Is it wrong to break up with someone because of their lack of job prospects/ ambition
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Hi,
i would honestly say that if you love him and he loves you (which with a three and a half long relationship under your belt you do) you should stick with it talk to him about it and let him know how you feel if he loves you he will change it as a wise man said time heals all wounds just wait it out and help him as he would do the same for you
i would honestly say that if you love him and he loves you (which with a three and a half long relationship under your belt you do) you should stick with it talk to him about it and let him know how you feel if he loves you he will change it as a wise man said time heals all wounds just wait it out and help him as he would do the same for you
It sounds like a pretty bad predicament.
Ultimately even if many women don't want to be kept per say many women are still attracted to the confident, ambitious powerful man and money is associated with these things (there have been psychological tests proving that women are more attracted to a wealthy man than if they don't know he's wealthy).
I'd say that it depends whether this is just an annoyance or whether within yourself you do desire that confident, ambitious powerful man in which case the issue is only going to get worse. If a girl like an alpha (hate using these primitative terms) then she can only stay with a beta for so long.
Ultimately even if many women don't want to be kept per say many women are still attracted to the confident, ambitious powerful man and money is associated with these things (there have been psychological tests proving that women are more attracted to a wealthy man than if they don't know he's wealthy).
I'd say that it depends whether this is just an annoyance or whether within yourself you do desire that confident, ambitious powerful man in which case the issue is only going to get worse. If a girl like an alpha (hate using these primitative terms) then she can only stay with a beta for so long.
Original post by Anonymous
His job will only offer him part time offers, the case with many of them today!
He does look for other jobs but he is sort of stuck, his mum is a single parent and struggles so they don't have wifi. He goes to the library/ applies for jobs when he comes over to mine.
He has said he wouldn't mind being a bus driver, his grandad was one. But he needs more experience as a driver, which he can't without a car, which he can't get without money! Dilemmas!
He does look for other jobs but he is sort of stuck, his mum is a single parent and struggles so they don't have wifi. He goes to the library/ applies for jobs when he comes over to mine.
He has said he wouldn't mind being a bus driver, his grandad was one. But he needs more experience as a driver, which he can't without a car, which he can't get without money! Dilemmas!
If he is making a reasonable effort to find jobs that's not lack of ambition, that is lack of job prospects. Up to you if you want to continue it but if he's trying...
Original post by loversh
wow 29 and never had a job and you stayed with him four years?
Still with him. There are reasons, which aren't his fault, he's not just lazy. But it doesn't change the fact that it puts a major strain on us. He is very hard working- volunteered as a gamesmaker at London 2012 along with multiple voluntary jobs at home, but has a disability which makes it hard to get a paid job because he couldn't be as reliable as other candidates.
Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
As someone who's partner is 29 and has NEVER had a job, I understand your frustration. I'm 22, and am also looking to move in with him- but it's easier said than done with his current financial situation.
I would like to say "love wins every battle" but after 4 years I'm not too sure it does anymore. Love may fill the heart, but it doesn't fill the fridge.
I would like to say "love wins every battle" but after 4 years I'm not too sure it does anymore. Love may fill the heart, but it doesn't fill the fridge.
I take it he's well-endowed....
Original post by Ezekiella
If he is making a reasonable effort to find jobs that's not lack of ambition, that is lack of job prospects. Up to you if you want to continue it but if he's trying...
Yeah but he only applies for jobs when I'm on his back about it.
I don't think I want to break up with him but it is making me really stressed and frustrated. I know it is partly my perspective though, like I have always worked hard and performed well whereas he has struggled but I do feel he is a bit lazy!
Original post by Dirac Delta Function
I take it he's well-endowed....
No comment
. Although I'm really not the kind of person who picks a bloke based on the size of his penis. Honestly.
Original post by Dirac Delta Function
I take it he's well-endowed....
You know it dude loool
You are not shallow or mean for breaking up with someone for whatever reason you like. I know that young people can be naive and have opinions on rejecting or dumping someone for reasons they don't agree with, especially if it hits them personally.
But in the real world people break up for all sorts of reasons. The bottom line is that if you don't truly love someone, you don't, and it's not fair on anyone to keep it going for sights or to temporarily spare someone.
Relationships between young people usually end, whatever is not permanent is temporary.
In this scenario, I say break it off and find someone who's both more compatible and you can see yourself with long term.
But in the real world people break up for all sorts of reasons. The bottom line is that if you don't truly love someone, you don't, and it's not fair on anyone to keep it going for sights or to temporarily spare someone.
Relationships between young people usually end, whatever is not permanent is temporary.
In this scenario, I say break it off and find someone who's both more compatible and you can see yourself with long term.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah but he only applies for jobs when I'm on his back about it.
I don't think I want to break up with him but it is making me really stressed and frustrated. I know it is partly my perspective though, like I have always worked hard and performed well whereas he has struggled but I do feel he is a bit lazy!
I don't think I want to break up with him but it is making me really stressed and frustrated. I know it is partly my perspective though, like I have always worked hard and performed well whereas he has struggled but I do feel he is a bit lazy!
Hmm... Maybe he's not applying as much because he feels he's stuck in a dead end? (I was like that when looking for work way back in college, could only ever get volunteer work or minimum wage jobs so I kind of gave up on searching for anything more, though fortunately I'm at uni now but not everyone has that chance!). If he could get a more permanent, full-time job it might help encourage him a bit - he could do an apprenticeship or something? 21 is definitely not too old to do any training: older than most, perhaps, but, realistically, unless he's willing to work for fairly low pay in the current climate it's unlikely he'll be earning a reasonably large amount any time soon unless he does some. After all, there are also loads of graduates still unemployed who are looking for work right now.
Provided he's earning enough to at least look after himself, I wouldn't worry yourself overly much about it though, it is kind of a perspective thing (definitely a lot easier to find work once you're at uni). There's only so much you can do, to be honest, though I would definitely have a seriously talk with him (not regarding breaking up, obviously, but what your concerns are) if you feel this strongly about it.
Here's a bit of advice based on my past experience - if you both had high ambitions, you would find yourself either pulling in different directions or having to sacrifice a lot for each other.
Think about what he means to you and what he brings to your life - does he make you happy in ways other than financial? Now how important is his career and earning ability to you? If it's frustrating you now, it will probably frustrate you down the line.
However, don't throw away a good thing because of money. 21 is an age when most people don't know what to do. It sounds like you are in a big rush to get somewhere, while he's taking his time. Decide whether you're okay with that or not.
Think about what he means to you and what he brings to your life - does he make you happy in ways other than financial? Now how important is his career and earning ability to you? If it's frustrating you now, it will probably frustrate you down the line.
However, don't throw away a good thing because of money. 21 is an age when most people don't know what to do. It sounds like you are in a big rush to get somewhere, while he's taking his time. Decide whether you're okay with that or not.
Original post by LexiswasmyNexis
This isn't about money; it's about self worth, life ambition, quality of life and future security.
If you aren't matched in terms of core values, it is more of a struggle. I'm not saying it's definite failure, but I wouldn't judge you if you walked away because of it.
Posted from TSR Mobile
If you aren't matched in terms of core values, it is more of a struggle. I'm not saying it's definite failure, but I wouldn't judge you if you walked away because of it.
Posted from TSR Mobile
The first three things you listed aren't necessarily based on having a job though.
Original post by Anonymous
His job will only offer him part time offers, the case with many of them today!
He does look for other jobs but he is sort of stuck, his mum is a single parent and struggles so they don't have wifi. He goes to the library/ applies for jobs when he comes over to mine.
He has said he wouldn't mind being a bus driver, his grandad was one. But he needs more experience as a driver, which he can't without a car, which he can't get without money! Dilemmas!
He does look for other jobs but he is sort of stuck, his mum is a single parent and struggles so they don't have wifi. He goes to the library/ applies for jobs when he comes over to mine.
He has said he wouldn't mind being a bus driver, his grandad was one. But he needs more experience as a driver, which he can't without a car, which he can't get without money! Dilemmas!
So he IS trying. Just because he hasn't figured out what he wants to do with his life, it doesn't mean he doesn't have any ambitions. Not everyone has it figured out like you.
No
I did it. I had an ex boyfriend who I thought I loved - we got on well enough but in the end we were just too different. This was why we broke up - the endless arguing and the idea of what my future would be if I stayed with him. He was always skint, so we could never do anything together, yet smoked endlessly. His job was next to nothing - he was offered a better job as a partner in a smaller job (it was car valeting, so very low requirements, but a friend was wanting to start up properly) and he turned that down. He never finished college because he just didn't turn up or do the work. It bugged me that he didn't want to better himself.
After that I went on to find my current bf. He has a good job that he loves and is determined to get his degree - doing a college course and now his degree part time. If I look at both bfs, they both had similar GCSEs and similar prospects, just the current one turned it around and wouldn't give in easily! We have similar goals and ambitions, so we agree on more things and don't argue about big life challenges etc.
At the end of the day, the decision is yours. I broke up with my ex because of the arguing since we couldn't agree on the big things in life, and that was a big deal breaker for me. You just need to decide where your priorities lie.
I did it. I had an ex boyfriend who I thought I loved - we got on well enough but in the end we were just too different. This was why we broke up - the endless arguing and the idea of what my future would be if I stayed with him. He was always skint, so we could never do anything together, yet smoked endlessly. His job was next to nothing - he was offered a better job as a partner in a smaller job (it was car valeting, so very low requirements, but a friend was wanting to start up properly) and he turned that down. He never finished college because he just didn't turn up or do the work. It bugged me that he didn't want to better himself.
After that I went on to find my current bf. He has a good job that he loves and is determined to get his degree - doing a college course and now his degree part time. If I look at both bfs, they both had similar GCSEs and similar prospects, just the current one turned it around and wouldn't give in easily! We have similar goals and ambitions, so we agree on more things and don't argue about big life challenges etc.
At the end of the day, the decision is yours. I broke up with my ex because of the arguing since we couldn't agree on the big things in life, and that was a big deal breaker for me. You just need to decide where your priorities lie.
That depends on how you define your relationship - me if I really loved someone what their occupation was would not bother me 1 bit as long as it was legal.
However it seems that a partner that matches your ambition is a big part of your plans or even the main part, if so then the odds are leaning against this being long term.
I'm not so sure I'd approve but it looks a little like you would not put up with his current predicament. It begs the question - why did you not see this before and why did you get together in the first place ?
However it seems that a partner that matches your ambition is a big part of your plans or even the main part, if so then the odds are leaning against this being long term.
I'm not so sure I'd approve but it looks a little like you would not put up with his current predicament. It begs the question - why did you not see this before and why did you get together in the first place ?
Original post by Rakas21
It sounds like a pretty bad predicament.
Ultimately even if many women don't want to be kept per say many women are still attracted to the confident, ambitious powerful man and money is associated with these things (there have been psychological tests proving that women are more attracted to a wealthy man than if they don't know he's wealthy).
I'd say that it depends whether this is just an annoyance or whether within yourself you do desire that confident, ambitious powerful man in which case the issue is only going to get worse. If a girl like an alpha (hate using these primitative terms) then she can only stay with a beta for so long.
Ultimately even if many women don't want to be kept per say many women are still attracted to the confident, ambitious powerful man and money is associated with these things (there have been psychological tests proving that women are more attracted to a wealthy man than if they don't know he's wealthy).
I'd say that it depends whether this is just an annoyance or whether within yourself you do desire that confident, ambitious powerful man in which case the issue is only going to get worse. If a girl like an alpha (hate using these primitative terms) then she can only stay with a beta for so long.
Why is an alpha only defined in terms of so called career men ? What about fighters ? Boxers, Kickboxers - surely they are Alpha in the most definitive way
Original post by Zenomorph
That depends on how you define your relationship - me if I really loved someone what their occupation was would not bother me 1 bit as long as it was legal.
However it seems that a partner that matches your ambition is a big part of your plans or even the main part, if so then the odds are leaning against this being long term.
I'm not so sure I'd approve but it looks a little like you would not put up with his current predicament. It begs the question - why did you not see this before and why did you get together in the first place ?
However it seems that a partner that matches your ambition is a big part of your plans or even the main part, if so then the odds are leaning against this being long term.
I'm not so sure I'd approve but it looks a little like you would not put up with his current predicament. It begs the question - why did you not see this before and why did you get together in the first place ?
We were young and both at college in the same stage of life.
I have not once said that ambition is all I am looking for, I love him because he is caring and supportive and makes me laugh, it's just as I am getting older i need to consider these things.
Ambition and drive is a trait I admire so I would say no, it isn't wrong. One of the reasons I split recently was his lack of ambition and his being content in plodding along.
I find that if you are an ambitious person you need another person like yourself, or end up being dragged down.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I find that if you are an ambitious person you need another person like yourself, or end up being dragged down.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Zenomorph
Why is an alpha only defined in terms of so called career men ? What about fighters ? Boxers, Kickboxers - surely they are Alpha in the most definitive way
Sure but we live in a society where intelligence is a much more valued trait than whether you can beat somebody up, i'd also add that these people do share some traits with career men such as confidence.
These things change over time (i highly doubt the man in the cave performing a risk analysis was looked well upon) but intelligence has become an increasingly desirable trait so this tips the balance away from the physically strong.
Original post by Anonymous
We were young and both at college in the same stage of life.
I have not once said that ambition is all I am looking for, I love him because he is caring and supportive and makes me laugh, it's just as I am getting older i need to consider these things.
I have not once said that ambition is all I am looking for, I love him because he is caring and supportive and makes me laugh, it's just as I am getting older i need to consider these things.
OK, so what level of ambition are you looking for ?
If you are considering a LT future then you must have envisaged where he and you might be in say 15 years ? Would you be happy that he remains only a mid level executive or only satisfied if he is senior management ?
You mentioned he was into photography, in my view people can only succeed in things they are passionate about but photography is one of those hit and miss ' unstable ' kind of professions - could you put up with that ? Cause likely that he will have periods of being skint until he makes it (if).
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