrong with me?

I've been with my gf for quite a few months now and she's amazing, she's attractive and really nice.

However, as of recently I just feel no emotion towards her, I don't get 'butterflies' when I see her, I don't even feel like I fancy her. When she says cute things I don't smile like I used to.

We're really similar and it feels like we're a perfect match, she hasn't detected any difference in me and she still says she loves me most days.

I think there must be something wrong with me because she's amazing and I really really want to love her but I can't force my self to. Am I depressed or something? Am I just not meant for relationships? I don't know. I seriously have no idea what's going on. Any advice would be appreciated.

P.S: I don't want to break up with her. She still makes me happy, it's just she feels like more of a 'friend' than a 'girlfriend'. I'm guessing someone might ask this so no we haven't done anything sexually, we still kiss and stuff though.
Reply 1
Avatar for charlie26
charlie26
You haven't done anything sexually?? It sounds like your just bored/stuck in a rut/whatever you want to call it. All relationships need to progress to stop both people becoming bored! You should try some new things and talk to her about making your relationship more interesting (doesn't have to be weirdo sex things, it can just be like visiting somewhere new, staying overnight somewhere, going on holiday...)
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my gf for quite a few months now and she's amazing, she's attractive and really nice.

However, as of recently I just feel no emotion towards her, I don't get 'butterflies' when I see her, I don't even feel like I fancy her. When she says cute things I don't smile like I used to.

We're really similar and it feels like we're a perfect match, she hasn't detected any difference in me and she still says she loves me most days.

I think there must be something wrong with me because she's amazing and I really really want to love her but I can't force my self to. Am I depressed or something? Am I just not meant for relationships? I don't know. I seriously have no idea what's going on. Any advice would be appreciated.

P.S: I don't want to break up with her. She still makes me happy, it's just she feels like more of a 'friend' than a 'girlfriend'. I'm guessing someone might ask this so no we haven't done anything sexually, we still kiss and stuff though.





I suggest if you feel this way, be a man and end the relationship, you can still be friends, if you be honest and just, HOWEVER you must not lead her or you will ruin that friendship you hold so dear.
OR as charlie 26 stated try making it more interesting if you are bored.
Don't give up if you still have feelings toward her. Take her somewhere, go somewhere new! Sometimes being in the same place for too long, doing the same things become boring and you feel like its hopeless and there's no connection, because there's nothing new to spur you on. Go on holiday, try new things together! Maybe write down everything that attracts you to her. The hard truth is that the butterflies do fade after a while, because that initial attraction is fading and its where the true connection begins, and its hard to get over if you don't understand what's happening. Love is what happens after the 'butterflies' stage, you can have butterflies with a perfect stranger, but you could never be in love or deeply connected. It sounds like you need a revamp, tell her you want to take her on holiday, or take her to a new restaurant, or just do new things! and if that doesn't work out, then maybe it is time to part ways as a couple, but don't just give up. :smile: On the other hand, maybe its because you don't do anything sexual. Sexual doesn't have to mean sex.. just explore her body, find new things about her, it makes the relationship fun! Ask her If wants to try things, maybe ask her if you can kiss a different part of her body, maybe her neck or her collar bone and see how she reacts. It sounds like your bored of the 'same old' day to day relationship. And to be honest, being close and 'sexual' makes you closer, and connects you more. Just talk to her about it :smile:
Reply 4
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by CharlieEmma
Don't give up if you still have feelings toward her. Take her somewhere, go somewhere new! Sometimes being in the same place for too long, doing the same things become boring and you feel like its hopeless and there's no connection, because there's nothing new to spur you on. Go on holiday, try new things together! Maybe write down everything that attracts you to her. The hard truth is that the butterflies do fade after a while, because that initial attraction is fading and its where the true connection begins, and its hard to get over if you don't understand what's happening. Love is what happens after the 'butterflies' stage, you can have butterflies with a perfect stranger, but you could never be in love or deeply connected. It sounds like you need a revamp, tell her you want to take her on holiday, or take her to a new restaurant, or just do new things! and if that doesn't work out, then maybe it is time to part ways as a couple, but don't just give up. :smile: On the other hand, maybe its because you don't do anything sexual. Sexual doesn't have to mean sex.. just explore her body, find new things about her, it makes the relationship fun! Ask her If wants to try things, maybe ask her if you can kiss a different part of her body, maybe her neck or her collar bone and see how she reacts. It sounds like your bored of the 'same old' day to day relationship. And to be honest, being close and 'sexual' makes you closer, and connects you more. Just talk to her about it :smile:


Thank you! You're right, we do need to do more different things. We'll do new stuff from now on.

She's completely against anything sexual and I don't know why, it's not like it's necessary for this relationship but it would make things more exciting and bring us closer. Do you think I should ask her why she doesn't want to do anything (in as non-awkward a way as possible) or would that ruin things somehow (i.e. make her think I just want sex or something silly)?
Reply 5
Avatar for nacho1996
nacho1996
2
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my gf for quite a few months now and she's amazing, she's attractive and really nice.

However, as of recently I just feel no emotion towards her, I don't get 'butterflies' when I see her, I don't even feel like I fancy her. When she says cute things I don't smile like I used to.

We're really similar and it feels like we're a perfect match, she hasn't detected any difference in me and she still says she loves me most days.

I think there must be something wrong with me because she's amazing and I really really want to love her but I can't force my self to. Am I depressed or something? Am I just not meant for relationships? I don't know. I seriously have no idea what's going on. Any advice would be appreciated.

P.S: I don't want to break up with her. She still makes me happy, it's just she feels like more of a 'friend' than a 'girlfriend'. I'm guessing someone might ask this so no we haven't done anything sexually, we still kiss and stuff though.


It's tough because you cannot control the people you feel really attracted to (the butterflies and the totally loved up feeling). You may think your girlfriend is the perfect person for you but if your not attracted to her in that way anymore that's not you fault. You can sometimes get to the point where you start to see her as a best mate and love her in a friends kind of way. You can still kiss her and hug her but its like kissing and hugging a family member, there's no spark.
If you really don't want to break up with her maybe you could take her out for a romantic dinner, just the two of you or do activities where it's just you and her and its romantic. Maybe watch a rom com together. Things like that. So I'd advise you to really try if your going to use this method and maybe give it a month say and if there's no spark by then move on and maybe stay mates. You cannot force something that's not there.

Did you ever feel a spark with her? If so how long ago?
Reply 6
Avatar for nacho1996
nacho1996
2
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you! You're right, we do need to do more different things. We'll do new stuff from now on.

She's completely against anything sexual and I don't know why, it's not like it's necessary for this relationship but it would make things more exciting and bring us closer. Do you think I should ask her why she doesn't want to do anything (in as non-awkward a way as possible) or would that ruin things somehow (i.e. make her think I just want sex or something silly)?


Don't pressure her into it but you could ask. She may be scared or something. Her confiding in you may bring you closer.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my gf for quite a few months now and she's amazing, she's attractive and really nice.

However, as of recently I just feel no emotion towards her, I don't get 'butterflies' when I see her, I don't even feel like I fancy her. When she says cute things I don't smile like I used to.

We're really similar and it feels like we're a perfect match, she hasn't detected any difference in me and she still says she loves me most days.

I think there must be something wrong with me because she's amazing and I really really want to love her but I can't force my self to. Am I depressed or something? Am I just not meant for relationships? I don't know. I seriously have no idea what's going on. Any advice would be appreciated.

P.S: I don't want to break up with her. She still makes me happy, it's just she feels like more of a 'friend' than a 'girlfriend'. I'm guessing someone might ask this so no we haven't done anything sexually, we still kiss and stuff though.


tbh I know you dont want to break up with her but you also need to think about her feelings. Wont she feel like s*** if she finds out that you are not attracted to her anymore yet you have kept stringing her along. For her own dignity and self-worth, you have to let her go (but do it as nice as possible so that you can perhaps remain good friends)
Reply 8
Avatar for jamboogy
jamboogy
16
You said it yourself... you don't love her anymore.

Don't string her along like a little bitch. She deserves the truth.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you! You're right, we do need to do more different things. We'll do new stuff from now on.

She's completely against anything sexual and I don't know why, it's not like it's necessary for this relationship but it would make things more exciting and bring us closer. Do you think I should ask her why she doesn't want to do anything (in as non-awkward a way as possible) or would that ruin things somehow (i.e. make her think I just want sex or something silly)?



Maybe asking her in a relaxed setting would be a good plan! Maybe not outwardly just ask, maybe ask if you could kiss her neck or her shoulder? And if she doesn't want you too, ask why? And if she thinks that you just 'want her for sex' then tell her the truth, that your not and that you believe its the right time to start introducing other more intimate things into the relationship, maybe not even sex, but only if she's ready :smile: That will then hopefully allow her to open up to you and maybe tell you why she isn't ready? just be there for her, sometimes the best relationships are between best friends too :smile: If she is conscious about her body, then reassure her etc.. You should know about her as her boyfriend, so you can tell what's she's feeling even if she doesn't tell you :smile: But number one thing, be relaxed about it all! If you seem to determined for an answer or too nervous she might get the wrong impression, just do what you think she will take :smile: You know her best! Girls are funny creatures haha!
Good luck!
Reply 10
Avatar for 41b
41b
5
Sex is, to put it mechanistically, the final stage of developing an intimate relationship. If you're only occasionally kissing her, then you haven't treated her much differently to a friend.

And the window's probably gone. If you haven't had sex yet, I suspect it will be far too awkward to try it now. Do you have some religious constraints? Or are you just very young?

If not, then rip her clothes off and see if that gets you excited again.
Reply 11
Avatar for thef1girl
thef1girl
People do change frequently, this is not something to worry about.
Perhaps try to take things one step further with her, and see if this changes your mind.
In all essences, be honest!

-Lanixo
Reply 12
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by 41b
Sex is, to put it mechanistically, the final stage of developing an intimate relationship. If you're only occasionally kissing her, then you haven't treated her much differently to a friend.

And the window's probably gone. If you haven't had sex yet, I suspect it will be far too awkward to try it now. Do you have some religious constraints? Or are you just very young?

If not, then rip her clothes off and see if that gets you excited again.


It's a youth thing, which is frustrating because I feel ready for it and that it would benefit our relationship (not necessarily sex, but you know). At least she will feel ready one day... right?
Yea dude I’m in a similar situation, haven’t had sex and my feeling towards her have disappeared, strange thing is , she wants to have sex with me, or so she says, she just freaks out when I start to make a move, it’s sad, We’ve had fun, but I think we would be better friend, I believe in things happen or don’t for a reason obviously we weren’t meant to have sex and maybe because of this will open a door to something else. She may hurt but time will heal her and you can remain in each other’s lives
What you're saying sounds identical to my ex boyfriend. You might have anedonia or depression. Do some research. You really sound identical. You might also just have unreasonable expectations. I'm not a huge believer in chemistry. Ask yourself these things - does she love you well, is she competent, is she humble, do you share some similar interests? You already said she's pretty. Additionally, I admire that you haven't had sex. You don't need that to figure out if someone is right. You only get the souls attached which is unnecessary before marriage. Kudos to you for protecting your girl. If you don't marry her and spot her someday... You can know you took nothing from her... And gave nothing away that is for your wife. I will say that faking your feelings isn't fair, who wants that. I would pray and ask God to help those feelings catch up if it's meant to be. I would also ask yourself if this has happened before. My ex had 3 great girls, all pretty. He left them all not because of them, because of him. If this is a pattern, best to remain single until you can give your heart.
Hey man, I’m going through the same kinda thing and totally get where you’re coming from but there’s nothing wrong with you personally. I think men have been brought up to believe they need a woman in their lives to be truly happy but in reality you need to learn how to be alone and independent to truly grow into the true man you will become.There is a sense of guilt because she is an amazing woman and great at looking after you but she is more of a carer over girlfriend and more of a safety blanket you don’t want to say good bye to. If this isn’t the case then I’m sorry for assuming but this is rather a common thing for guys where they stay in relationships where they’re not truly happy for the sake of comfort and safety over true happiness. Then when we break up we become **** boys for regular comfort instead of learning how to become independent and it’s this behaviour we’ve never been taught that we get blamed for being toxic but we just don’t know how to express our feelings and scared to express them in case we get attacked for showing emotion all together. I hope you’re okay and work through this.J

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you